Secret secret ride Part 2.

26th JULY 2015 Secret Secret Ride :-

   Another of Tailook's hush hush ride. Invitation only ride. For some reason this was meant to be another ride where we do not tell people where we are going. How far we are riding. How long the ride is gonna be. Who the actual ride leader is will also not be disclosed. You are only told where to meet. Bring your bike. And wait quietly...
 Ummm... Keep quiet? That's gonna be asking quite a bit from me. What's the point of going riding if you are not allowed to talk? If keeping quiet is the new rule. I gonna pick up swimming instead. And trust me, that is not an idle threat my friend. The only real reason i come to ride is because i wanna talk. No one speaks to me at home. That's why i wake up at 5 am on a Sunday, drive 90 minutes to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere. So i can say things. I don't care if you really listen to what i say or not.
   It's pretty boring talking to your dogs. I tried. They agree to everything you say. And they do not argue. It gets a bit mundane after 3 minutes. And those eyes.... It's like staring into a mirror. A man can lose himself if he does this every Sunday. So i chose to ride.
   And it was a handful of old goats seen at the usual meeting point. Counted 6 goats in total. Not too bad. I have 6 fellas to talk to today. That's a lot better than my usual 2 doggy chat partner. Ecstatic i am...
   The convoy of cars took off towards the actual secret meeting point. We had to take extra caution about where we are really gonna meet up. This is a secret ride after all. Arrived at the second secret meeting point. Eco Venture Resort. Drove in and almost had a heart seizure.
   There were 30 plus riders gathered at the parking lot.
   If this was meant to be a secret ride by Tailook. He has done a shit lousy job at keeping it a secret. How did so many people find out about the ride? Having so many riders present got Tailook scratching his head. He looked to CT for help. CT offered him a pack of tissue. CH shook his head. Pete started chewing his bun. Unker took out his folding chair. We are in for an early show. How is Tailook gonna explain this circus?
   Turns out, Ben invited his entire village from Sungai Long. They came expecting a wedding banquet breakfast do. Only to be told this was a secret ride. Well... it is supposed to be a secret ride after all. So it's not entirely wrong not to tell 30 riders why they are asked to gather there on a Sunday morning right? Anyway. That's Ben and Tailook's problem. We were just waiting quietly as instructed.
   Disappointed.
   No riot took place. No one even vaguely attempted to punch Tailook or Ben. Not one person...
   Sigh.
 

A geese and a gorilla.

   Had to convince Portugeese Victor there is nothing to look forward to. Nope. The Chinaman is not gonna get pummeled today. Set up the bike Victor. Keep the coffee and sandwich for later. Let's ride somewhere. That will usually help ease the pain and frustration. Reluctantly, the Old Geese ambled off towards his car to get ready. Pure agony. Saw him kick a few pebbles as he walked off.
   After some haggling and something spoken in Hakka. The group took off. It was pointless asking. This was a secret ride. The ride leaders took it so seriously, the entire pre-ride briefing was conducted purely in a mixture of Hakka and Pidgin. All the guys from Sungai Long nodded in agreement. The rest of us blinked.

   We headed towards Tekala in a single file. No words was spoken. I was bored. No one spoke. Its almost like swimming now. 20 minutes of pure cranking on tarmac and everyone kept quiet... What is this? Mission Impossible? 'bird sound...'

Hanz right after a radioactive rabbit exploded on him.

   Just before arriving at Tekala junction, Ben stopped the entire herd. Up this way please. Ben pointed up to what he calls Gorilla Hill. I may not be the smartest in class during my time, but i am pretty sure we do not have gorillas in Malaysia. At least where i live i know for sure. Then again, this is a secret ride remember?
   So up the hill we went. Bloody hill is relentless. 45 minutes of cranking and the hill continues to torment us. Even after 45 minutes of continued cranking, you are no where near the peak. What sort of gorilla is this? And all this was done in utter silence. I wanted to strangle the bloody gorilla...

Orang asli kid spotted testing Borky's bike.

   First regrouping conducted midway up Gorilla. Waited a good 20 minutes for Fisherman and Fisherwoman to come up. Fisherman looked flushed. He looked like he went 3 rounds with the King of the Jungle. Nobody dared ask. Waited for Fisherman to catch his breath.

   " You fellas go ahead. Along the way up, me and Judy made a decision. We want no part of this secret society bullshit. I was young once. I know this secret secret thing will lead me nowhere but an early grave. You fellas go on. Believe it or not, me and Judy actually plan to live a bit longer. We will head towards the car and enjoy the lake side view. Watching that is much less painful on my eyes than watching Jesse in lycra. "

   We could not argue with that.
   Off we went after saying our goodbyes to the both of them. Dark silence tracked us as we made our way up to the peak of the gorilla's head. Took another good 20 minutes of cranking before we finally arrived at the peak. Short regroup and off we went. Now the downhill begins. Flying down the gorilla's back towards his ass was never more fun. Hanz enjoyed its so much it took him forever to ride down that hill....

CT doing what he does best. Another spot marked and claimed.

   With Hanz finally arriving at the bottom of the hill, the group rode straight into the connecting single track for another round of downhilling through pristine jungle trails. Almost 15 minutes of pure unadulterated single tracks pointing down.
  Arrived at the rubber plantation for the next regrouping. The rubber tappers came out from the hut to see what the commotion was all about. Saw Jesse in lycra. Took a step back and decided it was better to just keep quiet.
   Laughter was only heard 10 minutes after we walked up the hill.
   And what a hill that was.
   Took almost 30 minutes of dragging and hauling to get the bike up the hill. CT tried so hard to hold it all in. CH was melting. Krankster mumbled something in Hainan. Manta begged for his apple. Unker gave him the evil eye. Up the hill we walk in silence...

Rubber trees all straight and nice.

   Managed to organize another regrouping session at the peak of the hill.
   Then someone noticed that the Old Geese was nowhere to be seen. Searched all over the bush and under the tree stumps. We even got Dotty to stand up just to be sure she was not sitting on the old geese. Nope. The Geese has left the building. This secret ride is turning into a culling session. Including the Geese, we have now managed to cull off a total combined aged of almost 200 years. The average group age has just drastically dropped from 53 to 49. Average weight did not plummet too much though. Considering that the Old Geese and Judy only has a total combined weight of about 90 kgs. After a futile 2 minutes of searching, we gave up and hoped for the best.

   From then on, it was all pointing downwards.
   We had an entire 6 km of  down hill to enjoy. Purely downwards and nothing in between.You could the car parked in the distance.If you look really hard, you could even see Fisherman enjoying his Cornetto.
   Hanz was in tears.

Dotty doing a VC.

   In the blink of an eye, we were back at the car. Rain came right after the bikes were loaded. Perfect timing.
   Fisherman came offering lunch in the form of fried rice. He decided it was probably better to remain in the secret group than sitting around watching ducks swim. Duck watching is only fun when you are 93 years old. If you are still able to see then.

Un'believable.


 

Kota Damansara Ride 5th JULY 2015

Kota Damansara "Take your friend for a ride" Ride 5th JULY 2015:-

Teres checking out the Danish buns.

   Returning from the long confusing weekend in Cameron Highlands, KDCF was a much welcomed ride invite. It will be a late 0800 hours ride time. Not having to drive 90 minutes to the trail head is a blessing. So KDCF it was...

Teres re-checking the Danish buns.

    The usual crowd at the Section 9 toilet started gathering on Sunday. Most of the guys decided to bring their friends for this week's ride. Teres brought his 2 beo's. KY brought a Danish dude that is slightly shorter than a coconut tree. Yellow Manta brought 3 prosperous Minions from the banking industry. King Kenny brought a dude that was fasting and late. Borky brought himself. Victor was happy cycling in circles when we were getting ready. Jacky wanted to bring somebody but nobody wanted to ride in his MPV. Krankster as usual came smiling to himself for some reason unknown to us. Choi! was supposed to bring Mei. Mei promised to come by herself  instead. For once Choi! showed up at the trail head on time.

Manta with helmet on.

Manta helmet off.

   Krankster as usual gave the group his usual briefing. Took him a good 3 seconds to realise nobody was listening. So off we went into KDCF. King Kenny stayed back for his friend to arrive. Choi! also told us to move ahead. He still harbours hope that Mei might show up. KY took a look at Choi! and shook his head... Victor giggled to himself. Being love struck really does make a man hope for silly things. For all you know, he might be praying for Mei to bring him mangoes.
   Into KDCF. The climb begins. Nobody spoke. It was full focus cranking till we came to the first rest point inside Harmoni. Some chatter and off we went again. Trail condition. Almost perfect. Slight damp with gentle breeze.

Do not smell shoes during ride.

   Arrive at the Temuan junction. Nobody said anything again. Off into Temuan and back to the Scouts junction. Then a quick run down towards lakeside. Arrive down at the usual feeding hut where most of the guys were waiting. A bit more chatter before it was decided it's time to move along back towards the car. Choi! protested and begged, we had to tell him.
   Mei is not coming today... You are really all alone today. Poor guy was stunned. No mangoes and no, we will not hold your hands while you sit. If the pain is unbearable, take a good look at the lake. Choose a spot carefully. It was nice knowing you....
   So off we went. Another near silent ride back towards the car...

Take your friend for a ride scene 1:-

Minions.

   Bring 3 minions for the ride. Make sure they are lagging behind you all the time. Get away from their line of sight. Each time you stop. Release the air from your tyres and get one of the minions to pump the air for you while you have your apple. Supervise while they struggle to get the correct pressure. Do not dirty your hands. Your are eating your apple remember? Compliment them at the end of each successful air refill. Then repeat the cycle as often as you. When they start getting suspicious, blame the air loss on technical things using technical jargon's... Then compliment the minions again on their acute sense of observation. Give each a pat on the back. Continue chewing the apple.
   The Manta brought many apples and buns last Sunday.

Take your friend for a ride scene 2:-

More minions...

   Tell your friend to show up 15 minutes behind the actual agreed starting time. When he arrives, tell him to hurry up and make him chase after the main group. Make plenty of hissing sound while you chase. Do not smile. Tell your friend to take all the left turns in the trail. Then you ride off quickly. Make sure your friend is unable to keep up. It's ok. It is not possible for him to get lost inside the trail. You did give him specific instructions to keep left all the time. Switch on your Ipod and ride off like a bat from hell. Ignore the pain in the chest or the beeping sound from your heart rate monitor. Focus on taking all the left turn except for the last one where your turn right to connect back into Harmoni again.
   Kenny's friend only rode in a circle twice before he realized something was wrong. He decided to hook on to Robert instead and finally found the elusive right turn. And upon returning, find Kenny sitting under the tree with a very disappointed look on his face.

Take your friend for a ride scene 3:-
   The ride was almost 3 hours in total. Borky came alone. It was ok, he was with his friends after all. Poor Borky kept asking for food each time we stopped for a break or to wait for the back markers.

   " Where are we going for food later ya...?"
   "  Are we going for roti at Subaidah later....?"
   "  You think i should order the Curry Fish Head or the Mee Goreng..?"
   " Waa.. today's ride is long eh? I am hungry."
   " Eh... it's almost 11 already. Come la.. let's go get something to eat..."
   " Long time never eat Bak Kut Teh eh... mmmm."
   " Eh... it's almost 12 already. Come la.. let's go get something to eat.." 

   Out of consideration for the poor guy. The entire group hurried back to the car. We didn't want Borky to suffer unnecessarily. As fast as we could, everyone packed up and got ready to get lunch for poor Borky suffering hunger pangs the past 3 hours on the saddle. Come on now ... hurry hurry.

   Borky was nowhere to be seen. He decided to go home to hug his wife.

Take your friend for a ride scene 4:-
   Smile and promise to meet at the trail head. Do not trouble your friend.

   " No need to come pick me up this weekend. I'll get there by myself. 0800 hours for the ride to begin right? Noted. I'll be there. See you. Dried mangoes right? xoxo..."

   Send a smiley icon via Whatsapp....

Pure agony.

   Mei is having a blast down in Sydney. Check out her Facebook posting... Choi! firmly believes it was simply a case of misunderstanding and a break in the line of communication. That was what he told the Vietnamese masseur.
  The masseur is well trained. She only laughed in the toilet after Choi! left...

Circus is in town...

Un'believeable...

Jim Thompson Ride Report from the Yellow Manta

   The second part of report from last weekend's PCC ride and hike in Cameron Highlands. This report is courtesy of the Yellow Manta. Even with blurred vision and some signs of senility kicking in, he is still very much awake and conscious during the ride to give us a view of what occurred during the ride. He tried to remember as much as he could. Respect your elders. Patience is a virtue....

JIM THOMPSON REVISITED 27th June 2015:-

Date: 27 June 2015

No of riders: 13.

Ride distance: 45km, starting and ending at Habu.

Time taken: About 6-7 hours.

Carrot Cake Consumed: 25 pieces.

Coffee: 25 cups.

Donuts made: 26 pieces.

   The idea was a last minute thing. Unker Danny got wind of the Tailook organising this hike up Gunung Irau where supposedly some scenes of the movie “Lords of the Ring” were secretly filmed. Especially those mossy forest scenes. So we were made to understand.

   Unker asks why just hike? Hiking is not an activity that figures very high in his bucket list so let’s go ride Jim Thompson. You know, sort of like a fellowship of mountain bikers and crazy hikers. The idea quickly caught on with many. It even had Jason jumping up and down with excitement who initially thought we were gonna go check out Jim’s famous chain of silk stores. And that was how his sweetheart, Christine ended tagging along for the trip. And no, she didn’t visit Jim Thompson. Ended up with the crazy hikers.

 

Single tracks galore...

   The Golden Mountain Villa continues to be our favourite lodging grounds whenever we ride Jim Thompson. Conveniently located just across the entrance to the Boh plantation in Habu, it also gives us a final reward in the form of an awesome 5km twisty downhill run from the tea house back out. This is if you do the Jim Thompson loop in counter-clockwise direction starting from Ringlet. Another thing about this Golden Mountain Villa is,  it’s got a nice little garden area where we can hang out and get ‘hydrated’ sufficiently for the next day’s big adventure. And they are flexible with checkout times and have no issues with our washing the dirty bikes with their taps, post-ride.

 

Jim Thompson at it's best.

   So the crack of dawn had 9 of us rolling down to Ringlet for breakfast and to meet up with the McNabs and a couple of their friends who were joining us for the ride. They were driving up from Kampar that morning itself.

   We had on our GPS the track log that was last captured back in the 2011 trip. So with the recent floods at Bertam Valley, we were a bit concerned if sections of the route were no longer passable or if the route had to be altered. Guess our fears were unnecessary.

Donut making class in progress.

   Route remains very much intact even if some sections are now overgrown. In fact,  what were once narrow cemented tracks are now fast being reclaimed by Mother Nature and turning it into lovely if a bit overgrown single tracks! That particular section after the last steep descent in the farming area all the way to the village in Pos Mensun is a joy to ride! But that metal bridge is no more! So we had to hack and find a way down to the river to get across to the village. That was when I almost disappeared down a bottomless hole hidden amongst the thick undergrowth! Connection to the village track re-established, we formed a human chain to get the bikes down and across. And just as we were finishing with this arduous task, 3 little orang asli boys appeared and pointed out an easier way to cross the river! 

Endangered creature spotted.

   After an apple break at the village, the fun begins! Ahead of us was a 15km grind all the way up from 2,000ft to almost 5,000ft altitude where the Boh tea house is! What we like here was the fact that the stretch between Kampung Boh to the edge of the Boh plantation has now become a wonderful off road ride. That narrow cemented path is hardly any more with Mother Nature having reclaimed most of it. So you get nice leaf-covered single tracks here cutting across pure jungles and bamboo forest, and almost 100% under tree canopy. There is even a point where erosion has made it look like Plan C in Kiara. One wrong step will send you tumbling deep down into the ravine! Obviously this had all of us off the bike.

   For first-timer Natalie, the worst was over when we finally got to the edge of the Boh plantation. Or so she thought! Until Joyce who had ridden Jim Thompson some years before with us and who knew better told her to brace for more hell ahead! C’mon, ladies. It’s just another 5 or 6km to the tea house. All riding amidst the beautiful grounds of the Boh plantation. And Jason hasn’t even gotten out of the jungle yet!

Taking the 57th break of the day.

   What followed seemed like endless grinding from tree to tree which provided the much needed shade as we paused to rest our very sore butts. For Peter Wong, the better strategy was rather to ride from one lamp post to the next. Thankfully there was a very cooling breeze blowing.

   First to arrive at the tea house were our forever fit Dotty ( never mind if she hadn’t been riding much of late ) and Hanz. They appeared not to have any problems with burning arses like so many of us do.

Dotty doing what she does best...

   Most of us were sipping tea and enjoying some very fine banana carrot cake when our ‘sweeper’ Jesse finally radioed below, asking where was the tea house. And it wasn’t even 4pm yet. We were all dug in to wait till dusk actually. Well done, Jesse...!

   The 5km blast out to the main road was godsend. Which explains also why the Jim Thompson is best done in a counter-clockwise fashion. We used to ride it the other way round but the many changes that have taken place inside the route really doesn’t make it any more good to tackle it any other way. No doubt it requires a 3,000ft grind over 15km but it’s done in very nice surroundings and except for a few sections, is mostly rideable. Turn it the other way and one would end up having to tackle pretty steep hills on cement tracks inside the farming area plus an 8km grind on highway back to Ringlet. Bad.

PeteW chasing lamp post number 109.

   Hopefully there will be another trip next year. At the rate things go, it won’t be long when the Jim Thompson loop will lose most of its charms.

Ride Report courtesy of Yellow Manta.

And all we silly hikers got to see at the peak was this... Boo Hoo.

Saturday's PCC Irau Hike 27th JUNE 2015

Gunung Irau Hike Saturday 27th JUNE 2015:-

View from Golden Mountain Villa.

   The evolution of things..... From just plain cycling on tarmac and mountain biking. PCC now has a hiking division apart from bicycle touring. Lately, the old goats has literally taken their ancestry lineage to a different level. They have picked up hiking. The group has moved from hiking up Gunung Kinabalu to Mount Rinjani within a period of 12 short months. No casualties so far. Like they say in Sungai Buloh prison, if you don't find a dead body, there is no proof of any mischief. It is critical having physical evidence. Manslaughter or murder is up to the judge to interpret.

The height of cycling fashion...

    Anyhoo, date was set on the 27th Saturday to attempt Gunung Irau. The plan was to get to Cameron Highlands on 26th Friday for a night's drinking session before the pack splits up on Saturday morning. The stronger half will do Irau while the weaker ones will be sent off to do a simple Sunday morning ride along Jim Thompson.

Goats.

   The first batch of the herd met up at Rawang for brunch before proceeding to Bidor second brunch. Most arrived in Bidor safely. Polished off half the portion of Wan Tan Mee available in Bidor. Then had some durians for dessert before the herd headed off, up towards Cameron Highlands. Pretty much uneventful for the drive up. One third of the herd checked in to Habu for their stay. The other third headed off towards Tanah Rata. While the rest was yet to be seen. They must be grazing somewhere. Goats do tend to forage far and wide. Especially in cold weather. Dotty was all leashed up tightly in the Ranger. That one is very sneaky, whenever anything edible is within sight. Best to keep this one locked up.

Carbo loading PCC style.

   Dinner time came and most of the herd finally showed up for food proper in Ringlet. Buka puasa was fast, painless and pretty much a carnage. Lotsa food, a mountain of vegetables of course. This is a herd of ancient goats remember? DotM as usual provided the tuak, PeteW tried hanging on to his one and only bottle of Black Label. He tried. But having Kompressor and Manta sitting beside him on the left and right was a fatal mistake. The whisky died a very quick death. The focus very quickly shifted to the tuak. Poor PeteW have never felt more used in his life.
   After dinner, it was off to Golden Mountain Villa for a pre ride pre hike discussion. Basically translated into "more drinking before the night ends". Just sounds much more upscale and righteous if you call it a discussion instead of calling it drinking under the tree. So drinking it was till the goats came home. Then it was actually time to head off to their respective pens in preparation for the next day's programme.
 
27th June Irau Hike Report:-

32 heads at the trail head.

 Morning came in a dash. Woke up at 0530 hours to prep and meet the hiking goats. Somehow managed to get dressed and troll my way to the meeting point which was 3km away. Walking alone at 6am in the dark along Tanah Rata is a really weird sensation. Dogs somewhat looked much bigger in size. Almost zero presence of people and traffic. Chilly, dark and cold... Nice. Tried searching for those fellas from Twilight. Nope. None spotted. Disappointed i was. Saw a very tall Bangla though.

Tailook and Botak warming up their nuts.

   Showed up at De'Native to meet the herd. Can't help grinning watching all the confusion unfold. Someone was looking for something. Tailook was busy wiping himself. Fei Chai was busy looking around for nothing. Chris kept shaking her head looking at Fei Chai. Annie was enjoying herself watching Ivan looking confused and lost. Botak Yong kept walking in circles. Warming up it seems. Less hair. More heat loss. Something along that line of arguement. Heat conservation worr....
   DotM was still undecided on which attire to put on. Poor thing had such a hard time. It was either the long sleeve pink shirt or the short sleeve pink shirt. On top of that, which pink jacket to put on if the pink jacket was gonna cover up all the rest of the pink shirt she was gonna wear? And the knee length pink shorts seemed to clash with her orange shoes with pink stripes. At the same time, don't overlook the cap. Somehow that was a different shade of pink. Which would really destroy the whole package. And to decide on all this at 7am?! How utterly unfair... A person should not go through such cruel torment. Sigh... She did end up looking like a bombed out strawberry lollipop. My eyes were begging for mercy... Tailook was begging to taste the lollipop.

DotM impersonating a strawberry.

   Counted 32 heads of goats for the hike. Herded all into 3 vans with much persuasion. Got off at Brinchang for the required breakfast and packing of lunch for food in the hike later. Yaa daa, yaa daa yaa daa.... And off we went towards Irau. The drive was calm and cooling. Not much was said except for DotM whom was still unsure about her pink combo. She wanted a matching hiking stick. Tailook gave her a black one. Which was totally out of line and unacceptable really. Poor Chris had to hold DotM's hand to keep her from hitting Tailook on the head for being so selfish and inconsiderate. So much drama even before the hike starts...
   The usual group selfie before the hike. Tailook gave a briefing in English. Everyone else said ok in Cantonese. Someone laughed and pointed fingers at the bird. And we release Botak Yong first into the trail to do his thing. Like what any proper Englishman would do in the old country during the annual bloodhound run for the pheasant. Always send the hounds ahead to ruffle up the birds. Makes it so much more convenient for the rest to track and shoot any stragglers. Right and proper way to do it.
   And so the hike proper begins.

Aunty on steroids.

Ivan Basso still confused.

Xemeo posing for the camera before his daddy fainted from exhaustion.

   Keep your eyes on the pink slips. Those will guide you to the peak. Botak Yong had those pink slips all over the place. He must have enjoyed doing it a lot. He laid the slips at all the strategic location. Under the stone. 6 feet high up on the bamboo. Below the roots. Heck! I even spotted one inside the monkey pod tree. No way you can miss those.
   Besides, did anyone mention that this trail has zero junctions?
   The pack started to spread out evenly among themself. Those on steroids and drugs basically flew up the mountain. Nowhere to be seen after 2 minutes. The middle pack was trundling along like a mail train. Enjoying the cool weather and scenery. The back markers tried not to get stuck on trees and vines. Lotsa encouragement and whipping.

   The last 2 hikers disappeared after 25 minutes. Waited and waited for DotM and Chris to show up. No sight of them. Didn't hear any screaming or monkeys laughing at people falling down. Mighty odd i thought. Then a different group of hikers caught up and asked us if we had left anyone behind. They saw two ladies heading off backwards towards Sungai Palas tea plantation. One dressed like a crushed banana and another like Paris Hilton smeared with a ton of strawberry juice.

   " Oh... who are those two? We have never seen anyone dressed up like that. Why are they dressed up like clowns? They are most probably friends of the other fellas in front. Our friends would never walk out of their rooms looking like that. Pink with black pants?!  That's crazy talk....Hmmphh. "

Banana'na....

   And as fast as we could. We cut the conversation short and quickly headed up searching for more pink slips. I have never hiked faster in my life. Almost like having a starving tiger stalking you from behind. As fast as i could. Deep breathe in. Pace pace pace....

   At the first peak we arrived. Finally.
   The entire herd came in and took a short break before attempting the second peak. A few of us decided to keep Tailook company. Tailook and 3 friends were staying over there for the night. We thought i was probably best to spend as much time as possible with Tailook. We said whatever we had to say. Apologies for past mistakes and hugs were generously given. It's best to say farewell when you have the chance. We can't predict what happens tomorrow. 3 fat guys spending the night together in 2 degrees temperature can be a life changer. They may or may not make it. We could only hope for the best. I was assured i have the first right of refusal for Tailook's bike if he loses the fight to the other two with a combined weight and strength of a water buffalo. I have never prayed harder in my life. I even gave my last chocolate bar to one half of the water buffalo. Best to try to swing it in my favor. I really like the Niner.

  At 1420 hours, we decided to head back towards the trail head. Seeing that everyone is now familiar with the trail and having pink slips to guide us out, no time was wasted. Tailook tried to give a good bye speech and briefing. Most everyone nodded and wished him good luck. The pair of water buffalos firmed up for the upcoming feast later in the night. We couldn't bear to watch... I hope the bike is my size.

Steroids and roadies.

   Trek out was quiet as can be. Everyone was lost in their thoughts. Cold wind blowing in your ears. Chills up your back. Words fail me. It is a lovely lovely trail. We are lucky people. I stopped numerous times. Hard not to enjoy the sights and serenity of everything. Bliss... I couldn't help but smile in the beauty of it all. Especially knowing Tailook will be in the company of 2 very cold and sweaty drunk man. All alone and defenceless... Life indeed is good.

   Arrived at the trail head and waited for the pick up. First van arrived at 1600 hours. Last van came at 1730 hours. All made it out with smiles and grins all over their face. No one got hurt. 32 hikers started the hike. 30 made it to the peak. 2 made it to Sungai Palas Boh Plantation.
   Most enjoyable hike it was. Worth the effort and enjoyed the camaraderie tremendously. Headed back to the respective hotel to clean up and meet up for dinner later. More beer awaits us... Now its time to remove the boots and prepare a draft of police report on behalf of Tailook. Never wait till the last minute to search for a toilet. Always prepare in advance. If Tailook doesn't make it. It's best to sort this out first...

   Botak Yong drove up tot he trail head the next morning to await and collect the 4 campers to emerge from Irau. We could only hope....

He made it.

   I didn't get the bike.
   Life is at times unfair and disappointing. I really really like the Niner.

Unbelievable'

Sunday Secret Secret Ride 21st JUNE 2015 Kajang

21st JUNE 2015 Kajang Muckabout Ride:-
   Here we go...

Calm before the storm.

   5 showed up at the designated meeting point. Yep. You read correctly. ONLY 5 idiots came. And this was supposed to be a secret secret muckabout ride. What kind of secret can 5 old farts share among them self i wonder. Looks like it's gonna be a pretty sad ride if it's just 5 smelly old goats going round in circles. Waited in desperation for more to show up but it was in vain. No one came.
    So we decided to head off to the trail head which is another 30 clicks away.
   Arrived at the fish pond for the start of the secret ride. Feeling a wee bit deflated really. How much can you say to the same 4 person for the next 5 hours i wonder. This is gonna be really depressing i dare say. All 5 of us looked at each other in silence. Total combined age of a woolly mammoth. Jesse mumbled something. We all shook our head. This is gonna be painful. Oh boy....


   Then without warning, the rest of the herds started appearing out from the bushes.

   There is a god after all...
   Manta managed to finally smile and farted in relief. Tailook stopped sweating. He was super worried that no one would show up. Saw him frantically calling up riders from all over. His school mates. Church mates. Kindie mates. Desperation makes a man operate differently. Especially if you are the ride leader and no one shows up for your secret ride. I would have turned green if i was in his shoes...

   Counted about 26 riders. All ready for the secret secret ride which Tailook have planned. No briefing done because this was a secret ride. No headcount because this was a secret ride. And we had to take off in separate batches so as not to arouse suspicion. This was a secret ride after all... Group broke into 4 splinter groups and took off towards the actual trail head located about 8 clicks away.
   Tarmac crunching for the next 8 clicks. No one spoke. This was a secret ride. You are supposed to be silent and stealthy. Arrived at the trail head proper and waited for the entire herd to arrive.
   While waiting for the last splinter group to arrive, Kompressor asked how long was the actual trail we are riding today. Tailook took a deep breath and walked towards Kompressor.

   " See what i am wearing today? It is called a single layer lycra. There is no padding whatsoever. I am in commando mode today. Can you see? Take a good look. Now listen. Today's trail is a secret trail. No questions. Just ride. Don't ask silly questions. Now take a good look again... I can assure you 100% that i am feeling very windy and loose today . Just ride. ok?"
   

View from the top.

   Sensing that this could escalate into something ugly, Hanz wisely stood in and started complimenting Tailook on his pet bird. The rest of us nodded in agreement. If we have to choose between Tailook's bird and Guinness's camel. Most of us would agree the bird is much nicer looking. We being Asian, have poor appreciation of a camel's look.
    Though Guinness would disagree. He seemed pretty pleased with his camel that day. Choi! was a fan. 23 voted for the bird. 1 voted for the camel. May was and remains confused till today. But that is Choi! problem.... Good luck. We are here for the ride and nothing else in between.

   Last rider arrived. Into the trail we went.

   The ride lasted a little more than 5 hours. Plenty of screaming, hair pulling, cursing, crying and lotsa blood spilled. Lost one rider at the first hill. A few riders was so badly discouraged by the trail condition that they started kicking things.

   One almost lost his toe nail. A few challenged their femur to a fist fight with the local tree stumps. Another rider even threaten to commit harakiri. Slashed himself on the chest to show how serious he took his threat.
   Manta as usual was on standby just in case things gets out of hand. Jacky and Alvin tightened up their shoelaces for the CPR procedure if harakiri was indeed executed. Jacky made sure the cleats on his shoes was properly centered. He didn't want to miss the sternum. You try practising CPR using just your foot and you will realize how difficult this is. Especially if you are left handed and you need to use your right foot for the chest compression. On top of that, you still needed to count and make sure each compresssion is firm and solid. Not easy my friend...

Harakiri attempt.

   Unfortunately, harakiri was abandoned at the final moment. PeteW was sorely disappointed. He was already on the phone for the box. He was torn between choosing natural plywood or corrugated cardbox. Having to stop him halfway was torture. Poor man was in grief.

   " How can you rescind from performing harakiri?!... That is not right. I was looking forward to it..." argued PeteW.
   Had to hold the man up for a good 5 seconds. Agony to watch really....

Choi! staring at Guinness's camel.

  At the cross junction after the nth climb, Aunty Annie threatened to strangle Ivan Basso. Ivan Basso gave Tailook the evil eye. Tailook showed Ivan his birdie. Wow, they are beginning to turn on each other now. This is getting out of hand. Looked to Guinness for advise. The man was busy watering his camel. Left him alone with his camel. Choi! peeked from the back of May.
    Bicycleman for the first time in his life actually decided to walk his bike. Seeing that, we were lost for words. The heat is getting to everyone.
   All of us decided it was probably better to let them be and continued watching the drama. CH continued playing with his saddle and his little toy. May said something in Hakka. Choi! came running. VC took the 37th selfie of the day. WC tried his best to stand up. May burped. Choi! came running. Hanz kept staring at the bird.
    This is amusing i thought... Can't help but smile to myself. Almost like watching Minions go on a rampage in a church. "like"

Simon and his camel.

   With this being a secret ride. We were not allowed to disclose the trail condition and distance. Any disclosure will be severely dealt with by Tailook.
   Tailook clearly reminded us of this at the beginning of the ride. Hence the reason why he was in single layer lycra that day. Hanz did not take Tailook's threat seriously and decided to challenge him. The fight was short and fast. Hanz's little finger lost. Tailook's birdie took a bite out of Hanz's finger. I have never witnessed a fight so fast and furious. When a man threatens you with his birdie, by god please take it seriously...

   The end of the ride came at 1430 hours. It was a solid 5 hours of total roasting time on the trail. Lunch and beer at the local fishing pond. No one died this week....

Un'believable....

Ride Report Circa 2004.

   Flashback from 2004. This was when we had a Kwai Low for the President's post. Back then, no one took any photos or selfies. Phone were used as they were meant to be. Make phone calls. Report were served only in Arial fonts. If you have trouble reading those tiny little alphabets. That's too bad then.

( Ride Report Circa 2004 Broga Ride. )

The Old Country….
   It looks to be a wonderful weekend getaway once again. Being driven to the trail head has definitely put yours truly in such a optimistic and joyful state of mind. I can’t wait to get the ride started!!! Even the flying zebras took a break this morning. How often does that happen? Yummy…..

  The usual head counting procedure….Briefing in that funny language conducted by the Ride Director…. Flat tyre’s all sorted out….Head count once again….It always take these guys quite awhile to come to agreement on the head counting part.

“How many again? You sure? Did you count yourself this time around? What about the Kwai Lows? Do we have to include them?”  Well,you get the picture….Sigh.

   Yadda yadda yadda….long story short. We got the ride started. The first bit took us into twisty single tracks which led us through palm oil and rubber plantations. No casualty here….The little wooden hut was the first regrouping point. Missing monkey noted. Smiles all around after the wonderful single tracks. Accused of being the missing monkey also noted. 

   Then the climb up and through more rubber plantations. Zero mozzies. More climbs. One very dead and smelly wild boar noted. Banana plantation, river crossing, more bananas trees… Climb up more palm oil plantations. One climb up to the bungalow in the middle of nowhere. Accused of being Clint Eastwood. Duh….?? Anyways,noted. Cyclometer reading 10km. Hallucinates hearing donkey from Shrek 2.

   “Are we there yet….?”

   “Are we there yet…….!?”

   “Are weee thereee YETTT…?!

   Ride continues up into more plantation territory. Donkey ignored. Weather condition windy and overcast. Lovely!!! Hears donkey again…. Ride Director hallucinates seeing a HUGE snake running across the trail. Noted. Then the weather turns from cloudy into scorching within the minute. Blame the HUGE snake…. More climbs into bull-dozed plantation. Saw 3 tractors within minutes of each other, all 3 with the same colour and driver looking chillingly alike as well. Deja Vu…? That’s weird…Hmmmm?

   Hears the poor donkey again… 

   Now the trails turns downwards through tight twisty single track. Slippery, wet, full of roots….After all the climbing done, we were rewarded with 200 meters of downhill. My perception of logic is all out the window. The downhill finishes right behind the wooden hut. Accused of being the missing monkey again.Accuser noted. The donkey is silent. Looks a shade of green.

   “Odd colour for a donkey….” I thought.

   Another set of twisty downhill along the river leads us to the main river crossing. Managed to steal 5 minutes of river soaking. The packs takes off for the final leg towards the car. Donkey is missing. Ride Director is also missing. Monkey still very much missing….

   Back at the car, growling stomach. And strangely no flying zebras again. No need to do the guerrilla bike packing procedure. For the first time in Broga, we could take our time packing without losing blood and scratching like monkeys. Super….!

   The Ride Director appeared 5 minutes later…looking sheepish and refusing to make any eye contact of sort. Has he gone over to the dark side during the holidays we pondered? Mighty odd if I dare say so myself….

   Then the fog lifted……

   Along came a bloodied,bruised and beaten up donkey. Seems the practise back home for the Ride Director is much different from us. Here, we usually abandon tired donkeys or sometimes the occasional whipping with branches or twigs to get them moving again. Nothing drastic really. In the Ol’ Country where the Director comes from, things are done very much differently. Tired, cramped and talkative donkey’s are beaten into submission with whatever nature has to offer on the particular day. In this case a pile of rocks….

   Which explains much why I kept my lid shut despite the ‘Clint Eastwood’ and ‘Monkey’ accusations.

   Not too bad for a Sunday ride….The monkey remains missing. We discovered many closet Clint Eastwood’s though.

Appendix:

Donkey / do’nki:  1. noun  character from animation movie titled SHREK 2,

                             2. an animal with short legs and long ears.

Clint Eastwood / klint’ yea’stwoo’d: 1. noun character from movie ‘Dirty Harry’

                                                  2.ask Krankster for description proper in PCC terms.

Monkey / mo’nki: 1. noun an animal with long tail,that climb trees

                             2. me apparently….

Un’believeable……