Ride Report Circa 2004.

   Flashback from 2004. This was when we had a Kwai Low for the President's post. Back then, no one took any photos or selfies. Phone were used as they were meant to be. Make phone calls. Report were served only in Arial fonts. If you have trouble reading those tiny little alphabets. That's too bad then.

( Ride Report Circa 2004 Broga Ride. )

The Old Country….
   It looks to be a wonderful weekend getaway once again. Being driven to the trail head has definitely put yours truly in such a optimistic and joyful state of mind. I can’t wait to get the ride started!!! Even the flying zebras took a break this morning. How often does that happen? Yummy…..

  The usual head counting procedure….Briefing in that funny language conducted by the Ride Director…. Flat tyre’s all sorted out….Head count once again….It always take these guys quite awhile to come to agreement on the head counting part.

“How many again? You sure? Did you count yourself this time around? What about the Kwai Lows? Do we have to include them?”  Well,you get the picture….Sigh.

   Yadda yadda yadda….long story short. We got the ride started. The first bit took us into twisty single tracks which led us through palm oil and rubber plantations. No casualty here….The little wooden hut was the first regrouping point. Missing monkey noted. Smiles all around after the wonderful single tracks. Accused of being the missing monkey also noted. 

   Then the climb up and through more rubber plantations. Zero mozzies. More climbs. One very dead and smelly wild boar noted. Banana plantation, river crossing, more bananas trees… Climb up more palm oil plantations. One climb up to the bungalow in the middle of nowhere. Accused of being Clint Eastwood. Duh….?? Anyways,noted. Cyclometer reading 10km. Hallucinates hearing donkey from Shrek 2.

   “Are we there yet….?”

   “Are we there yet…….!?”

   “Are weee thereee YETTT…?!

   Ride continues up into more plantation territory. Donkey ignored. Weather condition windy and overcast. Lovely!!! Hears donkey again…. Ride Director hallucinates seeing a HUGE snake running across the trail. Noted. Then the weather turns from cloudy into scorching within the minute. Blame the HUGE snake…. More climbs into bull-dozed plantation. Saw 3 tractors within minutes of each other, all 3 with the same colour and driver looking chillingly alike as well. Deja Vu…? That’s weird…Hmmmm?

   Hears the poor donkey again… 

   Now the trails turns downwards through tight twisty single track. Slippery, wet, full of roots….After all the climbing done, we were rewarded with 200 meters of downhill. My perception of logic is all out the window. The downhill finishes right behind the wooden hut. Accused of being the missing monkey again.Accuser noted. The donkey is silent. Looks a shade of green.

   “Odd colour for a donkey….” I thought.

   Another set of twisty downhill along the river leads us to the main river crossing. Managed to steal 5 minutes of river soaking. The packs takes off for the final leg towards the car. Donkey is missing. Ride Director is also missing. Monkey still very much missing….

   Back at the car, growling stomach. And strangely no flying zebras again. No need to do the guerrilla bike packing procedure. For the first time in Broga, we could take our time packing without losing blood and scratching like monkeys. Super….!

   The Ride Director appeared 5 minutes later…looking sheepish and refusing to make any eye contact of sort. Has he gone over to the dark side during the holidays we pondered? Mighty odd if I dare say so myself….

   Then the fog lifted……

   Along came a bloodied,bruised and beaten up donkey. Seems the practise back home for the Ride Director is much different from us. Here, we usually abandon tired donkeys or sometimes the occasional whipping with branches or twigs to get them moving again. Nothing drastic really. In the Ol’ Country where the Director comes from, things are done very much differently. Tired, cramped and talkative donkey’s are beaten into submission with whatever nature has to offer on the particular day. In this case a pile of rocks….

   Which explains much why I kept my lid shut despite the ‘Clint Eastwood’ and ‘Monkey’ accusations.

   Not too bad for a Sunday ride….The monkey remains missing. We discovered many closet Clint Eastwood’s though.

Appendix:

Donkey / do’nki:  1. noun  character from animation movie titled SHREK 2,

                             2. an animal with short legs and long ears.

Clint Eastwood / klint’ yea’stwoo’d: 1. noun character from movie ‘Dirty Harry’

                                                  2.ask Krankster for description proper in PCC terms.

Monkey / mo’nki: 1. noun an animal with long tail,that climb trees

                             2. me apparently….

Un’believeable……