Kota Damansara Ride 8th July 2108

KDCF Section 9 Ride.

   This week it was decided that the ride would go back towards KL city. KDCF and Kiara was tossed up for consideration. KDCF won this time around. Kiara was to be considered at a later date, depending on when Brew House decides to revive their RM7 beer promotion. As long as the RM7 beer is no longer being offered, there really is no good reasons to visit Kiara. All trail are basically the same after you deprive your brain of oxygen for an hour or so. It's the after ride party that carries more weight and reason for showing up. It is really difficult trying to justify a ride that doesn't have a cheap pub selling beer nearby. And the place has to be air conditioned right and proper, otherwise it will draw some frowns and unsolicited farts among these bunch of old goats.

New PCC Recruit.

   As usual, the old faces started trickling in as it got closer to 8am. Mostly half asleep and drunk. The usual suspects. Teres couldn't help arriving early. He was busy riding around the car park asking for opinions of which was a better choice of colour. Lemon Yellow or Matt Gold. Which would you choose? Most everybody he spoke to decided to ignore him. Can't quite blame them actually. When you get greeted in Cantonese asking how your mum is early in the morning is not exactly a cheerful morning pickup now is it? And he continued riding around in circles like a peacock laden with too much sugar.

Senior Beng bike.

   The Bromo warriors arrived in their pro van as usual. All smiling and happy, having returned with a few scratches and only ONE broken bike. Teres of course rode up to them asking for opinion on which shade of yellow is stylish at the present moment. He rode away towards Manta when he realised this group was also ignoring him.

Bromo dust collectors.

   Manta arrived. Gave Teres a polite smile and complimented him on his choice of lemon this morning. Teres rode off happily like a puppy given a chicken bone to nibble on. Manta spoke to the group about the trail condition and why we should not be in Taiwan having red wine for now. Some discussion on where the ride will head to and we were off. Borky grinned. Kompressor apologised to everyone who decides to ride behind him, enjoy fermented durian air he says. CT was suspiciously hyper.

   First regroup done at Wakaf Salam. Took photo for the n'th time. Blurry as usual. Cantonese heard. German heard. Hobbit seen. Grouchy wanted his track log. Guinness kept admiring his friend's green bike. Grouchy checked Manta's GPS to make sure he really is in KDCF.

   And it off towards Serenity. The group took off like obedient lambs. Up and away. The group walked and chattered. German guest turned a shade of red redder. It was a peaceful walk for a good 30 minutes. Even the mighty Teres decided to join in the walk. He couldn't figure out why the trail was extra harsh today. Seemed like all the rocks and roots came out to party today. Jowyn decided to show Manta her new found downhilling skills acquired from her Bromo trip. Manta politely clapped and took her photo. Borky said 'Wow.'

This is how you go down hill.

   Grouchy was so upset he did not get his GPS tracklog loaded in right and proper. He kept checking it along the way. The bike got upset as well. They both decided enough was enough. One decided to commit suicide. Succeeded beautifully.... The group was undecided on which to abandon.

Why me?

   It was another hour of walking before the group finally got out to Section 10. Grouchy was his usual self. He couldn't understand why his bag was the only bag that got left behind in KLIA when the group went cycling in Medan. He also couldn't figure out why his bike derailleur is the only thing that kept dying each time he comes to KDCF. And each time he goes for a pee, the group disappears when he returns. And the track log is always looks the same colour regardless how many times he knocks it. Why ah?
 
   The group made a heart wrenching decision.
   Let's abandon the ride.
   Time for beer.
   CT and CH almost fainted from being overjoyed. VC almost got convulsions from hearing this good news. Kompressor was an inch away from giving Grouchy a kiss for him helping us decide. Borky raised his hands to ask something. The Bromo warriors decided to continue practising their newfound skills. Teres realized his fork was not the matching color for his Lemonade Beng bike. Borky stood on the bench waving.

Butt showing competition.

   And so the ride continued towards Green Dot in Bandar Utama instead of Scouts.

  Thank you for the unwavering sacrifice Grouchy. The group was never more grateful for this most unusual and unselfish gesture. The beer was really cold. 43 mugs was all it took for the group to finally agree on which Yellow was the nicest. Ride finished officially at 4:00.

   I woke up at a little bit past 11am. It was really warm and toasty. The dogs were surprised to see me in the garden.
   Did the Sunday Bak Kut Teh ritual. Read all these nonsense while waiting for my tea to boil.

   Un'beliveable

 

Kemensah 24th JUNE 2018

Kemensah Chat and Ride.

First Apple break.

   Old Manta finally came to his senses. For once, we are not riding within a 5km radius of a pub. The past few months have been total snobbery to all things decent. If you are not a beer lover, those few rides would have been tailored such you would feel like a second class citizen. Those rides were a test on your alcohol tolerance. You want to ride, you must be able to survive the post ride audit. If you only drink hot Milo, you are pretty much screwed. Even warm beer were frowned upon. The post ride audits were so intense and meticulous even the Guinness Simon took off halfway mostly. Audit session usually last till late evening, depending on who is conducting it. If Unker and that half German Chinese Nonya fella is on the audit board, rest assured. You will get home for dinner. Ask Alex from Puchong. That fella really 'naik kereta' the last time we rode.
 
   So this was supposed to be a proper ride.
   Meet point and meet time posted. It was to be 0745hours at the usual car park. I decided to come early for breakfast. Parked and saw Borky having a chat with Guinness at the stall down the road. Decided to let them be and sat down at the other shop. Not long after the Old Dino drove past with a wave. Finished my food and off i went to the car park. Spotted a few early birds. Yong was grinning as usual. No peanuts this time. Guinness was getting ready. Borky spotted a speck of grease on this bike. Unhappy face. Jesse was still half asleep. CT wiped his mouth. Alcohol at 7am is best to be discreet.
   It was a few minutes of hellos and whatnots. The crew slowly trickled in. All came. Except the Manta.
   Clock showed 10 past 8 and the Manta is yet to be seen. A few frowning faces. Some started kicking branches. Teres did a KC. He flew the plane. And finally, we spotted the banana mobile turning into the car park.

Route Map.

   " Morning fellas. Running a bit late. I had to finish my Milo before i was allowed to leave the house. My Milo guesstimate was a wee bit off this morning. Made too big a cup. So i had to sit down obediently and finish it before Mummy said i could go. Apologies i made you guys wait... I am here now. Hooray. "

   Nobody paid him any attention.

   It was another 15 minutes of nonsensical chatter and bike comparing session. Swen took 12 selfies. Hanz kept complimenting CT on how handsome they both are. Krankster found some peanuts from the petrol station across the road. Borky was annoyed his bike is not shiny. Unker was mightily concerned that the German Chinese Nonya fella was running instead of cycling. He couldn't figure out who that fella is running away from. Jesse stood under the tree waiting patiently. Hanz tried convincing Grouchy that he really is handsome and tall. Fong burped a few times. Swen retook Hanz's side profile photo.

   Finally. Manta was ready. I was ready to puke.

   So off we went. This time around, the plan was to reverse loop it and climb from the rear of Kemensah instead of the usual Jimbara loop in. Like obediently lab rats, we cycled along. Pretty much a quiet affair. 20 minutes of tarmac crunching uphill towards the trailhead. Good weather. Cool crispy morning air. No farts heard.

Bamboo 1- Glove 0

   Arrived at the trailhead. With a cow farm located right beside it. Nobody said anything. Even Hanz stopped talking for a moment. It was cranking time. And crank we did. It was an hour of uphill cranking on broken 4x4 tracks. Cranking for some. Walking for most. I accompanied Manta. He needed time to digest his Milo. We walked and walked. Unker tried switching on his turbo. Turbo blew up after the third corner. He joined us walking. Borky stopped grinning. Grouchy, well he was his usual self.
   It took a few more quick stops and lots more walking before we finally crested the track. Never more grateful for the good weather. If the weather had been hot and humid, we would have collapsed like starving goats in the desert. Arrived at the clearing and the Manta declared a mini apple break selfie session.
   10 minutes of listening to Hanz and Swen talk. They spoke. We pretended to listen. CT applauded like an enthusiastic chimp. Fong gave up halfway and headed off. Dino Jesse was so taken by the speech he decided to pee in the middle of the trail to show his appreciation.

The height of cycling fashion for clowns.

   Ride on.
   Another 30 minutes of walking up stone strewn trail.
   Finally arrived at the familiar three cross junction. Left to the dam and right to the same dam. We chose left. After another apple break of course.
   Took us another 30 minutes of crashing through fallen palm trees and broken branches before arriving at the dam. Dam was full this time around. Plenty of water filled to the brim.
   The group started to trickle in one after another.
   Krankster kissed a row of thorns.
   I banged me nuts on the top tube.
   Oily tried to commit suicide by kicking her rear wheel off midway going downhill.
   Funny Malay guy rode straight into the bush. Left the bike standing in the bush.
   Hanz took out a kiwi fruit.
   Swen wanted to go swimming in the dam with his bike.
   It was an uneventful apple break.

Dam.

   Manta took 30 minutes to finish chewing his apple. Then it was off for the uphill slog back towards the river junction. Pretty much another walking session for 30 minutes through the same fallen palm trees and broken branches. Krankster visited the same row of thorns that gave him a row of kiss on his cheeks. Group made it to the river for a break. Nobody got lost. Fong was smilling for some strange reason.

Damm...

   Swen took another 24 selfies and 3 videos. Hanz and CT were still undecided on who is more handsome among them both. Grouchy tried walking on air to avoid contracting Lepto, leeches, salmonella,ants, mosquito, sand in shoes, worms and mud. Nothing came out of it. His shoes were dripping in the end. Bah humbug...
   Oily arrived with a smile and a broken derailleur hanger. Manta took out another apple. It became another apple break with a broken carbon bike session. Most everyone clapped. Woo hoo... more selfies session. Swen was never happier. Borky continued raising his hands to ask questions. Yong started chewing his nuts as usual.

JKR at work.

   Took us a good 35 minutes of whispering and quiet discussion on what best to do. The shop told her it was a strong carbon made bike. We suspected it was made from Kepong charcoal. We were undecided on what to do. We could try to explain to Oily the difference between carbon and charcoal. But no one could speak Iban. We could abandon the bike. But Oily was still conscious. It would be easy to decide if she was unconscious. Her being awake and clear minded left us in such a difficult position. China made carbon / charcoal products are usually disposable items. If it breaks, throw away. How to abandon a fully conscious person AND a china made carbon / charcoal bike at the same time? Such dilemma ...

Hanz and CH helping to repair Oily's bike.

   In the end, we were left with no choice but to salvage whatever we could.
   7 cable ties helped solve the problem temporarily. China made products are such clever inventions, everything could be repaired either by cable ties or duct tapes. Manta finished his apple. Borky got tired of holding his hands up. Hanz was glad he remains pretty and handsome.

Doggie party.

   So off we went marching uphill again. Headed towards the doggies junction. Another 40 minutes of mumbling and sweating got us to the doggies point. Swen took out his bread for the doggies. The group watched them devour the bread hungrily. For safety reasons, we held Fong back. There were barely enough bread for them doggies.
   It was at this juncture that we decided to split the group up. A few were to accompany Oily and her bike out via Jimbara. The others will keep to plan and go out via the cattle farm way.
   Everyone made it out in one piece.
   Then it was the usual post ride session again.
   Lunch and Beer.
   And unfortunately, both Hanz and CT still couldn't come to an agreement on who is more handsome. The rest of us however, agreed that they are both pretty ugly. At least we were agreeing on something. Having downed half a dozen bottle of Heineken helps.

   Audit done and dusted at 3pm.

   Un'believable...

Bandar Saujana Putra Ride...

   Unker Kompressor sent out an invitation to go messabout behind his house. I was game for it seeing that it was not far from my place, and he sounded really lonely with the rest of the old goats off playing ducks in Haadyai. I thought it was a good idea, to look for new trails and spend some time exploring palm oils plantations. We have not done any palm oil plantation rides for a good few months now. It has been beer drinking rides for the past few months. About time we had a ride proper i thought. 
   So i was off to his place on a lazy Sunday morning.
   He was already standing in front of his house waiting for me when i showed up. He stopped scratching himself when he saw me. I of course politely declined to shake his hands. A simply morning greeting would do. Bike unloaded for the second time this morning. 
   First time bike was almost unloaded along the highway as i was driving to Unker's place. Heard a loud knock as i drove across a pothole and decided to stop to see if i had lost a wheel. Turns out, the bike attempted to bail on me, found the bike lying across my car roof. No idea how the bike managed to jump off the load rail and fall right across the roof. An inch more and i would have arrived at Unker's place minus my windshield. 
   After the bike setups and burping done. We headed out from his place. We have more people joining for the muckaround ride today. And they are merely 5km away. Unker of course conveniently forgot to mention that.It was a 35 minutes lazy ride towards the actual meet point at Saujana Putra.

    Arrived and counted 11 more riders conveniently suckered into showing up not knowing this was gonna be a blind leading the blind ride. A few fellas shook Unker's hand. I kept a distance.The usual bike setting up and chats about how tall Borky could be if he drank more milk. And we took off towards the trail head. Which Unker also forgotten to mention was right across the highway, 3km away... Like foolish school kids we tagged along. Another 15 minutes of staring at the tarmac and we ended up at the bottom of a 8 foot vertical ledge flanked by two huge old angsana tree.

   " Let's go people. This will be the start of the ride. Of course, we will need to get up this wee little bump here... Let's go now. No arguments. Up we go..."

   Someone made a Grouchy comments. No one replied. Alberto was undecided whether he should continue or just wait there for us to return. Judy left Alberto to contemplate. We made it up there after a bit of pulling, swearing and spitting. William took out his camera of course.

   And there we were, face to face with a right set of old palm oil plantations to play with for the next few hours. This will be fun i thought. Most everyone started smilling. Unker breathed a relief. He knew how close he was to getting lynched. I lasered him with my good eye.

   So into the plantation we eagerly rode. Cooling, windy and the trail was wide and flat. No mud, hard packed, zero ruts and smooth rolling. Everyone had a grin on their face. Rode up, took a right turn. Rode up a switch back and took another right. Descended a bit and we stopped to regroup. Alberto became confused and agitated.

   " Didn't we start from this exact point 10 minutes ago? Eh... I am not getting any younger but i can clearly recognise this was where we were 10 minutes ago. Unker... What's going on? Halloo...."

   Unker of course did what all mountain bikers do when questioned like that. He checked his GPS. Then he cross checked Jason's GPS. After a brief button pressing on CH's GPS. Unker declared what he had suspected all along. The GPS are faulty. Let's not point fingers, it's clearly the GPS's fault why we are riding in circles. And Unker wisely took off to check on the left junction before Alberto could digest and comprehend what he just said.

   It was a few minutes before we heard Unker calling for us to join him. Ride on. And the group obediently rode towards Unker. 

Tea Plantations

   Now it was my turn to be confused.
   Right before my eyes, as far as the eye can see. Lay a field of green tea bushes...

   Yep. You read correctly. Here we are, across Saujana Putra. Along the highway heading towards the airport. Hot and humid. And we are presented with a green field of tea bushes. Surrounded by decade old palm trees. Our jaws dropped. No one said a thing for awhile. I walked up to touch it. It's real. I hold in my hands fresh green tea leaves. And here i am, not 20 km from the sea. I was lost and confused. I felt like Grouchy looking at a talking tubeless wheelset, after having magic mushrooms and a warm Guiness.

   Took the group a few good moments before someone asked anything. Turns out, this tea plantation have been in existence since the 60's. And the plantation actually belongs to BOH. BOH have been harvesting and planting tea here for a long long time. There is even a specific name for this particular tea. It's called Sri Cheeding Tea. I am still trying to digest this as i type this out. It was really an eye opening discovery. The group did what all normal people do when they are surprised nowadays, they took out their phones. It was a 20 minutes photo taking sessions of selfies and wefies and farting.

   Finally, the group decided to continue exploring the farm out of curiosity. And explore we did. We rode around the farm from the North to South. East to West. That was how we ended up at the plantation manager's private bungalow. Bungalow was located up on a quaint little hill facing the farm. The caretaker generously allowed us to walk around and take photos. The bungalow is full of surprises. From the nameplate to the ownership of it. You have to see it with your own eyes to enjoy the magic of it. Google William Genmill and Kathleen Russell. There is much history behind it.
     I love it. The idea of having lived on a little hill facing a farm with mist covered view every morning. Minus all modernity and it's distractions. Absence of traffic both human and mechanical. A slice of heaven on earth. 

Imagine the view 40 years ago...

Entrance to home.

   We spent a good 30 minutes at the bungalow chatting and taking photos. Then it was on wards with the real purpose we came. We said goodbye to the caretaker and bungalow.

   It was another 2 hours of going in circles and crossing 8 foot high monsoon drains before we had an apple break. Well, not actually an apple break per say. We stopped because our dear Judy had complications with her legs. Judy was upset that her legs refused to bend at the knee. No matter what Alberto said or offered. Those silly old pair of legs refused to co operate. The stubborn old legs refuses to bend, regardless how much anti cramp spray we applied. VC even took the trouble to squat beside Judy and massaged her legs. To no effect. Legs were steadfast. We could only wait and hope for the best. Albert wanted his Hokkien Mee. Strangely, no one took out a phone to video this... Alex tried to convince Judy that giving birth is actually more distressing and painful. Alex was lucky Judy was temporarily rendered immobile by her uncooperative legs. Otherwise, i imagine Alex gets visited by those legs between his own legs for talking nonsense at such a crucial time. 

   It was another 20 minutes before the legs gave up cramping. Judy finally managed to stand up. Of course, that was after she was told in Hokkien that the last resort would most likely involve amputations with a 3 inch Swiss Army knife. A bit of encouragement always works. 

  And we continued riding again slowly. Judy was smiling again. It's always good to have cooperative legs at her age i suppose. The entire group congratulated Alberto for his patience. He did what any good old fella would do, he stood under the shade and waited quietly.

   Rode along dry palm oil trails for the next 30 minutes and we came out at a bushy clearing. This time, it was Unker whom had a shock.

   For a moment, we thought we had crossed the border to Vietnam. Well, that was what Aric claimed at least. Right before our eyes, two ponds with submerged rocks. And another to the left covered with lotus flowers. We were left speechless. Where did all this come from? Where exactly are we? From tea fields to this?

   We did exactly what we were expected to do.
   I spotted 11 phones. It was another 25 minutes of photo taking and wefies and whatnotfies....
   The ride turned out to be a surprise for everyone that came. We will surely return for another ride soon. The group finally emerged from the trail at about noon. Pretty good ride done. No one got lost. No flat tyres. Vincent spotted 2 ducks. The ducks flew off, leaving Vincent in awe. Vincent found out at 50 years of age that ducks actually fly. 
   Yew stole 3 lotus flowers for his future Vietnamese bride. William wanted us to walk to his home, he got ignored. Simon was adamant about getting his Guinness.  
  As usual, the group adjourned to Kota Kemuning for the compulsory beer and duck telling session.
  Of course the beer drinking took longer that the ride itself.... 

Un'believable

KDCF 3rd June Bashrama...

KDCF Ride hosted by Borky:-

MACC discussion.

   KDCF ride sealed with ice cold beer at Green Dot. Yellow Manta wanted another drinking hole instead of the usual Blue House. That was how we ended up in Green Dot instead. Yep, you read correctly. There really is a place called Green Dot. Now, we have to be specific when Dot is mentioned. It's Dotty Dot in Nilai. DotM in Miri and Green Dot for RM8 Beer. Such high quality friends i have.

   The usual bunch of goats showed up. No idea how many pax we had. Nowadays, they dont care anymore. Nobody bothers to count. Nobody is keeping records. Headcount is mere formality. As long as you show up with a bike, you are in. Doesn't matter if you are dressed up like Bozo or Rosmah. You are in. If you get lost and lose sight of the main pack and failed to keep up. Then you deserved to be left behind. Shame on you...
   Started from the usual Section 9 junction. Rode all the way to Wakaf Salam for the usual taichi and photo taking session. 3 fellas took out their camera cum phone. Everyone froze. Photos taken. Off we went. CEO was a wee bit upset that nobody congratulated him for making it to the infamous wakaf to have his photo taken. This is the first time CEO actually made it all the way INTO the trail. What more the wakaf. CEO usually comes to KDCF car park. Then leaves quietly after everyone rides into the trail. The group more than usual forgets about CEO until the first stop at the wakaf to discover his absence. By then, CEO would have absentmindedly switched off his mobile.
   This time, he actually rode into the trail and made it to the wakaf for his obligatory photo taking. He insisted on taking a photo to immortalise this momentous moment. He made us feel like we just summited Aconcagua. We could only force a polite smile. Pete did his usual photo taking duties. Photo came out as blurred as can be. What a buddy... Now, it is still unclear if that was really the CEO of someone else pretending to look like him. The debate continues.
 

   And the ride continued towards the triple climb. Well, we call it a climb. More like a walk if you ask me. Teres would disagree. Walking without a bike is not the same as a walk in the park. Walking your bike is still technically mountain biking. At that point in time, he gets ignored anyways. So the walk / climb continues.
   Up to the clearing. The entire herd gathered again for the next obligatory photo taking session. This is the main cross junction between bikers and hikers. Everyone tries to be polite whenever some pretty young hikers came along. The old goats tries not to speak or curse too loudly when the pretty ones comes by. It is really difficult trying to speak and hold in the beer belly. Many tried, mostly failed miserably.

Manta and Oily comparing toe nails.

   And away we went. This time towards scouts instead of Serenity. The usual muggy and wet trail from now on. CEO tried to keep his lungs inflated. Not much said and heard for the next few minutes from anyone. This is the part of the ride where everyone is focused on getting to the hut to get their buns and ice cream from the vendor.
   Finally arrived at the hut after almost an hour of slogging through Serenity and Salleh. CEO was more than pleased to make it to the third stop for his photo to be taken. It felt like we just summitted 3 G7's within a day. My lungs are literally bursting with joy and lactic acid he declared. He was so pleased with himself, he decided to reward himself with a soul searching solo ride back towards the car all by himself. No amount of coaxing will change his mind. He was adamant he will do a solo run. No one is to accompany him. Lest he loses focus or consciousness along the way. This he must do by himself. As all Jedi must... Of course, that was after he showed us his RM500 automatic tyre inflater. Borky was so impressed he offered his bike as a tester. Most everyone went oohh and aaahhh...
   After saying his farewell, the herd headed back into the trail minus the CEO.

   Another quiet uneventful ride towards the next photo taking location.
   The herd arrived and started to assemble for the next photo taking session. We heard a whimper. Poor Little Borky finally realised why the CEO left for his solo soul searching run. The CEO conveniently forgot to mention that his RM500 automatic tyre inflater could also act as a RM500 automatic tyre deflator. Borky was left with a flat rear tyre. Poor old Borky.
   The entire herd sprung into action as all herds do whenever one of their own is in trouble or mistreated.

Happy Borky...

   "No worries Borky. We will take care of this... " said Teres.

   After giving instructions on how best we should deal with the flat tyre, Teres decided to help by going to sleep for the next 20 minutes.

The team helping Bork repair his flat tyre.

   Tyre finally got fixed after 20 minutes of cursing the CEO, Teres and Tailook. Borky was smiling again. He was never more pleased on how quickly he managed to get his tubeless tyre fixed. All of it done, without him lifting any one of his short grubby fingers. All he did was this....

   It was another boring run back towards the car. Another hour of talking to myself got me back at the car with Oily, Jesse and Gerard. And that was how we ended up in the Green Dot. A couple of ice cold beer to figure out how to best report the CEO to MACC for his dual purpose automatic inflator deflator thingy.

Borky repairing flat tyre hands free...

Un'believable.

Putrajaya Ride 27th May 2018

Short Putrajaya Muck Around Ride:-

Candy Crush impersonator

   Desmond initiated this Sunday's ride. I thought it was either this, or drive 85km to Genting for a swim with the rest of the old goats. Common sense prevailed. I decided to wake up at 6am for PCP instead of waiting for a 8:30am swim queue in Genting. It's too cold and muddy to go swimming.

   Woke up and did the usual talking to meself in the toilet while waiting for the sun to rise. Coffee and bun done. And off i went towards PCP to meet the few non swimmers. Pretty much uneventful driving there. Arrived right on the dot and before long, Desmond came along in his white van. Right behind came another black van. Looks like all the pros have arrived. How i wished i had a driver on a Sunday morning. Would be nice to just laze around in a huge sofa whilst being driven to the trail head like Cedric Garcia. Only thing missing was the Red Bull banner fluttering in the winds.
   The usual hellos and hi...

   Bike setup all done and waited a wee bit for Ricky and KC the greenhorn to show up. They came along not too long after being summoned by Vince on the mobile. Two more hellos and away we went. Into the the trail head.
   First drop into the trail and we heard the heart wrenching scream. Candy Crush wanted to warm up her lungs. Well, that's what she said. It was not fear, it was some phlegm clogging her lungs it seems. All the other riders seemed to believe her. They merely shrugged it off and continued on nonchalantly. I stood in silence for a bit.  Hmmm... Suspicious. Anyways, the ride must go on and away we continued. Small switchback climb and we rode for a bit before arriving at the first regrouping point.
   All arrived and into the second drop in we went. I went off, tagging along the rear of Swen and Desmond. First switch done, second switch done and i was stopped in my tracks just as i was turning into the third and final switch. The screams came again ....

   I stopped and looked up. Candy Crush was practising her scream. She was screaming even before she got on her bike. That must be a huge nasty and stubborn phlegm. Poor thing i thought...
   This i have to see for myself. Decided to abandon my bike and walked up the trail. Candy Crush had a huge green grin on her face. Vince was saying something to her in Cantonese. Desmond came back up as well mumbling something in between his breath. Oily held the longest grin on her face watching us. I was simply lost and confused. After some discussion and lotsa assurance that her bike will be cared for, Candy Crush decided to dive into the switchback. And down she went, like a young reckless mountain goat. It was so smooth she decided to get Vince to push her bike back up and let her do it all over again.
   Of course done accompanied by the same heart wrenching screams. Desmond mumbled something again before walking away shaking his head. Swen got bored of waiting and decided to walk up. Hey, who would pass up on a circus act? Swen had a good time. It was worth the walk up.
   We finally got past the switchbacks and continued on. Did the first climb up towards the hut for a second regrouping. KY came up wheezing and panting. This greenhorn was really turning green and on the verge of throwing up. He was trying to say something about getting a new set of lungs. These old ones are not working very well it seems. Gave the poor fella a few minutes to get his sanity back.

Wefie 1#

   Rested and did some chit chat.
   Into the next bit of the trail. This was more laid back. Some flats and a bit of climbs before we arrived at the next regrouping hut. The group decided to have a wee bit longer break and chat about their incoming trip to Bromo. 8 of them will be visiting Anthony next month. Another group to visit the infamous volcano and 5cm trail. They will have plenty of fun there. Bromo is a really beautiful place to visit.
   Chat done. Stolen toilet breaks done. KY still unconvinced about his old uncooperative lungs. Into the trail we went.
   This would be another set of downhill switchback heading into the palm oil plantation. Short but nice twisty trail. Desmond and Swen took the lead. I decided to sweep and enjoy the trail.
   Heard the screaming all the way down....

Wefie 2#

     Came out at the clearing. Took the obligatory group wefie thingy.Not one person mentioned anything about hearing screams. Sat down and tried to get the screaming out of my head. Did not work. Took a deep breath and decided to saddle up instead, hoping the next climb under the hot sun would help dissipate some of the echo still humming at the back of my head. We climbed and climbed, all the way to the peak of the downhill hut. Echo remained for a couple more minutes...

   Took a short break to take more photos.

Wefie3 #

   Now the downhill run begins. I looked at Candy Crush. She was grinning like a starving hyena. I turned to Desmond, he shook his head and walked off mumbling something again. Everyone else took off before i could ask for ear plugs. I decided against using mints as ear plugs.
   The screaming could be heard all the way to the Ministry of Finance. It's no wonder why our Prime Minister decided to cancel the train project. Poor old fella must have been traumatised hearing the scream. I am never more glad our Prime Minister has a strong heart. My dead grandfather would coming running with a huge knife if he hears a scream like that.
    By the time we arrived at the bottom of the downhill run, no one was saying anything anymore. Even Desmond stopped mumbling. I suspected loss of hearing was to be blamed. The group rode back to the car in silence.

   In all, we rode 6.5km. Took 3 hours to complete it. Spent 2 hours of the 3 to take photos and chit chat. I felt like i just left a Metallica concert. James Hetfield has nothing if Candy Crush decides to challenge him to a screaming contest. Like a pussy cat he would scamper.
   I am still trying to adjust the volume knob on my car stereo... Can barely hear anything coming out of it. Pardon me. What was it you said again?....

Un'believable.
   

Bukit Beruntung Swimming Party 20th May 2018

Mozzie Swim Fest Bukit Beruntung 20th May 2018:-

Start point.

   What a scam of a Sunday.
   After 9th May, you would have thought all things within the country would be rosy and pretty. Every other donkey i know have been on cloud 9 ever since the new government came into power. Seeing all these positive energy aplenty, i took up the Manta's invitation to ride Bukit Beruntung. I should have voted to sleep in and do gardening instead. If i knew then....
   Woke up at the crack of dawn. Took the usual dump. Spoke a bit my myself. Left home at 0615 hours. It will be a 75km drive to the meet point. May as well be early. Took a leisurely drive towards Rawang. Passed by Damansara and the tummy replied. Looks like i gotta do a toilet stop at Sungai Buloh.
   Came upon the rest area in Sungai Buloh and parked. Headed to the toilet to sing another song. Came out smilling and lightened. Walked towards the car and saw a little hobbit grinning at me. The Mighty Borky was parked right next to me. Decided to make the hobbit sit down for coffee and listen to some of my wise words. Hobbit said yes of course. Quick coffee and off we went towards Rawang.
   Collected the Manta along the way. Manta blinked, i highlighted him from the rear. Blinded the old Manta a wee bit. He decided to stop at the tol gate to get retrieve his vision back. KY stopped to accompany him. Away we went.
   Arrived the meet point. Saw a few cars already parked. Even the Painmaster decided to show up. All huge and hefty. And hairy. This is a very prosperous caveman. All 90kgs of it. Decided to be polite and shook his hands.
   Plenty chatter about where and how long the ride would be today.
   Manta decided to group up the old sheeps and gave some speech about the new hope, and Prime Minister being an old friend of his back in the days. Somebody yawned and waved him off. So away we went to wards the trail head which was right across the road. It looked more like a pile of overgrown bush to me. But hey, who am i to question this new hope everyone is harping on? So towards the bush we went.
   We dove into the bushes for 30 meters and the Manta decided to turn back.

   " Sorry guys. Wrong bush. This bush doesn't feel right. The correct bush would have more thorns.. Let's turn around. "

   Up another 5 meters and into a different set of bush we dove in. And he was right. It was more thorny. It was also covered in 3 inches of mud. And had some brown residual running water right alongside. I was in shock. It felt like we were trying to sneak into Burma. Not one person dare say anything. Manta was adamant this was the correct bush. CH could only whimper. Old Dino was his usual self. Lost and deaf. We plodded on in silence.

   Bush bashing took us a good 20 minutes. Since the start of the ride. I sat on my bike for 23 seconds. The rest of the time, we spent it on walking the bike through thorny bushes. Borky was trying hard to keep his head above the bush, lest we lose sight of him. Poor fella. Not entirely his fault really. Most of the bushes were easily 5 footers.
   We came out from the bushes and finally spotted some clearing to catch our breath. Manta was still sure we were still in Malaysia. The rest of the group came along and Manta pointed us downhill towards the little stream.
   I wanted to slap the Manta.

According to Manta, this is Mountain Biking.

   He took us swimming on a cold Sunday morning.
   And it was no regular swimming. We were expected to swim like Navy SEALs. Silent and stealthy. No name calling or loud voices. Borky got an evil stare for raising his hand to ask a question. I chose to go pee first. I pee when i get nervous. Looking at the swift flowing river and realizing how tall Borky is made me nervous.

Borky at 8:20am

   I have never ever attempted to swim along a murky river with my bag and bike strapped on the shoulders. Borky wanted to turn back. Someone offered to toss him across. Poor fella was hesitant for quite a long time. Gerard was convinced he is 2 inches taller than Borky. He was sure he would make it across with his nose above water. The rest were undecided if we should drown the Manta now and get this over with quickly. I decided to keep quiet. Better to be a silent witness than the one holding the smoking gun.
   It was a 25 minutes swim. Like obedient lemmings we waded across.
   Somehow, we all made it across. There were no attempts to flee or swim away. Neither were there any floataway bikes. Borky held on to Chee Hong. Chee Hong felt like Rambo saving the poor Vietnamese villagers. Gerard managed to keep his breaststroke at a calm steady pace. Unker had a dry camera to take photos. Just in case we are needed for the court to testify.
   Regroup. Head counted and away into the next bush we headed. We started to walk our bikes in silence. It was another muddy and muggy walk. Did i mention we were walking? Yep. What was supposed to be a biking Sunday became a walkathon to Burma. We walked in silence for a good half hour and suddenly Aric spoke up. Turns out he made a mistake when he was crossing the river. He had to get it off his chest.

" You can't swim...?"

   He mistakenly threw The Old Dino's GPS into the river while crossing it. Aric said the GPS was weighing him down. It was either saving the RM20k bike or sacrificing the GPS. Jason was unable to hear clearly what Aric said. Choi! pointed Jason to his GPS holder. Jason decided to switch on his hearing aid. Aric have already disappeared into the bush.
   We waited another 20 minutes. Aric came back empty handed. Manta decide the best solution was to plod on and hope the mosquito farm would help ease the pain.
   Up the slope we walked and into the wet muggy desert field we plodded on.
   Total silence.


   And so for once the Manta was spot on. The mosquito was a huge distraction. Nobody spoke about the missing GPS. CT decided to slap someone because he claims to see some mosquito flying up and about. We were all slapping each other. Then somebody decided to make a run for it. The group was off faster than ever. Came out at the tarmac and was greeted by a villager sitting on his motorbike smoking a cigarette.

   " Had fun with the mosquito??"

   I did not know if i wanted to laugh or take a dump.

Misleading scenic photo.

   With our tails between our legs we quietly rode away. Arrived at the official bus stop where we usually have our break. Took a long apple break. Everyone ate something. CH decided to play with a leech. Painmaster took a shower. CT offered to slap KY. Aric stood far away from Jason. Borky was grumbling something. I dont speak hobbit. I think we rode for 25 minutes in total and walked more likely an hour or so. I hope the Manta has good life preserving skills.

   After like an hour of carbo loading from all the walking we did. Manta decided we will now start the ride proper. So off we went into the palm oil plantation. Pretty much uneventful riding along quaint village roads and into palm oil trails. Wet , sandy and muddy . Saw a few stray dogs along the way. Birds singing. Things were getting a bit boring. The Manta decided to take us on the scenic route.

   We rode through a cow farm.
   We rode through a trail covered with cow dung.
   We rode through a pile of cow dung 4 inches deep.
   The cows stared at us in disbelief.
   We rode through a wet trail covered with running cow pee.
   We rode through a pile of cow dungs that had diarrhoea.
   I stared at Unker in disbelief.
  We rode right across the cow's communal toilet.

   I am not one to be lost for words. I was dizzy throughout.... I can still smell the cow right now. I will most likely be vegetarian for the next few days.

   In utter silence we rode on. Borky made the same vow for the third time.

   "I am not coming back to this trail anymore. Why la ? Why did i wake up this morning?..."

Border of Burma.

   Into the palm oil plantation we rode. Manta was far ahead. Nowhere to be seen. CT decide to inject some fun into the ride. It is getting really boring he thought.

   " Stop. Look at my RM40k bike. I just kicked the crank right off. The crank is stuck to my foot now. Look... How ah? Now what do we do??"

   Oh boy......
   It was another 20 minutes of swearing and cursing in Cantonese before we managed to put the bike back in one piece. Saddle on and we rode ahead. Trying to catch up with the front runners. Caught up with the Manta and the front boys after a good run. Shared the story about the broken down Ferrari. Almost everyone laughed.  More cursing and hellos in Cantonese. Took a short break and the group decided it was probably best to move along.

   The rest of the ride was pretty much uneventful. No more broken bikes. No more cow farms. It was 10 clicks of riding through wet muddy mosquito farm. I have never seen so much mosquito in my life. The rider in front of me had a bunch of mosquitoes drafting behind his butt. Looked around and every other riders has a peloton of mosquitoes drafting behind them. I was scratching like a chimp. My arms looked like a jagung drenched in shiny wet butter. Suddenly the cow farm felt more pleasing to ride through.
   Half an hour of utter misery. Poor Borky was on the verge of tears. If not for the love he has for his bike, he would have abandoned us all and gone back to Hobbit kampung. Borky did not smile for the rest of the day.
   Finally, we arrived at the look out point right across the car park. Relief is such sweet sensation.
   We rode back to the car in silence.

Look out point.

   Lunch was a riot. Beer was cold. Manta survived, he did not get lynched. Bork swore he will never ever return to this trail. Jason tried to recruit fellow riders to go search for his GPS. Aric swore the GPS is not in his pocket. CT could not belief his broken crank cost RM2k. He swore something in Teochew.

   Me?
   I hate swimming on a Sunday morning, any morning in fact...

'Unbelievable.