Kemensah 24th JUNE 2018

Kemensah Chat and Ride.

First Apple break.

   Old Manta finally came to his senses. For once, we are not riding within a 5km radius of a pub. The past few months have been total snobbery to all things decent. If you are not a beer lover, those few rides would have been tailored such you would feel like a second class citizen. Those rides were a test on your alcohol tolerance. You want to ride, you must be able to survive the post ride audit. If you only drink hot Milo, you are pretty much screwed. Even warm beer were frowned upon. The post ride audits were so intense and meticulous even the Guinness Simon took off halfway mostly. Audit session usually last till late evening, depending on who is conducting it. If Unker and that half German Chinese Nonya fella is on the audit board, rest assured. You will get home for dinner. Ask Alex from Puchong. That fella really 'naik kereta' the last time we rode.
 
   So this was supposed to be a proper ride.
   Meet point and meet time posted. It was to be 0745hours at the usual car park. I decided to come early for breakfast. Parked and saw Borky having a chat with Guinness at the stall down the road. Decided to let them be and sat down at the other shop. Not long after the Old Dino drove past with a wave. Finished my food and off i went to the car park. Spotted a few early birds. Yong was grinning as usual. No peanuts this time. Guinness was getting ready. Borky spotted a speck of grease on this bike. Unhappy face. Jesse was still half asleep. CT wiped his mouth. Alcohol at 7am is best to be discreet.
   It was a few minutes of hellos and whatnots. The crew slowly trickled in. All came. Except the Manta.
   Clock showed 10 past 8 and the Manta is yet to be seen. A few frowning faces. Some started kicking branches. Teres did a KC. He flew the plane. And finally, we spotted the banana mobile turning into the car park.

Route Map.

   " Morning fellas. Running a bit late. I had to finish my Milo before i was allowed to leave the house. My Milo guesstimate was a wee bit off this morning. Made too big a cup. So i had to sit down obediently and finish it before Mummy said i could go. Apologies i made you guys wait... I am here now. Hooray. "

   Nobody paid him any attention.

   It was another 15 minutes of nonsensical chatter and bike comparing session. Swen took 12 selfies. Hanz kept complimenting CT on how handsome they both are. Krankster found some peanuts from the petrol station across the road. Borky was annoyed his bike is not shiny. Unker was mightily concerned that the German Chinese Nonya fella was running instead of cycling. He couldn't figure out who that fella is running away from. Jesse stood under the tree waiting patiently. Hanz tried convincing Grouchy that he really is handsome and tall. Fong burped a few times. Swen retook Hanz's side profile photo.

   Finally. Manta was ready. I was ready to puke.

   So off we went. This time around, the plan was to reverse loop it and climb from the rear of Kemensah instead of the usual Jimbara loop in. Like obediently lab rats, we cycled along. Pretty much a quiet affair. 20 minutes of tarmac crunching uphill towards the trailhead. Good weather. Cool crispy morning air. No farts heard.

Bamboo 1- Glove 0

   Arrived at the trailhead. With a cow farm located right beside it. Nobody said anything. Even Hanz stopped talking for a moment. It was cranking time. And crank we did. It was an hour of uphill cranking on broken 4x4 tracks. Cranking for some. Walking for most. I accompanied Manta. He needed time to digest his Milo. We walked and walked. Unker tried switching on his turbo. Turbo blew up after the third corner. He joined us walking. Borky stopped grinning. Grouchy, well he was his usual self.
   It took a few more quick stops and lots more walking before we finally crested the track. Never more grateful for the good weather. If the weather had been hot and humid, we would have collapsed like starving goats in the desert. Arrived at the clearing and the Manta declared a mini apple break selfie session.
   10 minutes of listening to Hanz and Swen talk. They spoke. We pretended to listen. CT applauded like an enthusiastic chimp. Fong gave up halfway and headed off. Dino Jesse was so taken by the speech he decided to pee in the middle of the trail to show his appreciation.

The height of cycling fashion for clowns.

   Ride on.
   Another 30 minutes of walking up stone strewn trail.
   Finally arrived at the familiar three cross junction. Left to the dam and right to the same dam. We chose left. After another apple break of course.
   Took us another 30 minutes of crashing through fallen palm trees and broken branches before arriving at the dam. Dam was full this time around. Plenty of water filled to the brim.
   The group started to trickle in one after another.
   Krankster kissed a row of thorns.
   I banged me nuts on the top tube.
   Oily tried to commit suicide by kicking her rear wheel off midway going downhill.
   Funny Malay guy rode straight into the bush. Left the bike standing in the bush.
   Hanz took out a kiwi fruit.
   Swen wanted to go swimming in the dam with his bike.
   It was an uneventful apple break.

Dam.

   Manta took 30 minutes to finish chewing his apple. Then it was off for the uphill slog back towards the river junction. Pretty much another walking session for 30 minutes through the same fallen palm trees and broken branches. Krankster visited the same row of thorns that gave him a row of kiss on his cheeks. Group made it to the river for a break. Nobody got lost. Fong was smilling for some strange reason.

Damm...

   Swen took another 24 selfies and 3 videos. Hanz and CT were still undecided on who is more handsome among them both. Grouchy tried walking on air to avoid contracting Lepto, leeches, salmonella,ants, mosquito, sand in shoes, worms and mud. Nothing came out of it. His shoes were dripping in the end. Bah humbug...
   Oily arrived with a smile and a broken derailleur hanger. Manta took out another apple. It became another apple break with a broken carbon bike session. Most everyone clapped. Woo hoo... more selfies session. Swen was never happier. Borky continued raising his hands to ask questions. Yong started chewing his nuts as usual.

JKR at work.

   Took us a good 35 minutes of whispering and quiet discussion on what best to do. The shop told her it was a strong carbon made bike. We suspected it was made from Kepong charcoal. We were undecided on what to do. We could try to explain to Oily the difference between carbon and charcoal. But no one could speak Iban. We could abandon the bike. But Oily was still conscious. It would be easy to decide if she was unconscious. Her being awake and clear minded left us in such a difficult position. China made carbon / charcoal products are usually disposable items. If it breaks, throw away. How to abandon a fully conscious person AND a china made carbon / charcoal bike at the same time? Such dilemma ...

Hanz and CH helping to repair Oily's bike.

   In the end, we were left with no choice but to salvage whatever we could.
   7 cable ties helped solve the problem temporarily. China made products are such clever inventions, everything could be repaired either by cable ties or duct tapes. Manta finished his apple. Borky got tired of holding his hands up. Hanz was glad he remains pretty and handsome.

Doggie party.

   So off we went marching uphill again. Headed towards the doggies junction. Another 40 minutes of mumbling and sweating got us to the doggies point. Swen took out his bread for the doggies. The group watched them devour the bread hungrily. For safety reasons, we held Fong back. There were barely enough bread for them doggies.
   It was at this juncture that we decided to split the group up. A few were to accompany Oily and her bike out via Jimbara. The others will keep to plan and go out via the cattle farm way.
   Everyone made it out in one piece.
   Then it was the usual post ride session again.
   Lunch and Beer.
   And unfortunately, both Hanz and CT still couldn't come to an agreement on who is more handsome. The rest of us however, agreed that they are both pretty ugly. At least we were agreeing on something. Having downed half a dozen bottle of Heineken helps.

   Audit done and dusted at 3pm.

   Un'believable...