3rd JULY 2016 Sungai Pusu Run....

Sungai Pusu Desert Ride and Fellowship.

   Little village off the Genting Karak Highway. All quaint , quiet and peaceful for most the weekends. Chickens and children play n the streets oblivious to traffic. Old folks having hot coffee on their wooden house verandah. Very soothing to watch and puts smile on your face as you drive by slowly.
  The kampung folks probably felt the same watching a convoy of 40 cars driving into their village at 8 am. I can imagine their amusement and grin when they see these bunch of clowns coming to explore their village. Kids and goats were grinning at us as we parked our cars. Some kids hung their tongue out when they saw old people getting out of their wearing only spandex. Poor kids.... how many would wake up screaming tonight?

   Today's ride was initiated by Tailook, CH, VC and Eddie. The boys came and laid out the tracks a few weeks ago. We were invited to hop in and see we would enjoy their version of a Pusu run. Everyone gathered in front of the local school hall for the ride leader, CH to give a ride briefing and sing the national anthem.

   CH said good morning and thanked those who contributed the RM10 to Maybank over the week. Then he let out a cough and wished everyone a good ride.
   That was that. Rider started pushing out.
   Ride started only with a 2km tarmac climb up a 36% gradient. I was totally confused for 16 minutes. Nobody said a word. Like good citizens of the state, we just went ahead and laid our trust in the leader. Even at half doubt knowing this may lead us to some godforsaken trail. We keep our eyes on the ground and continued grinding.
   Finally arrived at what looked more like a right and proper mtb trail. Into the bushes we went. Sweet grassy single tracks for a few clicks. Up and down we went. For a good 30 minutes or so.
   Then we arrived at Tattoine. To ride in the little sand canyon, you can't help but grin like a child. That was an unexpected bonus. Most everyone stopped to have a photo. The sand and the clay wall was mind boggling. Getting to ride inside it was simply breathtaking. We never came this in all our years of riding Pusu. The beauty of MTB riding, you can never stop discovering when you go off road.


   Up we climbed on to a flat sand packed clearing and all of us stood in awe of the sight. Sand and more sand as the eye can see. We also saw King Kenny taking his 17th selfie of the day. Somebody farted in appreciation. Nobody admitted to it but we could tell that person was really impressed with what he saw. More photos and some chattering then we rode of into the single track right across.
   It was a 20 minutes downhill run towards what was once a lake. Today, it was a dried out patch teeming with grass. Waited as King Kenny took a few mores selfie before the group rode backwards towards the first apple break point.
   A cooling and shaded single track ride towards the waterfall where we will have our first break. Mostly silent except for some insects and cameras clicking as you ride past other cyclist. Borky kept pointing his groin at riders going past him. I was also surprised by his obscene gesture. After catching Borky pointing his groin at Pat Liew the fourth time, i had no choice but to stop and put things right. Turns out Borky doesn't have a preference for men. He had a GoPro discreetly hidden near his groin and he was taking photos of riders as the ride past. Please do not ask Borky why he kept his GoPro at his groin. Some men like chubby women, some men like goats...to each his own. I don't really care or mind.
   Our new guest rider Alex decided to take an early break as we approached the rest point. He took out his chain breaker and broke his bike chain. Unker saw it and stopped me. Unker was lost for words and asked me to approach Alex in a civil manner. I gave Unker a pat on his shoulder and shoo'ed him off.

   "I'll take care of this Alex fella. You go ahead. Have your apple... No need to get all worked up."
   Chain was put back in place within minutes. I politely warned Alex never to do it again. Unker returned to check on us and gave a thumbs up when he saw Alex squatting in regret. I could only watch. Unker brought Manta and Krankster for support, just in case things got ugly. To put things in perspective, that's a combined total age of 160 years against 55kgs. Thankfully, the old folks forgot what they came back for.... I was never more pleased.
   Now the climbing starts.

   Single tracks climb up for almost 45 minutes and we appeared at another sandy clearing. King Kenny took his 45th selfie of the day.
   Now, the roasting starts.
   It was almost 11am. We were not told there would be 5 clicks of open unrelentless climb up towards some pondok. Like all obedient dehydrated rats, we rode in a single file towards our pondok. I saw a few riders squatting by the grass talking to pebbles. Another rider was quietly walking in circles searching for his helmet. It was painful to watch. His helmet was on his head all the while. King Kenny stopped to take a selfie with the dude...
   Finally arrived at the pondok and had our obligatory chit chat and apple.
   View from the pondok was spectacular. We could see Bukit Tabur and KLCC in the distance. And the greenery surrounding it was gorgeous. You could see the village and little streams running beside it.
   Well, that's what they kept saying. I didn't bother getting up to look. It was too damm hot. I was trying to find some shade under the pondok and tried not to overheat and blow my internal radiator..
   Finally after 30 minutes of resting and cooling down. We continued towards our car. Another 3km only according to the ride leader. That's alright eh?

   He conveniently forgot to mention the 3 km was under a full raging sun....
   I wilted.
   Manta was like a fish out of water.
   Unker...well, he was quiet.
   Krankster stopped grinning.

   Somehow, the old folks and the bunch of half dried mutts managed to drag themselves back to the car and finally get some shade from the scorching sun. Never been more grateful to find some shade...

   Lunch was decided within minutes and the entire gang packed up and headed off for post ride carbo loading.
   All in all. It was a fun ride. Trail was smooth and flowy.
   Happy Sunday indeed...

'Unbelievable.
 

21st FEB 2016 Putrajaya Twilight Zone

Putrajaya Challenge Park plus Kampung Ride:-

   0815 hours, the roll call for this Sunday's ride in Putrajaya. Counted the usual suspect present except for the so called Ride Director / Tailook. Got the Manta worried not seeing the Ride Director at the start point. Manta decided to give him a quick buzz to see if he got lost or decided to go elsewhere. Short conversation and some soft cursing in Hainanese was all i saw and heard.

   " The bugger is not coming, he was still asleep when i called. All i heard was something to the effect of  ' Not right now,...Please wait... I am still holding it up for you. Bend back a wee bit more...'."

   Manta felt so violated. He was asking me if i had any water to wash his phone. Never have i seen such utter disgust reflected on an old man's face. And all this was taking place on a holy Sunday morning. Such is the sad state of society we live in now. All i could do was pat the Manta gently on his shoulder and tell to execute his Ball Chopping Taichi move to help him gain some relief.

Counting ducks...

    With no other candidate in sight to sucker around, the Manta was unceremoniously elected as the Ride Leader for the day. We did not do any head count. The numbers always end up wrong whenever the Manta counts. Best to let it be. It has and always will be such. He was a banker not a mathematician.
   CH and me was somewhat decided to be the sweeper for the day by somebody.
   Just right before we could start, someone came by and told us the PCP Park was off limit for the day. Turns out the Park Rangers were doing pest control exercise for the day. Wild boars were multiplying out of control, therefore the Rangers had to take control to ensure some form of sanity prevails. Now, that puts things into perspective... I knew Tailook must have had a very solid reason not to show up for the ride. Survival instinct is a very natural thing.

   So off we went without any headcount.

   Tarmac grinding up till the back entrance of the horse ranch and into the single track we went. Under 3 bridge we rode. Jason Junior decided to do a head dive under the second bridge. Came out from it looking like a Vietcong, muddy and dusty. Gave us a thumbs up and saluted his two riding buddies with his third finger. Must be good friends these 3 fellows. On we went chasing ducks by the crystal clear river running alongside the single track.
   Morning sun and beautifully crafted out single tracks for the next 30 minutes. It was so lovely The Portugeese decided to stop a few times to mark his territory. I counted 3 coconuts trees that he visited. Each time returning with a smile.

Ball cam.

   Into palm plantation. The first little climb up into the plantation. Like obedient lemmings we went. No questions asked. Manta was having a gala time leading us into nowhere. Mind you, he has never been here. All he had to guide us was a track log which was given to him by the absent Tailook. Blind leading the handicapped. Jason Junior started walking. His two buddies shot up the hill without looking back.
   Waited a wee bit for Jason Junior to come up walking up the bump and we decided to clearly find out  from him who suckered him into coming for this silly ride. He breathlessly blurted out "Brandon and Fei Mao...". Me and CH could only grin. I was told it was not polite to laugh, so i had to pinch CH. CH was turning red trying to hold it in.

   " How long more...? Are we almost done? The car is behind this hill right?"

   I had to pinch CH again.  

   We could not bring ourselves to tell him that we had just barely covered 10 clicks. And the trail set for the day was an easy 30 clicks. Jason Junior refused to move till we gave him assurance that his two good buddies were waiting for him up the little crest. Judy shook her head and quietly abandoned us while we were chatting him up.
   Rode the corner and Jason Junior turned green. Not the Incredible Hulk Green mind you. More of the Jabba the Hut kind of Green. He saw the climb right smack in front of him and his mouth fell open. Yep, exactly like Jabba the Hut when he swallowed the rat. I left as soon as i could.

First hill walk.

   Me and CH basically raced up the hill.
   CH caught Brandon and Fei Mao at the peak and started waving his GPS at them. All i could see from the distance was lotsa fist waving and shoulder shrugs. Fei Mao and Jason were having a round of rock and scissors to decide who would go confront Jason Junior. CH had a tough time trying to convince them that Jason Junior is basically harmless at this moment. In his weakened state, it is actually very safe. Just stay a couple of inches from his reach and you will be fine. You won't get chewed up if you watch him closely. That's how cavemen brought down a woolly mammoth. It worked then, it will work now.
   In the end, the guest riders from Cheras got tired of watching and decided to step in and take matters into control. Two Cheras rider bravely went down the hill and helped drag Jason Junior up. Brandon and Fei Mao still couldn't decide on how many rounds of rock and scissors actually decides the winner. Judy and Alberto ran out of patience and left us once again. CH was having a horrid ear ache from hearing Manta repeatedly asking where we monkeys were over the walkie.

Ball cam 2.

   Gave Jason Junior as much time as he needed to recover his strength and sanity. I offered him a coconut bun. He refused it. CH offered him a drink. He also refused that. One guy offered him a cigarette. He also refused that. His two buddies sat right next to him, quiet as a mouse can be. Brandon only smiled and grinned when he was sure Jason Junior wasn't looking. At times like this, the only correct thing to do is by being discreet and polite.

   After the infinite time of hearing Manta asking us to stop monkeying around and come up to the main group. We somehow managed to get Jason Junior up on his feet and continue walking. We finally made it  back to the main group. A couple of guys came over to pat Jason Junior and gave him some words of encouragement. One guy checked and made sure Jason Junior wasn't over heating or blew a gasket.
   Had a quick break and off we went towards the peak of the hill to take more photos with Borky's ball mounted camera. Jason Junior switched to screen saver mode. In silence we marched on.
   Waited for CH and the back markers to come up the climb. CH came up grinning like a chimp whom just found a pile unclaimed bananas.

   " So where is the back markers?"
   " Oh... We might have to wait a while..."
   " Huh? Wait somemore? Manta will be screaming at us over the walkie again...Wait for what?"
   " Remember Jason ? He decided to lie down."
   "Oh."
   " Nothing to worry really. His is not alone. His two buddies are accompanying him."

   The walkie chattered non stop for the next half and hour. We were lucky really. Me and CH both do not understand one bit of Hainanese.

Retired and hyper.

   Finally managed to regroup again and off we went, in hopes of locating the main group. After 20 minutes of wondering around, we finally found the old folks squatting down admiring Borky's ball mounted camera. Manta approached Jason Junior and clearly explained to him why he is in this predicament. It is because of poorly placed trust. Nothing to do whatsoever with him being unfit and having to ride 30 clicks of mtb trails.
 
   " First thing you should learn in mountain biking is. Never ever trust your cycling buddies. All of us here knows that. All of us here are not really friends. Any one of these fellas here will snatch any chance to put me or anyone else here into your shoes. And watch you suffer. With a smile of course..."
   "So, from now on, choose your friends wisely...."

   Took a break and off we went again. Down a rutted downhill section and into plantation tarmac. We have covered almost 20 clicks so far. Nice.
   Waited at the top of the first tarmac climb to regroup the back markers. It was another 20 minutes before the two evil ones came up and proudly declared with a smile.

   " Done. It is all over now. We don't have to wait for Jason Junior anymore. We can go now."

   Me and CH went cold for awhile. I thought they were friends. I looked at CH and we realized we had no other choice but to ask. How else were we gonna answer when Manta starts asking questions? All of us knows how unreasonable Manta can be when he realizes we left a good man behind with an expensive carbon full suspension bike. Such a waste of a good bike...

   " Uh... What exactly happened to Jason?"
   " Oh. He is on his last few breathes already. He clearly told us to go ahead and come back later to this spot to retrieve whatever is left of him. We have marked the location. No worries. We have WAZE."

   What can me and CH say?

   So off we went.
   Hence, the reason for this blog. If something goes wrong with the retrieval of Jason Junior, this blog is to safeguard and absolve me and CH from any ongoing or prevailing actions of the law. We tried to reason with Brandon and Fei Mao. They were adamant on continuing with the ride. By hook or by crook, they were determined to finish the ride. Alberto was witness to it. His mouth was wide open from shock upon hearing it.

   " What is happening to this world? "

  With a bit more of reluctant wondering around and climbing down one bridge. We finally managed to reconnect back to the track log and find our way back towards the car. Another 45 minutes of grinding and we were back at the car park. Brandon and Fei Mao packed up in a blink of an eye an drove off without speaking to anyone.

Ball cam3.

   Manta was waiting for us by the kerb when we arrived. I quickly approached him and explained in detail on why we took so long and how those two decided to abandon their comrade behind to the mercy of nature. Manta took a long look at both them, turned towards me and said...

   " So now where do we go for lunch...?"

   'Unbelievable...

   
 

11th OCT 2015 Kiara Blue Moon Ride

Kiara Monthly Moon Ride 11th OCT 2015:-

   The absence of any blog posting the past weeks was due to the goats being occupied with trying to finalise and agree to all terms and final trail layout for the upcoming Presidential ride. As with all breeds of goats, head butting will always take place before a consensus is achieved. This time around, we had a couple of steroids laden young goats going up against a few old arthritis laden goats. Agreeing upon which patch of grass to graze on, has and always will be an issue since time immaterial. The older goats will always graze nearer to the fence while the younger goats will always want to explore up the hill. Both sides usually end up head butting due to the lack and partial incomplete transfer of information.
   Older goats needs the be closer to the fence due to incontinence. If you gotta go, you gotta go... No one at  that age can hold it in anymore. Why do you think we have so much apple breaks lately? More like pee and poo break if you ask me. Each time we declare a break session, you will see a few of them old goats running into the bush.

Drain gazing.

   Younger goats will always wanna graze up the hill. It's breezier there. On a good day, you may even gaze far enough to watch a Spartan Race in the nearby hills. Whether you are dressed up like an orange or a tomato is no one else's concern. The old goats with their failing eyesight can't tell the difference anyways. Any colour looks the same to them, as long as it doesn't taste too salty when you lick it. They will agree to it.
   So it was on the last Sunday before the Presidential ride that this bunch of clown goats decided they have had enough of munching on salt baked chicken wings and made a decision to visit Kiara. With or without approval from the committee.
   0800 hours and a team of 12 goats showed up at the meeting point. The usual teh tarik and coffee before getting the bikes off the car. More chatter and bleating as we made our way towards the car wash to collect the other 3 lazier goats. Ride started as usual. Except for the sudden presence of Funny Melvin at the rear. Him showing up made all of us recheck our watch. We were confused for a bit. Usually he only shows up during lunch. This time around, our watch was correct. Funny Melvin had a slow watch. Hence him showing up 4 hours in advance for his regular Kiara ride. All he could do was smile like a single horned sheep.
   Up towards Office and out towards Lung Buster. The entire herd made it up towards tarmac in one piece. Pretty boring, no one made any attempts to ride off any cliff edge. We all sat in silence at the entrance to Magic Carpet. There was really nothing to talk about...

Borky with the big boys.

   After spending 15 minutes staring at their own feet. The herd realised it was getting really boring and made the decision to continue riding in hopes of finding something interesting to talk about. Into Magic Carpet we went and up towards the end up 2K we emerged.
   Another round of sitting in silence. I kicked a few stones to break the monotony. Futile it was...
   Manta stood up and announced that since we were all in such a cheerful mood. We will now ride non-stop from 2K all the way towards Mission without stopping for break at the hut. No one bothered to protest.
   We emerged out of Mission in silence.
   Towards Lower Shot we went.
   Up into Snakes and Ladders.
   Continued towards Tokong.
 
   Silence can be deafening. I was in fear. The troop seemed lost and confused.
   At Tokong, we ran into the Kajang boy's. Finally the silence lifted. Hello and greetings was heard. Age confirmation was done. More hellos and hi said. Chatter and name calling. Plenty accusation thrown and deflected like the Malaysian Cabinet meeting. It was a lively chatting session. It's almost like a marriage. After 15 years, you run out of things to say to each other. The moment you run into your ex, your heart starts pumping faster. You have plenty more things to say and defend. I could only sit at the corner and watch the drama.
   With the herd suddenly finding their soul and chatter back. Someone suggested riding to Hartamas for coffee to celebrate. Shouts of agreement were heard all the way to Bikepro. Borky jumped up and down excitedly. So off we went headed towards Kampung.

   The herd managed to ride all the way towards Hartamas without incident. Then Funny Melvin decided to take out the air from his tyre so we will stop and hopefully stare at his newly purchased wheelset. Plan did not work. No one asked. Coffee was much more tempting than mud covered wheels. Manta still thinks orange is silly. I just wanted my Mee Goreng.
  So off we went after waiting for Funny Melvin to put back his wheels. Tarmac cruising on the sidewalk towards the mamak. Most managed to find a chair to sit as we arrive.
   Yellow Manta came looking like Sushi Manta and announced that Jesse had crashed. Funny Melvin walked Jesse's bike towards us and laid his bike down. Up came Jesse smilling like a ragged doll.
   Lifted his arm and showed us a wonky looking elbow.
 
  " He rode down the sidewalk at walking pace and somehow slipped. Landed on his elbow. Punched his elbow into the tarmac and now his elbow is swollen like a pomelo..." said Funny Melvin.

   Borky took one look at Jesse's elbow and ran off wiping his eyes.
   Manta was doing what he does best. Change colour.
   CH and CT looked at the waiter in disbelieve. They asked for iced coffee. Got iced Nescafe instead.
   Choi! walked off to buy a bun.
   Mei as usual said something in Hakka which no one understood.
   Unker took a bite of my Mee Goreng.
   PeteW was sure a shot of Dimple would resolve all these nonsense.
   Funny Melvin poked Jesse's knee for assurance.
 
   Jesse stood there holding his wonky elbow for awhile before someone thought he might want to sit down and offered him a chair. After a short discussion, Jesse was shooed off to the nearby clinic to get his wonky elbow looked at. The herd continued grazing.

Wonky knee.

   Mee Goreng and Roti came promptly. CH and CT were still waiting for their drink. Getting a wee bit upset.
   Jesse called after a couple of minutes. Broken Funny bone. Confirmed. He is in a sling and will need to spend more time in the clinic with the nurse. We will need to cut short our ride and come collect him at Hartamas. Ky's frowned and kicked his rear wheel in frustration. Mei asked something in Hakka again. No one responded.
   So up towards Plan C we went and connected into Wasteland. A quick climb onto the tarmac and we were back to the car in no time. CH and CT went straight to the mamak and ordered their iced coffee. They made sure the waiter heard them correctly this time.
  The herd unpacked and loaded up. Manta , Choi! and Mei were designated to go collect Jesse and send him back home.
  No one offered to wash Jesse's bike. What a selfish group we have evolved into... The post ride Prawn Noodle was a blast though. In KC's absence, we had so much to talk about. Orange is still a rubbish color.

Jesse after getting his haircut.

Un'believable...



 
   

30th AUGUST 2015 Secret Ride Godknowsforhowmanymore...

Another Secret Ride 30th August 2015:-

 
   Having a dry choking sensation in the throat is very unpleasant. Attempting to swallow while having a dry choking sensation is horrid. Having to watch Tailook salivate while attempting to swallow with a dry throat must be how it feels like being in level one of Dante's purgatory.

   Deep Fried Salted Duck Egg Squid.
   Deep Fried Salted Chicken Wings.
   Deep Fried Tilapia Fish
   Deep Fried Pork Ribs.
   Fried Eggs with Onions.
   Stir Fried Cabbage with Dried Shrimps.

   That's what Tailook ordered for post-ride lunch on Sunday. Try chewing and swallowing those after being baked under the sun for 3 hours. This clearly explains why camels only eat fresh moist grass and not fried crickets after spending one week walking in the sand dunes. Manta was almost certain he will choke to death at the table. The only thing stopping him from doing that was the promise of free beer in D'Balcony next Friday.
   And all we had to wash down those food was piping hot chinese tea. At the very least, warm beer would be some sort of attempt at having compassion. But no. Tailook was so busy salivating he did not care anymore. You could have poured the entire pot of tea on her groin and Tailook would not have noticed one bit.
   Being infatuated is a dangerous thing.
   Being infatuated at 39 is suicidal.
   Being infatuated at 39 while deprived of water and logic is ugly.
 
   While we were busy attempting to eat like an Ethiopian, Tailook was enjoying himself staring at his "still to be added Facebook friend". He kept waving his chopstick at the lady while she walked by serving the rest of the restaurant. She did throw a couple of fleeting smiles towards our direction while her husband was not looking. Me, being seated right next to Tailook quickly realized how foolish and precarious a position i was in.
   Deep inside, i knew that if the husband decides to visit our table with a kitchen knife. I would be a dead man. I conveniently forgot to mention to the rest of the guys i was nursing a wonky ankle. A snail challenging me to a race that day would be laughing all the way to the finish line. I could only hope the insurance policy was till valid.

   After an hour of vigilant chewing. CH decided to take matters into his own hands.

   " This is too much work for a Sunday lunch. I don't care who says what. I can't eat like this. This is utter rubbish. "

   The beer was gone in seconds.
   Manta made it.
   If you ever need to see a band of thirsty camels choking on dry grass. This would be it.


   It started off well enough for the 6 of us. Met up at Eco for the so called secret recce ride. Pretty much uneventful then. Except for CT trying to wear his gloves. For some reasons known only to accountants and auditors, wearing 2 gloves of the same side seems to be a valid thing to do. CT brought 2 gloves for the right hand. I looked. He does not have 2 right hands. Decided it was probably better not to be called a nosy aunty so early on a Sunday morning. I walked away.

   So off we went towards the promised 20 clicks of flat recce trail.
   After an hour of cranking uphill, Manta raised his hand and stopped all 6 of us.

   "I don't know about you guys, but the trail seemed to be pointing uphill for the last one hour. Any one took note of that? Or am i really ripe and ready for retirement? I am pretty sure i took my pills this morning... What's going on?"

   We continued riding.
   Another 2 hours came and flew by.
   Manta raised his hands again.

   " Ummm... This may seem a wee bit annoying but why are we still climbing? "

   Somehow, we ended up riding 30 clicks of the secret trail. By then, i was literally boiling inside out. All 5 of us was practically roasted and wilting. It was so hot, CT had nothing coming out from his ass. Bicycleman was actually searching for a short cut. But Tailook looked unfazed. He was grinning and looked ever so excited. We were amazed.
  Arrived at the car by noon and most started packing up in silence. We were out of Eco within minutes. Tailook took off first shouting something in Cantonese about food and time restrictions...

   And that was how we ended up in Restaurant 52.
   Lessons learnt. Never ever let Tailook order food while staring at the pretty waitress. Regardless what she was wearing, always make sure she writes down the order for the beer first. Food second. Say what you want, I don't care how nice her ass is. I never ever want to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a 55 year old man. Especially one that smells of mud and sweat...
  And no. Tailook still did not manage to add her in Facebook...

Sungai Siput Food and Baptizing Trip.

15th AUGUST 2015 Sungai Siput Pilgrimage...

That's the hill we are headed to...

   The club's annual pilgrimage to Sungai Siput. Only difference this time around is, some of the guys are going for their baptism instead of only trail riding. Kill 2 birds with one stone they say. We are not merely a riding club only. We also covertly recruit and convert newbies. Very clandestine of course. We are aware the authorities frown upon such activities. Remember how it all ended in WACO. We try to save as many as possible without raising to much suspicion. Same basic principle applied during the Cultural Movement in China during Mao Tse Tung's reign.
   Manta threw up the offer to visit congregate his hometown for a weekend. 20 old goats raised their hands. Faithful group this is. Game on...

Pit stop number 1.

   Most of the group met up at Rawang rest area for one round of brunch and hug before driving off together towards Siput. Before leaving, they had the obligatory round of nasi lemak to fuel up for the 200km drive up north. You will need energy for the 2 hour drive of course. Dotty refused to move an inch till we fed her. At about 12ish, the herd started migrating up north. Dotty rather reluctantly because she did not get her telur goreng. How tragic....
   At about 1:30ish, the group arrived at Bidor interchange and decided 90 minutes was good enough digesting time. So the herd made the second pit stop at Bidor for the usual noodles and beer to fuel up. One round of noodles done, the group again attempted the migration up north. Albeit at a slower pace... But hey, the show must go on. Sheeps must be led to their correct path to salvation.
   Another 2 hours flew past and the group arrived at Ipoh. Quick drive towards Siput and arrived at the designated bungalow that will serve as their resting pen for this weekend. All the bikes offloaded and parked safely within the bungalow in no time. Phone rang. The Manta received the call from the infamous Sungai Siput Siew Yokk Aunty.

Before

After

   "Wohh Chaii ah... Siew Yokk is done. Come over. I have the meat all cut and done for your congregation... Come on over. The tables are ready and wiped clean. Beer chilled and newspaper nicely cut for the meat. Don't forget to pay after you eat this time. Your poor old mother had come all the way from her home just to pay your ..."

   Conversation was cut short abruptly. Manta could be seen trying to reconnect the call by knocking his phone on the coffee table repeatedly. Somewhat with plenty of force and viciousness, while mumbling something in Hainanese. Mighty impressive i thought.

   "Wow... Manta really likes his Siew Yokk eh...."

3 tables of meat.

   So off the herd went. Towards the Siew Yook restaurant conveniently located right behind the biggest bank in Siput. 3 tables were ready and prepared as the herd arrives. Well planned and organized. Aunty wasted no time in serving up the meat. Very useful to have a local boy in the group. Almost like going to Miri and having the tycoon's son hosting us. Minus the van and tuak though.
   Beer was served. Meat came. More beer. More meat...

Dotty at table number 1.

  Within minutes, a couple kilos of Siew Yokk was polished off. The locals had fun watching the tourist eat. It was like a zombie Apocalypse. Nothing was said or spared during the 10 minutes of feeding exercise. Dotty was at her usual best again. No matter how sharp your elbows are, Dotty will forgo the pain. Selective amnesia. Regardless how many times you elbow her in the ribs, she continues to forage. Very focused and single minded. Watching Dotty eat reminds me of the furry thing on tv. I made very sure no one splashed water on her. I was afraid for the locals...

Dotty at table number 2.

Dotty at table number 3.

   Dotty had a glazed look on her eyes after 15 minutes. Kompressor looked the same after downing his 4th beer. CT gave the thumbs up for the toilet. Borky smiled because everyone else was smilling. Yong wanted to perform his happy dance for the sudden abundance of meat. Manta was nowhere to be seen. King took the 23rd selfie of the day. Dotty offered to lick the chilli. Hanz shook something.
   Interesting congregation of multiple characters. Some sane, some confused... Some best left unprovoked.


   The congregation made it's way back to the bungalow to rest for dinner.

   1830 hours came and Manta started to shepherd the herd out from the bungalow.

   " Come on guys. It's time for dinner. Let's all saddle up and ride in to town for dinner... Hush hush. Come along now...Chop chop" 

Circus is in town...!!!

   Obediently, the herd started the slow ride towards the Hainan Coffee shop in town. Ride was almost 4km long. Collected a few more riders along the way and the entire group arrived at the coffee shop. I am not sure how the guys feel about the coffee shop but i was confused.

   The so called coffee shop that was in Manta's family since Japan went to war looked more like a car spare parts shop. I didn't see any tables or chair. All i saw was lotsa engine oil, gasket, drive shaft, oil seals and car parts. Mighty weird i thought. I was sure the Siew Yokk wasn't that potent. I wasn't drunk. Even if it was my first time eating it, i was pretty sure the meat did not cloud my judgement that much. And the Siew Yook Aunty wasn't as sexy as i was made to believe. Though CH was suspiciously sweaty and red during lunch. He looked agitated when the Aunty came by to say hello to Manta. Agitated and fidgety. I suspected hemorrhoids because he asked for tissue numerous times. I could be wrong. 'shrug'

Total combined age 197 years.

   Anyway...Straddling my bike, I chose to keep quiet and wait. Who knows what might happen. People do strange things in foreign land. I honestly wouldn't mind if Jesse decides to drink a quart of synthetic engine oil. Or Choi!! having a go at the Nissan drive shaft.
   Waited a good 30 minutes and without warning, the herd suddenly started moving north.

  " Huh...?! What's going on? No food served ...?! "

   No one dared ask. The herd submissively followed Manta and his crew into the sunset. We are at their mercy now. I did not realize i was in North Korea. I stole a peek at the ride leader @ Manta's nephew, saw his long black flowing hair. Decided it's probably not the smartest thing to question a guy that looks like a North Korean border guard. Borky continued smilling though.

Sungkai night view from Ningku Hill.

   It was a dark and quiet ride for the next hour. All we could see was darkness. Rode up a couple of steep trail and rode down a couple of steep trails. Ran into some tree branches. It was dark remember? Up some more steep looking trail again. Came to a road crossing. Saw the ride leader put his index finger up against his mouth. Ssssshhh... Let's go. Cross quickly. Make minimal noise. I felt like a Burmese trying to sneak into Malaysia in the middle of the night.
   Rode up into the darkness again. No one dared make any sound. After 3 hours of going in circles, in near total darkness. We came to a little drain. Ride Leader pointed 15 feet into the darkness...

Into the woods.

   " That's where the baptizing ceremony will take place. Go ahead."

Pre-baptizing sermon.

   It was another hour passed before the herd decided they have had enough of swimming. And off we went into the darkness again. Cindy was so flooded with emotion after the swim, she decided to test fate and dove headfirst into the the ground. She survived. Guinness shook his head in disbelieve.

Fong enjoying Guinness...

   Continued riding in the darkness for a bit before we finally emerged behind a housing estate. From there on, it was a quick run off towards the bungalow for supper.
   Supper was ready and served when we arrived. Simple fare. Fried noodles, fried rice, burger, bbq chicken wings, satay, fried beehoon, nasi lemak, kuih, chilled beer and peanuts...

   From then on, it was a blur of food, alcohol and old men farting continuously...

Orang asli boy being fed.

    Food was polished off. Drinks toasted and drank. Party was going on so well, even the CEO of Air Asia decided to drop by in his black van. Choi!! even abandoned his playtime with May to come join us for after ride food and drinks. Salute...
   By 2am, the older goats started pointing their horns to the ground. Last goat dragged himself to bed at 4 am. Snoring symphony lasted till dawn. Pity the neighbour next door...He probably thought his neighbour was into rearing pigs now.
   Very grateful to Manta and his home grown crew. Excellent crew and more than accommodating host. Thumbs up. Wai did an excellent job laying out the trail. His mates were an amazing support crew in their motor bikes and baby Suzuki's. We are forever grateful. Especially when food and beer was free...

  I am coming back next year.
  And no, i did not forget my front wheel this time around.

Un'believable...

1st August 2015 Secret Ride Part 3...

Heart Stopper Ride 1st August 2015:-

   It started off like any other Sunday morning ride. Only thing that struck me as odd was i actually slept early on Saturday. By 2300 hours, i was already zombie like. Since all the gears and bike have been pre-packed and readied for tomorrow. I decided to knock off early and get rested for the next days ride.
   It was to be the 3rd edition of Tailook's secret ride. Bicycleman was nominated the head honcho for the ride. We are supposed to be doing something either the distance of 12 km or 34 km. Whichever the Bicycleman fancies. I hope the big guy is in a good mood for negotations the next day.

Lunch location.

   Tailook has been petitioning for the 12 km loop the entire week. The 34km loop will eat into his Sunday lunch timing and Facebook updating allocation. This Sunday's lunch was very important to Tailook. Tailook is very concerned about his current Facebook status. Tailook spotted a new prospective "friend" working in a restaurant nearby that he wants to add into his friend list. The intended friend is 32- 27- 34 with 2 tattoos on her left leg. Weighs about 55kgs and speaks fluent Mandarin. Tailook also speaks mandarin he claims.   He could say "toilet" fluently in mandarin.

Squid fried with salted duck egg.

    Tailook is very confident on being successful. We as friends could only hold our tongue. I stopped Kompressor numerous times. Kompressor could not bear to watch Tailook get rejected and get his heart broken on a Sunday morning. Kompressor was very concerned. However, when i reminded him that we are in close proximity of Nirvana Bereavement Center. Kompressor finally relented, knowing if things goes south for Tailook. It is easy to make arrangements. We as friends will try to be supportive and show some confidence. Eddie decided to stay home and watch the Whatsapp chat update instead. Smart fella this one. He could be sitting on his sofa buck naked, and laugh the entire morning. No one would be any wiser to it. And he could still remain friends with Tailook after all this fiasco.

Steamed Tilapia Semenyih style.

   Simon Guinness was also concerned. Being a good buddy, he even brought Cindy along. Just in case Tailook needed sisterhood support.
   Me? I came hoping to watch Tailook get slapped with a pork leg when he proposes to the new "friend". Tailook failed to notice how huge her biceps were. I saw her balance 3 plates of steamed Tilapia on one hand when she walked out from the kitchen last week. I could only hope...

   Ever since i was a kid growing up in a fishing village, i was constantly reminded. If a lady could balance anything more than 2 fish on one arm. Never ever mess with that woman. Be nice to her under any circumstances. Never ever cross path with that kind of woman. She will make you pay for it dearly. I always obeyed and replied softly when spoken to. I call her mum.

   Anyways, it was breakfast as usual at Connaught before the herd met up at the usual tol gate to chat more. Plenty of chat done and away we went heading towards the now not so secret meeting point. Eco Ventures Resort. Slow and relaxing drive along Kajang before we entered Semenyih and swung left towards Eco Ventures.

Hyenas getting ready.

   The entire troop arrived and started getting ready for the ride. Kompressor and Guinness was still genuinely concerned about Tailook's attempt. Both nodded at each other and started getting ready for the ride. Dotty swallowed her last piece of sandwich. KY waved to the tree beside CH. Jacky ran to the toilet. Annie was busy watching Ivan set up her bike. Tailook checked the battery level on his phone. Fisherman adjusted his dentures. Bicycleman stood at attention. KC did the Air Asia thing again. KY walked up to the tree to say hello. Yellow Manta shifted and stretched something in his pants.
   I counted about 23 riders getting ready. To see so many riding buddies getting ready is heart warming. Can't help but smile to myself. It's a good start to a Sunday morning. Fresh crispy air. Lovely weather.
   Unloaded my bike from the car roof and looked in the rear boot for the front wheel.

How i felt then...

   The moment i realized the front wheel was missing. My heart froze.
   Oh no.... No freaking way!!!... Oh Frog! Oh Frog!... Ooooh Froggg.....

   Despair. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss. Confusion. Anger.

   I felt none of those emotions...

   Here i am, in Semenyih. 70km from home. Drove 90 bloody minutes. Front wheel is nowhere to be seen. And i have 23 RIDERS behind me. All primed and ready to have THE laughter of their lifetime.
   I am a dead man.
 
   How to wriggle my way out of this?! Could i go to the toilet and pretend not to hear them when they call? Would they notice if i sit quietly at the side? What if i claim i have a bad tummy? Or perhaps i could walk up to the tree KY was busy chatting with and pick up the bits and pieces of the conversation? Or maybe get Judy to send me off somewhere? How fast will i have to drive out without anyone being able to recognize me? Ooohh Frog.....
   KY decided to stop talking to the tree and walked towards me. Tapped me on my shoulders. I wanted to die. It felt like the Grim Reaper from the Mountain Bike Division just called to say hello. KY took a look at the boot. Turned and saw the bike on the ground minus the front wheel. Took him 2 seconds to realize he just struck jackpot...
   Everything was a blur from then on. The crowd went ballistic. Laughter and more laughter.. Even heard someone farted a wet one. CH had to wipe his nose. Judy shook her head. Fisherman had to remove his dentures. Laughing too much with dentures on is dangerous, he was told. Jacky had to run to the toilet again. Manta was as always, suspicious. Krankster asked for peanuts. VC took out his phone. Borky continued smiling because everyone else was smiling. PeteW offered me a plastic bag to cover my head. Cindy said something in Hakka and went off to the toilet laughing. Annie repeated the same thing in Hakka and threw a pebble at me. Manta slapped me on the shoulder and told me to stop fooling around.
   All i could do was grin like a frozen clown.
   My mum would have been proud of me...

   The drive back home was as silent as can be. I was in a daze. You should never ever have curry noodles too early in the morning. It makes you warm and dizzy. Clouds your judgement. Warm toast would be wiser.

   In a nutshell. This was what i did last Sunday. Woke up at 0600 hours. Drove 40 minutes for a bowl of curry noodles in Cheras. Drove another 25 minutes to Semenyih. Took a dump at the toilet in Eco Ventures. Got laughed at by 23 people. Packed my bags and drove 70 minutes back to Klang. Got home by 1000 hours. Then got laughed at again by my mum at home. Had a cup of coffee. Went back to sleep again...

   I should have gone to church instead...

   Apparently, this is what the 23 chimps got to do after i left.

The herd waiting for Ivan to regain consciousness.

Ivan watching the girls fight for shade.

Tailook confused and lost.

   Doesn't look like much fun.
   Bah Humbug...

Un'believable...