Pedalphilic: 1st August 2015 Secret Ride Part 3...

Heart Stopper Ride 1st August 2015:-

It started off like any other Sunday morning ride. Only thing that struck me as odd was i actually slept early on Saturday. By 2300 hours, i was already zombie like. Since all the gears and bike have been pre-packed and readied for tomorrow. I decided to knock off early and get rested for the next days ride.
It was to be the 3rd edition of Tailook's secret ride. Bicycleman was nominated the head honcho for the ride. We are supposed to be doing something either the distance of 12 km or 34 km. Whichever the Bicycleman fancies. I hope the big guy is in a good mood for negotations the next day.

Lunch location.

Tailook has been petitioning for the 12 km loop the entire week. The 34km loop will eat into his Sunday lunch timing and Facebook updating allocation. This Sunday's lunch was very important to Tailook. Tailook is very concerned about his current Facebook status. Tailook spotted a new prospective "friend" working in a restaurant nearby that he wants to add into his friend list. The intended friend is 32- 27- 34 with 2 tattoos on her left leg. Weighs about 55kgs and speaks fluent Mandarin. Tailook also speaks mandarin he claims. He could say "toilet" fluently in mandarin.

Squid fried with salted duck egg.

Tailook is very confident on being successful. We as friends could only hold our tongue. I stopped Kompressor numerous times. Kompressor could not bear to watch Tailook get rejected and get his heart broken on a Sunday morning. Kompressor was very concerned. However, when i reminded him that we are in close proximity of Nirvana Bereavement Center. Kompressor finally relented, knowing if things goes south for Tailook. It is easy to make arrangements. We as friends will try to be supportive and show some confidence. Eddie decided to stay home and watch the Whatsapp chat update instead. Smart fella this one. He could be sitting on his sofa buck naked, and laugh the entire morning. No one would be any wiser to it. And he could still remain friends with Tailook after all this fiasco.

Steamed Tilapia Semenyih style.

Simon Guinness was also concerned. Being a good buddy, he even brought Cindy along. Just in case Tailook needed sisterhood support.
Me? I came hoping to watch Tailook get slapped with a pork leg when he proposes to the new "friend". Tailook failed to notice how huge her biceps were. I saw her balance 3 plates of steamed Tilapia on one hand when she walked out from the kitchen last week. I could only hope...

Ever since i was a kid growing up in a fishing village, i was constantly reminded. If a lady could balance anything more than 2 fish on one arm. Never ever mess with that woman. Be nice to her under any circumstances. Never ever cross path with that kind of woman. She will make you pay for it dearly. I always obeyed and replied softly when spoken to. I call her mum.

Anyways, it was breakfast as usual at Connaught before the herd met up at the usual tol gate to chat more. Plenty of chat done and away we went heading towards the now not so secret meeting point. Eco Ventures Resort. Slow and relaxing drive along Kajang before we entered Semenyih and swung left towards Eco Ventures.

Hyenas getting ready.

The entire troop arrived and started getting ready for the ride. Kompressor and Guinness was still genuinely concerned about Tailook's attempt. Both nodded at each other and started getting ready for the ride. Dotty swallowed her last piece of sandwich. KY waved to the tree beside CH. Jacky ran to the toilet. Annie was busy watching Ivan set up her bike. Tailook checked the battery level on his phone. Fisherman adjusted his dentures. Bicycleman stood at attention. KC did the Air Asia thing again. KY walked up to the tree to say hello. Yellow Manta shifted and stretched something in his pants.
I counted about 23 riders getting ready. To see so many riding buddies getting ready is heart warming. Can't help but smile to myself. It's a good start to a Sunday morning. Fresh crispy air. Lovely weather.
Unloaded my bike from the car roof and looked in the rear boot for the front wheel.

How i felt then...

The moment i realized the front wheel was missing. My heart froze.
Oh no.... No freaking way!!!... Oh Frog! Oh Frog!... Ooooh Froggg.....

Despair. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss. Confusion. Anger.

I felt none of those emotions...

Here i am, in Semenyih. 70km from home. Drove 90 bloody minutes. Front wheel is nowhere to be seen. And i have 23 RIDERS behind me. All primed and ready to have THE laughter of their lifetime.
I am a dead man.

How to wriggle my way out of this?! Could i go to the toilet and pretend not to hear them when they call? Would they notice if i sit quietly at the side? What if i claim i have a bad tummy? Or perhaps i could walk up to the tree KY was busy chatting with and pick up the bits and pieces of the conversation? Or maybe get Judy to send me off somewhere? How fast will i have to drive out without anyone being able to recognize me? Ooohh Frog.....
KY decided to stop talking to the tree and walked towards me. Tapped me on my shoulders. I wanted to die. It felt like the Grim Reaper from the Mountain Bike Division just called to say hello. KY took a look at the boot. Turned and saw the bike on the ground minus the front wheel. Took him 2 seconds to realize he just struck jackpot...
Everything was a blur from then on. The crowd went ballistic. Laughter and more laughter.. Even heard someone farted a wet one. CH had to wipe his nose. Judy shook her head. Fisherman had to remove his dentures. Laughing too much with dentures on is dangerous, he was told. Jacky had to run to the toilet again. Manta was as always, suspicious. Krankster asked for peanuts. VC took out his phone. Borky continued smiling because everyone else was smiling. PeteW offered me a plastic bag to cover my head. Cindy said something in Hakka and went off to the toilet laughing. Annie repeated the same thing in Hakka and threw a pebble at me. Manta slapped me on the shoulder and told me to stop fooling around.
All i could do was grin like a frozen clown.
My mum would have been proud of me...

The drive back home was as silent as can be. I was in a daze. You should never ever have curry noodles too early in the morning. It makes you warm and dizzy. Clouds your judgement. Warm toast would be wiser.

In a nutshell. This was what i did last Sunday. Woke up at 0600 hours. Drove 40 minutes for a bowl of curry noodles in Cheras. Drove another 25 minutes to Semenyih. Took a dump at the toilet in Eco Ventures. Got laughed at by 23 people. Packed my bags and drove 70 minutes back to Klang. Got home by 1000 hours. Then got laughed at again by my mum at home. Had a cup of coffee. Went back to sleep again...

I should have gone to church instead...

Apparently, this is what the 23 chimps got to do after i left.