30th AUGUST 2015 Secret Ride Godknowsforhowmanymore...

Another Secret Ride 30th August 2015:-

 
   Having a dry choking sensation in the throat is very unpleasant. Attempting to swallow while having a dry choking sensation is horrid. Having to watch Tailook salivate while attempting to swallow with a dry throat must be how it feels like being in level one of Dante's purgatory.

   Deep Fried Salted Duck Egg Squid.
   Deep Fried Salted Chicken Wings.
   Deep Fried Tilapia Fish
   Deep Fried Pork Ribs.
   Fried Eggs with Onions.
   Stir Fried Cabbage with Dried Shrimps.

   That's what Tailook ordered for post-ride lunch on Sunday. Try chewing and swallowing those after being baked under the sun for 3 hours. This clearly explains why camels only eat fresh moist grass and not fried crickets after spending one week walking in the sand dunes. Manta was almost certain he will choke to death at the table. The only thing stopping him from doing that was the promise of free beer in D'Balcony next Friday.
   And all we had to wash down those food was piping hot chinese tea. At the very least, warm beer would be some sort of attempt at having compassion. But no. Tailook was so busy salivating he did not care anymore. You could have poured the entire pot of tea on her groin and Tailook would not have noticed one bit.
   Being infatuated is a dangerous thing.
   Being infatuated at 39 is suicidal.
   Being infatuated at 39 while deprived of water and logic is ugly.
 
   While we were busy attempting to eat like an Ethiopian, Tailook was enjoying himself staring at his "still to be added Facebook friend". He kept waving his chopstick at the lady while she walked by serving the rest of the restaurant. She did throw a couple of fleeting smiles towards our direction while her husband was not looking. Me, being seated right next to Tailook quickly realized how foolish and precarious a position i was in.
   Deep inside, i knew that if the husband decides to visit our table with a kitchen knife. I would be a dead man. I conveniently forgot to mention to the rest of the guys i was nursing a wonky ankle. A snail challenging me to a race that day would be laughing all the way to the finish line. I could only hope the insurance policy was till valid.

   After an hour of vigilant chewing. CH decided to take matters into his own hands.

   " This is too much work for a Sunday lunch. I don't care who says what. I can't eat like this. This is utter rubbish. "

   The beer was gone in seconds.
   Manta made it.
   If you ever need to see a band of thirsty camels choking on dry grass. This would be it.


   It started off well enough for the 6 of us. Met up at Eco for the so called secret recce ride. Pretty much uneventful then. Except for CT trying to wear his gloves. For some reasons known only to accountants and auditors, wearing 2 gloves of the same side seems to be a valid thing to do. CT brought 2 gloves for the right hand. I looked. He does not have 2 right hands. Decided it was probably better not to be called a nosy aunty so early on a Sunday morning. I walked away.

   So off we went towards the promised 20 clicks of flat recce trail.
   After an hour of cranking uphill, Manta raised his hand and stopped all 6 of us.

   "I don't know about you guys, but the trail seemed to be pointing uphill for the last one hour. Any one took note of that? Or am i really ripe and ready for retirement? I am pretty sure i took my pills this morning... What's going on?"

   We continued riding.
   Another 2 hours came and flew by.
   Manta raised his hands again.

   " Ummm... This may seem a wee bit annoying but why are we still climbing? "

   Somehow, we ended up riding 30 clicks of the secret trail. By then, i was literally boiling inside out. All 5 of us was practically roasted and wilting. It was so hot, CT had nothing coming out from his ass. Bicycleman was actually searching for a short cut. But Tailook looked unfazed. He was grinning and looked ever so excited. We were amazed.
  Arrived at the car by noon and most started packing up in silence. We were out of Eco within minutes. Tailook took off first shouting something in Cantonese about food and time restrictions...

   And that was how we ended up in Restaurant 52.
   Lessons learnt. Never ever let Tailook order food while staring at the pretty waitress. Regardless what she was wearing, always make sure she writes down the order for the beer first. Food second. Say what you want, I don't care how nice her ass is. I never ever want to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a 55 year old man. Especially one that smells of mud and sweat...
  And no. Tailook still did not manage to add her in Facebook...