Ride Report SETIA ALAM 8th FEB 2015

SETIA ALAM Ride Report 8th February 2015.
   During the Japanese war, school term break for Primary level students was 9 weeks for the last quarter of the schooling year. Waiting for the term break was such an agony. The pain gets much worst as you inch closer to the last Friday of schooling week. I had friends who would be in tears as the clock ticks closer to 1pm. A few would look like they were at the starting line of Batu 3 Race track. All geared up to run out of the school gate like bats from hell. Bragging rights on who gets out of the school gate first was to die for. The security guard manning the gate would be saying his prayers as the clock winds down towards noon. Heck.. having 400 kids charging at you is much worst than running the bulls in Palermo.
   The kids would literally go mental staring at the clock. Waiting for the last 15 minutes to go by,it was almost like going into a trance. The favorite sexy Science teacher would walk by and no one would blink. THAT teacher i remember vividly. Even now... The world was a much better place then. Teachers were allowed to come work in mini skirts and kebaya. Schools only had one skinny boney creaky old ceiling fan in the classroom. Watching the teacher sweat in kebaya is still the best part of going to school. Off topic...

Lemmings....

   Anyhoo... That's exactly the sensation felt during the start of the Setia ride. All excited and pumped full of adrenaline waiting for the ride to commence. Almost 60 riders queued up outside Modern Mamak ready to charge down the trail. On tarmac we went....
   And the chaos began.

God help us all...

   Ride leader was nowhere to be seen after the first hike up the bike. Ride leader was spotted at the midway of the first descend through the rutty bit. Which was strange i thought.. Who is leading the ride if the leader is supervising the old goats thread their way down?
   At the first real climb. Overheard the Ride Leader mumbling in Hokkien as he rode up the hill. Saying he has run out of paper and there is still 40 riders behind him with 3 quarter of the ride yet to be done. Yippeee...
   Second chaos. At the peak. Lotsa arguments was heard.
   "Left or Right? Where are the host and ride leader? What's going on?..."
   Ok...Better move away from the riot taking place. Took a left. descended into what i now know as the " Basuh Muka" trail. Took a left at the bottom. Hopped over one little drain with crystal clear water. Charged up the little climb chasing Hanz and Kenny. Then all of us stopped. How come there is paper here?! I heard correctly the Leader saying he has ran out of paper. What's going on? Out of the blue, came Guinness and his troop. Aikkk...? Twilight Zone all over again.
   Turns out. We were riding in circles... The lazy bum in me decided to back track. Hanz and Kenny chose to ride up the same hill again. Twice. Ok. Now we know who is on steroids.

Side effects of using steriods. 

   As i back track all the way back to the drain. The host was there guiding all the riders towards the right. So off to the right we went like lemmings. Rode for 50 meters and saw a bunch of 20 riders riding back towards us. Chaos number 3.
   I had a good time chewing my coconut bun as i watched the growing confusion took place. Watching 30 odd riders trying to figure what to do is fun. Took another 15 minutes before the Leader appeared and pointed us to the left. Which he quietly told me was actually a short cut. And the actual trail was at the back headed away from us. Ok.... Now i am seriously confused. And Teres appeared out of nowhere from the right. He looked as confused as we were.

Manta lost his bike and signature pose. No nut waving this time around.

  So follows the Ride Leader. Like good abiding lemmings we troop off. Into tarmac we ended up. Waited by the septic pond for the back markers to appear. Then off we went into the village. This was part of the tarmac we used donkey years ago to connect the Presidential ride. Now it is lost to developments. What used to be palm oil trees have been exchanged for apartment blocks.
  Up into the Indonesian settlement we went. Was told to go in and wait for the Leader while he tracks back to sweep up the lazy bums at the rear. Had a party we did. Buns and mangoes came out. Dates and peanuts were offered and snapped up. A dozen cameras came out. The resident rooster was photographed like Paris Hilton after she had her boob job.

Chubby Indonesian

   Chaos number 4. Ride Leader disappeared again. Waited a few more minutes and someone suggested we find our way home using GPS. Off we went. Back into the trail. 30 odd lemmings mumbling and puffing up the hill. Ended up backtracking the same hill out. Took us a good hour of trooping before we finally managed to get back to the trail head again....
   Back at the car.
   Zero comments heard with regards to the ride.

Pretty obvious eh?

   "So...Bak Kut Teh across the road? On? Now?..."
12 cars. 2 tables.6 pots of Bak Kut Teh. 2 plates of Fried Prawns. 4 Plates of steamed Vegetables.
   It's the Bak Kut Teh.... Everything else is secondary....Even if Chee Hong is shedding hair like a Shit Tzu.


Un'believable

SETIA ALAM Ride 8th Feb 2015

SETIA ALAM Ride 8th FEB 2015

Ride Details:
Date: 8th February 2015
Meeting Point: Modern Mamak, Jalan Setia Dagang AJ U13/AJ, Setia Alam
Time: 0745 hours
Distance: 20km +
Ride Description: A loop of 20km +- of mostly XC riding over undulating terrain, some under tree canopy and some exposed. Expect some hike-a-bike sections.
Suitable for all levels of riders as long as you have the stamina and fitness to last the distance. 
Things to bring: 3 liter water pack. Favourite trail food. Sunblock and usual riding gear.

Lunch Report 1st February 2015.

Lunch at KDCF Section 9 Toilet.

Date: 1st February 2015

Meet Point : Section 9 KDCF Toilet

Time: 1200hours

Contact Person : Krankster Yong the Bum

Food Glorious Food...!!!

   Lunch Description: Last Sunday was an invitation only lunch fest at KDCF. You need an invitation for the first lunch of February 2015. There were a few conditions attached to the lunch. No such thing as free lunch even in PCC. 

   Firstly, you need to get invited to it. Very hush hush affair. Location only disclosed on Saturday.

   Secondly. you need to ride into the jungle and stay with the main pack to find the hidden food cache.

Feeding time.

   Thirdly, you will need to stay and keep up with the main bunch to actually get access to the food. Front runners were not even aware of how many food stops we had. Mind you, the trail was almost 30km long. But in actual fact was merely 13km total. Next, you need to eat each time its declared a stop for food. Regardless whether you are hungry or not. First stop was at Section 10 rest area. Apple stop for the old folks to keep their sugar level up. Much easier to let them crawl back on their own rather than to hand carry them the rest of the way. Pretty logical idea really. Carrying an unconscious old man on a Sunday morning is not exactly and exciting thing to do eh? Next stop was at UNITY Trail halfway point. Ride in with the Bum and you get one round of Teh Tarik and Nasi Lemak. All these will be served to you by 3 pretty ladies dressed up in full camouflaged attire. How is that for a simple lunch in the trail?

Kenny explaining why he was behind.

After the exotic lunch, you are required to ride your warm belly filled with sambal back to Section 9. No stooping anywhere to offload.  You have to hold it all in till you return to the car park for lunch proper. You are given 6 minutes to digest the sambal.  Curry Chicken stall was already properly set up at Section 9 toilet as we arrive. Yummy.... The last time i ate beside the toilet was easily 30 years ago. In primary school. Feels kinda good to be reminded that i need to behave myself or its back to eating by the toilet again. And i wish i was taller then. I am pretty sure i can punch the disciplinary teacher in the nuts if he ever makes me eat by the toilet ever again. Now the current thoughts was... " What did i do this time?! How come it's back to eating by the toilet again...?" Then came the drinks. I counted 4 cooler boxes being unloaded. Here we go again....This is going to end up with another round of old people singing half baked songs from the 60s. And lotsa old men hugging each other, complementing themselves on how good they look for their age. Then more hugs will follow and somehow. It's somebody's birthday again. Be still my beating heart....

Curry Chicken:
As usual. To die for. Never ever doubt Judy's cooking. Look at Alberto. All round and prosperous. Judy must be doing something right somewhere. It's no wonder Alberto is always grinning.

Sliced Cucumber:
Another exotic dish from Miss Miri 1984. She has some skills this one. She somehow managed to cut the cucumber into some many different shapes using just a rusty old Swiss Army knife. Never doubt this one as well. She somehow managed to convince 30 hungry riders that sliced cucumber is also a meal all by itself.
Sambal:
   From Miss Baram 1986. Apparently you are supposed to eat this all by itself using only your fingers. A  few tried and agreed. I am doubtful though, Miss Baram did not tell them that they were supposed to chew off their fingers along the way.
Funny Dates with Salt:
   Another round of exotic food offered by Mrs Kuching 1999. Local delicacy from East Malaysia. Dark red looking fruit. Thin meat and practically tasteless. Not sour like an olive but texture is similar to it. Afew monkeys tried and actually enjoyed it. One monkey didn't agree to it. Claims the taste is weird and takes a bit of getting used to.

Deep Fried.

A box of Limau Nipis:
   I spotted this sitting on the table. I suspect it's there to help treat any cuts or open wound suffered. No one utilized it at all. Pity. Would have been tasty i think.
One Brown Mini Pinscher:
   Time restriction failed us on this dish. Judy simply did not have sufficient time to prepare this one. Otherwise, deep fried Pinscher would have gone down well with the toddy i believe.
Drink List:

Pete holding up tree with Qigong.

Guinness Stout from Simon. Compliments of GAB. It really is quite useful to have a ride buddy that is able to steal drinks from office. Makes its ever so convenient to have one for the road each time you actually do finish a ride. Thanks Simon.
Marlborough White Wine from Peter Wong. Nothing can stop this one from having his drinks with his friends. Kick him in the nuts if you must. He will suck it in and have his wine. Never mind the pain. We will find the missing nuts after we finish the wine. No worries there mate'.
Mojito from Dorothy Baya / Miss Miri 84' / Miss Baram 86' / Mrs Kuching 99'. Even with her recent spine injury. Nothing will stop this one from her having her drinks with her buddies. Never mind the fact that she is actually a golfer not a mountain biker. "Itu semua tak penting...Minum dulu. Don't panic...."
Mosquito Repellent from Krazy KC. You know times are bad when a CEO has to come out on Sunday to sell Mosquito Repellent by the toilet. I kid you not. The repellent is not cheap. And the poor fella even had to drive his Alphard to location just to help convince you the repellent works. Well, to be fair. He did remind us that we are not to spray it into our mouth. Regardless how thirsty we get.

Lunch queue.

  Heineken Beer from Peter Wong. Did i mention his balls earlier? Well, same thing. Same balls as well. Hold in the pain till the drinks run out. Good man this one. Alcohol does numb out some sensation i was told.
   Toddy from the Klang fella. Seems most people enjoyed this. Many comments on how refreshing it was. How bubbly it tasted. How intoxicating it gets you. Gives you a buzz after a few cups of it. Arguments on which taste better, with or without Guinness. What i don't understand is this....
   Why you guys kept calling it "Toddy" ? The shop i bought it from clearly had KEDAI DOBI KUMAR stated on it's signboard.



Conclusion:
   Did i mention we did a bit of riding before lunch?  Trail was superb. Dry and challenging. Ask KC and VC. They would agree. Yong the Bum did an excellent job carving out the trail with his team of elves. Turnout for the ride was even better than expected. We had more than 30 riders at the start point. Somehow, that 30 riders got broken into a few packs. All i saw was the same old goats. The rest of the riders were either too far ahead or gave up on us and turn back.

Awaiting Rosmah's arrival.

Rear view Dot.

   Unfortunately, a few casualty did occur during the ride. Handsome Hanz challenged his truck to a headbutting contest. Truck won. Hanz came off with a plaster on his head. Next fight will be scheduled for this coming Sunday. Come watch Hanz headbutt his rear bumper again.
  Broken Lisfranc Joint. KC was unable to ride due his mid foot being injured. But somehow he manages to drive his black van to each and every lunch invite. Tough one this fella. Would travel for food.
   Slammed nuts. Peter Wong was doing a Hanz impression. He wanted to test his nuts against his head stem.  Twice. Head stem won. Both times Peter came out losing the fight. Poor guy. Nobody offered to help check his injury. We did try searching for the lost nut on the forest floor though. No chance. Everything on the ground was either brown or shrivelled up. No way we are gonna be able to find something so well camouflaged.
Unbelieveable...

Wildlife in KDCF.

Ulu Slim Ride and Camp 24th and 25th January 2015

Self Supported Ride and Camp.
Date: 24th and 25th January 2015
Meet Point: Rawang R&R North Bound NKVE
Time: 0730 hours
Distance: 15km offroad
Contact Person : Adrian Chan 012 213 2188 /  Yellow Manta 012 227 4443

Ride Description: First Ride and Camp of the year.And the bunch of hippies have decided to head towards Ulu Slim for a short and quick one. As with tradition, it's self supported all the way. Simply put, you are what you carry. Bring everything on you own. As long as you can tie it on to the bike or your limbs. Anything goes.
   There will not be any 4x4 sweeping from the back as you ride in. If you are the last rider. That really means your are the LAST rider. So it would make sense to plan your load and food rations properly. Trail is well guarded by the local villagers. They will actually seal the gate at night to prevent any intruders from entering. Which is a good thing. And a parking fee is applicable at the trail head. Camp site is a short 15km ride from the trail head. With relatively flat trail, only the last bit will require a wee bit of whip cracking to get in to the camp site. Camp site is fairly large with lotsa space to spread out for camp. So no need to sharpen the parang for this trip.
   The guys are hoping the regular 4x4 boys will not show up at the same camp site. Otherwise, the camp site might get a bit cramped and noisy. The 4x4 boys usually will bring in a generator, a fridge, welding machine, 2 suckling pigs and probably 6 barrels of beers. So let's keep our fingers crossed.
   See you on Saturday for another weekend of mud...!!!

18 JAN 2015 Broga Ride Report

Date: Sunday 18 Jan 2015

Venue: Broga

No of riders: About 30

Ride distance: 20km+

Weather: Breezy and cool.

   This ride is supposed to have been one to host some guest riders from Singapore but who had a change of mind subsequently. Dead set on a guest ride, our brand new never-say-die Vice Prez Tailook aka Adrian Chan Chee Kiat took it upon himself to scout for other guests and lo and behold, a big bunch of nice people from Puchong become our guests this morning. Seems they have never ridden in Broga before and are eager to check out all those lovely singletracks that everyone has been raving about.

 

   PCC last had its Presidential Ride in Broga in 2011. This morning’s loop will overlap with a part of that before veering off to cover those trails set by KLMBH in their last hash there.

   Days earlier at The Tavern celebrating the appointments of Krankster Yong and Tailook as PCC Prez and VP respectively, Taikor James of Kajang fame who was going to lead the ride had promised an orgy of hills. If not for anything, just to torture those Singaporean dudes! But more importantly, to show them how strong our lady riders here are, with the likes of Mei Mei, Hua Hua, Lan Lan and Ching Ching. Oops, wait. Ching Ching is our most improved rider of 2014 and he is male, female name notwithstanding. But read in full, his name is all manly - Jason Tan Cock Ching. Oops again, I mean Tan Kok Ching.

   Anyway, to cut a long story short, with the big crowd, Taikor James on a test-ride 29r Specialized deems it not suitable to ride the big hills anymore. More so when our Tailook hasn’t had a wink of sleep last night after taking a pretty China doll out for supper till the wee hours. Which explains why this morning he throws paper at all the wrong places. Which had us sweepers having a hard time figuring which route the frontrunners are headed. Once, Ivan-san and I were happily bombing down a sweet singletrack with a couple of switchbacks only to be called to turn around…..arggghhh!

   The orang asli huts remain a very attractive Kodak moment for all riders, especially our Puchong friends. So it made sense to have a group shot taken here.

    A really long climb on a singletrack follows next. Luckily it was dry and with a very cool breeze blowing all the time, the climb-cum-push became quite bearable. But still at the top of it, Unker Kangkang aka Danny Fam dictates that we should take the next nearest route to lunch! Can’t keep Fai Fai aka Choy Choon Fai waiting for us at the pan mee stall. Taikor obliges and we take the short way to the final descent down to Kg Kapal and back to the cars at the Chinese temple.

Hua Hua carbo loading before the ride.

   But this is when our resident mid-sweeper-cum-whiskey expert Pete Wong says pan mee is too much carbo, Fai Fai waiting notwithstanding. Better to go somewhere where Tailook can buy us beer to continue with our celebration of his appointment. So we ends up at Restoran Brogla for a good meal of fish and more fish and chicken and egg foo yong. Thanks again, Tailook for the beer.

   See you guys this weekend at Ulu Slim for our first Ride-n-Camp of the year!

Ride Report courtesy of Yellow Manta.

18th January 2015 BROGA Ride.

Ride Details:-

Date : 18 January 2015

Meet Point: Cheras Batu 7 Tol Gate or Broga Chinese Temple

Time: 0730hours

Distance: 30kms
Contact Person: Adrian Chan 012 213 2188

Trail Tips: Long 30 kms of hills and climb. Ride will be led by the local boy James Lim. Supported by newly elected M&D Ride Director Adrian Chan. Looking at the weather, it will be a hot and dusty ride. Bring lotsa water and tid bits to chew on. Unless you enjoy chewing your fingers, its probably best to bring something edible.
   After ride food will be served at Choi!! personal stall. Spicy pan mee served with really sour assam drink. Extra serving if you are fluent in Hakka and really like sweaty Hakka Maidens.

Revival of a blind 3 legged dinosaur. Part1...

Carbo loading at its best.

The flaccid return of a relic....
   After being led into forced hibernation since April 2013, we are now being tasked to revive this old and pretty much dead forgotten dinosaur. How do we go about this exactly? Having lotsa Guiness and Strongbow to lubricate the cogs seems to help things move along.
   Alcohol does amazing things to old donkeys. Makes them all motivated and full of energy. If you have ever seen a drunk moose, you would know exactly what i mean. Not exactly a proud subject to boast about but watching a drunk moose trying to convince another drunk moose is pretty entertaining. Having another moose repeating "2 up, 2 up, 2 up...." to everything the first moose is saying seems to help raise the entertainment value by a few degrees.
   And please do not try to decipher "2 Up". You will need free flow of alcohol,  quit your job, go on a low carb diet and enjoy digging up dirt with a fork to even remotely comprehend it.
   Back to the serious bit. Its a new year.The same old donkeys still remains on the same team. Still not having any success at recruiting more sweet young things to come on the team. The only people we managed to recruit by far are either close to being senile, balding, closet gays or have some sort of disability somewhere. We are pretty much screwed i say.....
   Things were different when i first stumbled upon this group back in year 2000. Meeting Krankster for the first ever ride in Kiara. I was hooked. And i refused to leave even after being called names and threatened with saliva.
   Meetings and discussions were held in bright wholesome place. Macdonald's Bandar Utama was the mecca then. Starting point to Sungai Buloh was also at Macdonald's. Clean and safe. You didn't have to disinfect your hands after the meeting. Or get a blood test afterwards.


Nowadays....

Faces have been darkened to protect their identity.

   Iced Coke has given way to Kilkenny's. French fries have been traded for 4 weeks old muruku. No more happy sunny songs being sung, only half baked old folks songs are being heard shouted by half deaf goats. Meeting location is always a hush hush subject and will only be revealed hours beforehand. Very clandestine and dark. If you get lost trying to get to the location, don't call asking for help. You are better off going home and blame the dog for the car acting up. How much we have progressed and changed...   God help us all.



Where did we go wrong?

   So for the coming year. Let's make a list of things to achieve and over achieve if possible.
List of wants for 2015:-
1- More Miri Laksa.
2- Attend Happy Hours in dodgy pubs with lotsa overweight Vietnamese waitresses.
3- Learn Vietnamese.
4- More Curry Chicken.
5- Always smile and shake Judy's hands.
6- Get clearer X Ray pictures to view and compare.
7- Conduct meetings in Tavern GAB.
8- Convince Choi that goats are really cute and fluffy.
9- Convince Mei that Choi really likes goats.
10- Make a list of heart revival pills to carry during rides.
11- Keep track of how many times Bork falls sick.
12- Always thank Judy for food.
13- Remind Tailook that foldies are kiddy bikes NOT real bikes.
14- Do some rides in between the drinking and eating if possible.
15- Practice speaking Vietnamese diligently.
16- Go moose watching somewhere.

Here's to Free Drinks...

Un'believeable...