Saturday's PCC Irau Hike 27th JUNE 2015

Gunung Irau Hike Saturday 27th JUNE 2015:-

View from Golden Mountain Villa.

   The evolution of things..... From just plain cycling on tarmac and mountain biking. PCC now has a hiking division apart from bicycle touring. Lately, the old goats has literally taken their ancestry lineage to a different level. They have picked up hiking. The group has moved from hiking up Gunung Kinabalu to Mount Rinjani within a period of 12 short months. No casualties so far. Like they say in Sungai Buloh prison, if you don't find a dead body, there is no proof of any mischief. It is critical having physical evidence. Manslaughter or murder is up to the judge to interpret.

The height of cycling fashion...

    Anyhoo, date was set on the 27th Saturday to attempt Gunung Irau. The plan was to get to Cameron Highlands on 26th Friday for a night's drinking session before the pack splits up on Saturday morning. The stronger half will do Irau while the weaker ones will be sent off to do a simple Sunday morning ride along Jim Thompson.

Goats.

   The first batch of the herd met up at Rawang for brunch before proceeding to Bidor second brunch. Most arrived in Bidor safely. Polished off half the portion of Wan Tan Mee available in Bidor. Then had some durians for dessert before the herd headed off, up towards Cameron Highlands. Pretty much uneventful for the drive up. One third of the herd checked in to Habu for their stay. The other third headed off towards Tanah Rata. While the rest was yet to be seen. They must be grazing somewhere. Goats do tend to forage far and wide. Especially in cold weather. Dotty was all leashed up tightly in the Ranger. That one is very sneaky, whenever anything edible is within sight. Best to keep this one locked up.

Carbo loading PCC style.

   Dinner time came and most of the herd finally showed up for food proper in Ringlet. Buka puasa was fast, painless and pretty much a carnage. Lotsa food, a mountain of vegetables of course. This is a herd of ancient goats remember? DotM as usual provided the tuak, PeteW tried hanging on to his one and only bottle of Black Label. He tried. But having Kompressor and Manta sitting beside him on the left and right was a fatal mistake. The whisky died a very quick death. The focus very quickly shifted to the tuak. Poor PeteW have never felt more used in his life.
   After dinner, it was off to Golden Mountain Villa for a pre ride pre hike discussion. Basically translated into "more drinking before the night ends". Just sounds much more upscale and righteous if you call it a discussion instead of calling it drinking under the tree. So drinking it was till the goats came home. Then it was actually time to head off to their respective pens in preparation for the next day's programme.
 
27th June Irau Hike Report:-

32 heads at the trail head.

 Morning came in a dash. Woke up at 0530 hours to prep and meet the hiking goats. Somehow managed to get dressed and troll my way to the meeting point which was 3km away. Walking alone at 6am in the dark along Tanah Rata is a really weird sensation. Dogs somewhat looked much bigger in size. Almost zero presence of people and traffic. Chilly, dark and cold... Nice. Tried searching for those fellas from Twilight. Nope. None spotted. Disappointed i was. Saw a very tall Bangla though.

Tailook and Botak warming up their nuts.

   Showed up at De'Native to meet the herd. Can't help grinning watching all the confusion unfold. Someone was looking for something. Tailook was busy wiping himself. Fei Chai was busy looking around for nothing. Chris kept shaking her head looking at Fei Chai. Annie was enjoying herself watching Ivan looking confused and lost. Botak Yong kept walking in circles. Warming up it seems. Less hair. More heat loss. Something along that line of arguement. Heat conservation worr....
   DotM was still undecided on which attire to put on. Poor thing had such a hard time. It was either the long sleeve pink shirt or the short sleeve pink shirt. On top of that, which pink jacket to put on if the pink jacket was gonna cover up all the rest of the pink shirt she was gonna wear? And the knee length pink shorts seemed to clash with her orange shoes with pink stripes. At the same time, don't overlook the cap. Somehow that was a different shade of pink. Which would really destroy the whole package. And to decide on all this at 7am?! How utterly unfair... A person should not go through such cruel torment. Sigh... She did end up looking like a bombed out strawberry lollipop. My eyes were begging for mercy... Tailook was begging to taste the lollipop.

DotM impersonating a strawberry.

   Counted 32 heads of goats for the hike. Herded all into 3 vans with much persuasion. Got off at Brinchang for the required breakfast and packing of lunch for food in the hike later. Yaa daa, yaa daa yaa daa.... And off we went towards Irau. The drive was calm and cooling. Not much was said except for DotM whom was still unsure about her pink combo. She wanted a matching hiking stick. Tailook gave her a black one. Which was totally out of line and unacceptable really. Poor Chris had to hold DotM's hand to keep her from hitting Tailook on the head for being so selfish and inconsiderate. So much drama even before the hike starts...
   The usual group selfie before the hike. Tailook gave a briefing in English. Everyone else said ok in Cantonese. Someone laughed and pointed fingers at the bird. And we release Botak Yong first into the trail to do his thing. Like what any proper Englishman would do in the old country during the annual bloodhound run for the pheasant. Always send the hounds ahead to ruffle up the birds. Makes it so much more convenient for the rest to track and shoot any stragglers. Right and proper way to do it.
   And so the hike proper begins.

Aunty on steroids.

Ivan Basso still confused.

Xemeo posing for the camera before his daddy fainted from exhaustion.

   Keep your eyes on the pink slips. Those will guide you to the peak. Botak Yong had those pink slips all over the place. He must have enjoyed doing it a lot. He laid the slips at all the strategic location. Under the stone. 6 feet high up on the bamboo. Below the roots. Heck! I even spotted one inside the monkey pod tree. No way you can miss those.
   Besides, did anyone mention that this trail has zero junctions?
   The pack started to spread out evenly among themself. Those on steroids and drugs basically flew up the mountain. Nowhere to be seen after 2 minutes. The middle pack was trundling along like a mail train. Enjoying the cool weather and scenery. The back markers tried not to get stuck on trees and vines. Lotsa encouragement and whipping.

   The last 2 hikers disappeared after 25 minutes. Waited and waited for DotM and Chris to show up. No sight of them. Didn't hear any screaming or monkeys laughing at people falling down. Mighty odd i thought. Then a different group of hikers caught up and asked us if we had left anyone behind. They saw two ladies heading off backwards towards Sungai Palas tea plantation. One dressed like a crushed banana and another like Paris Hilton smeared with a ton of strawberry juice.

   " Oh... who are those two? We have never seen anyone dressed up like that. Why are they dressed up like clowns? They are most probably friends of the other fellas in front. Our friends would never walk out of their rooms looking like that. Pink with black pants?!  That's crazy talk....Hmmphh. "

Banana'na....

   And as fast as we could. We cut the conversation short and quickly headed up searching for more pink slips. I have never hiked faster in my life. Almost like having a starving tiger stalking you from behind. As fast as i could. Deep breathe in. Pace pace pace....

   At the first peak we arrived. Finally.
   The entire herd came in and took a short break before attempting the second peak. A few of us decided to keep Tailook company. Tailook and 3 friends were staying over there for the night. We thought i was probably best to spend as much time as possible with Tailook. We said whatever we had to say. Apologies for past mistakes and hugs were generously given. It's best to say farewell when you have the chance. We can't predict what happens tomorrow. 3 fat guys spending the night together in 2 degrees temperature can be a life changer. They may or may not make it. We could only hope for the best. I was assured i have the first right of refusal for Tailook's bike if he loses the fight to the other two with a combined weight and strength of a water buffalo. I have never prayed harder in my life. I even gave my last chocolate bar to one half of the water buffalo. Best to try to swing it in my favor. I really like the Niner.

  At 1420 hours, we decided to head back towards the trail head. Seeing that everyone is now familiar with the trail and having pink slips to guide us out, no time was wasted. Tailook tried to give a good bye speech and briefing. Most everyone nodded and wished him good luck. The pair of water buffalos firmed up for the upcoming feast later in the night. We couldn't bear to watch... I hope the bike is my size.

Steroids and roadies.

   Trek out was quiet as can be. Everyone was lost in their thoughts. Cold wind blowing in your ears. Chills up your back. Words fail me. It is a lovely lovely trail. We are lucky people. I stopped numerous times. Hard not to enjoy the sights and serenity of everything. Bliss... I couldn't help but smile in the beauty of it all. Especially knowing Tailook will be in the company of 2 very cold and sweaty drunk man. All alone and defenceless... Life indeed is good.

   Arrived at the trail head and waited for the pick up. First van arrived at 1600 hours. Last van came at 1730 hours. All made it out with smiles and grins all over their face. No one got hurt. 32 hikers started the hike. 30 made it to the peak. 2 made it to Sungai Palas Boh Plantation.
   Most enjoyable hike it was. Worth the effort and enjoyed the camaraderie tremendously. Headed back to the respective hotel to clean up and meet up for dinner later. More beer awaits us... Now its time to remove the boots and prepare a draft of police report on behalf of Tailook. Never wait till the last minute to search for a toilet. Always prepare in advance. If Tailook doesn't make it. It's best to sort this out first...

   Botak Yong drove up tot he trail head the next morning to await and collect the 4 campers to emerge from Irau. We could only hope....

He made it.

   I didn't get the bike.
   Life is at times unfair and disappointing. I really really like the Niner.

Unbelievable'

Sunday Secret Secret Ride 21st JUNE 2015 Kajang

21st JUNE 2015 Kajang Muckabout Ride:-
   Here we go...

Calm before the storm.

   5 showed up at the designated meeting point. Yep. You read correctly. ONLY 5 idiots came. And this was supposed to be a secret secret muckabout ride. What kind of secret can 5 old farts share among them self i wonder. Looks like it's gonna be a pretty sad ride if it's just 5 smelly old goats going round in circles. Waited in desperation for more to show up but it was in vain. No one came.
    So we decided to head off to the trail head which is another 30 clicks away.
   Arrived at the fish pond for the start of the secret ride. Feeling a wee bit deflated really. How much can you say to the same 4 person for the next 5 hours i wonder. This is gonna be really depressing i dare say. All 5 of us looked at each other in silence. Total combined age of a woolly mammoth. Jesse mumbled something. We all shook our head. This is gonna be painful. Oh boy....


   Then without warning, the rest of the herds started appearing out from the bushes.

   There is a god after all...
   Manta managed to finally smile and farted in relief. Tailook stopped sweating. He was super worried that no one would show up. Saw him frantically calling up riders from all over. His school mates. Church mates. Kindie mates. Desperation makes a man operate differently. Especially if you are the ride leader and no one shows up for your secret ride. I would have turned green if i was in his shoes...

   Counted about 26 riders. All ready for the secret secret ride which Tailook have planned. No briefing done because this was a secret ride. No headcount because this was a secret ride. And we had to take off in separate batches so as not to arouse suspicion. This was a secret ride after all... Group broke into 4 splinter groups and took off towards the actual trail head located about 8 clicks away.
   Tarmac crunching for the next 8 clicks. No one spoke. This was a secret ride. You are supposed to be silent and stealthy. Arrived at the trail head proper and waited for the entire herd to arrive.
   While waiting for the last splinter group to arrive, Kompressor asked how long was the actual trail we are riding today. Tailook took a deep breath and walked towards Kompressor.

   " See what i am wearing today? It is called a single layer lycra. There is no padding whatsoever. I am in commando mode today. Can you see? Take a good look. Now listen. Today's trail is a secret trail. No questions. Just ride. Don't ask silly questions. Now take a good look again... I can assure you 100% that i am feeling very windy and loose today . Just ride. ok?"
   

View from the top.

   Sensing that this could escalate into something ugly, Hanz wisely stood in and started complimenting Tailook on his pet bird. The rest of us nodded in agreement. If we have to choose between Tailook's bird and Guinness's camel. Most of us would agree the bird is much nicer looking. We being Asian, have poor appreciation of a camel's look.
    Though Guinness would disagree. He seemed pretty pleased with his camel that day. Choi! was a fan. 23 voted for the bird. 1 voted for the camel. May was and remains confused till today. But that is Choi! problem.... Good luck. We are here for the ride and nothing else in between.

   Last rider arrived. Into the trail we went.

   The ride lasted a little more than 5 hours. Plenty of screaming, hair pulling, cursing, crying and lotsa blood spilled. Lost one rider at the first hill. A few riders was so badly discouraged by the trail condition that they started kicking things.

   One almost lost his toe nail. A few challenged their femur to a fist fight with the local tree stumps. Another rider even threaten to commit harakiri. Slashed himself on the chest to show how serious he took his threat.
   Manta as usual was on standby just in case things gets out of hand. Jacky and Alvin tightened up their shoelaces for the CPR procedure if harakiri was indeed executed. Jacky made sure the cleats on his shoes was properly centered. He didn't want to miss the sternum. You try practising CPR using just your foot and you will realize how difficult this is. Especially if you are left handed and you need to use your right foot for the chest compression. On top of that, you still needed to count and make sure each compresssion is firm and solid. Not easy my friend...

Harakiri attempt.

   Unfortunately, harakiri was abandoned at the final moment. PeteW was sorely disappointed. He was already on the phone for the box. He was torn between choosing natural plywood or corrugated cardbox. Having to stop him halfway was torture. Poor man was in grief.

   " How can you rescind from performing harakiri?!... That is not right. I was looking forward to it..." argued PeteW.
   Had to hold the man up for a good 5 seconds. Agony to watch really....

Choi! staring at Guinness's camel.

  At the cross junction after the nth climb, Aunty Annie threatened to strangle Ivan Basso. Ivan Basso gave Tailook the evil eye. Tailook showed Ivan his birdie. Wow, they are beginning to turn on each other now. This is getting out of hand. Looked to Guinness for advise. The man was busy watering his camel. Left him alone with his camel. Choi! peeked from the back of May.
    Bicycleman for the first time in his life actually decided to walk his bike. Seeing that, we were lost for words. The heat is getting to everyone.
   All of us decided it was probably better to let them be and continued watching the drama. CH continued playing with his saddle and his little toy. May said something in Hakka. Choi! came running. VC took the 37th selfie of the day. WC tried his best to stand up. May burped. Choi! came running. Hanz kept staring at the bird.
    This is amusing i thought... Can't help but smile to myself. Almost like watching Minions go on a rampage in a church. "like"

Simon and his camel.

   With this being a secret ride. We were not allowed to disclose the trail condition and distance. Any disclosure will be severely dealt with by Tailook.
   Tailook clearly reminded us of this at the beginning of the ride. Hence the reason why he was in single layer lycra that day. Hanz did not take Tailook's threat seriously and decided to challenge him. The fight was short and fast. Hanz's little finger lost. Tailook's birdie took a bite out of Hanz's finger. I have never witnessed a fight so fast and furious. When a man threatens you with his birdie, by god please take it seriously...

   The end of the ride came at 1430 hours. It was a solid 5 hours of total roasting time on the trail. Lunch and beer at the local fishing pond. No one died this week....

Un'believable....

Ride Report Circa 2004.

   Flashback from 2004. This was when we had a Kwai Low for the President's post. Back then, no one took any photos or selfies. Phone were used as they were meant to be. Make phone calls. Report were served only in Arial fonts. If you have trouble reading those tiny little alphabets. That's too bad then.

( Ride Report Circa 2004 Broga Ride. )

The Old Country….
   It looks to be a wonderful weekend getaway once again. Being driven to the trail head has definitely put yours truly in such a optimistic and joyful state of mind. I can’t wait to get the ride started!!! Even the flying zebras took a break this morning. How often does that happen? Yummy…..

  The usual head counting procedure….Briefing in that funny language conducted by the Ride Director…. Flat tyre’s all sorted out….Head count once again….It always take these guys quite awhile to come to agreement on the head counting part.

“How many again? You sure? Did you count yourself this time around? What about the Kwai Lows? Do we have to include them?”  Well,you get the picture….Sigh.

   Yadda yadda yadda….long story short. We got the ride started. The first bit took us into twisty single tracks which led us through palm oil and rubber plantations. No casualty here….The little wooden hut was the first regrouping point. Missing monkey noted. Smiles all around after the wonderful single tracks. Accused of being the missing monkey also noted. 

   Then the climb up and through more rubber plantations. Zero mozzies. More climbs. One very dead and smelly wild boar noted. Banana plantation, river crossing, more bananas trees… Climb up more palm oil plantations. One climb up to the bungalow in the middle of nowhere. Accused of being Clint Eastwood. Duh….?? Anyways,noted. Cyclometer reading 10km. Hallucinates hearing donkey from Shrek 2.

   “Are we there yet….?”

   “Are we there yet…….!?”

   “Are weee thereee YETTT…?!

   Ride continues up into more plantation territory. Donkey ignored. Weather condition windy and overcast. Lovely!!! Hears donkey again…. Ride Director hallucinates seeing a HUGE snake running across the trail. Noted. Then the weather turns from cloudy into scorching within the minute. Blame the HUGE snake…. More climbs into bull-dozed plantation. Saw 3 tractors within minutes of each other, all 3 with the same colour and driver looking chillingly alike as well. Deja Vu…? That’s weird…Hmmmm?

   Hears the poor donkey again… 

   Now the trails turns downwards through tight twisty single track. Slippery, wet, full of roots….After all the climbing done, we were rewarded with 200 meters of downhill. My perception of logic is all out the window. The downhill finishes right behind the wooden hut. Accused of being the missing monkey again.Accuser noted. The donkey is silent. Looks a shade of green.

   “Odd colour for a donkey….” I thought.

   Another set of twisty downhill along the river leads us to the main river crossing. Managed to steal 5 minutes of river soaking. The packs takes off for the final leg towards the car. Donkey is missing. Ride Director is also missing. Monkey still very much missing….

   Back at the car, growling stomach. And strangely no flying zebras again. No need to do the guerrilla bike packing procedure. For the first time in Broga, we could take our time packing without losing blood and scratching like monkeys. Super….!

   The Ride Director appeared 5 minutes later…looking sheepish and refusing to make any eye contact of sort. Has he gone over to the dark side during the holidays we pondered? Mighty odd if I dare say so myself….

   Then the fog lifted……

   Along came a bloodied,bruised and beaten up donkey. Seems the practise back home for the Ride Director is much different from us. Here, we usually abandon tired donkeys or sometimes the occasional whipping with branches or twigs to get them moving again. Nothing drastic really. In the Ol’ Country where the Director comes from, things are done very much differently. Tired, cramped and talkative donkey’s are beaten into submission with whatever nature has to offer on the particular day. In this case a pile of rocks….

   Which explains much why I kept my lid shut despite the ‘Clint Eastwood’ and ‘Monkey’ accusations.

   Not too bad for a Sunday ride….The monkey remains missing. We discovered many closet Clint Eastwood’s though.

Appendix:

Donkey / do’nki:  1. noun  character from animation movie titled SHREK 2,

                             2. an animal with short legs and long ears.

Clint Eastwood / klint’ yea’stwoo’d: 1. noun character from movie ‘Dirty Harry’

                                                  2.ask Krankster for description proper in PCC terms.

Monkey / mo’nki: 1. noun an animal with long tail,that climb trees

                             2. me apparently….

Un’believeable……      

  

Final Cut Miri Ride Report.

   4 days in Miri. What a circus it has been. The days went by in a blur. Being ushered around, changing transport 4 times within the city itself almost daily. Eating all sorts of nonsense available. Drinking like a fish. Getting roasted at 3 in the afternoon all in the name of riding. Learning how to perform the Jager Bomb execution.
   It has been an eye opener in many ways.  
   Watching Dotty eat like a starving rodent is creepy and fascinating both at the same time. Creepy because she eats almost anything. Fascinating because she actually can store all those food in one go. Tactically she is correct all the way. Now i know why she wears lycra.
   Jesse. This fella is asleep most of the time. In the bus. In the van. During lunch. Midway through dinner. At the first longhouse. At the second longhouse. Sharing a room with PeteW must be physically exhausting. Poor man. I hope he gets his ginseng tonic to replenish his mojo when he returns to KL.
   CT. He shits most of the time. Sorry. He shits all the time. Full stop. If you ever need to know and rate the cleanliness of any toilet in Miri. This would be the fella to ask. Raja Taik.
   CH came with one. Returned to KL with two. Brave man this is. He must have self amputated his mojo to be so brave a man. Salute.
   King was also not at his best for the first two days. He tried competing with CT for the most toilet usage within a day. Sadly, he lost. CT won. King got violated in his sleep willingly. We have documented proof.
   Krankster and Alex. Cycled all the way from Kuching. Took 12 days to pull that monkey stunt. Arrived in Miri to join the ride. Totally confused the local riders by riding off road with their touring bikes. These two are lucky to come home in one piece. The only reason why they are not chopped up and buried in Kampung Bakam is thanks to us convincing the local riders these two are retired clowns. They didn't mean to insult you guys by riding on one inch skinny.
   A collection of pictures below to remind us why we should go back to Miri again.
   On On....
 

Sleep.

Drink.

More sleeping.

Bike shopping.

More drinks.

Ride to 7-11

Hibernation till the next feeding.

And more sleeping...

Male bonding.

Eat fist sized burger.

Why we come to Miri....

Miri Ride Report Day 3...

Day 3. 

Local Drink.

   Rest day for us. No more roasting riding today. Woke up from another round of knocking by Manta. Ouch...  Staying up till 4 am to drink with CT and CH is turning out to be a huge mistake now. With the head held between both hands, I crawled to the toilet searching for some relief. Peeing didn't help. Brushing my teeth didn't help either. Decided to take a crap. Nope. None of this works for hangover. I am screwed...
Today is supposed to be a city drive and long house visit later in the evening. And i look like a crashed out hippy.
   Took a cold shower and hope for the best. Somehow managed to vaguely crawl along behind Manta and King Kenny towards the cafe for breakfast. More laksa. Alberto, Judy and CH showed up and joined us. The rest was somewhere it seems.

Feeding time again.

   Had our share of food and headed back towards the hotel to wait for Dennis. The rest of the herd somehow found their way back to the hotel. Dennis as usual arrived with a smile. Boarded and found CT missing. Waited 5 minutes and CT came wiping his wet hands.

   " Sorry ah. Had to go again..." says CT.

   Off we went to search for dim sum. Arrived at the restaurant and found it packed to the brim. Decided it was probably smarter to just head to the nearby food court for food instead. Food court turned out to be an excellent choice. Wonderful tasty and cheap food. More lovely Mirian girls to ogle at.
   Dotty went on her third day of rampage. I tracked along behind her. Had to stop her at the third stall. Dragged her back and reminded her that the food will still be there if her 3 bowls did not fill her up. Dotty whimpered. Gave her a little slap. And pointed at Hanz looking on.
   The food arrived in droves. Spoons and chopsticks went flying. Somebody farted. Krankster burped. CT went to the loo again. In no time, all done and dusted. Dennis cringed and shooked his head. Gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder. He knows now...
   City tour begins. First visit. Chinese temple. Without a doubt. The saying goes,   Thee commit sin. Thee prays for redemption in excess. 

Praying for forgiveness.

   Then it was towards the city and up towards Canada Hill for the obligatory visit to the Grand Old Lady of Miri before proceeding to drive around the marina and take in the view of all the palaces owned by the tycoons in town.

Grand Old Lady of Miri.

   Lunch at COCO Dive where DotM was waiting as usual. More chatter. CT returned and proudly declared the toilet is clean and free. From his third visit today. Dennis looked at CT in utter amazement. No choice but to tell Dennis.

   " Dennis, this is our most accomplished shitter. He shits a minimum of 10 times in a day. He introduces himself as CT. In real fact, we call him Raja Taik. Please excuse him. "

Pre Longhouse visit.

   As a polite Mirian, Dennis merely nods and pats me on the shoulder. Sigh. He knows now our suffering.
   Lunch done. The excitement builds up. It's the long house visit now!!! Kenny could barely contain himself. Finally , the Iban princess is finally within his reach and grasp. Kenny was hopping like a puppy on heat. Hanz grabbed the soya sauce. I held Hanz back. Dotty burped and grabbed the last piece of curry chicken.

Long long house.

   Into the van we went. The long house we will be visiting is called Entualang LongHouse. Located about 45 minutes away. PeteW took out his whisky. He had to have it to calm his nerves. Kenny sweated. CH melted. Jesse blinked. CT wanted to go again, PeteW offered his whisky. CT held it back. For now, all is calm.
   Lotsa rubber necking along the way. Passed by beautiful mountain ranges and forest. Finally arrived at Entualang.


   When they call it long house. They were not joking. It really is long..... Almost 200 feet in length. We were all in awe. And there was 3 longhouses back to back! I was literally speechless. That is a long long house...
 Into the longhouse we went. First house was the obligatory visit to the headman's house. The headman was not home. The daughter in law came out instead.

   Manta's heart dropped.
   Alberto's dentures almost flew out.
   Kenny engaged his big chain ring.
   CT asked permisssion to visit the toilet.
   Alberto picked up his dentures.

Manta holding on to his heart for dear life.

   This is what we have been missing in the West. We have been shortchanged all these while. The Iban girls are a sight to behold. Beautiful people they are. Cameras came out flying. Plenty photos taken. The headman's daughter in law must feel like a Korean Rock Star. I was lost for words. Thank god for the tuak. The tuak was a blessing really. It helped the Manta calm his heart. Alberto obviously needed something to drink. Tuak came fast and furious. Lovely drink this tuak. Each household has their own distinct signature. Some tuak taste like sake while others actually is pandan flavoured. There was even one that tasted like warm toddy.
   Our host, Amy took us on the longhouse walk. She brought us to the next longhouse where her friend stays. Long walk. You have to actually do it to understand the magnitude and length of one longhouse. And we had 3 longhouses to walk today. Hooraayy... And walk we did.
   We arrived at Amy's friend place. Knocked on the door and the entire herd gingerly walked in. Her 2 daughters came out from their room to see what the noise and commotion was.

Dowry discussion with Judy.

  
   Manta's heart dropped again.
   Alberto's dentures flew out.
   Kenny cramped up.
   CT asked permisssion to visit the toilet again.
   Alberto picked up his dentures again.
   Jesse fainted.

   This longhouse visit is turning out to be a real eye opener. Tuak is lovely. I really enjoyed having it. If you had not tried it. Try it. Trust me. It's not that scary. The taste is very calm and aromatic. Having pretty Iban girls to serve you makes the experience heavenly.
   The Iban girls. Wow... Words fail me. Sociable, pretty, sweet and the most polite you can imagine. It's no wonder first time visitor's gets blown away. Tuak and the Iban girls are a very potent combination. Especially after the 6th glass. And do not think the girls only force the tuak upon you. They actually take on the tuak themself and you are obliged to keep up. Kenny had his first drink in 54 years. Can't quite blame him really. His hands was shaking when the Iban girl served him. Big chain ring engaged tight and truly. Grind away. Race mode on!!!

   Our 3 hours visit was up. We had to say our good byes and leave for Miri town.

   The deafening silence during the ride back was heart wrenching. Kenny got teary eyed. CT had cold sweat. CH was grinning to himself. Dotty's tummy growled. Manta was still holding on to his heart.

   "Having to leave so soon felt almost like a caveman tooth extraction..." says Alberto. Poor man was in agony.

   Dinner at Apollo's. The restaurant in town if you ever visit Miri. DotM was as usual, present and made sure arrangement was ready for our arrival. Food and beer ordered. The usual chit chat. More beer. The herd was slowly being fed food and beer to help forget their longhouse heart break. Most everyone had their share of crab, prawn and ferns. Excellent food and company helped ease the pain. Alberto chewed in silence. Kenny was still stuck in big ring. CT took another dump. Dotty grabbed the last prawn.

   Dinner done. It was off to Ming Cafe for drinks. The local watering hole. The place to be seen. Service is excellent. Drinks came very quickly. Lady boss friendly and nice. Lotsa laughter and finger pointing. CT did his usual inspection of the toilet. Return pleased with himself. Kenny tried his best to disengage.
   The night came and ended early. Before you realize. It was time to head back to the hotel and prepare for departure the next morning.
   The herd trooped back in silence....
 
   Dark night is upon us.

Miri Ride Ride Report Day 2...

Day 2.

Feeding time.

   Manta came knocking on the door. Thinking i overslept by an hour, i jumped out of bed only to find out it was only 0800 hours. Seems the sun comes up much earlier in the east. It was bright and sunny like noon. Still groggy from last night drinking session with CT, CH and Doc Raymond. I crawled to the loo for water. That was all i could hope for. Cold water to knock some sense into me. Quick shower and i was ready in no time.

Marudi Kuey Teow.

   The van was already in the lobby waiting for us to go for breakfast. Our designated driver was this nice chap called Dennis. Like all Mirians, polite and soft spoken to a fault. Drove us to this nice little cafe called Waterfront Cafe, facing the sea where our host DotM was waiting. Got off and lined up for the table. We were clearly instructed by Mother Hen to just sit and not ask anything. She will manage it. Some finger waving and pointing to the cafe cook. More hand signals and something spoken to the tone of " Hurry up and stop staring the half breed Mat Salleh speaking Hakka.." Chop chop...Hush hush. Hurry up. Serve them starving goats something.

   Dotty raised her hand. Got an evil eye. Learn quickly to keep quiet. Alex continued saying something in Hakka. Yong looked lost. CT visited the toilet for the third time. CH wiped his head. Jesse asked something. Somebody farted a reply. Arther grinned. Manta nodded. Judy does what she does best, smile and patiently waited for breakfast. CT stood up again.

Bike shop of course..

   Breakfast was this peculiar looking dish that is called "Kuey Tiow Marudi". Fried and prepared like our usual Fried Kuey Tiow but instead of the regular flat noodles used. This looked like tiny pieces of fish cakes. Gingerly took a bite and was pleasantly surprised. It tasted really good. Coffee was served in between. Most everyone had the Marudi Kuey Tiow. Done with breakfast and off we went. Bike shop is next. Yeayyy...
   We were driven to Nick's shop in town. Seems it's normal practice here to hang around the bike shop on a Sunday morning instead of going riding. Most odd we thought. We are used to doing early Sunday morning rides. But it's totally the reverse here. Go bike shop on Sunday morning to bum for free breakfast with Nick. Hang around till lunch. Then bum Nick for lunch. More hanging around in Nick's place. Wait till lunch is properly digested. Head home at 1 noon for a quick snooze. Then wake up and prepare for the ride proper which starts at 1500 hours. That's the Mirian way. Choi! would enjoy this i suspect. Knowing how that bugger is always waking up late for our rides.

   The entire herd went upstairs for bike ogling and fondling. Spent a good 2 hours fondling and sniffing all the bikes Nick had in the shop before someone came to his senses and suggested having cendol probably makes more sense that sniffing Kenda tyres. So we waited for CT to complete his 7th toilet visit before going down the shop in a single file. Cendol it is then. CT clenched his butt. PeteW winced at the sight of it. Jesse asked something again. Somebody said ok. Up the bus we went.


   First cendol stall was closed for Sunday. Arther however, came to the rescue and managed to get the other cendol shop to open for our pleasure. It is good having someone with muscle in town. Arrived at the quaint little stall hidden behind a row of old pre-war buildings.

Feeding session 2.

   Cendol is served either with milk or coconut milk here. Rojak was also ordered. Dotty started foaming again. Hanz tried grabbing his CO2 canister, found a soya sauce bottle instead. CT smiled and headed to the toilet. No one bothered asking anymore. Jesse remains confused. CH melted. In no time, all the cendol and rojak was polished off. Arther grabbed the bill. Never in my life have i paid RM116 for cendol and rojak before. I wanted to faint. I know now how CT feels most of the time. Yep. I wanted to shit it all out.
   All i could do was shake my head and cringe. Art smiled.
   Back to the hotel now.
   That was actually your lunch boys. Now go get ready for the 1500 hour ride. It will be a 28km ride today. Huge hill to climb. Expect more roasting. Thank god for last night's beer, i was still numb and dazed. Not aware of that threat.

Kampung Bakam .

   Dennis came in time for the pick up and the entire herd was loaded and led to the roast site. Kampung Bakam. A peaceful little kampung by the sea with lotsa sandy beaches. Our start point. Ride leader today would be Doc Raymond. Riders from Miri and Brunei were all ready when we arrived. Quickly got ready and waited for the ride to commence. Doc said something. I heard nothing. Off we went.
   10km of nice kampung road. Under canopy. I had Duncan for company. He is a Scott working in Brunei. One of the regular riders. Told me how much he enjoys the trails. I can't help but nod in agreement. We trod along till we came to the clearing.
   The bald hill stood right in front of us.

Botak Hill.

   Looking at a barren hill with a 300 meter elevation at 4 in the afternoon is indeed a heart stopping sight to behold. Never have my knees quivered so much, such since puberty. We are really gonna get roasted this time. The frontrunners looked like ants from where i stood. Duncan grinned. I picked up a stick. Duncan took off. Wise man that fella.
   Doc came from the back. Looked at me and pointed his chin up the hill. I stared at my feet. This must be how a lamb feels like at the slaughter house when the butcher walks in.

Botak...

   For the next hour. Everything was a blur of sand, stone and sweat pouring out of everywhere. Riders were sizzling all over. Dotty looked almost like a suckling pig. Jesse was waving at something. Manta kept touching his chest searching for his loose heart. Alex actually stopped talking for 15 minutes. CT held on to CH's hands for comfort. Riding uphill with hot air blowing up your ass is a very confusing sensation.

Our host waiting for our arrival.

   Single track downhill was never more welcomed at the peak. Rocky loose rocks all over. Off we went bombing down the trail.
   CH decided he wanted to find out how hard his bald head was against the rock. Somehow changed his mind at the last minute. Decided to use his elbows to stop the bike instead of the brakes. CT got upset at the sight of it. Thought he also wanted part of the attention and rode off the next cliff face. Landed on his ass and lost his breath for a couple of minutes. Got his 6 seconds of glory and fame. This got PeteW really annoyed. PeteW went one up on both of them. Smashed his nuts against the headstem. Sat and groaned by the trailside for a good 10 minutes. PeteW won the contest hands down. In my book at least. Brave man that is.

Amy setting up stall.

Krankster's bottle carrier.

   By then, sun was already setting. With Alex and Kenny both puncturing their wheels. Doc decided it was probably best that we cut the ride short and head back towards the cars. Uneventful from then on. Rode in 5 foot tall grass for a bit before emerging at the kampung for the tarmac run towards the car.
   Arrived at the car and found DotM waiting with iced beer and freshly grilled satay. Wonderful host this is. Almost wanted to give her a hug and a kiss. Gave Manta the evil eye and held him back. Everyone had their share of drinks and chips before heading off to the public toilet for a quick change of clothes.
   Then it was off to dinner and time to call an end to today's ride. As usual, DotM led us to this park with a restaurant serving hot chinese food. More beer and food.

Bliss..... Our view at the end of the ride.

   Crashed out upon reaching the hotel.