Bromo Day 1 Ride.

Day 1 Ride:- Mount Mujur.

Mount Mujur Groupie

   Ride proper begins today.
   The herd assembled at the lobby and off we went. Today's ride will be at Mount Mujur. Plan was, do a double loop around Mount Mujur. Then return back to Harris Hotel for more beer drinking before heading out for dinner.
   Breakfast at the local stall by the roadside before heading up into Mount Mujur. As usual, Antony pretended to listen to all the food request and what who prefers and don't prefer. Everyone ended up with Nasi Soto Ayam. Dotty ate someone else's of course. Then she proceeded to eat her own portion.

Nasi Soto Ayam

   Before anyone realized anything, Antony chased and whipped the herd into their respective lorry for the ride up to Mount Mujur Trailhead. We checked the toilet to make sure Fong was not lost inside the toilet. Lorry took a breezy 30 minutes to go up the mountain. Krankster hopped off looking a wee bit woozy. He was smiling more than his usual self.

   " Is it me or anyone else feels woozy and happy?"

   CT and VC stared at Krankster in wide eyed disbelief. This fella must have been drinking the beer behind our back. How come he is woozy and happy at this hour? What time did Krankster wake up today? We need to be more vigilant. Something does not add up. Didn't we agree to go sleep and stop drinking at sunrise? Eh.....

   Bikes checked. Water bladder filled. Biological bladder cleared. Antony said something about the trail going up and down somewhere. Everyone pretended to listen and said hooray. Some clapping for godknowswhat. And on saddle we went. Up this pebble strewn trail that gradually leans upwards. Annie decided to take a break after 6 meters. Started flipping and speaking to her bike in Hakka. Ivan pretended to show some concern for the RM40 lucky draw bike. We all stopped to stare as usual. Gery the guide poked the bike in the ass a few times. Voila... Problem solved. Nothing a simple Javanese magic and chant can't resolve.
   Team A. The so called fast team went off first. Like lightning they disappeared. "Shazam!" someone said. Team A left us in a cloud of dust.
   Team B cursed in Hakka. Hokkien. Hainanese and Javanese.
   We were in Team B.
   Waited for the dust to settle before proceeding.
   Team B took off at a leisurely pace. Team B stopped after 15 minutes to speak to Annie's bike again and take photos. Team B remembered that they were on a holiday. Team B smiled for photos. Annie smiled as well. Ivan's smile was stuck on his face ever since he left Bukit Jalil.
   Team B was busy taking blurfie with Manta's camera when Krankster started pointing towards the sky. Short of shouting " Ze plane ze plane like that Hobbit in Fantasy Island". We thought Krankster was a wee bit too happy this morning.
   Turns out, Team B accidentally stopped and took a wefie while Mount Semeru erupted.
   Team B morphed into Team Japanese tourist. I counted 7 camera phones within moments.
   Click click click....

Mount Semeru showing off in the distance.

   We only took 3 videos and probably 49 photos of the volcano erupting in front of our eyes. Team B got tired of watching the smoke plumes floating into the stratosphere after 10 minutes. Team B decided to continue cycling. Team B finally caught up with Team A at the wooden shack. Team B congratulated Team A for being Shazam like.
   Fast. Race pace. Efficient. Elbows tucked in. Heads down. Aero position engaged. Butt high and tight for maximum power delivery. Dotty was beaming with pride. Hanz and Aldrich strutted around like Alpha Peacocks with tail wing widely spread out for all to see and admire. Swenson and Desmond were on the verge of thumping their chest like proud silver back gorillas. Team B told Team A about the volcano eruption they just witnessed..

   Team A stopped talking to Team B for the rest of the day.

   After our usual obligatory apple break. It was the start of our first downhill run.
   Seeing that both teams were no longer on talking terms for the day. Team A took off.
   "Shazam...!"

   Downhill run was typical of all trails in Bromo. First sector was through canopied bamboo forest. Then comes the single tracks. And the rock strewn single tracks. Along comes the dusty bits. Each time i come to visit Bromo, i rediscover my faith in God and prayers. All i could do was squint and hope for the best. A Chinaman squinting is taking things to the extreme. I couldn't see anything for 15 minutes. All i heard was rocks flying against the bikes and a lot of old men screaming like little girls. And Hainanese swear words. Trail finished at the local village. We spotted Team A refilling water and beer as we arrived. The usual compliments for Team A of course. I took a photo with a goat.


   A brief stop and we packed up for the second run at Mount Mujur. Another 30 minutes of chatter before we arrived back at the same trailhead. Lube the chain. Re-adjusted the squinty eyes. Off we went again. Shazam..! Of course. Team A disappeared. A few decided to jump ship from Team A. Nope. Mount Semeru did not want to fart this time around. No erupting volcano this round. More la la chatter before we caught at the same hut. Now it was to be another downhill run off Mount Mujur using a different route.
   Took off.
   We lost half of Team A after 3 turns.
   It was another 25 minutes before Indra and Bayu managed to locate the 6 lost riders. Post mortem on the trail. It was Dotty's fault apparently. Tycoon said he missed the left turn because he couldn't see past Dotty's butt. Dotty said she was not at fault. Dotty blamed mass added with momentum. Dotty claimed she was only to be blamed for the mass bit. Momentum compounded with mass is no fault of hers. Velocity is Einstein's doing, not hers. Those 6 flew past the turn and ended up at another peak. Tailook said he was obediently following Dotty and Tycoon. Jowei said he wanted to see the volcano. We don't know who the other 2 were. No one owned up to it. Despite us asking. Everyone stared at the ground. Ivan was of course smiling. VC said we shouldn't be wasting time arguing when we could be back in the hotel drinking beer. I took a pee at the bush.
   Antony's jaw dropped open for a few moment. He was either impressed with the groups vast knowledge in physics or he now realises how screwed he really is for the next 3 days.

   Team A took off.

Team B Gopro view.

   Team B strolled along. The usual single tracks and dusty trails. Almost entirely downhill for the next 20 minutes. Tycoon tried to catch Antony. He wanted to personally have a word with Antony. Tycoon did not understand why Antony did not switch off the magnets he laid down in the single tracks. Doesn't Antony realize we are riding mountain bikes not KTM trains? How are we to ride if the magnets continously pull our bikes into the middle of the single track all the time? Eh....

   Upon hearing this, Aunty13 decided to lie down.

Aunty13 looking for rainbows.

   After 15 minutes of prayers and Javanese magic, Aunty13's legs decided to listen to her. Finally made it out to the trail after passing by a few quaint villages. Saw more goats. Stopped to take photos with a flock of ducks swimming in the paddy field. Waved and high five'd a couple of school kids. Winked at a few Javanese girls in their sarong. Pretty much a ride through the local farm and kitchen.

Team B GoPro view.

Ducks watching Team B ride past.

   Team A saw a lot rocks.

Team A view for day 1. 

   CT and VC were both over the moon when Antony announced the ride for Day 1 was over. Back to Harris Hotel we headed. It was another 3 hours before dinner. Plenty time to catch up on loss beer drinking time.
   Dinner was a riot.
   Everybody didn't get anything to eat for 90 minutes. VC was in agony. Poor man had no beer the entire time. CT did his best to console him. Antony's smile was frozen for the longest time. Krankster ate a few packets of peanuts. Aunty13 continued talking to her frozen legs. Aldrich continued smiling to no one in particular. Fong wandered off somewhere, came back and still had nothing to eat.

   Dinner served.
   Dinner done within minutes.
   Harris Hotel.... Tonight is officially Single Malt night. Karaoke in full session. Captain America managed to pull out a mini karaoke set from his luggage. Team B sang Chinese songs. Team B sang old people songs. Unker sang a Hindi song about an elephant. Aunty13 sang her wedding song. Aunty13 sang her high school graduation song. Desmond wanted to sing some girly Bon Jovi song. Fong went exploring. Manta requested an Indonesian song in memory of his maid. Aunty13 sang her 18th birthday song. VC nodded to all the songs. Oily wanted to mop the staircase. Krankster did a Swiss rain dance.

   I was surprised the police did not knock on our door.
   We only lost Tycoon and Aldrich that night. Those 2 fella decided to move one street away to preserve their mental health and sanity. And they didn't want to spend the night in an Indonesian jail for unruly behaviour.
   We finished singing when the third bottle of Single Malt ran out.
   It was to be a horrid second day.
   We only have 2 bottles of Single Malts left.

   Un'beliveable

BROMO Revisit 2019

Second Time Coming. Bromo 2019.

   This will end up being a super long winded Blog about 24 clowns contributing to the economy of Malang. I will try my best to break it up into sections and days so you fellas can scroll back to re-read any bits you missed during your morning toilet visit. I have been told numerous times, this Blog is best read when you are attempting to clear your bowels in the morning. And i honestly believe i should be paid for helping you pass motion with a smile on your face. Here we go.

   This plan to visit Bromo again was made at the beginning of the year. We visited Bromo 2 years ago. It was so much fun eating volcanic dust and spicy sambal. And not having to be home 5 days in a row to wash the toilet made this trip impossible to miss. Proposal thrown out to the group. 24 immediately signed up for the trip. Madam President was given the task of handling the accommodations and ride plans with Antony. Ex-President Manta was given the task of making sure we had enough beer and the correct type of Single Malts for the 5 days. Long story short. Flight booked. Hotel booked. Beer pre-ordered. And away we go.

Day 0. / Thursday.
   A few decided to come one day early to spend the night at the airport, seeing that the flight was at 0700 hours. Somehow, it made sense to these few jokers that arriving earlier to drink beer was an obligation they could not ignore. Turns out these few jokers were not the actual early birds. 2 even more extreme kiasu cuckoo birds were actually earlier arrivals. These 2 cuckoo bird were somehow unconvinced the group will actually show up in Surabaya. So, this pair decided to fly in to Surabaya a day earlier. Just to be sure the ride was proceeding as planned. Until today, we remain unsure if they held hands when they flew in.

   By 0400 hours, the herd started trickling in. Managed to get all the clowns checked in at the counter without much drama this time around. Gerard did his usual, he brought enough to go for a war tour in Syria. And have enough left to visit neighbouring Turkey if the war ended early. You can never be too sure or under prepared for any eventualities.
   Up and away.

Day 1. / Surabaya.
   Landed without any hiccups. Checked out and found Antony grinning at us. Indra came along smiling. Iqbal the ever so friendly driver stood alongside. Familiar faces all over. Even the airport cleaner looked familiar. Hello said. Hands shook. Bikes counted. Bags loaded. The usual nonsense. Phone card bought. Phone checked. Correct data and password given and shared. Password repeated out again. Most Facebook pages uploaded. Whatsapp checked. WeChat checked. Recheck allocated data for the entire 5 days. Password rechecked again.
   Into the van we obediently rolled in.
   Lunch.
   First lunch in Surabaya was in this non descript shop located at the side of the main road. The herd walked in. Lady owner almost ran out. All other guest could only stare. Aaahhh... this is how it feels like being a Chinese tourist from the village. Noisy. Uncouth. Phone camera snapping at everything that moves or hangs. Touching everything within reach. Made a fuss about the heat and the toilet without aircon.

Sambal and Basil.

   Antony almost had a heart seizure pretending to listen to 22 chimps begging to be fed. Finally it was decided. Antony will do the food selections. We wait like obedient primates. Of course, all this happened after Antony took out the chilled Bintang Beer. Beer works like magic on VC and CT. In any event or crisis, give these 2 beer and all is pretty again. You could safely serve them fried crickets, they will slap you on the back affectionately and  compliment you on the wise selection.
   Lunch done.
   Towards Halogen Hotel to unpack the bikes.


   Arrived Halogen and all hell broke loose.
   Antony and crew must have had so much fun watching the circus come to town. Watching 22 chimps pretending to assemble their expensive bikes. Knowing none of them knows what they were doing. A few tried looking like they knew what was happening. Dotty stood there blinking at her bike. She was hoping the blinking would somehow magically convince her bike to assemble itself. Oily and Aunty13 decided to join the blinking party. Jowei took his bike out and started scratching his hair that he doesn't have. CT and VC popped their 4th can of beer and started congratulating each other on the job well done. Their bikes remained in the box. That can wait. Chill beer getting warm is improper. Sacrilege if you ask them. Heavens no..... We are civilized people. Please.
    Fong decided to go for a walk. Tailook tried to ask the driver for help in Cantonese. Manta was getting very windy. Aldrich continued smiling at himself. Tycoon and Desmond decided to stop whatever they were doing and come out from their shared room to come help by watching. It was utter chaos for an hour or so.
   Bikes done and loaded. Now it time to head towards Malang. A 2 hour drive to our designated hotel.

Watch the finger.

   Arrived at Harris Hotel.
   Our accommodation / drinking hole for the next 3 days.  We somehow managed to sort out who sleeps with who for the next 3 days. Towards our rooms. Time to finally start drinking all the beer we pre-ordered. CT and VC started to work out a proper and systematic plan on how much time they have left to drink.

" We have 3 hours before dinner. If we stop talking and just focus on drinking. I think we can catch up on the the 2 hours we had to stop drinking because MAS says we can't drink on the plane. Let's go bro.... Come."

   The troop met up for dinner.
   Dinner was in Araya. Some posh restaurant located 40 minutes away. The ambiance and setting was perfect. We can't help but gawked. It felt like we were transported to the set of  " A Chinese Ghost Story ". I was waiting for Leslie Cheung to fly past.

   Honestly.
   I thought i was attending a Tycoon's wake.
   Dinner took about 2 hours. As usual, someone did not get his food. Someone needed to go poo halfway through dinner. Fong wandered off and got left behind. Dotty eating someone else's share. Aunty13 posing with every other table and chair she finds. Manta flew all the way to Surabaya, and opted to eat Chicken Chop. Tycoon couldn't figure out why the Bebek was the size of his apple. Tailook wanted Cantonese Fried Noodles. Aldrich stopped smiling at the red lantern.
   The bill came up to 3 million Rupiah.
   Thank god we have beer to calm our nerves....

   Back to the hotel.
   I don't remember what time we finished drinking.
   Day 1 ends in a blur of shouting and someone getting left behind.

  Un'believable.

Rimbayu Newbie Ride.... again.

21st JULY 2019 Rimbayu Charity Ride.

How's that for a Sunday morning?...

   As the name suggested, we had another newbie ride at the same location. According to Mother Hen Dotty, the newbies enjoyed their first introductory ride here so much they couldn't help but asked for another introductory ride again. Of course, we were instructed to bring the bikes and helmets. And smile. And make sure there was enough water to wake any fainting newbie.

   Yaa daa ,Yaa daa, Yaa daa..... Sunday came. Made my way straight to the meet point. Picked up a lost Manta at the Rimbayu roundabout. Took a slower drive to cross the bridge. Didn't want the poor old Manta to rev and stress the old Opel. Was told the Opel was due to be sold for RM1.20 a kilo. Due to a leaky engine that was making Bandar Utama car park a potential health hazard. Somehow, the Old Opel read my mind. Heard Manta honking at me as i took a turn. Stopped.

   " You might wanna do something about the bike. It looks like it's going to do a jailbreak. Or give your windshield a hug..."

   Oh. Bike tried to perform an escape trick. I thought Manta was going to offer me a bun.
   How disappointing.
   Reset the bike...

   Arrived and voila....!!!
   A mini jamboree of sort was already in place. There were so many people and cars. Looked like an early morning Taichi session was about to take place.
   Parked. Got off and started unloading. Had a bit of chit chat with VC. Whispered to DotM about how healthy Dotty has become. Unker was busy giving instructions. Nobody was listening. Unker continued giving instructions. Aunty 13 came along. Flashing her Miss Ipoh smile. Ah Loy came up. Dennis came up. Both started congratulating each other on the fat level gained within the past months. Ivan came. Annie came. Newbie Vivian came grinning. Li Ann gave instruction to Connie. Connie nodded to every other living creature within her sight. Including the stray dog sleeping on the grass.

Unker failed to auction off this ...

   The usual ride briefing by Unker as the Ride Leader. Counted 50 heads. Manta was beaming with pride at the turn out. Aunty 13 continued flashing her beauty pageant smile at anyone looking at her. Dotty gave her personal briefing to the newbie in Mandarin. Then in Cantonese. All newbies nodded like obedient little goats. Vivian continued grinning.
   And away we went.
   Nonsensical chatter heard all along the warm up ride along the cemetery towards the trail head. Nobody paid any attention to the dead cat along the way. Good weather. Cool and breezy.

   Arrived at the trail head. All accounted for. This time, Li Ann managed to leave the car park and stay within the pack. Wuhoo... Unker was mighty glad he did not have to return to retrieve her. Amelia gave a briefing to the newbie on what to eat before the ride. Yong Li nodded as all good primary students do when told to line up. He even offered to put both hands on Connie's shoulder just to make sure the line was straight.
   Up the staircase we walked. Vivian attempted to ride up. Overtook Mother Hen Dotty. Vivian had the good sense to stop right before the top of the staircase. Pretended to look tired. Dotty lazer eyed Vivian from the back. I was afraid for Vivian. Amelia's continuous chatter broke the tense situation. Nobody knows exactly what Amelia was saying. I firmly told Ricky.

   " Please. No more giving that one MILO. Can't you see how hyper she is? If she continues like this the whole morning. You are gonna get kicked in the butt by 10:00 am."

   So we rode along the cool palm oil plantation for the next 30 minutes. Pretty much everyone was lost in their own thoughts. Unker continued barking out instructions. No one paid him any attention. Mother Hen Dotty had herself surrounded by her brood of chicks. Patiently keeping them in line. Pecking at those lagging behind. Reminding Connie to continue breathing. Still keeping her eye on Vivian attempting to ride up the hills. Amelia continued saying something in Cantonese. Yong Li pretending to listen. Annie and Ivan rode slower and slower on purpose i suspect.

This 2 came to upload their Facebook.

   Came to the first rutty downhill. Caught up with the newbie pack. Like obedient lemmings, all dove into the downhill. Amelia first. Then Li Ann. I took a good look and nearly had a stroke. Li Ann trying to keep up with "Milo / Sugar infused Amelia" flew off her saddle. Landed back on her saddle and happily bounced down the trail. Totally oblivious to the jaw dropping sound i made.
   Took off after her to make sure she bounced correctly. Rode down 10 meters and heard Mother Hen screaming. Looked back. Saw Connie attempting to get a mud facial while riding down the hill.

   Connie is all natural.

   She wanted to have a good look at the ground. Connie decided to bounce off her bike and take a closer look at the ground. Connie also wanted to find out how strong Dotty's heart was. Connie scraped 2 feet of the ground with her right cheek and nose. Dotty sounds really husky when she screams. Some may find a chubby woman with a husky voice sexy but that's another matter. Let's not stray away from stage diver Connie now.
   Connie stayed close to the ground for a few minutes. Dennis came running right behind to make sure the bike was not scratched. Annie sat down and took her apple out. Ivan came closer to have a look. At his age, anything further than 5 feet looks the same. Anyone further than 5 feet also looks the same. We could hear Amelia chattering away in the distance. Mother Hen Dotty sat next to Connie. Helped Connie sit up. Gave Connie water. Gently reminded Connie to breathe. Connie managed to blink twice.

   " Take your time. Breathe. This is normal. Don't panic. We have all been through this. Breathe. It's nothing new to fall down doing this. All of us have fallen down and gotten scarred doing this. "

   Dennis showed Connie his calf with a long scar on it.
   Ah Loy showed Connie how fat he has become.
   Ivan showed Connie his bald head.
   Annie chewed her apple quietly.
 
  " Look at me Connie. When i started riding MTB. I fell a lot also. Just like you, i fell face first many times. I fell so many times i lost count. I was once a "B". Now i am an "A". It's ok. Nothing to worry about.... "

   Connie caught her breathe after a few minutes. We cleaned her up as best as we could for the moment. Dennis dusted the bike. Bravely mounting her bike, Connie rode down and we caught up with the main pack of goats. Explained to the Manta what transpired. He was disappointed. He couldn't believe Annie didn't share her apple with him.

Dorothy taking photo of her nose.

   So we continued riding along the palm oil plantation and tea farm. The usual chatter heard. Took a break at the tea processing factory. The newbies decided they wanted to have a cake. Newbie also decided they wanted to sing their Sunday Mummy a birthday song. Unker barked instructions. Newbies continued singing. Unker rode off. Newbies cut cake and started congratulating each other on not dying in a tea plantation. Vivian grinned with a cheek full of cake. Like a squirrel. Except less furry.

   Finally got the newbies to continue riding and caught up with the main group. Group rode happily for 15 minutes along the tea farm. Made it to the actual apple break location. Newbie decided they wanted to continue eating their cake. Newbie ate cake and congratulated each other on not dying in a palm oil plantation.
   50 sweaty riders. Plenty of chatter. Apples. Oranges. Chocolate bar. Muesli bar. Butter cake. Grapes. Photo taking for proof that we actually rode our bikes. More chatter.

   Newbies decided to give Connie a facial. They did not want Connie to die from her wounds. Newbies somehow managed to convince Billie to share her concentrated Tea Tree Oil. Billie is a female by the way. And we do not want to know why anyone would have a bag of facial product in their cycling bag. There was a bottle of toner, cotton swab and most likely a paper face mask as well. And we also do not know why a proper decent woman would name herself after a goat. Amelia applied the oil on Connie's wounds. My eyes grew big.Connie's eyes grew as well. I don't think Amelia likes Connie very much. The rest of the newbies clapped. I cringed... I made myself a promise to never ever fall and get hurt in front of this bunch of sadist.

49 goats.

   After awhile, Unker decided it was time to go get his beer.
   Away we rode. Pretty much uneventful for the next 40 minutes as we all rode and chatted back towards the car. No more riders crashing. Apple breaks done. Cake eaten. Good weather. Everyone had a smile on their face. Mummy Hen Dotty was flushed with pride on how well her chicks performed. Vivian was grinning. Annie and Ivan didn't have to watch me repair any puncture. Albert didn't need Judy to help him push his bike to the car. Dennis and Loy couldn't wait to go get their second breakfast. Shamoon was the happiest today.
   He took a boy into the bush.

   Un'believable.  

KIARA Ride 7th JULY 2019.

Wet Wet Wet....


   The list was long. Registration almost filled to the limit. 21 Pax. Don't play play...
 Everyone calling each other Hero and Heroines even before the ride commence. All sorts of plans made. Refuelling points scouted. Chickens cleaned and primed.

PART 1. 
Bikewash / START
Office / Over time
Coronary Bypass
Magic Carpet / Magic Circle
2K to Cross Road
Kawan-Kawan
Lower Shot Chicken


PART 2.
Snakes & Ladders
Twin Peaks
chicken loop / Brew House
Pure Quill
Round the Mountain
Janie's Addiction
Boner
RnR at Desa Hartamas

PART 3.
Old Lakeside Trail
Playmates
Plan C
GBC
Wasteland
Barrakuda Out
Lower Shot Chicken

PART 4.
Dirty Deeds
Ohlins / Sidewinder
Boulder / Barakuda Out
2K Bottom Half to Crossroad 4K
Lungbuster
Bikewash / FINISH

   The plan was to complete 30km of Kiara. Then proceed to the official clubhouse for the post ride celebration. Checked. The beer promotion was still available. Up till late or last working kidney. Or whoever sings Happy Birthday the loudest.

   Come Sunday.

   Phone starts blinking like Christmas. Woke up to 154 Whatsapp Messages. Huh? Didn't we win the election already? Why the flooding? Scratched a bit of something. Spidey walk myself to the toilet for the usual pre-ride gossip reading on the the throne. Blinked.

   One by one. Riders were dropping out like dead lemmings. First out was Oily. She claims her tummy was upset with her. She couldn't find her 6 pack. Next up Jowei. He claimed he ran out of hair shampoo. VC said he felt cold all over. Bob said he was headed out towards Kiara. Then he remembered he has goat genes. Rain makes him itchy. Borky changed his mind because his twin Bob pulled out. Razlan claimed he drove all the way there to be told to go home by some superior powers that be. Pete claimed he was stuck to his toilet bowl. Ricky had no excuses. So he showed up alone at the car park. And waited like all good boys should be, when told to wait.

This is Ricky.

   Choi claimed he lost his nuts. Mei clearly told us she is allergic to Nutella. Tey suddenly developed logic. Borky re-text to claim his injured knee was still uncooperative. Dennis suddenly remembered he has a business trip to Manila on Monday. So he can't ride Kiara.
   KC woke his spirit up to go riding around the housing area lor. VC suggested someone go open Brewhouse at 8am. WC added sealant but still couldn't figure out why it continued raining. He was sure he added in the correct amount of sealant. Sealant. Not milk he stole from his kid.
   VH decided to come Kiara. For breakfast.
   5 more claimed their phone ran out battery. Unker was apologetic. He was getting married. The other UMNO boy claimed the doctor was at fault for not letting his mum rest at home and somehow, someone was corrupted. And he had to go review the video for proof. Albert had his nasi lemak at home. Gerard wished someone had sent him the tracklog for Kiara.

Mud eating party of  9.

   Ride finally took off at 9:00 am.
   9 out of 21 showed up.
   Kiara 3.0 became Kiara 4.0 hours with 12.8km distance covered.
   And the call me the Un'believable.

   My Bak Kut Teh was served piping hot. I stared at the rising steam for the longest time. Hmmm.... Pretty sure this taste much better than wet mud and sweaty apples. Went back to sleep, woke up for my Curry Fish Head lunch. Stared at my curry stained fingers, wondered how Handsome Hanz will feel now if i send him a photo of the Grouper Head i am having a staring contest with. Aunty 13 must be having so much fun watching her maid wash her poo colored jersey. Ricky... well, this one just smiles a lot. Ask him yourself when you see him.
   Sigh.... 3.0 worrr....

  Un'believable.
 

KIARA Mudd Invitation 7th JULY 2019

MUDD Kiara 3.0

   An open invitation for those whom are foolish enough to show up. The plan this Sunday is to ride till you drop in Kiara. Why you ask? Well, the old goats are getting senile. May as well enjoy what's left inside the cranium before we start losing it all. And that will also be the only way they could justify another beer run on a Sunday afternoon.
   Ride starts 7:30 am.
   Well, that's the plan. With the usual bullshit and hellos. Ride actually starts when everyone actually shows up or someone gets tired of standing around kicking pebbles into the drain.
   The last MUDD took 27km of Kiara. We gave up at 3:00pm. This time around. We are aiming for 30km. And most likely 60 mugs of beer and self congratulatory nonsense for a job well done. I suspect we will more likely achieve and surpass the 60 mugs target by 3:00pm.
   See you Mother Kiara.

Un'believable.

Saujana Putra Newbie Ride 30th JUNE 2019

Tea Plantation Newbie Introduction Ride:-

Sri Cheeding Boh Tea Plantation.

   Dotty was to be blame for this entire episode. She suggested the ride. She thought it was long overdue for us as group to host new riders to our idea of fun on a Sunday morning. Plans were made 6 weeks back. Bikes were borrowed , begged and empty promises to return it clean pledged. Helmets were also borrowed. Heck, almost everything possible was taken.
 
   Dotty showed up bright and early. She had invited 10 newbies for the ride. The old goats somehow managed to show up with 10 bikes. Some borrowed. Some lied upon to the real owners. Plan was to give the guest riders an experience on what's fun mucking around, playing with mud and spending time feeding mosquitoes on a Sunday morning instead of attending church like all good Christians should.
   Come Sunday morning. It rained. It rained cats and dogs. Messages were aplenty flying around asking if the ride would continue. I sat on the toilet bowl for a longer time that i should. Should have taken that serving of pumpkin last night i thought. But i suppose they would wait for me. Or at least 2 guest would have to wait for me, seeing that i have the 2 spare bikes for them to use. It felt good knowing you are wanted. But that will have to wait for now. I took a deep breathe and made one last squeeze, i finally made it.

   Drove to the meet point after having my coffee with Unker and Albert. Came upon the herd getting ready for their introduction to this MTB nonsense. I had a shock. There were more than 10 guest riders strolling about waiting to be dressed and served. I counted a lot of people. Unker gave a confirmation. We have 41 riders today. Oh boy.... This is either gonna be a laugh or a sobbing party. Like i mentioned in the beginning, it's all Dotty idea. If at any one time the princesses decides to cry, it's Dotty's problem. I can only promise her that my phone is fully charged. I will try to take the prettiest photo possible, and laugh only after the ride ends.

   Unker had the honor of standing on his truck and make clear that today's ride was Dotty's idea. If anything goes wrong, look for Dotty. We all nodded in unison like obedient goats. One newbie asked who this Dotty fella is and what he looks like. Ivan pointed. Annie kicked Ivan. Dennis smiled. Yeong Yeong kicked Dennis. Cecilia looked like she was in a bad dream. Amelia continued giving instructions to LeAnn, Kavi, and the young man in black. I felt like i was back in secondary school again. I can't wait for the school toilet to explode.
   So off we went.

   Everyone stuck to someone. The newbies blinked a lot. Ivan and Annie couldn't stop grinning. We pedalled off slowly on the tarmac towards the trail head which was 3km away next to a cemetery. It was all sunny and cheery as we pedalled along. My tyre went flat within 10 minutes.

Annie helping to change tube.

   It was ok. Seeing that i had the company of friends with me. Took me a good few minutes to fix up the flat. Them friends were helpful. They stood by and gave instructions like all good friends do when you are suffering a mishap. One fella even took out his camera. They never once thought of abandoning me. They waited patiently while i squatted like an old chimp peeling a mango. Of course they offered words of encouragements. They still couldn't agree if it was a mango or a nangka.

   We caught up with the rest of the pack at the trail head. Into the trail we went. Gathered everyone at the Indian Temple while Unker went searching for the one newbie. After a bit of time spent kicking branches, we found out the newbies name. LeAnn.  Turns out, the senior riders designated to babysit her were sleeping on their job. The seniors did not give LeAnn the correct instructions. LeAnn had to learn to ride the mtb all by herself. Poor thing was given 10 minutes to learn. That is old school Chinese Tiger Mum Parenting skills. Anyhoo. LeAnn made it. VC looked like he was on the verge of crying. Ricky , well ... he smiled a lot.
 Annie kicked Dennis when Dennis raised his hand to ask what's going on. Amelia continued saying something to no one in particular. Kavi stared at the palm tree for the longest time. Vivian smiled as much as Ricky. The guy in black. Well... He was cooperative.

   Unker counted the herd. All 41 accounted for. Away we went. Rode 200 meters and Unker stopped the herd. We have arrived at the promised tea plantation. I counted 30 phones. We spent the next 10 minutes politely standing around. I felt like a Japanese. Ricky and Vivian continued smiling. Siew Yung joined the smiling party. Ivan was lost for words. He asked if we plan to stop every 200 meters. We sent Ivan back towards the trail head. Ivan went off like a happy Billy Goat in search of birds to play with.

   Photos taken. Group tour continued. Lotsa smiles and happy faces.

  Ivan came back to the group and away we went. Rode 200 meters and i caught another puncture. Ivan almost had a heart seizure. Annie was having the time of her life. The 2 UMNO representative started whispering to each other quietly. Discussion done and the 2 UMNO boys stepped up.

   " Pat. It pretty obvious why you are getting a flat tyre. You are a cheapskate Chinaman. Stop buying old tubes. And this is not the way to get attention. Today, it's the newbies day. Let them have the attention they deserve. You stop doing this nonsense now. "

Dennis helping to change tube.

   If not for them having a combined height of 12 feet and 7 inches, i would have stood up to them. They were lucky. I let that remark pass. But i did take a slightly longer time to change my tube this time around. Just to get back at them. Annie was very supportive though. She smiled and kicked pebbles in my direction. Ivan gave us a grumpy puff and cycled back towards the trail head again. Dennis started to smile a lot as well.

   We caught up with the main group within minutes. Rode 800 meters this time before we came to the other photo stop. From then on, it was pretty monotonous. Newbies seemed to be enjoying themselves. No one complained or stopped to throw up their breakfast. Seng Kiat was mighty dissapointed. His guest rider was totally having a good time. We asked Seng Kiat why he looked so gloomy.

   " Understand this Pat. Derrick is my school mate. I have known him all my life. I know Derrick inside out. Derrick has a special skill. He breaks his bones all the time. He broke his bone while playing carrom. Mind you, he didn't break his finger. He broke his toe while playing carrom. You see why i am so disappointed now?"

   We could only pat Seng Kiat on his back and send him on his way.

Ivan lapping the riders out of boredom.

Apple break.

   So we rode for the next 2 hours. Stopped 4 more times to take photos. Ate some apples along the way.
   Came to to the lotus pond and spent another 15 minutes playing tourist. Then it was time to head back to the car and call it a day.

Green grass.

   All in, it was 17km of riding. Almost 3 hours of riding. No one fell. Ate a lot of mud. Derrick didn't break any bone. Dotty did not get lynched. Kavi promised to cry only after she gets home. Vivian gave many thumbs up. LeAnn was unconscious for most part of the morning. The Young Chap in Black said 2 words. Ivan wanted to go for second round. Annie threw something at him. VC was thirsty by 10am. Aric wanted to eat durian. Siew Yung agreed to everything. Ricky has 5 smelly goats to deliver back to PJ.
   Away we went in search for food.
   Another Sunday ride done and dusted. Expect those 10 fellas to walk funny in office today. Let's see how they smile with a painful butt today.

   Un'believable.

Kota Damansara Short Run 26th May 2019

Super Lazy Short Ride KDCF :-

   It's been quite awhile.
   Took off a few months not doing any blogging. Checked back and the last blog was almost an entire year ago. How time flies and how lazy i was for the past year. It's not that there was no riding done. Did the regular bit of riding as usual. Just did not discover anything interesting to whine about really.
   Many changes has happened within the span of twelve months. Change of position within the clubs. Some came, a few left. The old goats are their usual happy self. Ride. Drink. Drink. Ride and drink some more. Only difference being, now it's progressed from a coffee shop to air conditioned eateries with promotional beer. We will always have a beer promo scout within our ranks. Some one will always know the best place to get cheap ice cold beer for the least amount of money and lots of fried food. Regardless where we end up riding.
   You can be riding in some village out in godknowswhere. And we will always be able to track down after ride beer. And the beer session has improved. From 5 bottles. Now we buy beers in little printed booklets. Redeemable as long as you are able to rip the little page off. Or as long as you are able to stand and wave to the waitress. Usually some cute Pinoy girl nowadays. The waitress i mean.
   The main group decided to go swimming in Batang Kali this week. Checked Waze and it showed 81km with 90 minutes driving time. Decided to text CH and hopefully find a closer and shorter loop to ride. CH suggested KDCF. So KDCF it is then. Sent out a few invites and what do you know... 6 replies within minutes.
   Plan was set. 8:00 am at the school side. We will decide the loop when we show up.

   Next morning, did the usual rituals. Quick check on the gear and bike. Off i headed towards the meet point.
   All 6 showed up on time.
   Somebody suggested we do the old loop first. Complete it and hopefully reloop it again.
  No protest. No questions asked. Away we went. Des led the way. I swept 2 aunties and 2 old uncles. The young ciku latched on to Des for the climb towards the first check. Ran into an old friend. Had a quick chat with him. Looked at his still recovering leg. Laughed about it. He showed me his newly acquired screws on his titanium femur. I congratulated him on not dying from the scratch. Wished him and took off to chase the few old folks.

   Caught up with them old fellas at the picnic tables. Chit chat session number one started. Spoke mostly about how a mistake about spelling caused a cycling buddy to lose his manhood. It is critical that you get your spelling right before you get a tattoo. I learnt now. "A" is not for elephant. Andy starts with "A". A few more points raised about why it's not wise to have stickers on your bike with someone else's name on it. Or having someone else's bike kept in your car and home. Or having someone else having breakfast in your car on a Sunday morning. It was very confusing for me. I clearly remember my kindie teacher saying "aliphant" to me when we visited the zoo. How now?
   Anyhow, it was a few minutes before we decided to head towards Serenity to count the actual quantity of fallen trees.


   And away we went.
   Counted 5 fallen trees. Aunty 13 was visibly upset at the third tree. She couldn't figure out why there was no stool placed there for her convenience. She had to climb over the tree. Drag her bike over it. Catch her breath. Rearrange her hair. Check her makeup. Mount her bike. Then continue riding.
   Oh. The inconvenience of it all.
   Took another break at the junction of Serenity and Scouts. Took the obligatory photos of some primates before we proceeded towards the hut for a conference on the next course of action.


   We reached the hut. Caught Choo whom was equally confused to see us riding in KDCF without his permission. Somehow managed to convince him that it was all CH's fault. He reluctantly gave us his blessing. Took VC 30 seconds to bravely declare.

   " Let's go. Let's run the Scouts Loop. Come. No dilly dally. Let's do this before i change my mind"
 
   How courageous we thought. Then someone checked his watch.
   Oh. It's 10:30 am. Brew House opens at 11:00am. This fella is in a hurry. A thirsty man is an angry man. Never ever stand between VC and his cold beer. Not especially on a Sunday morning.
   Obediently we rode towards Scouts. Did the usual regroup at Scout's junction. Took more photos of primates. Away we went towards the lake. Did the loop within 23 minutes.
   All came out in one piece. CH was mighty pleased with himself for not sweating too much. VC now feels vindicated for his beer reward. Aunty13 was still grumpy that the stool wasn't prepared for her. Oily slept at most of the tables that we found. Des did something. Young Ciku Wang just mostly smiled a lot for no reason at all. Choo was somewhere in the trail saying something in Cantonese.
   Not too bad for a short run.
   Loaded the bike and changed.
   Waited for Teres and Swenson to show up and give us permission to leave.
   Permission granted.
   Towards the coffee shop we went.

   We had 4 Tiger beer and a full bellied lunch. Everyone was smilling. Even Aunty13. And Oily managed to stay awake this time around. Des took over Wang's role. He smiled a lot for no reason at all.

   Un'believable.