KDCF 3rd June Bashrama...

KDCF Ride hosted by Borky:-

MACC discussion.

   KDCF ride sealed with ice cold beer at Green Dot. Yellow Manta wanted another drinking hole instead of the usual Blue House. That was how we ended up in Green Dot instead. Yep, you read correctly. There really is a place called Green Dot. Now, we have to be specific when Dot is mentioned. It's Dotty Dot in Nilai. DotM in Miri and Green Dot for RM8 Beer. Such high quality friends i have.

   The usual bunch of goats showed up. No idea how many pax we had. Nowadays, they dont care anymore. Nobody bothers to count. Nobody is keeping records. Headcount is mere formality. As long as you show up with a bike, you are in. Doesn't matter if you are dressed up like Bozo or Rosmah. You are in. If you get lost and lose sight of the main pack and failed to keep up. Then you deserved to be left behind. Shame on you...
   Started from the usual Section 9 junction. Rode all the way to Wakaf Salam for the usual taichi and photo taking session. 3 fellas took out their camera cum phone. Everyone froze. Photos taken. Off we went. CEO was a wee bit upset that nobody congratulated him for making it to the infamous wakaf to have his photo taken. This is the first time CEO actually made it all the way INTO the trail. What more the wakaf. CEO usually comes to KDCF car park. Then leaves quietly after everyone rides into the trail. The group more than usual forgets about CEO until the first stop at the wakaf to discover his absence. By then, CEO would have absentmindedly switched off his mobile.
   This time, he actually rode into the trail and made it to the wakaf for his obligatory photo taking. He insisted on taking a photo to immortalise this momentous moment. He made us feel like we just summited Aconcagua. We could only force a polite smile. Pete did his usual photo taking duties. Photo came out as blurred as can be. What a buddy... Now, it is still unclear if that was really the CEO of someone else pretending to look like him. The debate continues.
 

   And the ride continued towards the triple climb. Well, we call it a climb. More like a walk if you ask me. Teres would disagree. Walking without a bike is not the same as a walk in the park. Walking your bike is still technically mountain biking. At that point in time, he gets ignored anyways. So the walk / climb continues.
   Up to the clearing. The entire herd gathered again for the next obligatory photo taking session. This is the main cross junction between bikers and hikers. Everyone tries to be polite whenever some pretty young hikers came along. The old goats tries not to speak or curse too loudly when the pretty ones comes by. It is really difficult trying to speak and hold in the beer belly. Many tried, mostly failed miserably.

Manta and Oily comparing toe nails.

   And away we went. This time towards scouts instead of Serenity. The usual muggy and wet trail from now on. CEO tried to keep his lungs inflated. Not much said and heard for the next few minutes from anyone. This is the part of the ride where everyone is focused on getting to the hut to get their buns and ice cream from the vendor.
   Finally arrived at the hut after almost an hour of slogging through Serenity and Salleh. CEO was more than pleased to make it to the third stop for his photo to be taken. It felt like we just summitted 3 G7's within a day. My lungs are literally bursting with joy and lactic acid he declared. He was so pleased with himself, he decided to reward himself with a soul searching solo ride back towards the car all by himself. No amount of coaxing will change his mind. He was adamant he will do a solo run. No one is to accompany him. Lest he loses focus or consciousness along the way. This he must do by himself. As all Jedi must... Of course, that was after he showed us his RM500 automatic tyre inflater. Borky was so impressed he offered his bike as a tester. Most everyone went oohh and aaahhh...
   After saying his farewell, the herd headed back into the trail minus the CEO.

   Another quiet uneventful ride towards the next photo taking location.
   The herd arrived and started to assemble for the next photo taking session. We heard a whimper. Poor Little Borky finally realised why the CEO left for his solo soul searching run. The CEO conveniently forgot to mention that his RM500 automatic tyre inflater could also act as a RM500 automatic tyre deflator. Borky was left with a flat rear tyre. Poor old Borky.
   The entire herd sprung into action as all herds do whenever one of their own is in trouble or mistreated.

Happy Borky...

   "No worries Borky. We will take care of this... " said Teres.

   After giving instructions on how best we should deal with the flat tyre, Teres decided to help by going to sleep for the next 20 minutes.

The team helping Bork repair his flat tyre.

   Tyre finally got fixed after 20 minutes of cursing the CEO, Teres and Tailook. Borky was smiling again. He was never more pleased on how quickly he managed to get his tubeless tyre fixed. All of it done, without him lifting any one of his short grubby fingers. All he did was this....

   It was another boring run back towards the car. Another hour of talking to myself got me back at the car with Oily, Jesse and Gerard. And that was how we ended up in the Green Dot. A couple of ice cold beer to figure out how to best report the CEO to MACC for his dual purpose automatic inflator deflator thingy.

Borky repairing flat tyre hands free...

Un'believable.

Putrajaya Ride 27th May 2018

Short Putrajaya Muck Around Ride:-

Candy Crush impersonator

   Desmond initiated this Sunday's ride. I thought it was either this, or drive 85km to Genting for a swim with the rest of the old goats. Common sense prevailed. I decided to wake up at 6am for PCP instead of waiting for a 8:30am swim queue in Genting. It's too cold and muddy to go swimming.

   Woke up and did the usual talking to meself in the toilet while waiting for the sun to rise. Coffee and bun done. And off i went towards PCP to meet the few non swimmers. Pretty much uneventful driving there. Arrived right on the dot and before long, Desmond came along in his white van. Right behind came another black van. Looks like all the pros have arrived. How i wished i had a driver on a Sunday morning. Would be nice to just laze around in a huge sofa whilst being driven to the trail head like Cedric Garcia. Only thing missing was the Red Bull banner fluttering in the winds.
   The usual hellos and hi...

   Bike setup all done and waited a wee bit for Ricky and KC the greenhorn to show up. They came along not too long after being summoned by Vince on the mobile. Two more hellos and away we went. Into the the trail head.
   First drop into the trail and we heard the heart wrenching scream. Candy Crush wanted to warm up her lungs. Well, that's what she said. It was not fear, it was some phlegm clogging her lungs it seems. All the other riders seemed to believe her. They merely shrugged it off and continued on nonchalantly. I stood in silence for a bit.  Hmmm... Suspicious. Anyways, the ride must go on and away we continued. Small switchback climb and we rode for a bit before arriving at the first regrouping point.
   All arrived and into the second drop in we went. I went off, tagging along the rear of Swen and Desmond. First switch done, second switch done and i was stopped in my tracks just as i was turning into the third and final switch. The screams came again ....

   I stopped and looked up. Candy Crush was practising her scream. She was screaming even before she got on her bike. That must be a huge nasty and stubborn phlegm. Poor thing i thought...
   This i have to see for myself. Decided to abandon my bike and walked up the trail. Candy Crush had a huge green grin on her face. Vince was saying something to her in Cantonese. Desmond came back up as well mumbling something in between his breath. Oily held the longest grin on her face watching us. I was simply lost and confused. After some discussion and lotsa assurance that her bike will be cared for, Candy Crush decided to dive into the switchback. And down she went, like a young reckless mountain goat. It was so smooth she decided to get Vince to push her bike back up and let her do it all over again.
   Of course done accompanied by the same heart wrenching screams. Desmond mumbled something again before walking away shaking his head. Swen got bored of waiting and decided to walk up. Hey, who would pass up on a circus act? Swen had a good time. It was worth the walk up.
   We finally got past the switchbacks and continued on. Did the first climb up towards the hut for a second regrouping. KY came up wheezing and panting. This greenhorn was really turning green and on the verge of throwing up. He was trying to say something about getting a new set of lungs. These old ones are not working very well it seems. Gave the poor fella a few minutes to get his sanity back.

Wefie 1#

   Rested and did some chit chat.
   Into the next bit of the trail. This was more laid back. Some flats and a bit of climbs before we arrived at the next regrouping hut. The group decided to have a wee bit longer break and chat about their incoming trip to Bromo. 8 of them will be visiting Anthony next month. Another group to visit the infamous volcano and 5cm trail. They will have plenty of fun there. Bromo is a really beautiful place to visit.
   Chat done. Stolen toilet breaks done. KY still unconvinced about his old uncooperative lungs. Into the trail we went.
   This would be another set of downhill switchback heading into the palm oil plantation. Short but nice twisty trail. Desmond and Swen took the lead. I decided to sweep and enjoy the trail.
   Heard the screaming all the way down....

Wefie 2#

     Came out at the clearing. Took the obligatory group wefie thingy.Not one person mentioned anything about hearing screams. Sat down and tried to get the screaming out of my head. Did not work. Took a deep breath and decided to saddle up instead, hoping the next climb under the hot sun would help dissipate some of the echo still humming at the back of my head. We climbed and climbed, all the way to the peak of the downhill hut. Echo remained for a couple more minutes...

   Took a short break to take more photos.

Wefie3 #

   Now the downhill run begins. I looked at Candy Crush. She was grinning like a starving hyena. I turned to Desmond, he shook his head and walked off mumbling something again. Everyone else took off before i could ask for ear plugs. I decided against using mints as ear plugs.
   The screaming could be heard all the way to the Ministry of Finance. It's no wonder why our Prime Minister decided to cancel the train project. Poor old fella must have been traumatised hearing the scream. I am never more glad our Prime Minister has a strong heart. My dead grandfather would coming running with a huge knife if he hears a scream like that.
    By the time we arrived at the bottom of the downhill run, no one was saying anything anymore. Even Desmond stopped mumbling. I suspected loss of hearing was to be blamed. The group rode back to the car in silence.

   In all, we rode 6.5km. Took 3 hours to complete it. Spent 2 hours of the 3 to take photos and chit chat. I felt like i just left a Metallica concert. James Hetfield has nothing if Candy Crush decides to challenge him to a screaming contest. Like a pussy cat he would scamper.
   I am still trying to adjust the volume knob on my car stereo... Can barely hear anything coming out of it. Pardon me. What was it you said again?....

Un'believable.
   

Bukit Beruntung Swimming Party 20th May 2018

Mozzie Swim Fest Bukit Beruntung 20th May 2018:-

Start point.

   What a scam of a Sunday.
   After 9th May, you would have thought all things within the country would be rosy and pretty. Every other donkey i know have been on cloud 9 ever since the new government came into power. Seeing all these positive energy aplenty, i took up the Manta's invitation to ride Bukit Beruntung. I should have voted to sleep in and do gardening instead. If i knew then....
   Woke up at the crack of dawn. Took the usual dump. Spoke a bit my myself. Left home at 0615 hours. It will be a 75km drive to the meet point. May as well be early. Took a leisurely drive towards Rawang. Passed by Damansara and the tummy replied. Looks like i gotta do a toilet stop at Sungai Buloh.
   Came upon the rest area in Sungai Buloh and parked. Headed to the toilet to sing another song. Came out smilling and lightened. Walked towards the car and saw a little hobbit grinning at me. The Mighty Borky was parked right next to me. Decided to make the hobbit sit down for coffee and listen to some of my wise words. Hobbit said yes of course. Quick coffee and off we went towards Rawang.
   Collected the Manta along the way. Manta blinked, i highlighted him from the rear. Blinded the old Manta a wee bit. He decided to stop at the tol gate to get retrieve his vision back. KY stopped to accompany him. Away we went.
   Arrived the meet point. Saw a few cars already parked. Even the Painmaster decided to show up. All huge and hefty. And hairy. This is a very prosperous caveman. All 90kgs of it. Decided to be polite and shook his hands.
   Plenty chatter about where and how long the ride would be today.
   Manta decided to group up the old sheeps and gave some speech about the new hope, and Prime Minister being an old friend of his back in the days. Somebody yawned and waved him off. So away we went to wards the trail head which was right across the road. It looked more like a pile of overgrown bush to me. But hey, who am i to question this new hope everyone is harping on? So towards the bush we went.
   We dove into the bushes for 30 meters and the Manta decided to turn back.

   " Sorry guys. Wrong bush. This bush doesn't feel right. The correct bush would have more thorns.. Let's turn around. "

   Up another 5 meters and into a different set of bush we dove in. And he was right. It was more thorny. It was also covered in 3 inches of mud. And had some brown residual running water right alongside. I was in shock. It felt like we were trying to sneak into Burma. Not one person dare say anything. Manta was adamant this was the correct bush. CH could only whimper. Old Dino was his usual self. Lost and deaf. We plodded on in silence.

   Bush bashing took us a good 20 minutes. Since the start of the ride. I sat on my bike for 23 seconds. The rest of the time, we spent it on walking the bike through thorny bushes. Borky was trying hard to keep his head above the bush, lest we lose sight of him. Poor fella. Not entirely his fault really. Most of the bushes were easily 5 footers.
   We came out from the bushes and finally spotted some clearing to catch our breath. Manta was still sure we were still in Malaysia. The rest of the group came along and Manta pointed us downhill towards the little stream.
   I wanted to slap the Manta.

According to Manta, this is Mountain Biking.

   He took us swimming on a cold Sunday morning.
   And it was no regular swimming. We were expected to swim like Navy SEALs. Silent and stealthy. No name calling or loud voices. Borky got an evil stare for raising his hand to ask a question. I chose to go pee first. I pee when i get nervous. Looking at the swift flowing river and realizing how tall Borky is made me nervous.

Borky at 8:20am

   I have never ever attempted to swim along a murky river with my bag and bike strapped on the shoulders. Borky wanted to turn back. Someone offered to toss him across. Poor fella was hesitant for quite a long time. Gerard was convinced he is 2 inches taller than Borky. He was sure he would make it across with his nose above water. The rest were undecided if we should drown the Manta now and get this over with quickly. I decided to keep quiet. Better to be a silent witness than the one holding the smoking gun.
   It was a 25 minutes swim. Like obedient lemmings we waded across.
   Somehow, we all made it across. There were no attempts to flee or swim away. Neither were there any floataway bikes. Borky held on to Chee Hong. Chee Hong felt like Rambo saving the poor Vietnamese villagers. Gerard managed to keep his breaststroke at a calm steady pace. Unker had a dry camera to take photos. Just in case we are needed for the court to testify.
   Regroup. Head counted and away into the next bush we headed. We started to walk our bikes in silence. It was another muddy and muggy walk. Did i mention we were walking? Yep. What was supposed to be a biking Sunday became a walkathon to Burma. We walked in silence for a good half hour and suddenly Aric spoke up. Turns out he made a mistake when he was crossing the river. He had to get it off his chest.

" You can't swim...?"

   He mistakenly threw The Old Dino's GPS into the river while crossing it. Aric said the GPS was weighing him down. It was either saving the RM20k bike or sacrificing the GPS. Jason was unable to hear clearly what Aric said. Choi! pointed Jason to his GPS holder. Jason decided to switch on his hearing aid. Aric have already disappeared into the bush.
   We waited another 20 minutes. Aric came back empty handed. Manta decide the best solution was to plod on and hope the mosquito farm would help ease the pain.
   Up the slope we walked and into the wet muggy desert field we plodded on.
   Total silence.


   And so for once the Manta was spot on. The mosquito was a huge distraction. Nobody spoke about the missing GPS. CT decided to slap someone because he claims to see some mosquito flying up and about. We were all slapping each other. Then somebody decided to make a run for it. The group was off faster than ever. Came out at the tarmac and was greeted by a villager sitting on his motorbike smoking a cigarette.

   " Had fun with the mosquito??"

   I did not know if i wanted to laugh or take a dump.

Misleading scenic photo.

   With our tails between our legs we quietly rode away. Arrived at the official bus stop where we usually have our break. Took a long apple break. Everyone ate something. CH decided to play with a leech. Painmaster took a shower. CT offered to slap KY. Aric stood far away from Jason. Borky was grumbling something. I dont speak hobbit. I think we rode for 25 minutes in total and walked more likely an hour or so. I hope the Manta has good life preserving skills.

   After like an hour of carbo loading from all the walking we did. Manta decided we will now start the ride proper. So off we went into the palm oil plantation. Pretty much uneventful riding along quaint village roads and into palm oil trails. Wet , sandy and muddy . Saw a few stray dogs along the way. Birds singing. Things were getting a bit boring. The Manta decided to take us on the scenic route.

   We rode through a cow farm.
   We rode through a trail covered with cow dung.
   We rode through a pile of cow dung 4 inches deep.
   The cows stared at us in disbelief.
   We rode through a wet trail covered with running cow pee.
   We rode through a pile of cow dungs that had diarrhoea.
   I stared at Unker in disbelief.
  We rode right across the cow's communal toilet.

   I am not one to be lost for words. I was dizzy throughout.... I can still smell the cow right now. I will most likely be vegetarian for the next few days.

   In utter silence we rode on. Borky made the same vow for the third time.

   "I am not coming back to this trail anymore. Why la ? Why did i wake up this morning?..."

Border of Burma.

   Into the palm oil plantation we rode. Manta was far ahead. Nowhere to be seen. CT decide to inject some fun into the ride. It is getting really boring he thought.

   " Stop. Look at my RM40k bike. I just kicked the crank right off. The crank is stuck to my foot now. Look... How ah? Now what do we do??"

   Oh boy......
   It was another 20 minutes of swearing and cursing in Cantonese before we managed to put the bike back in one piece. Saddle on and we rode ahead. Trying to catch up with the front runners. Caught up with the Manta and the front boys after a good run. Shared the story about the broken down Ferrari. Almost everyone laughed.  More cursing and hellos in Cantonese. Took a short break and the group decided it was probably best to move along.

   The rest of the ride was pretty much uneventful. No more broken bikes. No more cow farms. It was 10 clicks of riding through wet muddy mosquito farm. I have never seen so much mosquito in my life. The rider in front of me had a bunch of mosquitoes drafting behind his butt. Looked around and every other riders has a peloton of mosquitoes drafting behind them. I was scratching like a chimp. My arms looked like a jagung drenched in shiny wet butter. Suddenly the cow farm felt more pleasing to ride through.
   Half an hour of utter misery. Poor Borky was on the verge of tears. If not for the love he has for his bike, he would have abandoned us all and gone back to Hobbit kampung. Borky did not smile for the rest of the day.
   Finally, we arrived at the look out point right across the car park. Relief is such sweet sensation.
   We rode back to the car in silence.

Look out point.

   Lunch was a riot. Beer was cold. Manta survived, he did not get lynched. Bork swore he will never ever return to this trail. Jason tried to recruit fellow riders to go search for his GPS. Aric swore the GPS is not in his pocket. CT could not belief his broken crank cost RM2k. He swore something in Teochew.

   Me?
   I hate swimming on a Sunday morning, any morning in fact...

'Unbelievable.

 

Kiara 8th April 2018

Any Given Sunday... Kiara.

   Revisited Kiara with a small bunch of goats. KY initiated the ride. With most of the old goats away for Ching Ming, the few leftovers agreed on a lazy run in Kiara. Ride invitation was thrown out in the group, not one soul replied to it. Shows how popular Kiara / KY is.
   I guessed it would be the usual 0800 hour meetup in front of KSH. Looks like i'll just show up and see if anyone besides KY will be around. Solo Kiara or a pair is fine actually. Hmmm... to bed then.

   Woke up and off to Kiara. Arrived at 0745 and found the Old Dino looking lost right in front of KSH. Waved at him. Took him about a minute to register and wave back. This fella either needs a hot cup of coffee or a kick in the butt to wake him up i thought. Sat the old fella down and he ordered ice black coffee. Makes you wonder eh.... Ice cold coffee might be the secret to longevity or Alzheimer. Hard to tell really. The Old Dino looked like he was his old self the moment the coffee came.
  Then up popped Albert and Judy. Drove right pass us without a wave or a smile. Parked not 5 feet away from us and not a hit of acknowledgement from either one of them. How odd i thought. It could possibly be bad eyesight, lousy hearing or they just don't like this Old Dino. Turn me head and saw KY walking towards us. He was as surprised as me. People actually showed up. Ordered his share of protein and started to chat. Albert stood next to his car. Looked at us for a good 20 seconds. Then realized he is a good and forgiving person. He smiled and started walking towards us.
 
   " Eh Albert. You drove passed us and did not even smile or say hello. What's going on?"
   " Sorry guys. It was coming out. I had to hurry a bit. Otherwise, my Kiara ride would have been to the Self Served Laundry instead of the trails. Now that its all offloaded. What's good to eat?"

   Next came CT, Yong, Shamoon and Simon and his little buddy friend.
   More coffee and nasi lemak.
   Teres and Desmond pulled up and started shaking their head in disapproval. We had no choice. Now we can't go straight to Curry Noodles. These two will not shut their mouth. They will tell the world about it. We had to ride to earn our Curry Noodles now. Reluctantly. we started to get ready. CT was mighty annoyed. CT was also ignored. Let's go ...

   Up and away. Into Office. Out to Coronary. Took a turn out towards the tarmac and up towards the Magic Carpet Junction. The group took a break at the tarmac to view all the lycra clad sweaty Mommy's. CT was happy now. Desmond kept updating us on how to properly use detergent for self cleaning and self preservation for future offspring's. CT demonstrated the right and proper way to puke if you have excess detergent in your mouth. Lotsa more garbage and details on detergent types and its bitter taste.
   Kanesh the Wineman came out of nowhere and smiled at us. Have not seen this fella for easily 10 years. He comes to Kiara now with his kid. Time flies. Good seeing him again. Said our hellos and off he went.
   Looking around, we realized the Sabun fella from Penang was missing. Teres made 3 mobile calls to him,  warning him about having Curry Noodles without getting the group's consent will be detrimental to his health. Of course he did not pick up the calls. Teres was determined to get his point across.
   We proceeded into Magic and up towards the 2K junction. Teres was still grumbling about that soapy fella running off midway. Regrouped at the tarmac and caught our breath. Desmond and CT continued their observation about how detergents would taste like when its bubbly. We could only smile politely. Then Sabun called. He was at the cross junction watching all the mummy's stroll past. Teres immediately hushed us up to go straight to cross junction.
   Not minutes later, we arrived at the junction to see Sabun having a gala time chit chatting with the senior citizens. Seeing Teres approaching, he could only grin and tried to explain how he missed the turn and ended up in Flintstones instead. Of course, nobody believed him one bit. Poor fella. Now he knows exactly how i feel all the time. Serve him right i say....
   Somebody suggested we go hike our bike in Kawan-Kawan. And hike we did. The trail was totally washed out with deadfalls and whatnots. This Manta and Bulldozer fellas have not been doing their Wednesday cleanups with passion. Lazy pair of retirees. Emerged from it and continued up towards Lower Short. Caught up with Albert and Judy at the entrance of Upper Short. The group decided to use Upper Short to swing down towards Wasteland. That was quite a fun bit. All down and swift....
   Then it was an uphill walk towards the horsetrack before running right into Playmates. Swift run in Playmates and before we knew it. We were back to the tarmac again for a break and allow Desmond and CT to continue with their detergent debate. Then it was the back towards the gravel climb back towards pondok.
   The group decided the time was right and proper to go attend to the real reason we came to Kiara today.
 

   Lunch was good.
   The ice cold beer.......even better!!!
 
   Unbelievable'

Lake Toba Tour 1st March 2018 / 5th March 2018

Tour Ride Lake Toba 2018...

Lake Toba.

  Day 1:-  KLIA to Medan Airport.
   And away we go. Flight to Medan was scheduled at 0630hours. The most ungodliest flight time ever. 18 rider shrunk down to 15 at the final headcount. 3 rider cancelled their participation at the eleventh hour.
   This tour was master minded by Chairman KC. He suggested , we listened , somebody said ok. The rest nodded. And the plan was set to take off first day of March 2018. Not one person asked what to bring. How far we plan to ride. Where we were gonna spend the 3 nights. We were flying blind.

   That was how we ended up at KLIA midnight of March. Yong was the first to check in. I came by 10 minutes later. Dotty popped up behind me not 10 minutes later. Then Danny decided to drop by for Yong's salty peanuts. Hanz came by afterwards mumbling something. Nobody paid him any attention. 5 of us started doing what everyone else does at this time.
   5 phones came flying out. FB was duly updated with selfies and whatnot's.
   Things were pretty calm till 0330 hours.
   Then the mayhem started. Checking in 15 bikes at the counter was funny for us and the check-in crew. Nobody knew what to do. Lotsa talking and finger pointing finally got us through with lotsa spare kilos to kill. Fong was disappointed. He would have brought more things if he knew we had so much leftover allowances.
   Into the departure hall. Everyone was ever so kind and polite. Started the usual hellos and hi. Tried to put a face to the name that was thrown about. Yong continued offering his peanuts to anyone brave enough to take it up. Straightforward run to the plane. Departed. Off we went. Headed North towards Sumatra.
   Right on the dot. We landed in Kuala Namu Airport Medan. A brand spanking new airport. Mighty impressed when the door was thrown open. A world of difference from the old Polonia Airport i landed upon 29 years back. Like obedient cattles, we headed to the immigration for our stamp collection.
   Waited for our bikes at the collection ramp and it came after a bit of nail biting. Waited a wee bit more for the luggage to pop up. Gerard started his pacing. Dotty visited the toilet for the fourth time. Yong grinned. KC took another selfie.
   After about an hour, all luggage's and bikes were accounted for. Gerard said something to someone about something. We started to head towards the door. Gerard started to sweat and mumbled something in Hokkien. The herd stopped in it tracks. Gerard did not get his IKEA bag. His riding gear and spare tyres were inside the IKEA bag. Pete stared at Gerard's waist. Fong wandered off somewhere.
   Took us about an hour of waiting and toilet visiting. Finally, it was confirmed by the ground crew. Gerard would have to wear the same clothes for the entire tour. Yong took out his peanuts. Dotty ran off to the toilet for the 5th time in an hour. With as much coxing as the ground crew could do. The IKEA bag refused to leave KLIA willingly. So it was with much regret , the IKEA bag stayed back in KLIA while Gerard was enjoying Yong's peanuts en route. Somebody farted. We headed towards the door. Gerard wanted to hold on to the trolley till he got his bag. KC gently told him to let go. KC mentioned something about growing old and taking Cialis as a counter measure.

Circus is in town.

   Cleared immigration and we found the transport ready for us at the arrival hall. One nice yellow lorry and two lovely looking van. Up and inside we clambered in. I got to ride shotgun. :)
   Towards Medan we headed for our first meal. Pretty much an uneventful ride into town. Did the usual Asian touristy thing. Started searching for mobile card to activate FB and Candy Crush. Managed to secure the so precious mobile kit as soon as we arrive in Medan. Fong was on hunger strike until we got him his mobile kit. Had our first Chinese meal in Medan at the restaurant next door.
   Lunch was forgettable.
   Gerard thought it would probably be a wee bit impolite to been seen wearing the same riding gear for 5 days. So, off he went to search for a fresh new set of Toba sponsored riding gear to compliment him being here. Took him a bit of rummaging but he finally found something that fits him and did not cost him an arm or kidney.
   Away we go in our pretty white vans.

   Our guide Mr Bloom, took us on a small detour to visit the local Chinese temple. Lovely place. Medan is home to many ethnic Chinese. Therefore, you will come across quite a number of beautifully constructed temples. We came to the most elaborate temple. Did the touristy thing. Snapped some photos. Left the temple after everyone managed to log in to their FB and did the selfie thing. KC took another 11 selfie. Dot found the toilet.

Medan

   Off we went up into the mountains. The road heading towards Lake Toba was every bit the as it was 20 odd years ago. Nothing changed. It was exactly how i remembered it. Roads were still narrow. Drivers were all still World Rally Champion retirees. Pedestrians were very firm believers in God. Gerard said something. Pete changed his profile to green instead of yellow. Dotty wanted to pee again. And i rode shotgun... Oh yeahh.
   An hour of utter silence.
   We finally arrived at Parapat jetty. Hanz decided to start breathing again and finally let go the door handle. Jumped off the van and everyone started to congratulate each other for being alive still. Yong went off searching for more peanuts. Gerard tried to locate his IKEA bag using GPS. KC took 39 selfies. Fong was wondering why there is an ocean on a volcano. Herb wanted his beer. Fredo said something in Teochew. Dotty found her toilet. Watching the herd trying align itself, i could only smile. This will be an interesting trip. Especially Gerard, riding commando for 3 days. His nuts will be right and properly tested. Let the ride begin i say...!!!
   Into the ferry we hopped. This will be a 30 minute boat ride to our stay for the night. Pretty sights aplenty along the way. The water was pristine still . Same as it was when i last came to visit. "Pulo Samosir" blasting on the speaker... Smiles aplenty. Dotty came out from the toilet smilling. Herb couldn't believe that beer was not available en route. Fredo could only offer him a pat on the back.
   Arrived at Tuk Tuk Resort. Pretty awesome looking place. Obediently we jumped off the boat and waited to be called up for our designated room.

Tuk Tuk Resort.

   Chairman laid out the rooms and off we went to pee, fart and poo.
   An hour later. Everyone decide the time was right and off we went for our real motive coming to Toba. BINTANG Beer. Herb was grinning like a virgin on his wedding night 40 odd years ago. Fredo smiled. Fong was still staring at the volume of water in front of him. Gerard tried tracing his IKEA bag again. Dot found the resort toilet. Happy bunch of senior campers...
   Found a little hippy cafe by the lakeside. ONARI Cafe. The rest of the 3 hours was a blur of beer, pork curry , and lotsa shouting in hokkien and cantonese. KC was adamant we all read up on Cialis. Fredo smiled for the second time. Fong continued staring confusingly at the lake. KC took 35 selfies. Someone asked if we should head back and perhaps try to set up the bike so we can take photos of the bike as proof on FB. That someone almost got lynched by the Kepong old boys. Another someone snapped photos.
   Reluctantly we paid our bills and headed back towards the resort. Utter silence.

This is what we do during a bike tour.

   It was an hour of madness as boxes were torn open. Bikes claimed. Somebody farted again. Dotty had to pee. KC busy taking more selfies. This is how anarchy works eh... Somehow we managed to organise all 15 bikes for group photo session just right before nightfall. Got the last bike sorted by 1830hour. Off we went back to our room for a shower and a poo. Then it was off to Jenny's for dinner.
   The herd were aiming for the beer more than food i think. Nobody was interested in what they serve at Jenny's. Only question heard was, " Make sure the beer is nicely chilled please..."

   Dinner was as crazy stupid as it can get.

Calm before the storm.

   I have never in my life waited for a storm to arrive before finally eating my BBQ pork dinner all drenched and wet. For the first time in my life, i actually had to put on a raincoat to protect my dinner from the rain pouring in. Rain came before food came. And by God, it poured cats, dogs and poodles.... We were huddled in a little hipster hut. All 15 drenched and soaked. And the food was nothing to shout about. My pork tasted more like a Pomeranian than a pig.
   Meh...
   Dinner done. We trooped back wet and drunk for more drinks at our rooms. Whisky solves a lot of grievances and broken hearts. For Gerard even more so, he could not decide on whether he should be going commando the next day or just wait and pray for his lost IKEA bag to miraculously pop up tomorrow morning. Yong took out more peanuts. Fong continued staring at the lake. KC tried his best to find his stash of Cialis.
   Finally called it a night after a few shots of whisky...

Day 2:- Tuk Tuk Resort to Pangururan Resthouse.

Views galore.

   Bright and shine.
   Breakfast served. Simple fried rice and egg. Yummy. Smiles all around.
   Good news for Gerard, IKEA bag located and found! Only problem was, the bag missed the flight and is still having a gala time in KLIA. After some deliberation, Gerard decided he will brave himself and go commando instead of waiting for his IKEA bag. Gave instruction for the disobedient bag to be detained in KLIA till he returns.
    Today's ride was originally planned for 65km, but over night, El' Captain decided the extra 23km was unnecessary and decided we will be doing 47km instead for today. Everyone said ok. Even Gerard.
   The route will be fairly flat and scenic. Lotsa villages to pass by and even a beach to stop for coffee. Dotty visited the toilet. Fong remains preplexed. KC insisted we gather for a wefie and pose the sideways Superman thingy. I wanted to kick someone.
   Tuk Tuk to Pangururan. 47km.
   Away we go.
   And scenic it was. Paddy fields. Quaint villages. A million kids smiling and waving their hands. I must have high fived about 100 kids. My face was frozen from so much smilling. All the ladies at their doorway peering out at the circus passing by town. Wonderful route to cycle and see the local scenery by bike. Water buffaloes grazing . Dogs sleeping drunk by the roadside. Angry chickens. Green green paddy fields with the mountain as a backdrop. It was all bliss...
   After a bit, the Circus decided to stop for coffee and a bit of snack. Came across this little shack and the local guys calling us to stop for coffee. Took up their offer. That decision changed our life. It traumatized a few more than others.
   We were the typical clueless tourist from Mars.
   Walked in to the hut innocently and started ordering the coffee and tea. Plenty chatter. No one paying any attention. Till Claude decided to visit the kitchen for a peek of what's being cooked.
   She came out green as a Martian.
   This quaint little hut serves Poodle Curry. And in Toba it's called B1 meat.
   We were all lost for words. Considering this bunch of chatter boxes, that would be quite a statement. No one knew how to react. Hanz decided to explore further. He found all four paws on the chopping board right behind the stove. Fredo walked to the loo and saw the pit where the poodle was BBQ. Like a deer staring into headlamps, no one knew what was best to say at this point. I was honestly a wee bit off balanced. I knew about dogs being consumed on some parts of the island. But, having to look at it with my own eyes was a really strange experience altogether. I was both curious and confused. El' Captain wiped his mouth. Fong mumbled something.  Claude continued shaking and hopping around outside the shack. Me and VT could only smiled at each other.

Scoody Doo Curry.

   We tried our best to stay calm and not cause further drama. Claude and Hanz were pacing around like a pair of headless chicken. Both were unsure whether sitting or squatting would be best. Herb decided ordering a plate of fried noodles would help. Noodles came. A few dug in. A slight pause.
   The meat tasted funny, to put it mildly. Herb stopped grinning. Me and VT smiled at each other again. This trip is turning out to be more than fun.
   After about an hour of awkward chatter, we decided it was probably best to carry on with the tour and enjoy the scenery.


   More paddy fields and kids walking along the narrow road.
   Then we arrived at Pasir Putih beach. Decided to explore it and soak in the view. Interesting beach. Sandy volcanic pebbles. Almost still water. Spoke to a few tiny fishes we saw swimming along. Did the touristy thing. Took a million photos. KC did what he does best. More selfies. Then it was time to go.
   Another hour of riding along quaint village road took us to our destination today. Pangururan.
   Grabbed some lunch at the local Minangkabau stall. Rest house was only next door.
   Lunch done. Checked in to the rest house.
   Walking in to the rooms was an eye opener. Pete and me looked at each other in utter disbelief. Room is absent of a fan, air conditioning, tv and table. Toilet was as bare as it could be. There was only a ladle in the toilet. Nothing else. Naa daa.. Zero. No soap. No shampoo. No hot water. No sitting toilet. No flush EVEN. This is gonna be interesting. Lets check the groupchat!!
   As expected. Gerard was on the chat before anyone else. Gerard thought he landed in Twilight Zone and someone was playing another round of joke on him after the IKEA bag episode. Herb was next. Turns out, squatting play a huge obstacle for these old goats. Most can squat. None can stand back up.
   We might need to get the concierge to provide us with either a forklift or a couple of butt plugs. I did not know if i should be enjoying this in private or laugh out loud in public. I for one will not go rescue a stinky old dude stuck in a squat position with an unflushed toilet bowl. Give me poodle curry anytime...!!!
   An hour into the confusion, someone decided we should go drown our confusion in the local hot spring located 3km away in the mountains. So off we went.

En Route Pangaruran

  Pretty uneventful ride to the hot springs. Arrived. Paid our fee and randomly jumped into one of the pool. Not as boiling hot as the one i experienced in Taiwan. My nuts did not get cooked. It felt nicely warm and toasty. The rest seemed to be happy soaking themselves in the hot sulphuric water. Spent almost an hour playing stinky hot water with stinky old folks before we decided to head back.
   Dinner was ... meh.
   Dinner took 90 minutes to be served. Poor old Pete almost died of starvation. My first time watching a starving Hainanese. Can't quite blame him. The fried rice looked as happy as Gerard.
   We did the best we could with the sorry dinner. Headed off to try the local durians instead. Bought a couple of it for dessert. Returned to the rest house and found the rest of the herd also enjoying the durian. A bit of chatter before we switched off for the night.
 
Day 3:- Pangururan return loop to Tuk Tuk Resort.
 
   Rise and Shine...!
   It will be a 57km ride today. With a nice 25km uphill climb right smack at the beginning. We were jumping in blind. No one asked how long this was gonna take us. Someone farted again. KC as usual said something before taking out his mobile for selfies galore. We obediently complied. Rain drizzled down as we took off.
   Road condition was pretty bad. Potholes. Wet muddy road. In silence we rode for about 30 minutes. The usual scene of locals up and about their morning business. Staring at the bunch of clowns on bikes passing by.
   We smelled it before seeing it.
   A boy was roasting a dog by the roadside.
   My mind went blank for the rest of the day.
   KC took 4 photos of course.

   It was a long climb up to the peak. 1648meters.
   Passed by about 30 water buffaloes. 3 lakes on the hills.Yep. 3 lakes on top of an extinct volcano. Go figure. Me and Pete were equally confused. Road condition was really good. Wind chilly. Almost zero sun. Was a wonderful day for climb. We were blessed and lucky. Stopped at a few vantage points to take in the view of the distant mountains covered in clouds. Passed by a couple of villages. The kids, as usual were excited to see the circus passing by. More high fives. More photos. Then it continued upwards for the next hour or so.

   Arrived at the peak, found a hut for us to grab some local snacks. We cleaned out the kitchen. Finished most of the instant noodles and heaven sent coffee. Spent a bit more time viewing the lake from the hut. You could see all the way to Parapat from where we were. Beautiful sight indeed...
   Time to go down the mountain. Stopped a bit to enjoy the waterfall along the way before another 30 minutes of continuous downhill towards Tumuk.

Waterfall...

   Tumuk is a small town that caters to the locals for their daily needs. Came into the local market. Everything you would expect to see is sold. Lotsa fruits. Vegetables. Chickens dead and alive. Passed by the discharging jetty for vehicles as well. Congested. Plenty traffic. We quickly made our way out of town and headed back towards Tuk Tuk. Our destination for the day. Dotty needed the toilet. Fong couldn't wait to go stare at the lake again.



   Arrived back at Tuk Tuk and the Resort Manager Mr Bloom was surprised to see us coming in so early. He was expecting us arriving much later. Considering the climb we had to commit. He walked away in shock. The group quickly adjourned to their rooms for a quick wash up. Beer awaits. Everything else can wait.
   It was a continuous flow of beer from tea time till dinner. More beer at the resort reception with Mr Bloom. Guitar came. KC stopped taking photos. A lot of howling and screaming... Herb even attempted to do a bit of macarena. I held in my fart. Yong was grinning like a deflowered hippy. More howling....
   Mr Bloom was in such a pleasant mood, he even offered to teach us how to sing a Batak song. And the song goes like this.

   " Lisoi... lisoii... lisoiiiii....lalalala Lisoii LISOII!!!!!!..."

   Repeat it as much as you want.
   I honestly believe Mr Bloom gave us a pile of bullshit with that song. How selfish of him not to share what he smoked earlier. It would have been more believable if we were all stoned together. Monkey fella...

   We kept the resort awake that night. Whisky and beer flowed... It was a blur for me.
   Somehow, we finished the drinks and crawled back to our bed to rest for the next day.
   145km . Oh boy.... I visited the toilet twice before i slept.
   Fear.
   Keeps you awake i learn.

Day 4:- Simpang Kawat to Tanjung Balai.
 
   Bright and sunny.
   Over drinks and dinner last night. Someone managed to convince the Chairman that we would probably be better off using a transport to get to the peak of the volcano before attempting to ride the rest of the way to the coast within a day and hopefully not suffer any puncture or collapsed lungs. Chairman thought for 2 minutes and agreed. We decided to call Mr Bloom.
   Mr Bloom managed to secure 2 van to collect us and a lorry to pick up the bikes. We shall all hopefully rendezvous again at the peak.
   So into the 2 little van we squeezed in.
   The ride up the hill was as silent as a dead winter's night. Pete's eyes have never been bigger. Hanz was whimpering like a kitten on heat. Yong held on to his grin for the longest time ever. KY was slightly lost and confused. Me? I rode shotgun again...
   I could have died a few times before we arrive at the peak. Never have i been so close and intimate with the rear end of a lorry. I could literally lick the rear lamps if i wanted to. Parapat driver's must be really skillful or they are really in a hurry to poo. It was as close as you can get to riding in a rally car up Monaco. Except this is a minivan with Indonesian pop songs blaring in the back. I didn't know what to do. I could only hope the guys in the other van were shitting in their pants. That would scare me ....
   So we arrived at the destination in one piece. Within minutes, the other van came barrelling  down and shot past us. Within seconds, they came flying back to meet us. Chairman was riding shotgun. I was never more pleased to see that. Cialis... hmmphh. Let's see if his Cialis claim will do him good on this bat out of hell ride.
   Chairman was perplexed when he climbed down the van. He did not know if he should be swearing in Hokkien, Cantonese, English or Pidgin. I was more than amused. Fredo said something in Teochew before running off to the toilet. Everyone else was busy congratulating each other for being alive and not shitting in their pants. Our biggest achievement by far....!!!
   Van and lorry took off. So it was now down to getting the bikes set up correctly and getting all our fluids prepped for the 120km ride to the coast. Took off at 0930 hours. Shopkeepers and bystanders gave us a wave and a cheeky smile.

120km to the coast.

   It was a long long long ride...
   Never believe anyone when they tell you its a downhill loop. Every time someone says that to you. They are merely trying to tell you , you are pretty much screwed....
   We rode and rode. We climbed and climbed. It was a long ride. Through plantations. Villages. More plantations. Villagers shaking their in disbelief when they found out where we were headed to. Most just smiled politely before laughing after we pass.
   I have never seen so many cows in my entire life. The road was long , pebbled and hot. The herd mostly kept quiet for the first half of the day. Herd referring to the cyclist. The cows were busy grazing and giving us funny looks. Took a short and quick lunch at one of the roadside stall before continuing on.
   Rode through a village with kids swimming in the drain. The drain was the main irrigation system for their farm. Upon returning home, i realised. This was a passing moment i will regret for a long time. I should have stopped and taken my time. Never will i have the same opportunity to join the kids for a swim in their drain ever again. The water was almost crystal clear. Cool and welcoming. The kid's, they looked like they were having the time of their life. I should have jumped in...sigh.
   And we continued plodding on for the next hour.

   It was almost dusk when we spotted the signage pointing us to the coast. Claude was so happy to see it, she decided to hug Kelvin with her bike. Both went tumbling. Yong continued grinning. No one got hurt. And away we pedaled. Not long and we arrived at our rest house in Tanjung Balai. Dotty did what she does best. Visit the toilet again.
   We rode for 9 hours. Stopped for lunch twice. Stopped for drinks 3 times. Waved to 300 cows. Made 4 right turns and one left turn for the entire 116km of road.
   Pretty amazing....!!!
   Now that i am back home sitting on my still sore butt typing this out. I can't help but smile at how reckless we were. 116km with panniers and riding without GPS. We were as foolish as kids. But hey....I loved it!!!
   Dinner was served village style. Fried chicken to be eaten with your hands and warm tea drank from the bag without straws. The herd was so exhilarated they could be eating Scooby Curry and no one would raise an eyebrow.
   Had coffee with Pete, Yong and KY after dinner. We were just smiling and laughing at how silly we were. Attempting to ride 145km to the coast and whatnot. Thank god we had a wee bit of sense left and took the lesser option. It was still a ride to remember for a long time coming.
   The next day was another adventure altogether. A 5 hour ferry ride back to Port Klang...
   Oh boy.

Day 5:- Tanjung Balai to Port Klang.
 

Local Delight.

   Day started with a dose of local nasi lemak. Piping hot and spicy. The herd were in a cheerful mood. Another 7km ride to the jetty and we will get to cross the Straits of Malacca by ferry.
   The ride to the jetty was scenic and dusty. This being a port town still developing. Everything was chaotic. Bikes all over, total ignorant of traffic rules. Lotsa honking and people staring at the circus passing by. I can't help grinning.
   Arrived at the jetty and it was a 2 hour wait before we get loaded into the steel banana for the high speed run across the straits. More selfies and chatter. Fong insisted this was the same water he had been staring at for the past 3 days. He wants his money back. Gerard still couldn't decide on the Cialis recommendation.

   "10mg enough meh? Sure or not?"

   Ferry came and into the ferry we clambered in. Ok. Pretty funky looking ferry with all the rainbow covered seats and diesel fumes. We will either throw up from the waves pounding us or the diesel fumes emanating from the engine. The herd settled in and within minutes, the ferry took off slowly.
   Pretty uneventful run across the straits. We had good weather and almost zero waves. Before long , we were within sight of Port Klang. Home sweet home....
 

Failed marriage proposal.

   All in, this was an absolute fun trip. Everyone had a gala time riding and soaking in the scenery. We must have had a 100 bottles of Bintang Beer. High fived a few hundred school kids. Winked at a hundred cows and water buffaloes. And cursed a million times for having to ride up 1648 meters. Learn ONE Batak word.
   But hey.
   It was heck of fun and i will willingly do this again. Only the next time, i swear. You WILL find me swimming in the drain with the kids...

   Liii Soiiii....!!!

   'Unbelievable.

My best new found friend.

Toba souvenir.