Kemensah 24th JUNE 2018

Kemensah Chat and Ride.

First Apple break.

   Old Manta finally came to his senses. For once, we are not riding within a 5km radius of a pub. The past few months have been total snobbery to all things decent. If you are not a beer lover, those few rides would have been tailored such you would feel like a second class citizen. Those rides were a test on your alcohol tolerance. You want to ride, you must be able to survive the post ride audit. If you only drink hot Milo, you are pretty much screwed. Even warm beer were frowned upon. The post ride audits were so intense and meticulous even the Guinness Simon took off halfway mostly. Audit session usually last till late evening, depending on who is conducting it. If Unker and that half German Chinese Nonya fella is on the audit board, rest assured. You will get home for dinner. Ask Alex from Puchong. That fella really 'naik kereta' the last time we rode.
 
   So this was supposed to be a proper ride.
   Meet point and meet time posted. It was to be 0745hours at the usual car park. I decided to come early for breakfast. Parked and saw Borky having a chat with Guinness at the stall down the road. Decided to let them be and sat down at the other shop. Not long after the Old Dino drove past with a wave. Finished my food and off i went to the car park. Spotted a few early birds. Yong was grinning as usual. No peanuts this time. Guinness was getting ready. Borky spotted a speck of grease on this bike. Unhappy face. Jesse was still half asleep. CT wiped his mouth. Alcohol at 7am is best to be discreet.
   It was a few minutes of hellos and whatnots. The crew slowly trickled in. All came. Except the Manta.
   Clock showed 10 past 8 and the Manta is yet to be seen. A few frowning faces. Some started kicking branches. Teres did a KC. He flew the plane. And finally, we spotted the banana mobile turning into the car park.

Route Map.

   " Morning fellas. Running a bit late. I had to finish my Milo before i was allowed to leave the house. My Milo guesstimate was a wee bit off this morning. Made too big a cup. So i had to sit down obediently and finish it before Mummy said i could go. Apologies i made you guys wait... I am here now. Hooray. "

   Nobody paid him any attention.

   It was another 15 minutes of nonsensical chatter and bike comparing session. Swen took 12 selfies. Hanz kept complimenting CT on how handsome they both are. Krankster found some peanuts from the petrol station across the road. Borky was annoyed his bike is not shiny. Unker was mightily concerned that the German Chinese Nonya fella was running instead of cycling. He couldn't figure out who that fella is running away from. Jesse stood under the tree waiting patiently. Hanz tried convincing Grouchy that he really is handsome and tall. Fong burped a few times. Swen retook Hanz's side profile photo.

   Finally. Manta was ready. I was ready to puke.

   So off we went. This time around, the plan was to reverse loop it and climb from the rear of Kemensah instead of the usual Jimbara loop in. Like obediently lab rats, we cycled along. Pretty much a quiet affair. 20 minutes of tarmac crunching uphill towards the trailhead. Good weather. Cool crispy morning air. No farts heard.

Bamboo 1- Glove 0

   Arrived at the trailhead. With a cow farm located right beside it. Nobody said anything. Even Hanz stopped talking for a moment. It was cranking time. And crank we did. It was an hour of uphill cranking on broken 4x4 tracks. Cranking for some. Walking for most. I accompanied Manta. He needed time to digest his Milo. We walked and walked. Unker tried switching on his turbo. Turbo blew up after the third corner. He joined us walking. Borky stopped grinning. Grouchy, well he was his usual self.
   It took a few more quick stops and lots more walking before we finally crested the track. Never more grateful for the good weather. If the weather had been hot and humid, we would have collapsed like starving goats in the desert. Arrived at the clearing and the Manta declared a mini apple break selfie session.
   10 minutes of listening to Hanz and Swen talk. They spoke. We pretended to listen. CT applauded like an enthusiastic chimp. Fong gave up halfway and headed off. Dino Jesse was so taken by the speech he decided to pee in the middle of the trail to show his appreciation.

The height of cycling fashion for clowns.

   Ride on.
   Another 30 minutes of walking up stone strewn trail.
   Finally arrived at the familiar three cross junction. Left to the dam and right to the same dam. We chose left. After another apple break of course.
   Took us another 30 minutes of crashing through fallen palm trees and broken branches before arriving at the dam. Dam was full this time around. Plenty of water filled to the brim.
   The group started to trickle in one after another.
   Krankster kissed a row of thorns.
   I banged me nuts on the top tube.
   Oily tried to commit suicide by kicking her rear wheel off midway going downhill.
   Funny Malay guy rode straight into the bush. Left the bike standing in the bush.
   Hanz took out a kiwi fruit.
   Swen wanted to go swimming in the dam with his bike.
   It was an uneventful apple break.

Dam.

   Manta took 30 minutes to finish chewing his apple. Then it was off for the uphill slog back towards the river junction. Pretty much another walking session for 30 minutes through the same fallen palm trees and broken branches. Krankster visited the same row of thorns that gave him a row of kiss on his cheeks. Group made it to the river for a break. Nobody got lost. Fong was smilling for some strange reason.

Damm...

   Swen took another 24 selfies and 3 videos. Hanz and CT were still undecided on who is more handsome among them both. Grouchy tried walking on air to avoid contracting Lepto, leeches, salmonella,ants, mosquito, sand in shoes, worms and mud. Nothing came out of it. His shoes were dripping in the end. Bah humbug...
   Oily arrived with a smile and a broken derailleur hanger. Manta took out another apple. It became another apple break with a broken carbon bike session. Most everyone clapped. Woo hoo... more selfies session. Swen was never happier. Borky continued raising his hands to ask questions. Yong started chewing his nuts as usual.

JKR at work.

   Took us a good 35 minutes of whispering and quiet discussion on what best to do. The shop told her it was a strong carbon made bike. We suspected it was made from Kepong charcoal. We were undecided on what to do. We could try to explain to Oily the difference between carbon and charcoal. But no one could speak Iban. We could abandon the bike. But Oily was still conscious. It would be easy to decide if she was unconscious. Her being awake and clear minded left us in such a difficult position. China made carbon / charcoal products are usually disposable items. If it breaks, throw away. How to abandon a fully conscious person AND a china made carbon / charcoal bike at the same time? Such dilemma ...

Hanz and CH helping to repair Oily's bike.

   In the end, we were left with no choice but to salvage whatever we could.
   7 cable ties helped solve the problem temporarily. China made products are such clever inventions, everything could be repaired either by cable ties or duct tapes. Manta finished his apple. Borky got tired of holding his hands up. Hanz was glad he remains pretty and handsome.

Doggie party.

   So off we went marching uphill again. Headed towards the doggies junction. Another 40 minutes of mumbling and sweating got us to the doggies point. Swen took out his bread for the doggies. The group watched them devour the bread hungrily. For safety reasons, we held Fong back. There were barely enough bread for them doggies.
   It was at this juncture that we decided to split the group up. A few were to accompany Oily and her bike out via Jimbara. The others will keep to plan and go out via the cattle farm way.
   Everyone made it out in one piece.
   Then it was the usual post ride session again.
   Lunch and Beer.
   And unfortunately, both Hanz and CT still couldn't come to an agreement on who is more handsome. The rest of us however, agreed that they are both pretty ugly. At least we were agreeing on something. Having downed half a dozen bottle of Heineken helps.

   Audit done and dusted at 3pm.

   Un'believable...

Bandar Saujana Putra Ride...

   Unker Kompressor sent out an invitation to go messabout behind his house. I was game for it seeing that it was not far from my place, and he sounded really lonely with the rest of the old goats off playing ducks in Haadyai. I thought it was a good idea, to look for new trails and spend some time exploring palm oils plantations. We have not done any palm oil plantation rides for a good few months now. It has been beer drinking rides for the past few months. About time we had a ride proper i thought. 
   So i was off to his place on a lazy Sunday morning.
   He was already standing in front of his house waiting for me when i showed up. He stopped scratching himself when he saw me. I of course politely declined to shake his hands. A simply morning greeting would do. Bike unloaded for the second time this morning. 
   First time bike was almost unloaded along the highway as i was driving to Unker's place. Heard a loud knock as i drove across a pothole and decided to stop to see if i had lost a wheel. Turns out, the bike attempted to bail on me, found the bike lying across my car roof. No idea how the bike managed to jump off the load rail and fall right across the roof. An inch more and i would have arrived at Unker's place minus my windshield. 
   After the bike setups and burping done. We headed out from his place. We have more people joining for the muckaround ride today. And they are merely 5km away. Unker of course conveniently forgot to mention that.It was a 35 minutes lazy ride towards the actual meet point at Saujana Putra.

    Arrived and counted 11 more riders conveniently suckered into showing up not knowing this was gonna be a blind leading the blind ride. A few fellas shook Unker's hand. I kept a distance.The usual bike setting up and chats about how tall Borky could be if he drank more milk. And we took off towards the trail head. Which Unker also forgotten to mention was right across the highway, 3km away... Like foolish school kids we tagged along. Another 15 minutes of staring at the tarmac and we ended up at the bottom of a 8 foot vertical ledge flanked by two huge old angsana tree.

   " Let's go people. This will be the start of the ride. Of course, we will need to get up this wee little bump here... Let's go now. No arguments. Up we go..."

   Someone made a Grouchy comments. No one replied. Alberto was undecided whether he should continue or just wait there for us to return. Judy left Alberto to contemplate. We made it up there after a bit of pulling, swearing and spitting. William took out his camera of course.

   And there we were, face to face with a right set of old palm oil plantations to play with for the next few hours. This will be fun i thought. Most everyone started smilling. Unker breathed a relief. He knew how close he was to getting lynched. I lasered him with my good eye.

   So into the plantation we eagerly rode. Cooling, windy and the trail was wide and flat. No mud, hard packed, zero ruts and smooth rolling. Everyone had a grin on their face. Rode up, took a right turn. Rode up a switch back and took another right. Descended a bit and we stopped to regroup. Alberto became confused and agitated.

   " Didn't we start from this exact point 10 minutes ago? Eh... I am not getting any younger but i can clearly recognise this was where we were 10 minutes ago. Unker... What's going on? Halloo...."

   Unker of course did what all mountain bikers do when questioned like that. He checked his GPS. Then he cross checked Jason's GPS. After a brief button pressing on CH's GPS. Unker declared what he had suspected all along. The GPS are faulty. Let's not point fingers, it's clearly the GPS's fault why we are riding in circles. And Unker wisely took off to check on the left junction before Alberto could digest and comprehend what he just said.

   It was a few minutes before we heard Unker calling for us to join him. Ride on. And the group obediently rode towards Unker. 

Tea Plantations

   Now it was my turn to be confused.
   Right before my eyes, as far as the eye can see. Lay a field of green tea bushes...

   Yep. You read correctly. Here we are, across Saujana Putra. Along the highway heading towards the airport. Hot and humid. And we are presented with a green field of tea bushes. Surrounded by decade old palm trees. Our jaws dropped. No one said a thing for awhile. I walked up to touch it. It's real. I hold in my hands fresh green tea leaves. And here i am, not 20 km from the sea. I was lost and confused. I felt like Grouchy looking at a talking tubeless wheelset, after having magic mushrooms and a warm Guiness.

   Took the group a few good moments before someone asked anything. Turns out, this tea plantation have been in existence since the 60's. And the plantation actually belongs to BOH. BOH have been harvesting and planting tea here for a long long time. There is even a specific name for this particular tea. It's called Sri Cheeding Tea. I am still trying to digest this as i type this out. It was really an eye opening discovery. The group did what all normal people do when they are surprised nowadays, they took out their phones. It was a 20 minutes photo taking sessions of selfies and wefies and farting.

   Finally, the group decided to continue exploring the farm out of curiosity. And explore we did. We rode around the farm from the North to South. East to West. That was how we ended up at the plantation manager's private bungalow. Bungalow was located up on a quaint little hill facing the farm. The caretaker generously allowed us to walk around and take photos. The bungalow is full of surprises. From the nameplate to the ownership of it. You have to see it with your own eyes to enjoy the magic of it. Google William Genmill and Kathleen Russell. There is much history behind it.
     I love it. The idea of having lived on a little hill facing a farm with mist covered view every morning. Minus all modernity and it's distractions. Absence of traffic both human and mechanical. A slice of heaven on earth. 

Imagine the view 40 years ago...

Entrance to home.

   We spent a good 30 minutes at the bungalow chatting and taking photos. Then it was on wards with the real purpose we came. We said goodbye to the caretaker and bungalow.

   It was another 2 hours of going in circles and crossing 8 foot high monsoon drains before we had an apple break. Well, not actually an apple break per say. We stopped because our dear Judy had complications with her legs. Judy was upset that her legs refused to bend at the knee. No matter what Alberto said or offered. Those silly old pair of legs refused to co operate. The stubborn old legs refuses to bend, regardless how much anti cramp spray we applied. VC even took the trouble to squat beside Judy and massaged her legs. To no effect. Legs were steadfast. We could only wait and hope for the best. Albert wanted his Hokkien Mee. Strangely, no one took out a phone to video this... Alex tried to convince Judy that giving birth is actually more distressing and painful. Alex was lucky Judy was temporarily rendered immobile by her uncooperative legs. Otherwise, i imagine Alex gets visited by those legs between his own legs for talking nonsense at such a crucial time. 

   It was another 20 minutes before the legs gave up cramping. Judy finally managed to stand up. Of course, that was after she was told in Hokkien that the last resort would most likely involve amputations with a 3 inch Swiss Army knife. A bit of encouragement always works. 

  And we continued riding again slowly. Judy was smiling again. It's always good to have cooperative legs at her age i suppose. The entire group congratulated Alberto for his patience. He did what any good old fella would do, he stood under the shade and waited quietly.

   Rode along dry palm oil trails for the next 30 minutes and we came out at a bushy clearing. This time, it was Unker whom had a shock.

   For a moment, we thought we had crossed the border to Vietnam. Well, that was what Aric claimed at least. Right before our eyes, two ponds with submerged rocks. And another to the left covered with lotus flowers. We were left speechless. Where did all this come from? Where exactly are we? From tea fields to this?

   We did exactly what we were expected to do.
   I spotted 11 phones. It was another 25 minutes of photo taking and wefies and whatnotfies....
   The ride turned out to be a surprise for everyone that came. We will surely return for another ride soon. The group finally emerged from the trail at about noon. Pretty good ride done. No one got lost. No flat tyres. Vincent spotted 2 ducks. The ducks flew off, leaving Vincent in awe. Vincent found out at 50 years of age that ducks actually fly. 
   Yew stole 3 lotus flowers for his future Vietnamese bride. William wanted us to walk to his home, he got ignored. Simon was adamant about getting his Guinness.  
  As usual, the group adjourned to Kota Kemuning for the compulsory beer and duck telling session.
  Of course the beer drinking took longer that the ride itself.... 

Un'believable

KDCF 3rd June Bashrama...

KDCF Ride hosted by Borky:-

MACC discussion.

   KDCF ride sealed with ice cold beer at Green Dot. Yellow Manta wanted another drinking hole instead of the usual Blue House. That was how we ended up in Green Dot instead. Yep, you read correctly. There really is a place called Green Dot. Now, we have to be specific when Dot is mentioned. It's Dotty Dot in Nilai. DotM in Miri and Green Dot for RM8 Beer. Such high quality friends i have.

   The usual bunch of goats showed up. No idea how many pax we had. Nowadays, they dont care anymore. Nobody bothers to count. Nobody is keeping records. Headcount is mere formality. As long as you show up with a bike, you are in. Doesn't matter if you are dressed up like Bozo or Rosmah. You are in. If you get lost and lose sight of the main pack and failed to keep up. Then you deserved to be left behind. Shame on you...
   Started from the usual Section 9 junction. Rode all the way to Wakaf Salam for the usual taichi and photo taking session. 3 fellas took out their camera cum phone. Everyone froze. Photos taken. Off we went. CEO was a wee bit upset that nobody congratulated him for making it to the infamous wakaf to have his photo taken. This is the first time CEO actually made it all the way INTO the trail. What more the wakaf. CEO usually comes to KDCF car park. Then leaves quietly after everyone rides into the trail. The group more than usual forgets about CEO until the first stop at the wakaf to discover his absence. By then, CEO would have absentmindedly switched off his mobile.
   This time, he actually rode into the trail and made it to the wakaf for his obligatory photo taking. He insisted on taking a photo to immortalise this momentous moment. He made us feel like we just summited Aconcagua. We could only force a polite smile. Pete did his usual photo taking duties. Photo came out as blurred as can be. What a buddy... Now, it is still unclear if that was really the CEO of someone else pretending to look like him. The debate continues.
 

   And the ride continued towards the triple climb. Well, we call it a climb. More like a walk if you ask me. Teres would disagree. Walking without a bike is not the same as a walk in the park. Walking your bike is still technically mountain biking. At that point in time, he gets ignored anyways. So the walk / climb continues.
   Up to the clearing. The entire herd gathered again for the next obligatory photo taking session. This is the main cross junction between bikers and hikers. Everyone tries to be polite whenever some pretty young hikers came along. The old goats tries not to speak or curse too loudly when the pretty ones comes by. It is really difficult trying to speak and hold in the beer belly. Many tried, mostly failed miserably.

Manta and Oily comparing toe nails.

   And away we went. This time towards scouts instead of Serenity. The usual muggy and wet trail from now on. CEO tried to keep his lungs inflated. Not much said and heard for the next few minutes from anyone. This is the part of the ride where everyone is focused on getting to the hut to get their buns and ice cream from the vendor.
   Finally arrived at the hut after almost an hour of slogging through Serenity and Salleh. CEO was more than pleased to make it to the third stop for his photo to be taken. It felt like we just summitted 3 G7's within a day. My lungs are literally bursting with joy and lactic acid he declared. He was so pleased with himself, he decided to reward himself with a soul searching solo ride back towards the car all by himself. No amount of coaxing will change his mind. He was adamant he will do a solo run. No one is to accompany him. Lest he loses focus or consciousness along the way. This he must do by himself. As all Jedi must... Of course, that was after he showed us his RM500 automatic tyre inflater. Borky was so impressed he offered his bike as a tester. Most everyone went oohh and aaahhh...
   After saying his farewell, the herd headed back into the trail minus the CEO.

   Another quiet uneventful ride towards the next photo taking location.
   The herd arrived and started to assemble for the next photo taking session. We heard a whimper. Poor Little Borky finally realised why the CEO left for his solo soul searching run. The CEO conveniently forgot to mention that his RM500 automatic tyre inflater could also act as a RM500 automatic tyre deflator. Borky was left with a flat rear tyre. Poor old Borky.
   The entire herd sprung into action as all herds do whenever one of their own is in trouble or mistreated.

Happy Borky...

   "No worries Borky. We will take care of this... " said Teres.

   After giving instructions on how best we should deal with the flat tyre, Teres decided to help by going to sleep for the next 20 minutes.

The team helping Bork repair his flat tyre.

   Tyre finally got fixed after 20 minutes of cursing the CEO, Teres and Tailook. Borky was smiling again. He was never more pleased on how quickly he managed to get his tubeless tyre fixed. All of it done, without him lifting any one of his short grubby fingers. All he did was this....

   It was another boring run back towards the car. Another hour of talking to myself got me back at the car with Oily, Jesse and Gerard. And that was how we ended up in the Green Dot. A couple of ice cold beer to figure out how to best report the CEO to MACC for his dual purpose automatic inflator deflator thingy.

Borky repairing flat tyre hands free...

Un'believable.