Sunday, 11 October 2015

11th OCT 2015 Kiara Blue Moon Ride

Kiara Monthly Moon Ride 11th OCT 2015:-


   The absence of any blog posting the past weeks was due to the goats being occupied with trying to finalise and agree to all terms and final trail layout for the upcoming Presidential ride. As with all breeds of goats, head butting will always take place before a consensus is achieved. This time around, we had a couple of steroids laden young goats going up against a few old arthritis laden goats. Agreeing upon which patch of grass to graze on, has and always will be an issue since time immaterial. The older goats will always graze nearer to the fence while the younger goats will always want to explore up the hill. Both sides usually end up head butting due to the lack and partial incomplete transfer of information.
   Older goats needs the be closer to the fence due to incontinence. If you gotta go, you gotta go... No one at  that age can hold it in anymore. Why do you think we have so much apple breaks lately? More like pee and poo break if you ask me. Each time we declare a break session, you will see a few of them old goats running into the bush.

Drain gazing.

   Younger goats will always wanna graze up the hill. It's breezier there. On a good day, you may even gaze far enough to watch a Spartan Race in the nearby hills. Whether you are dressed up like an orange or a tomato is no one else's concern. The old goats with their failing eyesight can't tell the difference anyways. Any colour looks the same to them, as long as it doesn't taste too salty when you lick it. They will agree to it.
   So it was on the last Sunday before the Presidential ride that this bunch of clown goats decided they have had enough of munching on salt baked chicken wings and made a decision to visit Kiara. With or without approval from the committee.
   0800 hours and a team of 12 goats showed up at the meeting point. The usual teh tarik and coffee before getting the bikes off the car. More chatter and bleating as we made our way towards the car wash to collect the other 3 lazier goats. Ride started as usual. Except for the sudden presence of Funny Melvin at the rear. Him showing up made all of us recheck our watch. We were confused for a bit. Usually he only shows up during lunch. This time around, our watch was correct. Funny Melvin had a slow watch. Hence him showing up 4 hours in advance for his regular Kiara ride. All he could do was smile like a single horned sheep.
   Up towards Office and out towards Lung Buster. The entire herd made it up towards tarmac in one piece. Pretty boring, no one made any attempts to ride off any cliff edge. We all sat in silence at the entrance to Magic Carpet. There was really nothing to talk about...

Borky with the big boys.

   After spending 15 minutes staring at their own feet. The herd realised it was getting really boring and made the decision to continue riding in hopes of finding something interesting to talk about. Into Magic Carpet we went and up towards the end up 2K we emerged.
   Another round of sitting in silence. I kicked a few stones to break the monotony. Futile it was...
   Manta stood up and announced that since we were all in such a cheerful mood. We will now ride non-stop from 2K all the way towards Mission without stopping for break at the hut. No one bothered to protest.
   We emerged out of Mission in silence.
   Towards Lower Shot we went.
   Up into Snakes and Ladders.
   Continued towards Tokong.
 
   Silence can be deafening. I was in fear. The troop seemed lost and confused.
   At Tokong, we ran into the Kajang boy's. Finally the silence lifted. Hello and greetings was heard. Age confirmation was done. More hellos and hi said. Chatter and name calling. Plenty accusation thrown and deflected like the Malaysian Cabinet meeting. It was a lively chatting session. It's almost like a marriage. After 15 years, you run out of things to say to each other. The moment you run into your ex, your heart starts pumping faster. You have plenty more things to say and defend. I could only sit at the corner and watch the drama.
   With the herd suddenly finding their soul and chatter back. Someone suggested riding to Hartamas for coffee to celebrate. Shouts of agreement were heard all the way to Bikepro. Borky jumped up and down excitedly. So off we went headed towards Kampung.
   The herd managed to ride all the way towards Hartamas without incident. Then Funny Melvin decided to take out the air from his tyre so we will stop and hopefully stare at his newly purchased wheelset. Plan did not work. No one asked. Coffee was much more tempting than mud covered wheels. Manta still thinks orange is silly. I just wanted my Mee Goreng.
  So off we went after waiting for Funny Melvin to put back his wheels. Tarmac cruising on the sidewalk towards the mamak. Most managed to find a chair to sit as we arrive.
   Yellow Manta came looking like Sushi Manta and announced that Jesse had crashed. Funny Melvin walked Jesse's bike towards us and laid his bike down. Up came Jesse smilling like a ragged doll.
   Lifted his arm and showed us a wonky looking elbow.
 
  " He rode down the sidewalk at walking pace and somehow slipped. Landed on his elbow. Punched his elbow into the tarmac and now his elbow is swollen like a pomelo..." said Funny Melvin.

   Borky took one look at Jesse's elbow and ran off wiping his eyes.
   Manta was doing what he does best. Change colour.
   CH and CT looked at the waiter in disbelieve. They asked for iced coffee. Got iced Nescafe instead.
   Choi! walked off to buy a bun.
   Mei as usual said something in Hakka which no one understood.
   Unker took a bite of my Mee Goreng.
   PeteW was sure a shot of Dimple would resolve all these nonsense.
   Funny Melvin poked Jesse's knee for assurance.
 
   Jesse stood there holding his wonky elbow for awhile before someone thought he might want to sit down and offered him a chair. After a short discussion, Jesse was shooed off to the nearby clinic to get his wonky elbow looked at. The herd continued grazing.
Wonky knee.
   Mee Goreng and Roti came promptly. CH and CT were still waiting for their drink. Getting a wee bit upset.
   Jesse called after a couple of minutes. Broken Funny bone. Confirmed. He is in a sling and will need to spend more time in the clinic with the nurse. We will need to cut short our ride and come collect him at Hartamas. Ky's frowned and kicked his rear wheel in frustration. Mei asked something in Hakka again. No one responded.
   So up towards Plan C we went and connected into Wasteland. A quick climb onto the tarmac and we were back to the car in no time. CH and CT went straight to the mamak and ordered their iced coffee. They made sure the waiter heard them correctly this time.
  The herd unpacked and loaded up. Manta , Choi! and Mei were designated to go collect Jesse and send him back home.
  No one offered to wash Jesse's bike. What a selfish group we have evolved into... The post ride Prawn Noodle was a blast though. In KC's absence, we had so much to talk about. Orange is still a rubbish color.

Jesse after getting his haircut.

Un'believable...



 
   

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

30th AUGUST 2015 Secret Ride Godknowsforhowmanymore...

Another Secret Ride 30th August 2015:-


 
   Having a dry choking sensation in the throat is very unpleasant. Attempting to swallow while having a dry choking sensation is horrid. Having to watch Tailook salivate while attempting to swallow with a dry throat must be how it feels like being in level one of Dante's purgatory.

   Deep Fried Salted Duck Egg Squid.
   Deep Fried Salted Chicken Wings.
   Deep Fried Tilapia Fish
   Deep Fried Pork Ribs.
   Fried Eggs with Onions.
   Stir Fried Cabbage with Dried Shrimps.




   That's what Tailook ordered for post-ride lunch on Sunday. Try chewing and swallowing those after being baked under the sun for 3 hours. This clearly explains why camels only eat fresh moist grass and not fried crickets after spending one week walking in the sand dunes. Manta was almost certain he will choke to death at the table. The only thing stopping him from doing that was the promise of free beer in D'Balcony next Friday.
   And all we had to wash down those food was piping hot chinese tea. At the very least, warm beer would be some sort of attempt at having compassion. But no. Tailook was so busy salivating he did not care anymore. You could have poured the entire pot of tea on her groin and Tailook would not have noticed one bit.
   Being infatuated is a dangerous thing.
   Being infatuated at 39 is suicidal.
   Being infatuated at 39 while deprived of water and logic is ugly.
 
   While we were busy attempting to eat like an Ethiopian, Tailook was enjoying himself staring at his "still to be added Facebook friend". He kept waving his chopstick at the lady while she walked by serving the rest of the restaurant. She did throw a couple of fleeting smiles towards our direction while her husband was not looking. Me, being seated right next to Tailook quickly realized how foolish and precarious a position i was in.
   Deep inside, i knew that if the husband decides to visit our table with a kitchen knife. I would be a dead man. I conveniently forgot to mention to the rest of the guys i was nursing a wonky ankle. A snail challenging me to a race that day would be laughing all the way to the finish line. I could only hope the insurance policy was till valid.

   After an hour of vigilant chewing. CH decided to take matters into his own hands.

   " This is too much work for a Sunday lunch. I don't care who says what. I can't eat like this. This is utter rubbish. "

   The beer was gone in seconds.
   Manta made it.
   If you ever need to see a band of thirsty camels choking on dry grass. This would be it.


   It started off well enough for the 6 of us. Met up at Eco for the so called secret recce ride. Pretty much uneventful then. Except for CT trying to wear his gloves. For some reasons known only to accountants and auditors, wearing 2 gloves of the same side seems to be a valid thing to do. CT brought 2 gloves for the right hand. I looked. He does not have 2 right hands. Decided it was probably better not to be called a nosy aunty so early on a Sunday morning. I walked away.


   So off we went towards the promised 20 clicks of flat recce trail.
   After an hour of cranking uphill, Manta raised his hand and stopped all 6 of us.

   "I don't know about you guys, but the trail seemed to be pointing uphill for the last one hour. Any one took note of that? Or am i really ripe and ready for retirement? I am pretty sure i took my pills this morning... What's going on?"

   We continued riding.
   Another 2 hours came and flew by.
   Manta raised his hands again.

   " Ummm... This may seem a wee bit annoying but why are we still climbing? "


   Somehow, we ended up riding 30 clicks of the secret trail. By then, i was literally boiling inside out. All 5 of us was practically roasted and wilting. It was so hot, CT had nothing coming out from his ass. Bicycleman was actually searching for a short cut. But Tailook looked unfazed. He was grinning and looked ever so excited. We were amazed.
  Arrived at the car by noon and most started packing up in silence. We were out of Eco within minutes. Tailook took off first shouting something in Cantonese about food and time restrictions...

   And that was how we ended up in Restaurant 52.
   Lessons learnt. Never ever let Tailook order food while staring at the pretty waitress. Regardless what she was wearing, always make sure she writes down the order for the beer first. Food second. Say what you want, I don't care how nice her ass is. I never ever want to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a 55 year old man. Especially one that smells of mud and sweat...
  And no. Tailook still did not manage to add her in Facebook...


Thursday, 20 August 2015

Sungai Siput Food and Baptizing Trip.

15th AUGUST 2015 Sungai Siput Pilgrimage...


That's the hill we are headed to...
   The club's annual pilgrimage to Sungai Siput. Only difference this time around is, some of the guys are going for their baptism instead of only trail riding. Kill 2 birds with one stone they say. We are not merely a riding club only. We also covertly recruit and convert newbies. Very clandestine of course. We are aware the authorities frown upon such activities. Remember how it all ended in WACO. We try to save as many as possible without raising to much suspicion. Same basic principle applied during the Cultural Movement in China during Mao Tse Tung's reign.
   Manta threw up the offer to visit congregate his hometown for a weekend. 20 old goats raised their hands. Faithful group this is. Game on...

Pit stop number 1.

   Most of the group met up at Rawang rest area for one round of brunch and hug before driving off together towards Siput. Before leaving, they had the obligatory round of nasi lemak to fuel up for the 200km drive up north. You will need energy for the 2 hour drive of course. Dotty refused to move an inch till we fed her. At about 12ish, the herd started migrating up north. Dotty rather reluctantly because she did not get her telur goreng. How tragic....
   At about 1:30ish, the group arrived at Bidor interchange and decided 90 minutes was good enough digesting time. So the herd made the second pit stop at Bidor for the usual noodles and beer to fuel up. One round of noodles done, the group again attempted the migration up north. Albeit at a slower pace... But hey, the show must go on. Sheeps must be led to their correct path to salvation.
   Another 2 hours flew past and the group arrived at Ipoh. Quick drive towards Siput and arrived at the designated bungalow that will serve as their resting pen for this weekend. All the bikes offloaded and parked safely within the bungalow in no time. Phone rang. The Manta received the call from the infamous Sungai Siput Siew Yokk Aunty.

Before

After

   "Wohh Chaii ah... Siew Yokk is done. Come over. I have the meat all cut and done for your congregation... Come on over. The tables are ready and wiped clean. Beer chilled and newspaper nicely cut for the meat. Don't forget to pay after you eat this time. Your poor old mother had come all the way from her home just to pay your ..."

   Conversation was cut short abruptly. Manta could be seen trying to reconnect the call by knocking his phone on the coffee table repeatedly. Somewhat with plenty of force and viciousness, while mumbling something in Hainanese. Mighty impressive i thought.

   "Wow... Manta really likes his Siew Yokk eh...."


3 tables of meat.

   So off the herd went. Towards the Siew Yook restaurant conveniently located right behind the biggest bank in Siput. 3 tables were ready and prepared as the herd arrives. Well planned and organized. Aunty wasted no time in serving up the meat. Very useful to have a local boy in the group. Almost like going to Miri and having the tycoon's son hosting us. Minus the van and tuak though.
   Beer was served. Meat came. More beer. More meat...


Dotty at table number 1.
  Within minutes, a couple kilos of Siew Yokk was polished off. The locals had fun watching the tourist eat. It was like a zombie Apocalypse. Nothing was said or spared during the 10 minutes of feeding exercise. Dotty was at her usual best again. No matter how sharp your elbows are, Dotty will forgo the pain. Selective amnesia. Regardless how many times you elbow her in the ribs, she continues to forage. Very focused and single minded. Watching Dotty eat reminds me of the furry thing on tv. I made very sure no one splashed water on her. I was afraid for the locals...

Dotty at table number 2.
Dotty at table number 3.
   Dotty had a glazed look on her eyes after 15 minutes. Kompressor looked the same after downing his 4th beer. CT gave the thumbs up for the toilet. Borky smiled because everyone else was smilling. Yong wanted to perform his happy dance for the sudden abundance of meat. Manta was nowhere to be seen. King took the 23rd selfie of the day. Dotty offered to lick the chilli. Hanz shook something.
   Interesting congregation of multiple characters. Some sane, some confused... Some best left unprovoked.


   The congregation made it's way back to the bungalow to rest for dinner.

   1830 hours came and Manta started to shepherd the herd out from the bungalow.

   " Come on guys. It's time for dinner. Let's all saddle up and ride in to town for dinner... Hush hush. Come along now...Chop chop" 


Circus is in town...!!!


   Obediently, the herd started the slow ride towards the Hainan Coffee shop in town. Ride was almost 4km long. Collected a few more riders along the way and the entire group arrived at the coffee shop. I am not sure how the guys feel about the coffee shop but i was confused.

   The so called coffee shop that was in Manta's family since Japan went to war looked more like a car spare parts shop. I didn't see any tables or chair. All i saw was lotsa engine oil, gasket, drive shaft, oil seals and car parts. Mighty weird i thought. I was sure the Siew Yokk wasn't that potent. I wasn't drunk. Even if it was my first time eating it, i was pretty sure the meat did not cloud my judgement that much. And the Siew Yook Aunty wasn't as sexy as i was made to believe. Though CH was suspiciously sweaty and red during lunch. He looked agitated when the Aunty came by to say hello to Manta. Agitated and fidgety. I suspected hemorrhoids because he asked for tissue numerous times. I could be wrong. 'shrug'
Total combined age 197 years.
   Anyway...Straddling my bike, I chose to keep quiet and wait. Who knows what might happen. People do strange things in foreign land. I honestly wouldn't mind if Jesse decides to drink a quart of synthetic engine oil. Or Choi!! having a go at the Nissan drive shaft.
   Waited a good 30 minutes and without warning, the herd suddenly started moving north.

  " Huh...?! What's going on? No food served ...?! "

   No one dared ask. The herd submissively followed Manta and his crew into the sunset. We are at their mercy now. I did not realize i was in North Korea. I stole a peek at the ride leader @ Manta's nephew, saw his long black flowing hair. Decided it's probably not the smartest thing to question a guy that looks like a North Korean border guard. Borky continued smilling though.

Sungkai night view from Ningku Hill.

   It was a dark and quiet ride for the next hour. All we could see was darkness. Rode up a couple of steep trail and rode down a couple of steep trails. Ran into some tree branches. It was dark remember? Up some more steep looking trail again. Came to a road crossing. Saw the ride leader put his index finger up against his mouth. Ssssshhh... Let's go. Cross quickly. Make minimal noise. I felt like a Burmese trying to sneak into Malaysia in the middle of the night.
   Rode up into the darkness again. No one dared make any sound. After 3 hours of going in circles, in near total darkness. We came to a little drain. Ride Leader pointed 15 feet into the darkness...

Into the woods.
   " That's where the baptizing ceremony will take place. Go ahead."



Pre-baptizing sermon.

   It was another hour passed before the herd decided they have had enough of swimming. And off we went into the darkness again. Cindy was so flooded with emotion after the swim, she decided to test fate and dove headfirst into the the ground. She survived. Guinness shook his head in disbelieve.

Fong enjoying Guinness...
   Continued riding in the darkness for a bit before we finally emerged behind a housing estate. From there on, it was a quick run off towards the bungalow for supper.
   Supper was ready and served when we arrived. Simple fare. Fried noodles, fried rice, burger, bbq chicken wings, satay, fried beehoon, nasi lemak, kuih, chilled beer and peanuts...

   From then on, it was a blur of food, alcohol and old men farting continuously...

Orang asli boy being fed.

    Food was polished off. Drinks toasted and drank. Party was going on so well, even the CEO of Air Asia decided to drop by in his black van. Choi!! even abandoned his playtime with May to come join us for after ride food and drinks. Salute...
   By 2am, the older goats started pointing their horns to the ground. Last goat dragged himself to bed at 4 am. Snoring symphony lasted till dawn. Pity the neighbour next door...He probably thought his neighbour was into rearing pigs now.
   Very grateful to Manta and his home grown crew. Excellent crew and more than accommodating host. Thumbs up. Wai did an excellent job laying out the trail. His mates were an amazing support crew in their motor bikes and baby Suzuki's. We are forever grateful. Especially when food and beer was free...

  I am coming back next year.
  And no, i did not forget my front wheel this time around.

Un'believable...

Sunday, 2 August 2015

1st August 2015 Secret Ride Part 3...

Heart Stopper Ride 1st August 2015:-

   It started off like any other Sunday morning ride. Only thing that struck me as odd was i actually slept early on Saturday. By 2300 hours, i was already zombie like. Since all the gears and bike have been pre-packed and readied for tomorrow. I decided to knock off early and get rested for the next days ride.
   It was to be the 3rd edition of Tailook's secret ride. Bicycleman was nominated the head honcho for the ride. We are supposed to be doing something either the distance of 12 km or 34 km. Whichever the Bicycleman fancies. I hope the big guy is in a good mood for negotations the next day.

Lunch location.

   Tailook has been petitioning for the 12 km loop the entire week. The 34km loop will eat into his Sunday lunch timing and Facebook updating allocation. This Sunday's lunch was very important to Tailook. Tailook is very concerned about his current Facebook status. Tailook spotted a new prospective "friend" working in a restaurant nearby that he wants to add into his friend list. The intended friend is 32- 27- 34 with 2 tattoos on her left leg. Weighs about 55kgs and speaks fluent Mandarin. Tailook also speaks mandarin he claims.   He could say "toilet" fluently in mandarin.

Squid fried with salted duck egg.
    Tailook is very confident on being successful. We as friends could only hold our tongue. I stopped Kompressor numerous times. Kompressor could not bear to watch Tailook get rejected and get his heart broken on a Sunday morning. Kompressor was very concerned. However, when i reminded him that we are in close proximity of Nirvana Bereavement Center. Kompressor finally relented, knowing if things goes south for Tailook. It is easy to make arrangements. We as friends will try to be supportive and show some confidence. Eddie decided to stay home and watch the Whatsapp chat update instead. Smart fella this one. He could be sitting on his sofa buck naked, and laugh the entire morning. No one would be any wiser to it. And he could still remain friends with Tailook after all this fiasco.

Steamed Tilapia Semenyih style.
   Simon Guinness was also concerned. Being a good buddy, he even brought Cindy along. Just in case Tailook needed sisterhood support.
   Me? I came hoping to watch Tailook get slapped with a pork leg when he proposes to the new "friend". Tailook failed to notice how huge her biceps were. I saw her balance 3 plates of steamed Tilapia on one hand when she walked out from the kitchen last week. I could only hope...

   Ever since i was a kid growing up in a fishing village, i was constantly reminded. If a lady could balance anything more than 2 fish on one arm. Never ever mess with that woman. Be nice to her under any circumstances. Never ever cross path with that kind of woman. She will make you pay for it dearly. I always obeyed and replied softly when spoken to. I call her mum.

   Anyways, it was breakfast as usual at Connaught before the herd met up at the usual tol gate to chat more. Plenty of chat done and away we went heading towards the now not so secret meeting point. Eco Ventures Resort. Slow and relaxing drive along Kajang before we entered Semenyih and swung left towards Eco Ventures.

Hyenas getting ready.
   The entire troop arrived and started getting ready for the ride. Kompressor and Guinness was still genuinely concerned about Tailook's attempt. Both nodded at each other and started getting ready for the ride. Dotty swallowed her last piece of sandwich. KY waved to the tree beside CH. Jacky ran to the toilet. Annie was busy watching Ivan set up her bike. Tailook checked the battery level on his phone. Fisherman adjusted his dentures. Bicycleman stood at attention. KC did the Air Asia thing again. KY walked up to the tree to say hello. Yellow Manta shifted and stretched something in his pants.
   I counted about 23 riders getting ready. To see so many riding buddies getting ready is heart warming. Can't help but smile to myself. It's a good start to a Sunday morning. Fresh crispy air. Lovely weather.
   Unloaded my bike from the car roof and looked in the rear boot for the front wheel.

How i felt then...

   The moment i realized the front wheel was missing. My heart froze.
   Oh no.... No freaking way!!!... Oh Frog! Oh Frog!... Ooooh Froggg.....

   Despair. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss. Confusion. Anger.

   I felt none of those emotions...

   Here i am, in Semenyih. 70km from home. Drove 90 bloody minutes. Front wheel is nowhere to be seen. And i have 23 RIDERS behind me. All primed and ready to have THE laughter of their lifetime.
   I am a dead man.
 
   How to wriggle my way out of this?! Could i go to the toilet and pretend not to hear them when they call? Would they notice if i sit quietly at the side? What if i claim i have a bad tummy? Or perhaps i could walk up to the tree KY was busy chatting with and pick up the bits and pieces of the conversation? Or maybe get Judy to send me off somewhere? How fast will i have to drive out without anyone being able to recognize me? Ooohh Frog.....
   KY decided to stop talking to the tree and walked towards me. Tapped me on my shoulders. I wanted to die. It felt like the Grim Reaper from the Mountain Bike Division just called to say hello. KY took a look at the boot. Turned and saw the bike on the ground minus the front wheel. Took him 2 seconds to realize he just struck jackpot...
   Everything was a blur from then on. The crowd went ballistic. Laughter and more laughter.. Even heard someone farted a wet one. CH had to wipe his nose. Judy shook her head. Fisherman had to remove his dentures. Laughing too much with dentures on is dangerous, he was told. Jacky had to run to the toilet again. Manta was as always, suspicious. Krankster asked for peanuts. VC took out his phone. Borky continued smiling because everyone else was smiling. PeteW offered me a plastic bag to cover my head. Cindy said something in Hakka and went off to the toilet laughing. Annie repeated the same thing in Hakka and threw a pebble at me. Manta slapped me on the shoulder and told me to stop fooling around.
   All i could do was grin like a frozen clown.
   My mum would have been proud of me...



   The drive back home was as silent as can be. I was in a daze. You should never ever have curry noodles too early in the morning. It makes you warm and dizzy. Clouds your judgement. Warm toast would be wiser.

   In a nutshell. This was what i did last Sunday. Woke up at 0600 hours. Drove 40 minutes for a bowl of curry noodles in Cheras. Drove another 25 minutes to Semenyih. Took a dump at the toilet in Eco Ventures. Got laughed at by 23 people. Packed my bags and drove 70 minutes back to Klang. Got home by 1000 hours. Then got laughed at again by my mum at home. Had a cup of coffee. Went back to sleep again...

   I should have gone to church instead...

   Apparently, this is what the 23 chimps got to do after i left.

The herd waiting for Ivan to regain consciousness.


Ivan watching the girls fight for shade.
Tailook confused and lost.
   Doesn't look like much fun.
   Bah Humbug...

Un'believable...
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, 27 July 2015

Secret secret ride Part 2.

26th JULY 2015 Secret Secret Ride :-

   Another of Tailook's hush hush ride. Invitation only ride. For some reason this was meant to be another ride where we do not tell people where we are going. How far we are riding. How long the ride is gonna be. Who the actual ride leader is will also not be disclosed. You are only told where to meet. Bring your bike. And wait quietly...
 Ummm... Keep quiet? That's gonna be asking quite a bit from me. What's the point of going riding if you are not allowed to talk? If keeping quiet is the new rule. I gonna pick up swimming instead. And trust me, that is not an idle threat my friend. The only real reason i come to ride is because i wanna talk. No one speaks to me at home. That's why i wake up at 5 am on a Sunday, drive 90 minutes to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere. So i can say things. I don't care if you really listen to what i say or not.
   It's pretty boring talking to your dogs. I tried. They agree to everything you say. And they do not argue. It gets a bit mundane after 3 minutes. And those eyes.... It's like staring into a mirror. A man can lose himself if he does this every Sunday. So i chose to ride.
   And it was a handful of old goats seen at the usual meeting point. Counted 6 goats in total. Not too bad. I have 6 fellas to talk to today. That's a lot better than my usual 2 doggy chat partner. Ecstatic i am...
   The convoy of cars took off towards the actual secret meeting point. We had to take extra caution about where we are really gonna meet up. This is a secret ride after all. Arrived at the second secret meeting point. Eco Venture Resort. Drove in and almost had a heart seizure.
   There were 30 plus riders gathered at the parking lot.
   If this was meant to be a secret ride by Tailook. He has done a shit lousy job at keeping it a secret. How did so many people find out about the ride? Having so many riders present got Tailook scratching his head. He looked to CT for help. CT offered him a pack of tissue. CH shook his head. Pete started chewing his bun. Unker took out his folding chair. We are in for an early show. How is Tailook gonna explain this circus?
   Turns out, Ben invited his entire village from Sungai Long. They came expecting a wedding banquet breakfast do. Only to be told this was a secret ride. Well... it is supposed to be a secret ride after all. So it's not entirely wrong not to tell 30 riders why they are asked to gather there on a Sunday morning right? Anyway. That's Ben and Tailook's problem. We were just waiting quietly as instructed.
   Disappointed.
   No riot took place. No one even vaguely attempted to punch Tailook or Ben. Not one person...
   Sigh.
 
A geese and a gorilla.

   Had to convince Portugeese Victor there is nothing to look forward to. Nope. The Chinaman is not gonna get pummeled today. Set up the bike Victor. Keep the coffee and sandwich for later. Let's ride somewhere. That will usually help ease the pain and frustration. Reluctantly, the Old Geese ambled off towards his car to get ready. Pure agony. Saw him kick a few pebbles as he walked off.
   After some haggling and something spoken in Hakka. The group took off. It was pointless asking. This was a secret ride. The ride leaders took it so seriously, the entire pre-ride briefing was conducted purely in a mixture of Hakka and Pidgin. All the guys from Sungai Long nodded in agreement. The rest of us blinked.

   We headed towards Tekala in a single file. No words was spoken. I was bored. No one spoke. Its almost like swimming now. 20 minutes of pure cranking on tarmac and everyone kept quiet... What is this? Mission Impossible? 'bird sound...'

Hanz right after a radioactive rabbit exploded on him.

   Just before arriving at Tekala junction, Ben stopped the entire herd. Up this way please. Ben pointed up to what he calls Gorilla Hill. I may not be the smartest in class during my time, but i am pretty sure we do not have gorillas in Malaysia. At least where i live i know for sure. Then again, this is a secret ride remember?
   So up the hill we went. Bloody hill is relentless. 45 minutes of cranking and the hill continues to torment us. Even after 45 minutes of continued cranking, you are no where near the peak. What sort of gorilla is this? And all this was done in utter silence. I wanted to strangle the bloody gorilla...

Orang asli kid spotted testing Borky's bike.
   First regrouping conducted midway up Gorilla. Waited a good 20 minutes for Fisherman and Fisherwoman to come up. Fisherman looked flushed. He looked like he went 3 rounds with the King of the Jungle. Nobody dared ask. Waited for Fisherman to catch his breath.

   " You fellas go ahead. Along the way up, me and Judy made a decision. We want no part of this secret society bullshit. I was young once. I know this secret secret thing will lead me nowhere but an early grave. You fellas go on. Believe it or not, me and Judy actually plan to live a bit longer. We will head towards the car and enjoy the lake side view. Watching that is much less painful on my eyes than watching Jesse in lycra. "

   We could not argue with that.
   Off we went after saying our goodbyes to the both of them. Dark silence tracked us as we made our way up to the peak of the gorilla's head. Took another good 20 minutes of cranking before we finally arrived at the peak. Short regroup and off we went. Now the downhill begins. Flying down the gorilla's back towards his ass was never more fun. Hanz enjoyed its so much it took him forever to ride down that hill....

CT doing what he does best. Another spot marked and claimed.
   With Hanz finally arriving at the bottom of the hill, the group rode straight into the connecting single track for another round of downhilling through pristine jungle trails. Almost 15 minutes of pure unadulterated single tracks pointing down.
  Arrived at the rubber plantation for the next regrouping. The rubber tappers came out from the hut to see what the commotion was all about. Saw Jesse in lycra. Took a step back and decided it was better to just keep quiet.
   Laughter was only heard 10 minutes after we walked up the hill.
   And what a hill that was.
   Took almost 30 minutes of dragging and hauling to get the bike up the hill. CT tried so hard to hold it all in. CH was melting. Krankster mumbled something in Hainan. Manta begged for his apple. Unker gave him the evil eye. Up the hill we walk in silence...

Rubber trees all straight and nice.
   Managed to organize another regrouping session at the peak of the hill.
   Then someone noticed that the Old Geese was nowhere to be seen. Searched all over the bush and under the tree stumps. We even got Dotty to stand up just to be sure she was not sitting on the old geese. Nope. The Geese has left the building. This secret ride is turning into a culling session. Including the Geese, we have now managed to cull off a total combined aged of almost 200 years. The average group age has just drastically dropped from 53 to 49. Average weight did not plummet too much though. Considering that the Old Geese and Judy only has a total combined weight of about 90 kgs. After a futile 2 minutes of searching, we gave up and hoped for the best.

   From then on, it was all pointing downwards.
   We had an entire 6 km of  down hill to enjoy. Purely downwards and nothing in between.You could the car parked in the distance.If you look really hard, you could even see Fisherman enjoying his Cornetto.
   Hanz was in tears.

Dotty doing a VC.
   In the blink of an eye, we were back at the car. Rain came right after the bikes were loaded. Perfect timing.
   Fisherman came offering lunch in the form of fried rice. He decided it was probably better to remain in the secret group than sitting around watching ducks swim. Duck watching is only fun when you are 93 years old. If you are still able to see then.

Un'believable.


 

Monday, 6 July 2015

Kota Damansara Ride 5th JULY 2015

Kota Damansara "Take your friend for a ride" Ride 5th JULY 2015:-


Teres checking out the Danish buns.
   Returning from the long confusing weekend in Cameron Highlands, KDCF was a much welcomed ride invite. It will be a late 0800 hours ride time. Not having to drive 90 minutes to the trail head is a blessing. So KDCF it was...

Teres re-checking the Danish buns.
    The usual crowd at the Section 9 toilet started gathering on Sunday. Most of the guys decided to bring their friends for this week's ride. Teres brought his 2 beo's. KY brought a Danish dude that is slightly shorter than a coconut tree. Yellow Manta brought 3 prosperous Minions from the banking industry. King Kenny brought a dude that was fasting and late. Borky brought himself. Victor was happy cycling in circles when we were getting ready. Jacky wanted to bring somebody but nobody wanted to ride in his MPV. Krankster as usual came smiling to himself for some reason unknown to us. Choi! was supposed to bring Mei. Mei promised to come by herself  instead. For once Choi! showed up at the trail head on time.

Manta with helmet on.

Manta helmet off.
   Krankster as usual gave the group his usual briefing. Took him a good 3 seconds to realise nobody was listening. So off we went into KDCF. King Kenny stayed back for his friend to arrive. Choi! also told us to move ahead. He still harbours hope that Mei might show up. KY took a look at Choi! and shook his head... Victor giggled to himself. Being love struck really does make a man hope for silly things. For all you know, he might be praying for Mei to bring him mangoes.
   Into KDCF. The climb begins. Nobody spoke. It was full focus cranking till we came to the first rest point inside Harmoni. Some chatter and off we went again. Trail condition. Almost perfect. Slight damp with gentle breeze.



Do not smell shoes during ride.
   Arrive at the Temuan junction. Nobody said anything again. Off into Temuan and back to the Scouts junction. Then a quick run down towards lakeside. Arrive down at the usual feeding hut where most of the guys were waiting. A bit more chatter before it was decided it's time to move along back towards the car. Choi! protested and begged, we had to tell him.
   Mei is not coming today... You are really all alone today. Poor guy was stunned. No mangoes and no, we will not hold your hands while you sit. If the pain is unbearable, take a good look at the lake. Choose a spot carefully. It was nice knowing you....
   So off we went. Another near silent ride back towards the car...

Take your friend for a ride scene 1:-


Minions.
   Bring 3 minions for the ride. Make sure they are lagging behind you all the time. Get away from their line of sight. Each time you stop. Release the air from your tyres and get one of the minions to pump the air for you while you have your apple. Supervise while they struggle to get the correct pressure. Do not dirty your hands. Your are eating your apple remember? Compliment them at the end of each successful air refill. Then repeat the cycle as often as you. When they start getting suspicious, blame the air loss on technical things using technical jargon's... Then compliment the minions again on their acute sense of observation. Give each a pat on the back. Continue chewing the apple.
   The Manta brought many apples and buns last Sunday.

Take your friend for a ride scene 2:-
More minions...
   Tell your friend to show up 15 minutes behind the actual agreed starting time. When he arrives, tell him to hurry up and make him chase after the main group. Make plenty of hissing sound while you chase. Do not smile. Tell your friend to take all the left turns in the trail. Then you ride off quickly. Make sure your friend is unable to keep up. It's ok. It is not possible for him to get lost inside the trail. You did give him specific instructions to keep left all the time. Switch on your Ipod and ride off like a bat from hell. Ignore the pain in the chest or the beeping sound from your heart rate monitor. Focus on taking all the left turn except for the last one where your turn right to connect back into Harmoni again.
   Kenny's friend only rode in a circle twice before he realized something was wrong. He decided to hook on to Robert instead and finally found the elusive right turn. And upon returning, find Kenny sitting under the tree with a very disappointed look on his face.

Take your friend for a ride scene 3:-
   The ride was almost 3 hours in total. Borky came alone. It was ok, he was with his friends after all. Poor Borky kept asking for food each time we stopped for a break or to wait for the back markers.

   " Where are we going for food later ya...?"
   "  Are we going for roti at Subaidah later....?"
   "  You think i should order the Curry Fish Head or the Mee Goreng..?"
   " Waa.. today's ride is long eh? I am hungry."
   " Eh... it's almost 11 already. Come la.. let's go get something to eat..."
   " Long time never eat Bak Kut Teh eh... mmmm."
   " Eh... it's almost 12 already. Come la.. let's go get something to eat.." 

   Out of consideration for the poor guy. The entire group hurried back to the car. We didn't want Borky to suffer unnecessarily. As fast as we could, everyone packed up and got ready to get lunch for poor Borky suffering hunger pangs the past 3 hours on the saddle. Come on now ... hurry hurry.

   Borky was nowhere to be seen. He decided to go home to hug his wife.

Take your friend for a ride scene 4:-
   Smile and promise to meet at the trail head. Do not trouble your friend.

   " No need to come pick me up this weekend. I'll get there by myself. 0800 hours for the ride to begin right? Noted. I'll be there. See you. Dried mangoes right? xoxo..."

   Send a smiley icon via Whatsapp....

Pure agony.
   Mei is having a blast down in Sydney. Check out her Facebook posting... Choi! firmly believes it was simply a case of misunderstanding and a break in the line of communication. That was what he told the Vietnamese masseur.
  The masseur is well trained. She only laughed in the toilet after Choi! left...

Circus is in town...

Un'believeable...