With the old donkeys busy playing illegal pasar malam hawkers for the past 2 weeks. We ended up with nothing to laugh about... No stories about any monkey feeding or sacrificial newbies being led into the bush. Will there be no end to this obsession with night stands and torch lights which can light up an entire street?
This is beginning to look like a scene from Lord of the Rings where Frodo finally discovered batteries and LED. Just add Tan Sri Bok in the scene. Spot on.
To keep the blog from turning green with moss. How about digesting this old article i managed to dig up. All you need is to ensure the toilet seat is down and this will fit in nicely for toilet reading at best... Well, beggars cant quite be choosers they say. Beats staring at the cracks in the tiles i am sure. Or counting dirty toe nails.
From the archive circa 90's.
Idiot’s Guide to MTB Mishap’s….
This is beginning to look like a scene from Lord of the Rings where Frodo finally discovered batteries and LED. Just add Tan Sri Bok in the scene. Spot on.
To keep the blog from turning green with moss. How about digesting this old article i managed to dig up. All you need is to ensure the toilet seat is down and this will fit in nicely for toilet reading at best... Well, beggars cant quite be choosers they say. Beats staring at the cracks in the tiles i am sure. Or counting dirty toe nails.
From the archive circa 90's.
Idiot’s Guide to MTB Mishap’s….
How do you gauge the severity of your mishap’s during mountain biking? It’s natural to have a little crash and stumble every now and then.That’s how we all started anyway.From shuffling on diapers to finally taking a bow right after taking your first step on two very wobbly feet.We all fall sometimes….
Question at hand.To what degree is the severity of the crash? How do we put a marker on the degree of fall? How are we to differentiate this particular crash to the next? In reality,this is a critical question to us all.How are we able to justify all our crashes? We cannot go home all the time wearing nothing but bandages and a smile hoping for the best possible reaction from the other half without coming up with a proper gauge now,can we? I believe it’s only fair to come up with some sort of a gauge to measure the degree of falls we run into.No?
Please find below some of the very crude and unbiased measuring gauge I have managed to get our fellow riders to contribute to.Some knowing and some not.It is without prejudice and taken in good faith.
Scale range from 1 to 10.
Magical Hyena Appearing Crash:- Degree of crash not critical.Physical injury suffered slight.Damage done to the ego,medium high.Entertainment rating EXTREMELY high.This feat is usually achievable when you forget to unclip in the car park or attempt to bunny hop the speed bump in full view of fellow riders.It is crucial to pay outmost attention at this point.Hyenas will appear by droves the moment your butt comes in contact with the ground.Trust me on this,I have seen it happen numerous times.Ralf will vouch for this.
Severity Scale 1
Fainting Peter Crash:-Degree of crash quite severe.Physical injury suffered medium high.Minimum amount of blood loss 5 sterile gauze used.Down time in the middle of the trail between 10 to 15 minutes.This usually happens when a rider endos on a pile of rocks or does a face plant while still clipped in.There will be loud yelling involved and some face slapping.Regardless of the rider’s being conscious or not.For the fall to qualify,Peter has to be present.The colour of his face will determine and authenticate the fall. The ultimate is achieved when Peter throws up.Which remains to this day the elusive trophy we all desire and pursue….
Severity Scale 5
Unbelieveable Fall:-Degree of crash,not important.Physical injury suffered,also not important.Entertainment value,EXTREMELY precious and rare.Highly rated 4 years running and still going strong.Amount of profanities heard during crash,unbelieveable.Unless you understand hokkien,don’t bother asking.Damage done to Mother Earth,medium high.There will usually be disturbed rocks and tree hugging involved.Fellow riders will usually stop wiping tears of their face as soon as they managed to stop laughing and catch their breath again.
This fall is only applicable to one rider in particular.Go figure….#@%*#!!!
Severity Scale Negligible.
Sotong Crash:-Degree of crash,extremely high.Physical injury suffered,rated parallel to watching child birth in real time.Zero Entertainment value.Usually happens 20 to 30km in the middle of nowhere.Right smack in mosquito central.
This crash will usually involve at least one real doctor and a lot of mobile phones.Rider will usually remain on the ground for the duration of the crash.Sometimes Peter will also volunteer to lie down to comfort fellow rider.This crash is actually one level higher from the Fainting Peter Crash.The difference being the involvement of broken bones or severed arteries.Hence the Peter Lying Down to Comfort Fellow Rider Syndrome.
Sotong refers to the rider’s special ability achieved after the crash.The rider will develop special skills of being able to flap the injured part like a limp octopus out of water.At least that’s what Kenny claims.I have yet to witness such octopus personally.Interesting….
Severity Scale 10.
We hope that the scale would be useful.Please do contribute should you have other scales we have overlooked.It would be helpful to most fellow riders.Especially when it comes to filling in the insurance claim form…Or getting approval to go riding in the near future from the Home Ministry.Please help…
Unbelieveable….
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