KDCF Ride Report 8/07/2012

8th JULY 2012 KDCF Ride Report.
   The usual suspects turned up for the morning meet point at the metal canopy. Counted 9 old geezers grinning at the start of the ride. It was raining on the early hours before the ride. Leader for the day, Krankster advised all riders to be cautious. Riding KDCF in the wet is never the smartest thing to do. Then again, a smart fella would have stayed in a warm bed instead of standing under a tree with mozzies swarming around surrounded by primates.
   At the start point, we saw a bunch of hikers getting ready to do their hike. About 40 of them. This group looks really organised. They even have their own uniforms. All properly coordinated and dressed in the same green. Compared to them, we looked like a bunch of hobos. None of our riders had any colour is not clashing like the titans. I see riders dressed in green top and blue bottom. Yellow top and red bottom. A few is wearing fluorescent yellow. We looked like a circus really...
   The hikers even have proper pre-hike briefing and warm up session before hikes. Lotsa Sweet Young Things limbering up and stretching their limbs. Bending over here and there.
   Hmm...Turned around, looking at the group i am with makes my hair stand. I am surrounded by either endangered or protected species. Makes you wanna chuck the bike into the lake really. Suddenly hiking doesn't seem so lonely a sport after all.
   With a heavy heart, off we went into the trail. Took us like 2 minutes to discover the Portugeese was missing. He used his bike as an excuse to go warm his bed again. Claims his chain is sucking or something to that effect. I saw him fiddling with it just before the start of the ride. Its easy to change your mind about playing in the mud with a bunch of old geezers when you have a warm bed waiting or after watching Sweet  Young Things bend over.
   So we were left with 8 to kill. Off we went...Trail is as wonderful as can be. Wet. Cool. Lotsa little climbs. Climb climb climb. Regrouping was done at the critical junction before the start of the downhill bits.
   Out of the blue, one of the riders screamed out for help. He came out of the bush wearing a vine decorated with a million spiky thorns as a neck warmer. This guy had a line of little holes oozing blood out from his neck. CPR was offered. Rider declined. So we were left with no choice but attempt the caveman repair.
Farmer Danny had a gala time pulling out the thorns one by one. It's hilarious to watch a grown man twitch each time a thorn is pulled out. His legs twitched like a chicken getting its neck slashed. What's more disturbing to watch was Farmer Danny actually smiling gleefully each time a thorn is successfully retrieved. Even the Yellow Manta wanted in on the fun. Farmer Danny saved one thorn for the Manta to pull. Such camaraderie is rare to find these day and age. Commendable on the Farmer's part.
   As we were finishing with the blood letting, Guinness announced he wanted to help Krankster grow more trees at the rear of his house. To the back of the house he went to help off load his own version of organic fertiliser at the rear of Krankster's home. The missus will be overjoyed to discover it when she awakes. Such good friends are hard to come by these days i tell you.
   While waiting for the fertiliser to be spread out correctly, we heard a tree or a branch snapping loudly. Shocked we all were. We could see the canopy shaking all over.  Krankster being the most senior guy for reference in KDCF claims it was one the wildlife. A monkey he specifically said.
   Wow... that's mighty impressive. We were not aware monkeys grow so big in KDCF as to topple trees. Better watch what we trample on from now ... Not 3 minutes later, Albert showed up looking like a wild boar. Poor guy crashed. Lost his front teeth. Got covered in leaves and mud. Fell into a tree and had no one to help him. On top of that, he has his so called friends calling him a primate behind his back... Tsk Tsk...
   Downhill from there to the exit. No drama or any more name calling.
   5 minutes break at the exit turned into a 30 minutes party. The Manta needed to feed. Farmer Danny was busy showing the best way to draw blood. Albert still unaware he was accused of being a monkey. In the end we somehow got so confused, we decided to go back to the car via the same route we came. I sometimes wonder how we end up doing this sort of nonsense...
   So it was up the same downhill which now turns into an uphill. Death march begins... Ran into a bunch of  Singaporeans. They were confused seeing a bunch of mud covered wheezing old geezers going the wrong way. They chose the smart thing to do. They decided to just let us be. So it was without drama till we got back to the car. No more apes or fertilisers.
   Back at the car, the cycling group suddenly grew. 2 additional cyclist showed up. One came holding his pants. Another came foraging for food. The Korean came dressed proper for Sunday lunch. Shirt nicely tucked in. Left hand holding up his pants. Right hand free to do the communist hand waving.  All Dot cared about was where we were going to eat...
   To the banana leaf restaurant we went for post ride food. More cyclist showed up there. 2 more to be exact. Grumpy came with Princess Lena. They had a wonderful dream about cycling. Their dream was so vivid they had to come join us and do their post ride brunch as well. Grumpy did as he always does. He grumbled something to someone and went off to get his own roti canai. Happy Sunday indeed...

   We had 9 riders. 1 went back to sleep. 1 tried to kill himself by having needle sharp thorns embedded in his neck. 1 tried to bring a tree down with his bike. Another contributed organic matter. 4 came with dreams of cycling... Bunch of clowns we all are ....Really.
   PCC should really be called Pedalphiles Cycling Clowns instead. If you ask me.