Kiara Ride Number #395 and counting.

Kiara Ride and Drink 29th Sept 2019.

   So we went back to Kiara again this Sunday. The Hash guys organised a night run on Saturday. A few went, most stayed home. Borky came back drenched like a SPCA puppy that was accidentally  left out when they shut the gate. We heard they went swimming in Sungai Long. Then got drunk on 30 liters of bedroom brewed craft beer courtesy of Benji. The rest refused to say what actually happened. We were to scared to probe further.
   So Kiara it was.
   Woke up to a lovely wet cool Sunday. This will either be a blast or someone is gonna get stuck on a tree or end up in the ravine somewhere. Let's go i say... On on.

   Rode up to bike wash. Waited. The herd trickled in slowly. The usual suspect. Counted about 20ish fellas that was still yawning and scratching away while waiting for ride to commence. Old Manta came by grinning. Today was a free for all ride. We have no leader. We have no sweeper. We have no plans. We have no ride details. We ride till 11ish. That's as close to Brew House opening their door for business. We will use that as a benchmark. Can someone keep track of the time so we do not end up being too thirsty? Please cooperate and set Brew House location as the designated wayward point.
   So for the last time. The bail out point would be Brew House right across KSH. If anyone loses their way, please make your way to Brew House. Let's be clear on this so we do not end up going around in circles searching for lost souls. Everyone nodded obediently. VC sent a thumbs up icon in Whatsapp group.
   Ok. We are good to go.
 
   As usual, walk up towards Office. Then Coronary out to tarmac. Regrouped the herd at the entrance of Magic Carpet. Did the usual pretending to chit chat while ogling at the lycra clad ladies strolling up and about. Winked at a few. Stared mostly... After awhile, the group picked itself up and rode off quietly. Into Magic Carpet heading towards Circle.
   Queued and a few decided to wing it. Since it was already announced earlier that we had no designated ride route today. The gullible few decided to take a short cut and a leap of faith. Thanks to words of encouragement from Old Manta of course. These fellas rode down the enduro cut. All made it down in one piece. Ming did not curse today. He only mumbled something in Singlish which we could not intrepret. Rode on towards Circle.
   Waited at the top of Circle. I waited and waited.... I got bored of waiting. Left and joined the rest of the FRB at the tarmac. Turns out Old Manta was having a gala time taking videos of gullible Aunties attempting to ride downhill. One bounced down elegantly. Another rode halfway, changed her mind and decided to run instead. CH did what all good mountain biker would do in the event of a bail out. He ran forward and caught the bike. Bike was unscathed. Good fella that one. We were all grateful the bike was unblemished and scratched. We wouldn't know how to react had CH not grab the bike before it landed on the muddy roots. CH was under tremendous pressure to not fail his responsibility as a right and proper mountain biker.

   Another round of chit chat at the tarmac. Then it was into 2K before the herd emerged at the Cross Road to do the usual posing and bike ogling. Waved to a few fellas. Complimented each other on how good looking we all look today. The usual pleasantries. Molested a few 30k bikes unashamedly. Complimented the bike of course. No idea who the owners were but hey... The bikes were the right shade of turquoise and yellow.

   Then it was up towards Tokong.
   It was a slow and sticky climb up.
   Arrived at Tokong to catch the Rastaman trying to catch air for his dreadlocks. Wet dreads are pretty slimy i guessed. The dude was trying hard to dry his dreads. Hard work this is.. Took some videos. Nobody obliged to crash. No Youtube upload this time.
   Away we went. Pure Quill and Sidewinder next. Tried my best to ride it through. Only hit the left side of the nuts as i dropped into the rocky section. Right side was ok. CH complimented me on not hitting both nuts. That would be shameful. Old Manta patted me on the shoulders, it's ok. As long as nothing fell out you are ok. And make sure you go check in to the hospital later if you start feeling feverish. The last fella that did that had to eat Javanese rice for a week.
   All managed to wing it cleanly. No casualties except for me left nut. Into Wasteland we went. Regrouped at the tarmac. Apple break.... I walked off to check the right nut. All is good. No fever just yet.
   Then it was decided that the main herd would go scout and survey Playmates and Plan C while a few will stay at the tarmac and make sure nobody crosses over to Brew House too early.
   It was a cool chatty 20 minutes wait. While waiting for the herd, Aunty 13 ate everything in sight. She had 2 buns. Nuts. Nangka. Buah Kana. Coke. Fried Potato Fritters. And she said she was still hungry. We had to stop her when she started walking towards the resident chimp. The chimp was chewing on something. We weren't sure who would win in the event of a hair pulling contest. Aunty 13 is only slightly taller than the chimp. But the chimp has home ground advantage... Against our better judgement i offered her Oily's scrawny fingers to chew on. Aunty 13 took a look and said she will wait till she got to Brew House. The chicken there not so salty and skinny wor.... Aunty 13 is a not a fan of free range chicken.
   The herd returned. Back towards the Wall and regrouping at the pondok to do a time check. We didn't want to appear too desperate and be caught standing in front of Brew House before they actually open for business. What would the pretty Pinoy waitress think of us? It would be shameful. And desperate looking. Must maintain some form of dignity. Even if the beer is RM 8 a mug. Me? I just wanted to polish up on my Tagalog.

   Pondok time check.
   We have another 30 minutes to spare. It was decided we will head into 2K and do a reverse Magic Carpet run towards Brew House. If Old Manta's calculation was correct, we should be right on the dot. So off we went. Into 2K.
   Caught the entire herd at the tarmac. Straight into Magic Circle we went. Down and across the wooden bridge. Short spurt up towards the fence. Rode down into the dry river bed and came upon CT going into artificial labour. CT wanted to experience child birth in nature. CT decided to lie down. CT spreaded his legs and started screaming. And pushing. I helped push his legs. Edward helped to record the entire episode of natural child birth. Lina came by, took a look. Made a snorting sound and left us. It was disappointing. Nothing came out after minutes of pushing and recording. We wasted time and data.

   The herd arrived at Brew House right on the dot.
   The Pinoy waitress just finished tying her hair.
   VC arrived at 3:00.
   Ming started grabbing his own hair at 3:45.
   The herd left Brew House at 5:00.
   Riding Kiara is thirsty hard work.

   Un'beliveable
 

Broga Ride 8th SEPT 2019.

Broga Malacca Fellowship Ride.

   Have not had such a mind boggling ride for a long long time. Malacca Goat KC requested for a muckaround ride in his favourite trail, Broga. Bribe offered to both current president and ex-president. One 600ml bottle of Taiwanese Alisan Highland Tea Wine offered as tribute for convincing the rest of the herd to come ride Broga. It was a hard and difficult decision. Both president discussed it thoroughly over Whatsapp, as all responsible mature adults should. Factoring in all the variables.

   " Pete. KC says we ride Broga this Sunday. He is bringing a bottle of Taiwanese Alisan Highland Tea Wine for after ride lunch. How ah...?"
   " You sure he said Taiwanese?"
   " Yes he specifically said that."
   " One liter or 750 ml?"
   " He said Highland Tea Wine only comes in 600 ml bottles. How ah...?"
   " Ok. We ride Broga."

 Well, any sort of alcohol offered is too much to resist. What more alcohol from some farm in Northern Taiwan. It's a travesty to decline alcohol. Especially when you are retired and bored.
   So Broga it is.

   0800 hours. Dato Sak Temple Broga. Meeting point set. Trail set for 30km of hill climbing before we adjourn for wine tasting.

   Arrived at the meet point. Saw almost 40 bikes being prepped for ride. Wow... the tea wine must be very good I'm guessing. This i got to find out for myself. The usual hellos and hand shaking. Goat KC went around complimenting everyone on how good looking they are. Of course everyone returned the compliment out of politeness.
   Tycoon almost fainted from getting a warm bear hug from KC. These 2 fellows rode 600 km together once, for those who doesn't know. Their affection for each other transcends regular borders. KC found Tycoon irresistibly good looking in his cycling outfit and generously complimented him. Tycoon never experienced such brotherly affection before as he stood there in his bib smiling back at KC. Watching a man hugging a fellow man in bib is a view that will forever be etched in my memory for a long long time. I slept very badly that night. I woke up waving my arms for unexplained reasons several times during the night.

   Then came Billie the other goat. Billie is a girl goat. Billie gets very loud and vocal when she meets a person from Malacca. Billie gets very excited when she discovers another person from Malacca. Well, the typical goat thing. They jump around excitedly a lot. And make a lot of bleating sound. Billie found out that morning, that Borky is a fellow Malaccan. Billie was under the impression that Borky was from New Zealand / Hobbit land. Did i mention that Billie is from Malacca? Specifically Bukit Baru Malacca. Therefore, Billie goes totally bonkers when she meets anyone from Malacca. Apparently, it's a Malacca thing. Fellow Malaccans love each other to death. Regardless of skin color or height.

Billie the goat.

   Billie started going around asking everyone in sight if they are from Malacca. Billie ran into Goat KC. Two planets collided at that very moment. You could feel the butterfly effect take place. I had nowhere to run.
   Both started complimenting each other on how good looking Malaccan's are. Of course they started asking each other which school they were from. And why their cousin's did not invite them for Hari Raya and Deepavali get together.

Pre-ride chit chat.

   It took awhile before the effect died down.
   Finally.
   We managed to get the group together for the ride briefing. Billie was super stoked that morning. To be surrounded by fellow kindred spirits. You would have thought she was getting married for the second time that morning.
   The herd took off after hearing Aunty13 mumble something in Cantonese about the ride plan and condition that day.
   It was a nice breezy ride into the trails. Much chatter about Malacca having the best chicken rice and mango. We were the host. We smiled and nodded a lot. We even smiled when Goat KC accused Bicycleman of going off track. Even Bicycleman smiled and said thank you when told him he was fat. Can't accuse us of not being polite.
 
   First casualty.
   Choo was very keen to participate in the Malacca conversation. Choo wanted to refresh his Malacca history. He shifted hard on a climb. Crunched the final gear and managed to wedge his chain between the cassette and spokes. I came along and caught Choo talking to his bike. KY and Alex came by as well. 3 of us stood by watching Choo do his magic. Magic didn't work.
   Took us 15 minutes of tugging and cursing to get the chain out. We worked as a team. KY held the chain. I held the rear wheel. Choo held on to his bike with dear life. Alex counted 1,2,3 slowly. I was surprised the bike did not get ripped apart from all 3 of us tugging three ways. Chain came off on the fourth pull. Discovered a bent chain. Bent RD cage and 3 wonky fingers.
   That day, i discovered how man manages to evolve and improvise during times of desperation. Chain was bent back in place with pure brute force. RD cage needed a hammer. Alex made a suggestion. Upon hearing his suggestion, we laughed. Even Alex laughed at his own suggestion.
   Then we stopped and realized, it was either that or Choo gets to walk back to the car alone. We hammered the RD cage back into shape using a seatpost and my foot as a table. I held the seatpost, Choo held his bike with dear life, KY used his fist to punch the saddle. Alex did the counting part again. In all honesty, it was a bit of a caveman engineering if you ask me. But hey, we managed to somehow pound it back in shape. Choo rode the rest of the day with one speed.
 

Cycling helps you to lose weight. Look at me...

   Took us a bit of huffing and puffing to catch up with the main group.
   Came upon the group and saw VC talking to his bike. Hmmm... What's going on ? Why is everyone talking to their bikes today?
   The group surrounded VC. Everyone helped by giving advice on how best to repair his broken off chain. Billie was overwhelmed to discover VC was ALSO from Malacca!!
   It was a quick fix to get VC back up on his bike. CT helped by promising VC cold beer at the end of the ride. Billie couldn't believe her luck today. She almost fainted from joy upon hearing VC is ALSO from Bukit Baru.

CT helping to repair bike.

 
   It was to be another 10 clicks of bushwhacking before we arrive at the apple break point. From there on, it was climbs upon climbs through canopied single tracks.
   The group mostly rode in silence. Enjoying the view and single tracks. Walked a couple hills filled with over grown tracks. Pushed through and finally arrived at the quaint orang asli settlement.
   The group decided to rest a bit and have the obligatory apple break and photo taking session while waiting for the back markers to catch up.
   Everyone found their shaded spot. Goat KC was mighty pleased. He found his squatting spot over looking the village. Yuen Li and Borky decided to gate crash the orang asli's home for a bit of chit chat about tapir and puppies. We ate our share of apples, oranges, nangka, Kit Kat and buns.

Malacca Riders. Groomed and pretty.

PCC Riders. "Happy Face on a Sunday"

   We waited and we waited.
   It was an hour of waiting before someone asked who we were waiting for. Did the head count and discovered Aunty13, CT , Billie and Alex missing. Made the usual speculations and gossipping. Still couldn't figure out why these 4 were taking so long to come. Billie came alongside. Sweaty and smilling.

   According to Billie, Aunty13 had to lie down for awhile at the top of the hill. Aunty13 had trouble getting her legs to listen to her. Aunty13 wanted to walk. Legs decided otherwise. Aunty13 asked CT to speak to her legs on behalf. Legs remains steadfast. Alex suggested using his seatpost, Aunty13 closed her eyes and nodded. Alex was unsure if that was a yes or a no. Alex sent Billie to come ask us for permission to use the seatpost on Aunty13. Billie discovered Lina was ALSO from Bukit Baru. Billie has never been happier in her life. Billie went off to join her fellow villagers. Billie switched to Malacca mode.

   We continued waiting.

Billie asking to inherit the bag.

   Aunty13 came by a bit later. Grinning.
   After checking that both her legs were working again, the group took off. This will be an easy 10 clicks run back towards our car for the promised rice wine.
 
   Everything went downhill from there on.

   The group managed to drag themselves back to their respective cars. We only lost 10 riders along the way. Moon decided to find a Halal route back. Yuen Li and Lina wanted to clock in more mileage. The Chan family quietly left for lunch at 10:23am. VC and Jesse went off for beer at 11:00am. KC Loh completed 90 minutes in his static pool. He was there with us in spirit of course. Hanz could only hold onto his phone and pretend he was cycling while drinking tea in Guangzhou.

   Changed. Packed. Bikes loaded. Lunch and wine tasting location decided. Off we went while CT and Aunty13 stayed back to fumigate their car. Both came back to discover a colony of ants making their car a temporary home.

   Lunch was a riot.
   The Highland Tea wine survived for 12 minutes. 600 ml shared among 20 alcoholics is a joke. KC's friends were wide eyed throughout the 12 minutes. They could not believe how many alcoholics were present. On a Sunday morning lagi. They avoided eye contact most of the time. We parked Billie at their table. We could hear Billie very clearly. Billie was ecstatic. Almost like homecoming. Almost like having lunch in Portuguese Settlement. Well... Billie was a happy goat that day. She only stopped talking when she went to the toilet.
   We had Fried Kayu Manis because Hanz said that was the best dish. We also had Fried Paku because Hanz couldn't join us. We spoke a lot about Hanz during lunch. Then came the Ginger Fish. Which we ate while talking about how much Hanz would enjoy the spicy old ginger if he was here with us. Then came the serving of Vinegar pork knuckles to replenish the knee and hopefully get Aunty13's leg to be more obedient in the future.
   We also ate Curry Wild Boar. Which also reminded us of Hanz a lot. After that, Hokkien Mee fried with Bitter Gourd. Which we were sure Hanz would have enjoyed if he was here instead of having Dim Sum alone in Guangzhou.
   Final dish served. Free Range Steamed Yellow Chicken. We had to wait a tad longer for this dish. According to Bicycleman, the chicken takes 30 minutes to cook because Free Range Chicken needs time to tenderise the meat before it gets drenched in rice wine and ginger. The chicken then gets a shower of spring onions before serving.
   I thought the chicken looked scrawny and depressed.
   I looked at Oily sitting across.
   Deja vu.
  Hmmm...
  With Alex's seatpost and some ginger. I am pretty sure the chef could also whip up the same dish on a slightly bigger scale. We just needed to convince someone to use the seatpost to knock her unconscious first. Or we could just let her drink a bit more highland tea wine and patiently wait for her to pass out. I could prepare the spring onions while we wait... Lotsa of it.
   It would look equally yellow, scrawny and depressed.

   I did say earlier it was a mind boggling Sunday.

   Un'beliveable.