Sungai Buaya Ride 29th July 2018

Up North Sungai Buaya Ride:

   This week's ride location offered by Borky. Someone said it sounded like a good idea, and away we went to explore it. With the promise of a fairly flat trail plus a few river crossing. It was decided. Sungai Buaya it will be it for this Sunday.

Desmond getting his tools ready for ride.

   0800 hours meet up time set at the school and the old goats started trickling in slowly. It was a really lazy morning, you could see it in their face. I for one, wanted to go back to sleep. It was a 65km drive. Where is that little Hobbit? Made me drive all the way, it had better be a good ride. Last rode here a few years ago, vaguely recalled getting roasted. The Hobbit was adamant this will be worth the trouble. The GPS tracklog clearly indicates a flat trail that flows for 25km. With this good weather, we will be out in no time. Mind you, that's what the Hobbit said. And conveniently, he doesn't own a GPS. How that makes sense is beyond me.
 
   Its was a 3 sentence ride briefing by Borky and we took off.

   Tarmac for 2km before we arrived at the trail head located behind a row of houses. Up and away. I don't know why nobody asked why there was a climb right smack at the beginning of the ride when the Hobbit clearly indicated this was a Changi Airport elevation ride. The lemmings rode up obediently. Most rode, the other half walked. Grouchy of course wanted to cross check his GPS before the climb. Grouchy was unconvinced that the elevation was accurate.. Manta kicked a pebble. Lina gave us her Ultraman stare. KY and Nat took the opportunity to stop and pretend to snap some pictures. Dotty wanted to eat something. Hanz thought he looked the most handsome today. Swenson was also convinced Hanz was the most handsome this Sunday.

   First regrouping executed at the top of the 50 meters walk. Manta turned green. He had to take leave. Received a call from home. Urgent matters. Manta left us in a hurry. I knew then, this was gonna turn into a circus. Manta is the only few that is able to maintain some resemblance of sanity and control within this herd. With him gone, we could only hope for the best. I wanted to cry.

   And a circus it became. More like a gay parade on Christmas if you ask me.

Circus performers getting ready.

  Last group of 8 riders came out at 1 noon. From the other side of the trail, away from the track log. Like 5km away. The group got lost and went in circles for an hour. Thank goodness for the local orang asli dude that came riding along with his moped. He pointed us out. Otherwise, we could have been stuck inside for a much longer time. I was afraid for ex-beauty queen Miss Ipoh Year 1999, she was in so much pain. I really did not want to get stuck in a palm oil plantation with nothing to eat but a scrawny ex-beauty queen. Salt baked free range chicken is not exactly on my list of favourite food. Very boney and salty... But heck, if i need to eat to survive. I will do it for the sake of continuity. I did find a very big stick along the way. Will be useful to put the queen to sleep before we decide who gets what ....
 
   Simply put, 8 riders got separated from the herd. Upon reaching back at the car, 1 rider wanted to eat the Hobbit. 2 wanted to give him a affectionate kick in the butt. Miss Ipoh said something very affectionate in Cantonese that sounded like a bird chirping " tiew tiew tiew....". I  accidentally dropped my big stick on the way out.
   Damm.

   Credit must be given to the Hobbit though. He did not flinch in the face of the storm. He kept his smile and slowly moved to the back of Chee Hong for safety. Then he managed to diffuse the situation by recommending the fine Chinese Restaurant for lunch. With air-con of course. All tension disappeared. The herd headed towards their car.
   A few started applauding each other for the good ride done for the week. Swenson and Desmond complimented Hanz on his good looks. Choi walked back to his car to start the process of removing his makeup. Aric continued walking in circles. Borky scampered back to the safety of his car. And the herd headed off for the real purpose they came on a hot Sunday morning. Cold beer and bull stories.

   After the debacle on Sunday. A few points needed to be addressed and given attention before we continue going around like a sorry troop of headless chicken for future rides. This would probably help get the group more organized. In view that a right and proper search and rescue operation actually cost a lot of money. Money that can be used for much better things, such as buying ice cold beer. Which is higher on the priority list than locating a lost fellow rider anyways.

Ex- Beauty Queen from before Year 2000.
   There should be a blanket ban on ex-beauty queens joining in future rides. They scream when they spot a leech. They scream going downhill. They scream when they get cramps. They also scream when you offer them melting candy. And they eat a lot when they get cramps. And they continue screaming after eating of course...

Pregnant Women.
   Pregnant women should not be allowed to join in the ride. Their screams are confusing. We had a lot of trouble trying to differentiate their screams from the ex-beauty queen's scream. The pitch is very similar. It was almost an hour of watching our Ipoh Queen scream from cramps, we still could not be sure if she was having cramps or going into labour. With closed eyes, you would think you are in a maternity room with a cigar ready... or standing next to an ex-beauty queen suffering from life threatening cramps.

GPS Device Guidelines.
   All GPS owners need to be guided clearly on what is a proper functioning GPS device.
   A GPS with a flat battery is a brick.
   A brick cost 50 cents. Buy a brick. Its more cost effective.
   8 riders lost in the trail. 2 had bricks strapped to their bike.
   Duh.

Eye Test.
   It is mandatory for all participating riders to get their eyes checked and certified from their optometrist. It is very important that all riders should be able to see what they doing and where they are going.
   Within the lost troop, our lone rider with a GPS strapped to his wrist was as useful as a blind guide dog. His GPS was working. His eyes however, was not working so well.
   He kept saying " I can see the the track log. I don't understand why there are 2 lines running parallel to it though. Which to follow ah? Left line or right line....??"
   We were unsure which eye he was using at that point of time, we were busy attending to the ex-beauty queen with life threatening cramps.
   I held on to my faith in humankind for as long as i could. I also know premeditated murder is a non bailable offence. I put my big stick aside for the beauty queen instead.

Biology Class.
   We strongly recommend all rider to dig out their old biology book and do a revision on their biology again. Specifically on how a muscle actually looks like. Muscle on a human, not a cow. It was almost an hour of staring at Miss Ipoh 1999's cramping thigh that raises this important issue. Miss Ipoh was adamant she suffered an unusual growth on both her thighs. She claims the growth is crooked and going sideways. We were unable to convince her that the growth is actually part of her leg. I kept my stick on standby. Teres continued blinking.

Training on Direction.
   All riders must be convinced on the age old rule of thumb practised by our forefathers pre-GPS times.
   If you take all the right turns, you WILL end up going in circles. Regardless what that brick on your handlebar tells you.
   Even if you see two parallel lines.
   Or hear what vaguely sounds like a beauty queen giving birth in a palm oil plantations.

   A smiling Grouchy on a weekday in office is a rare occurrence. Tubeless or not.

 

Borky back home.

   Un'believable.
 

15th JULY 2018 Saujana Putra Ride.

Saujana Putra Drinking Session:-

   It was a disaster. Even before the ride took off, everything that could go wrong went wrong. Murphy came to visit.

   What was supposed to be a birthday bash ride turned into a circus. Counted a bunch of goats at the meeting point. Said hello and hi, walked into the mamak to get my breakfast. Sat down and waited patiently. I was early, so coffee was the only thing on my still sleeping head. Watched the goats perform their pre-ride ritual. The usual routine. Polish bike. Lube chain. Choi putting on make up. KY talking to his son, his son looking at the distance nodding to him. Jesse speaking to his knee.

   My breakfast came. That's when the circus started.

   Jesse came in and tried to get a shower with the roti canai dhall curry. Everything flew. Jesse screamed like a girl on heat. Indian men almost gave Jesse a hug. VH of course ran for cover. VC stood up ready with his teeth clenched. Pete almost choked on his bread. CH kept his grin on. KY had to comfort his son.
   Managed to restore order. Jesse tried to explain what he did. Everyone nodded and said ok. Someone reminded him to pay for the roti he spilled on the floor. And stay in his seat till we have all left. I held on to my roti with dear life.

   Choo came mumbling something in Cantonese. He couldn't drive in from Kemuning because there was a fun run going on. Poor fella had to make a 15km detour. Unker offered him coffee. Choo farted his gratitude. Then Lina called. She was also caught in a jam. PJ marathon. Unker wanted to tell Lina that we are 30km away from PJ. What was she doing driving in PJ in circles? Lina hung up before Unker could ask. Lina walked in the mamak within seconds. Till now, we are unsure who was lying.

   Breakfast done. Something said about the ride and 4 cartons of ice cold beer waiting for us if we do the loop and we took off. Headed towards Bukit Kemandol orang asli settlement.
   We rode for 230 meters. Security Guard told us to stop at the boom gate. Guard on duty refuses to let us pass. Guard was firm. He was concern that we would be a danger to the fun runners coming our way at 10 am.  I looked at my watch. It was 8:03 am. Unker tried to reason with the Guard. Guard refuses to believe that we were all there to attend a birthday party. Guard also did not believe that Chinese Men drinks beer on a Sunday.
   Guard said something in Tamil which translates to..."You fellas don't lie to me. I've been around long enough. You Chinese fellas don't drink beer, Whisky maybe. But beer on a Sunday?? Please la Thamby."
   We were all in shock...
   How could he call Unker a Thamby?? Unker is easily 50 years old liao. Thamby? Kaw chorr aa...?

   We walked across to the road running parallel to the boom gate and continued riding. We waved good bye to the Guard. Guard looked mighty pleased with himself. Unker's mouth was open and speechless for quite awhile.

First road block.

   It was a 3km tarmac ride towards the start point. We lost Unker at the 2km mark. The group continued towards the trail head and decided to stop and maybe try to locate Unker. We were concerned. How are we to invite ourselves to the ice cold beer if the host is missing? Going to the police station to lodge a missing persons report seemed like a lot of work in exchange for ice cold beer. We were left with no choice but to have an impromptu apple break. Manta was mighty pleased.

   Manta called Unker. Unker wasn't missing. Unker went back to the mamak to retrieve Grouchy. Grouchy was still asleep when we witnessed Jesse performing the roti dance. Grouchy decided to clear his bowels instead of rushing to be on time. Grouchy was late, and he did not even manage to switch on his GPS. Grouchy was still unsure if the GPS file was in gpx form or e file. Poor Grouchy. We were very sympathetic to his troubles. A few wanted to kick him. Someone suggested throwing his GPS up into the huge angsana tree and hope for the best. Hanz wanted to say something to Grouchy in Hakka which was very encouraging, if you want to challenge a Hakka to a fist fight that is...
 
   Finally got the ride proper started.
   It was 23km of going around in circles.
   We rode into the palm oil plantation. Came to the first of 15 tea bushes. Stopped to take the first of the thousands of selfies. Continued riding. Came to the next round of tea bushes. Did the selfie thingy again. And that was that. 3 hours of riding in circles and taking selfies. KY Junior was on the verge of committing harakiri. Hanz was disappointed no one complimented him on how handsome and good looking he was. CH was still unsure on how he was going to explain his Gopeng trip cancellation to his wife due to stomach upset. VC was sure Croatia will be champions. VH said something to himself. Little Hanh kept grinning. Poor Borky was all alone with his pills. CEO was with us all in spirit, 45% proof. Oily flew us her airplane...

The look of joy...

   Someone finally said enough was enough. And we started heading back towards the car.
   Unker was spoken to. He gave us assurance that the beer would definitely be cold and the curry chicken would be spicy and hot. The pack left Unker by the roadside.

   The beer was ice cold.
   Somebody bought KFC.
   We ate our cake and sang Unker a song.
 
   Un'believable.

Jesse enjoying the view.

Pee contest .

Manta.

Lite & easy ride this weekend at Saujana Putra as we went exploring a lovely loop set up by Unker Danny in his homeground designed specially to initiate beginners into the joy of mountain biking! Measuring a bit over 23km, the scenic singletrack led to a rather beautiful lake, probably an ex-mining pool.
And no big hills and every track was rideable as long as you are fit.
Of course highlight of the day was the party post-ride at Unker Danny's home to celebrate his 35th birthday. Many thanks for the free flow of beer and great spread of food and happy birthday again Unker.
Looking forward to the next beginners' or night ride there!

KY Chan.

Unker Danny Birthday Ride. Supposed to start early but as usual. Patrick Toh wanted his his milk tea and flooded roti delayed the start. Never knew there was a MTB gem right in the middle of Bandar Saujana Putra. After some commtion with a security guard who fear MTBiker run over pedestrians ( there was a run-with-me event. ) We snucked into a strangely beautiful MTB trails along some lakes, palm plantations, tea plantations, estate bungalow and orchards. The ride was pleasant and the trail certainly suit for PCC's newbie ride. The ride ended with a Birthday bash in Unker's home.
Happy birthday Unker Danny!

Kota Damansara Ride 8th July 2108

KDCF Section 9 Ride.

   This week it was decided that the ride would go back towards KL city. KDCF and Kiara was tossed up for consideration. KDCF won this time around. Kiara was to be considered at a later date, depending on when Brew House decides to revive their RM7 beer promotion. As long as the RM7 beer is no longer being offered, there really is no good reasons to visit Kiara. All trail are basically the same after you deprive your brain of oxygen for an hour or so. It's the after ride party that carries more weight and reason for showing up. It is really difficult trying to justify a ride that doesn't have a cheap pub selling beer nearby. And the place has to be air conditioned right and proper, otherwise it will draw some frowns and unsolicited farts among these bunch of old goats.

New PCC Recruit.

   As usual, the old faces started trickling in as it got closer to 8am. Mostly half asleep and drunk. The usual suspects. Teres couldn't help arriving early. He was busy riding around the car park asking for opinions of which was a better choice of colour. Lemon Yellow or Matt Gold. Which would you choose? Most everybody he spoke to decided to ignore him. Can't quite blame them actually. When you get greeted in Cantonese asking how your mum is early in the morning is not exactly a cheerful morning pickup now is it? And he continued riding around in circles like a peacock laden with too much sugar.

Senior Beng bike.

   The Bromo warriors arrived in their pro van as usual. All smiling and happy, having returned with a few scratches and only ONE broken bike. Teres of course rode up to them asking for opinion on which shade of yellow is stylish at the present moment. He rode away towards Manta when he realised this group was also ignoring him.

Bromo dust collectors.

   Manta arrived. Gave Teres a polite smile and complimented him on his choice of lemon this morning. Teres rode off happily like a puppy given a chicken bone to nibble on. Manta spoke to the group about the trail condition and why we should not be in Taiwan having red wine for now. Some discussion on where the ride will head to and we were off. Borky grinned. Kompressor apologised to everyone who decides to ride behind him, enjoy fermented durian air he says. CT was suspiciously hyper.

   First regroup done at Wakaf Salam. Took photo for the n'th time. Blurry as usual. Cantonese heard. German heard. Hobbit seen. Grouchy wanted his track log. Guinness kept admiring his friend's green bike. Grouchy checked Manta's GPS to make sure he really is in KDCF.

   And it off towards Serenity. The group took off like obedient lambs. Up and away. The group walked and chattered. German guest turned a shade of red redder. It was a peaceful walk for a good 30 minutes. Even the mighty Teres decided to join in the walk. He couldn't figure out why the trail was extra harsh today. Seemed like all the rocks and roots came out to party today. Jowyn decided to show Manta her new found downhilling skills acquired from her Bromo trip. Manta politely clapped and took her photo. Borky said 'Wow.'

This is how you go down hill.

   Grouchy was so upset he did not get his GPS tracklog loaded in right and proper. He kept checking it along the way. The bike got upset as well. They both decided enough was enough. One decided to commit suicide. Succeeded beautifully.... The group was undecided on which to abandon.

Why me?

   It was another hour of walking before the group finally got out to Section 10. Grouchy was his usual self. He couldn't understand why his bag was the only bag that got left behind in KLIA when the group went cycling in Medan. He also couldn't figure out why his bike derailleur is the only thing that kept dying each time he comes to KDCF. And each time he goes for a pee, the group disappears when he returns. And the track log is always looks the same colour regardless how many times he knocks it. Why ah?
 
   The group made a heart wrenching decision.
   Let's abandon the ride.
   Time for beer.
   CT and CH almost fainted from being overjoyed. VC almost got convulsions from hearing this good news. Kompressor was an inch away from giving Grouchy a kiss for him helping us decide. Borky raised his hands to ask something. The Bromo warriors decided to continue practising their newfound skills. Teres realized his fork was not the matching color for his Lemonade Beng bike. Borky stood on the bench waving.

Butt showing competition.

   And so the ride continued towards Green Dot in Bandar Utama instead of Scouts.

  Thank you for the unwavering sacrifice Grouchy. The group was never more grateful for this most unusual and unselfish gesture. The beer was really cold. 43 mugs was all it took for the group to finally agree on which Yellow was the nicest. Ride finished officially at 4:00.

   I woke up at a little bit past 11am. It was really warm and toasty. The dogs were surprised to see me in the garden.
   Did the Sunday Bak Kut Teh ritual. Read all these nonsense while waiting for my tea to boil.

   Un'beliveable