Sungai Siput Food and Baptizing Trip.

15th AUGUST 2015 Sungai Siput Pilgrimage...

That's the hill we are headed to...

   The club's annual pilgrimage to Sungai Siput. Only difference this time around is, some of the guys are going for their baptism instead of only trail riding. Kill 2 birds with one stone they say. We are not merely a riding club only. We also covertly recruit and convert newbies. Very clandestine of course. We are aware the authorities frown upon such activities. Remember how it all ended in WACO. We try to save as many as possible without raising to much suspicion. Same basic principle applied during the Cultural Movement in China during Mao Tse Tung's reign.
   Manta threw up the offer to visit congregate his hometown for a weekend. 20 old goats raised their hands. Faithful group this is. Game on...

Pit stop number 1.

   Most of the group met up at Rawang rest area for one round of brunch and hug before driving off together towards Siput. Before leaving, they had the obligatory round of nasi lemak to fuel up for the 200km drive up north. You will need energy for the 2 hour drive of course. Dotty refused to move an inch till we fed her. At about 12ish, the herd started migrating up north. Dotty rather reluctantly because she did not get her telur goreng. How tragic....
   At about 1:30ish, the group arrived at Bidor interchange and decided 90 minutes was good enough digesting time. So the herd made the second pit stop at Bidor for the usual noodles and beer to fuel up. One round of noodles done, the group again attempted the migration up north. Albeit at a slower pace... But hey, the show must go on. Sheeps must be led to their correct path to salvation.
   Another 2 hours flew past and the group arrived at Ipoh. Quick drive towards Siput and arrived at the designated bungalow that will serve as their resting pen for this weekend. All the bikes offloaded and parked safely within the bungalow in no time. Phone rang. The Manta received the call from the infamous Sungai Siput Siew Yokk Aunty.

Before

After

   "Wohh Chaii ah... Siew Yokk is done. Come over. I have the meat all cut and done for your congregation... Come on over. The tables are ready and wiped clean. Beer chilled and newspaper nicely cut for the meat. Don't forget to pay after you eat this time. Your poor old mother had come all the way from her home just to pay your ..."

   Conversation was cut short abruptly. Manta could be seen trying to reconnect the call by knocking his phone on the coffee table repeatedly. Somewhat with plenty of force and viciousness, while mumbling something in Hainanese. Mighty impressive i thought.

   "Wow... Manta really likes his Siew Yokk eh...."

3 tables of meat.

   So off the herd went. Towards the Siew Yook restaurant conveniently located right behind the biggest bank in Siput. 3 tables were ready and prepared as the herd arrives. Well planned and organized. Aunty wasted no time in serving up the meat. Very useful to have a local boy in the group. Almost like going to Miri and having the tycoon's son hosting us. Minus the van and tuak though.
   Beer was served. Meat came. More beer. More meat...

Dotty at table number 1.

  Within minutes, a couple kilos of Siew Yokk was polished off. The locals had fun watching the tourist eat. It was like a zombie Apocalypse. Nothing was said or spared during the 10 minutes of feeding exercise. Dotty was at her usual best again. No matter how sharp your elbows are, Dotty will forgo the pain. Selective amnesia. Regardless how many times you elbow her in the ribs, she continues to forage. Very focused and single minded. Watching Dotty eat reminds me of the furry thing on tv. I made very sure no one splashed water on her. I was afraid for the locals...

Dotty at table number 2.

Dotty at table number 3.

   Dotty had a glazed look on her eyes after 15 minutes. Kompressor looked the same after downing his 4th beer. CT gave the thumbs up for the toilet. Borky smiled because everyone else was smilling. Yong wanted to perform his happy dance for the sudden abundance of meat. Manta was nowhere to be seen. King took the 23rd selfie of the day. Dotty offered to lick the chilli. Hanz shook something.
   Interesting congregation of multiple characters. Some sane, some confused... Some best left unprovoked.


   The congregation made it's way back to the bungalow to rest for dinner.

   1830 hours came and Manta started to shepherd the herd out from the bungalow.

   " Come on guys. It's time for dinner. Let's all saddle up and ride in to town for dinner... Hush hush. Come along now...Chop chop" 

Circus is in town...!!!

   Obediently, the herd started the slow ride towards the Hainan Coffee shop in town. Ride was almost 4km long. Collected a few more riders along the way and the entire group arrived at the coffee shop. I am not sure how the guys feel about the coffee shop but i was confused.

   The so called coffee shop that was in Manta's family since Japan went to war looked more like a car spare parts shop. I didn't see any tables or chair. All i saw was lotsa engine oil, gasket, drive shaft, oil seals and car parts. Mighty weird i thought. I was sure the Siew Yokk wasn't that potent. I wasn't drunk. Even if it was my first time eating it, i was pretty sure the meat did not cloud my judgement that much. And the Siew Yook Aunty wasn't as sexy as i was made to believe. Though CH was suspiciously sweaty and red during lunch. He looked agitated when the Aunty came by to say hello to Manta. Agitated and fidgety. I suspected hemorrhoids because he asked for tissue numerous times. I could be wrong. 'shrug'

Total combined age 197 years.

   Anyway...Straddling my bike, I chose to keep quiet and wait. Who knows what might happen. People do strange things in foreign land. I honestly wouldn't mind if Jesse decides to drink a quart of synthetic engine oil. Or Choi!! having a go at the Nissan drive shaft.
   Waited a good 30 minutes and without warning, the herd suddenly started moving north.

  " Huh...?! What's going on? No food served ...?! "

   No one dared ask. The herd submissively followed Manta and his crew into the sunset. We are at their mercy now. I did not realize i was in North Korea. I stole a peek at the ride leader @ Manta's nephew, saw his long black flowing hair. Decided it's probably not the smartest thing to question a guy that looks like a North Korean border guard. Borky continued smilling though.

Sungkai night view from Ningku Hill.

   It was a dark and quiet ride for the next hour. All we could see was darkness. Rode up a couple of steep trail and rode down a couple of steep trails. Ran into some tree branches. It was dark remember? Up some more steep looking trail again. Came to a road crossing. Saw the ride leader put his index finger up against his mouth. Ssssshhh... Let's go. Cross quickly. Make minimal noise. I felt like a Burmese trying to sneak into Malaysia in the middle of the night.
   Rode up into the darkness again. No one dared make any sound. After 3 hours of going in circles, in near total darkness. We came to a little drain. Ride Leader pointed 15 feet into the darkness...

Into the woods.

   " That's where the baptizing ceremony will take place. Go ahead."

Pre-baptizing sermon.

   It was another hour passed before the herd decided they have had enough of swimming. And off we went into the darkness again. Cindy was so flooded with emotion after the swim, she decided to test fate and dove headfirst into the the ground. She survived. Guinness shook his head in disbelieve.

Fong enjoying Guinness...

   Continued riding in the darkness for a bit before we finally emerged behind a housing estate. From there on, it was a quick run off towards the bungalow for supper.
   Supper was ready and served when we arrived. Simple fare. Fried noodles, fried rice, burger, bbq chicken wings, satay, fried beehoon, nasi lemak, kuih, chilled beer and peanuts...

   From then on, it was a blur of food, alcohol and old men farting continuously...

Orang asli boy being fed.

    Food was polished off. Drinks toasted and drank. Party was going on so well, even the CEO of Air Asia decided to drop by in his black van. Choi!! even abandoned his playtime with May to come join us for after ride food and drinks. Salute...
   By 2am, the older goats started pointing their horns to the ground. Last goat dragged himself to bed at 4 am. Snoring symphony lasted till dawn. Pity the neighbour next door...He probably thought his neighbour was into rearing pigs now.
   Very grateful to Manta and his home grown crew. Excellent crew and more than accommodating host. Thumbs up. Wai did an excellent job laying out the trail. His mates were an amazing support crew in their motor bikes and baby Suzuki's. We are forever grateful. Especially when food and beer was free...

  I am coming back next year.
  And no, i did not forget my front wheel this time around.

Un'believable...

1st August 2015 Secret Ride Part 3...

Heart Stopper Ride 1st August 2015:-

   It started off like any other Sunday morning ride. Only thing that struck me as odd was i actually slept early on Saturday. By 2300 hours, i was already zombie like. Since all the gears and bike have been pre-packed and readied for tomorrow. I decided to knock off early and get rested for the next days ride.
   It was to be the 3rd edition of Tailook's secret ride. Bicycleman was nominated the head honcho for the ride. We are supposed to be doing something either the distance of 12 km or 34 km. Whichever the Bicycleman fancies. I hope the big guy is in a good mood for negotations the next day.

Lunch location.

   Tailook has been petitioning for the 12 km loop the entire week. The 34km loop will eat into his Sunday lunch timing and Facebook updating allocation. This Sunday's lunch was very important to Tailook. Tailook is very concerned about his current Facebook status. Tailook spotted a new prospective "friend" working in a restaurant nearby that he wants to add into his friend list. The intended friend is 32- 27- 34 with 2 tattoos on her left leg. Weighs about 55kgs and speaks fluent Mandarin. Tailook also speaks mandarin he claims.   He could say "toilet" fluently in mandarin.

Squid fried with salted duck egg.

    Tailook is very confident on being successful. We as friends could only hold our tongue. I stopped Kompressor numerous times. Kompressor could not bear to watch Tailook get rejected and get his heart broken on a Sunday morning. Kompressor was very concerned. However, when i reminded him that we are in close proximity of Nirvana Bereavement Center. Kompressor finally relented, knowing if things goes south for Tailook. It is easy to make arrangements. We as friends will try to be supportive and show some confidence. Eddie decided to stay home and watch the Whatsapp chat update instead. Smart fella this one. He could be sitting on his sofa buck naked, and laugh the entire morning. No one would be any wiser to it. And he could still remain friends with Tailook after all this fiasco.

Steamed Tilapia Semenyih style.

   Simon Guinness was also concerned. Being a good buddy, he even brought Cindy along. Just in case Tailook needed sisterhood support.
   Me? I came hoping to watch Tailook get slapped with a pork leg when he proposes to the new "friend". Tailook failed to notice how huge her biceps were. I saw her balance 3 plates of steamed Tilapia on one hand when she walked out from the kitchen last week. I could only hope...

   Ever since i was a kid growing up in a fishing village, i was constantly reminded. If a lady could balance anything more than 2 fish on one arm. Never ever mess with that woman. Be nice to her under any circumstances. Never ever cross path with that kind of woman. She will make you pay for it dearly. I always obeyed and replied softly when spoken to. I call her mum.

   Anyways, it was breakfast as usual at Connaught before the herd met up at the usual tol gate to chat more. Plenty of chat done and away we went heading towards the now not so secret meeting point. Eco Ventures Resort. Slow and relaxing drive along Kajang before we entered Semenyih and swung left towards Eco Ventures.

Hyenas getting ready.

   The entire troop arrived and started getting ready for the ride. Kompressor and Guinness was still genuinely concerned about Tailook's attempt. Both nodded at each other and started getting ready for the ride. Dotty swallowed her last piece of sandwich. KY waved to the tree beside CH. Jacky ran to the toilet. Annie was busy watching Ivan set up her bike. Tailook checked the battery level on his phone. Fisherman adjusted his dentures. Bicycleman stood at attention. KC did the Air Asia thing again. KY walked up to the tree to say hello. Yellow Manta shifted and stretched something in his pants.
   I counted about 23 riders getting ready. To see so many riding buddies getting ready is heart warming. Can't help but smile to myself. It's a good start to a Sunday morning. Fresh crispy air. Lovely weather.
   Unloaded my bike from the car roof and looked in the rear boot for the front wheel.

How i felt then...

   The moment i realized the front wheel was missing. My heart froze.
   Oh no.... No freaking way!!!... Oh Frog! Oh Frog!... Ooooh Froggg.....

   Despair. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss. Confusion. Anger.

   I felt none of those emotions...

   Here i am, in Semenyih. 70km from home. Drove 90 bloody minutes. Front wheel is nowhere to be seen. And i have 23 RIDERS behind me. All primed and ready to have THE laughter of their lifetime.
   I am a dead man.
 
   How to wriggle my way out of this?! Could i go to the toilet and pretend not to hear them when they call? Would they notice if i sit quietly at the side? What if i claim i have a bad tummy? Or perhaps i could walk up to the tree KY was busy chatting with and pick up the bits and pieces of the conversation? Or maybe get Judy to send me off somewhere? How fast will i have to drive out without anyone being able to recognize me? Ooohh Frog.....
   KY decided to stop talking to the tree and walked towards me. Tapped me on my shoulders. I wanted to die. It felt like the Grim Reaper from the Mountain Bike Division just called to say hello. KY took a look at the boot. Turned and saw the bike on the ground minus the front wheel. Took him 2 seconds to realize he just struck jackpot...
   Everything was a blur from then on. The crowd went ballistic. Laughter and more laughter.. Even heard someone farted a wet one. CH had to wipe his nose. Judy shook her head. Fisherman had to remove his dentures. Laughing too much with dentures on is dangerous, he was told. Jacky had to run to the toilet again. Manta was as always, suspicious. Krankster asked for peanuts. VC took out his phone. Borky continued smiling because everyone else was smiling. PeteW offered me a plastic bag to cover my head. Cindy said something in Hakka and went off to the toilet laughing. Annie repeated the same thing in Hakka and threw a pebble at me. Manta slapped me on the shoulder and told me to stop fooling around.
   All i could do was grin like a frozen clown.
   My mum would have been proud of me...

   The drive back home was as silent as can be. I was in a daze. You should never ever have curry noodles too early in the morning. It makes you warm and dizzy. Clouds your judgement. Warm toast would be wiser.

   In a nutshell. This was what i did last Sunday. Woke up at 0600 hours. Drove 40 minutes for a bowl of curry noodles in Cheras. Drove another 25 minutes to Semenyih. Took a dump at the toilet in Eco Ventures. Got laughed at by 23 people. Packed my bags and drove 70 minutes back to Klang. Got home by 1000 hours. Then got laughed at again by my mum at home. Had a cup of coffee. Went back to sleep again...

   I should have gone to church instead...

   Apparently, this is what the 23 chimps got to do after i left.

The herd waiting for Ivan to regain consciousness.

Ivan watching the girls fight for shade.

Tailook confused and lost.

   Doesn't look like much fun.
   Bah Humbug...

Un'believable...