Kemensah Ride Report 29th MARCH 2015

29th March 2015 KEMENSAH Ride:-

Overview of Klang Gates Dam

   This week, we are back at Kemensah. This trail has not been ridden for quite awhile due to the trail being eroded rather significantly the last time we came by. This week was a surprise. Weather which poured the day before did not wash out the trail. In fact, trail was dry as a bone. Lotsa sandy bit but otherwise rideable. The trail has recovered quite a bit. It was rather badly torn up by motorcross and ATVs the last time we came by. Now its a treat to ride.
   Back at the start point. Headcounts included 20 riders, 10 senior citizens, 1 Kwai Loh and 2 ladies. Ride briefing was ... brief. Took the Ride Director almost 40 seconds to start and finish. All i heard was, " Saddle up! Let's go. We've got lunch to chase. " Sounds like a no nonsense ride to me.
   So off we went .
   No nonsense ride this really was. The usual stops at the kampung to greet the local hens and goat was totally ignored. Fish pond regrouping struck off the list. This is gonna be a "Keep up you lazy swine..!!" kinda ride. Oh frog...

   Up the hill we went. Regrouping finally executed at the peak of the first major climb. Not to catch your breath or socialize. Group photo only. Strictly that. Then it's off we go again. The pace was relentless. Even King Kenny was caught off guard. ( Look at attached photo. We have documented proof. )

Caught red handed and documented.

   Real rest finally came at the roundabout in the jungle. Buns came out flying. Nuts were exchanged and scrutinized. Compliments paid. Insults returned. Dotty was pushed around a bit. Yellow Manta silently executed his Taichi fart again. Plenty swearing in cantonese heard. Bikes being offered for sale. Evil eyes given. A few moans heard. Some form of pleading in hokkien whispered. More buns. Ride continues.
   Into the first bit of downhill towards the dam. Rutty and greasy. Busy chasing the Kwai Loh down the ruts. Saw him highsided a few times. Nope. He did not wipe out. As much as i prayed. He stayed on his bike. Overtook a few riders sitting down in the ruts with bloody elbows. No stopping. This is a no nonsense ride after all....

   At the dam we arrived. PeteW has the widest grin. For the first time, he managed to ride down all the way. Excited man he was. He told and repeated this to 26 riders. The other 6 pretended to enjoy the view. 1 laid down and pretend to be a dead squirrel.
   Rest stop number 2. More food and insults. Dotty got shoved around the 2nd time time. Yellow Manta, well... he does what he does best. Chew his apple first, then fart. Cameras came out flying. Counted at least 18 cameras. Impressive. Feels like you are surrounded by Japanese tourist in Pavillion KL. The pudgy boys at the corner started comparing beer bellies. More swearing in cantonese heard. Kompressor starts singing Hakka songs. Riders starts walking up the trail. Can't quite blame them really. Hakka songs aren't the sexiest kind of songs you wanna hear on a Sunday morning. Especially Macarena in Hakka. I gritted my teeth when the Kompressor begins gyrating. " God help us all...."

Spot the squirrel.

   Second phase of no nonsense ride begins. Now its a relentless uphill walk all the way till we come to the river crossing. WC had trouble crossing the river. Too deep. Somehow he managed though. Good man this fella. Tries his best.He even helps the Manta to wet and wash his shoes. Pat on the back.
   More chatter at the river stop.
   More uphill walk. After that. Everything is blurry. Till we came to the doggy junction.
   3rd rest and chatter session. The same 18 cameras came out flashing.The resident 2 dogs was fed. Photos taken. Then got molested by 12 pairs of muddy hands.
   From then on. It's every man for himself. All 33 riders starts the descend back to the car.
   Good ride. Fair weather... Thumbs up.

   Now.
   The lunch bit. A convoy of cars starts heading towards the agreed lunch location. Nasi Lemak with Curry Chicken was on the menu. Ipoh Hor Fun for desserts and Heineken to wash it all down. Lunch was compliments of PeteW at his home. When this man said he enjoyed the ride. He was not joking....
   Lunch was super. Food tasty and nice. Wonderful drinks and company to chat with.  Most of the guys had 2 rounds of food. Some even had 3. One even tried to sneak the curry chicken into his Camelbak. Dotty grew a bit over lunch. CH lost a few more strands of hair. Compressor offered to sing his Macarena again. He kept quiet after seeing Tailook reach for his stick in his pants. Alberto continued chewing his chicken.

   A huge thank you to PeteW for the wonderful hospitality and for allowing a bunch of stinky old men into your home. I sincerely apologize on behalf. Rest assured, the maids will recover mentally. Give them time. No need to whip them. It's not their fault really. I would also be weeping if my boss comes home with a bunch of  hobos.
   We would totally understand if the Missus decides to burn your bike after this...

Lunch location

Unbelievable.

KEMENSAH Ride 29th March 2015

Kemensah Ride 29th March 2015:-

Ride Details: 29th March 2015
Meeting Point: Parking lot behind BHP Petrol Station Taman Melawati
Time: 0730 hours
Distance: 20kms+

Ride Description: We will most likely be riding up to the rim of the dam to feed the mossies. Trail will be partly canopied and open at the back end when we head out. Expect some climbs and some rutty downhill bits. Nice trail with opportunity to view wild life if you are lucky.

Things to bring: 3 liter water if you are normal like us, one little bottle if you are a camel like the Wrench. Trail food or nuts to chew on when the old goats begs for a break. Unless you enjoy chewing on your own fingernails. It's probably a good idea to bring a bun or an apple. Sunblocks and mossie repellant to keep away the insects and old people.

Contact person: Yellow Manta 012 227 4443 

Ride Report 22nd March 2015 KIARA

Kiara Ride 22nd MARCH 2015 Ride Report:-

   For those of you who are familiar with Kiara, you will know this particular trail which everyone refers to as the Twin Peaks. Now, you can access this trail from the X-Road where tons of mountain bikers normally converge for a break after energy-zapping and the most  intense of rides, for instance, up the 2K from the end of the Magic Circle, which is the new extended end of Magic Carpet. Which is preceded by the Coronary Bypass, Overtime and the Office. Now, don’t get too confused here with all these fancy names, they are just mountain bikers’ way of ensuring that their buddies/spouse/girlfriends/boyfriends have a reference point in case they go missing inside the magical hills of Kiara.

Kiara Wildlife

   We at PCC Mud & Dirt are no different and we look forward to the “commercial breaks” at the X-Road so as to feast our eyes on things other than just mud, sand, dried leaves, branches, fresh falls, roots, rocks, gullies, monkeys, soiled bottoms and whatnots. You know, people always say to ride Kiara, you cannot afford even a moment’s lapse in concentration lest you fly instead of ride. So these commercial breaks do make a lot of sense and provide our eyes with a much needed relief. Boy, are we glad that Kiara is a multi-use place with so many SYTs indulging in their sport of hiking or jogging here. Last Sunday was no different and a number of commercial breaks were called out, one even at the end of Magic Circle when this SYT came jogging by as we were mounting to take on 2K.

SYT Spotting exercise.

   Now, why twin peaks you may ask. For me I see many peaks. Well, to me at least, each point where I stop to catch my breath on the way up is a peak. And mind you, I used to encounter at least 2 of such peaks before I even get to the Tokong. Which for sure is not the highest peak. At least 2 more to go I would say. But to me Tokong is a benchmark. This is where most riders will stop to take a breather. After all the next peak is the old entry to Janice’s Addiction which our wrench Teres will never cease to tell you is the HQ of all the mozzies that you can find in Kiara. Better to rest here at the Tokong than be eaten alive. Also at the Tokong, considerate folks have put in place fallen logs that make for good seats. Great to grab some qi gong meditation to recharge whilst waiting for your buddies to catch up. And last Sunday a lady who looked suspiciously like a hakka moi decided to join me. I was later told by Choy that she goes by the nick of ‘Bing’. You know, as in Fan Bing Bing and Li Bing Bing, famous actresses from China. Not Jar Jar Bing, of Star Wars fame. So now I know we have in our midst a Hew Bing Bing. But truth be told, she doesn’t need any qi gong. All she needs ( and Choi! will vouch for it ) is to move her butt further behind.

Release gradually... That's how you fart covertly.

   So why is Tokong a benchmark? Well, fact is back when I was riding a GT I-Drive,  I always needed at least 2 breaks before I could reach it. And that was starting from the X-Road itself. Now after much poisoning from the TLNs ( concocted from a hakka word – ti lin ngong ), I got meself a titanium hardtail 650b last year. I’m not sure if it’s the bigger wheels or what but the fact that it weighs only 22lbs certainly plays a big part in my being able to ride all the way up to that Tokong without taking a breather! And that is starting the climb all the way from Snake & Ladder, mind you. And now with my latest N+1 full susp 650b, I too was wondering if I could repeat the feat... 

   Teres, you there? He would tell you I screwed up at the very last moment.

   Anyway, back to the Tokong. Our flow of qi was finally interrupted by the arrival of our most improved biker, Jesse who shooed Bing Bing away to take his rightful place on the log. At that juncture, we could tell that our friend, though breathless and pale,  was most intent on finishing the ride as soon as possible so that he could get back to his newly acquired DNA collecting device then charging in his car. Our fear now is whether his passion for mountain biking will diminish with his newfound toy and lose his most improved rider status…

Happy boy Jesse...

   Anyway to cut the story short, suffice to say that the rest of the ride for Jesse was purely a manifestation of the one and only kind of motivation that would keep him going up the Twin Peaks, climb even more hills as we ventured off to Devi’s Corner in Desa Hartamas for 100+, and tackle Plan C, Wasteland and Barakuda. It’s like a little boy who has been promised a trip to Toys’ R’ Us. But for sure he declined our final offer of Lungbuster in Reverse as he needed to hurry back to the car. Understandable.

   Great ride. For the first time ever, Crazy KC actually completed an entire ride in Kiara. No scooting off ¾ way like he was prone to before. Must be the latest N+1 bike too.

Huge snake spotted in Kiara.

   Oh by the way before I forget, Vincent Chin got spooked by a 2-incher when he took a pee and tried to impress us with “Can You Spot It?’ pictures and videos  of what was supposed to be a big snake. We couldn’t spot the snake but Gerard did. Hmmmm………..

Ride Report courtesy of YELLOW MANTA.

Ride Report 15th March Team A / Kajang Trail:-

   First there was our very own Dotty whose surname of Ho I presume is Hakka. She would spin and spin and shoot far ahead of all riders, guys included. In fact it was mostly guys that she overtook for the simple reason that she was most of the time the only lady rider in our M&D rides. Of course we had another power lady in the form of Lena but her prowess was (and still is I suppose) on technical downhills, Kiara included. But then again she wasn’t half as regular as Dotty on our rides. Is Yeow a Hakka surname by any chance?

Pre-puking rear view.

   Then along came Mei who blew everybody away! Not only is she fast, she is fearless too! 

   For most riders, especially beginners, Kiara is a place to be feared. Not this lady. All she needs is follow an experienced rider. Up all the hills and switchbacks, down all the steepest and ruttiest of descents and switchbacks. All without putting down a foot. Unless the rider in front does. And you got it – she’s definitely a Hakka. Surname of Hew.  

   Phew to the rest of us as we wipe our cold sweats trying to keep up with her or see her riding stuffs we wouldn’t even want to walk. Choi! is already thinking of signing up with King Kenny to brush up his technical skills. Before he gets dropped too far behind as much as he has been telling Mei to move her butt just as far behind. To no avail.  Our lady continues to blaze the trail firmly rooted in her saddle. Call it natural talent. Choi!, better buck up.

Holding it in pre-puke photo.

   Then last Sunday, in place of Mei who had to play fair lady at the Lady Beautiful Fair at Matta Fair, SK took her place at our weekend ride in Kajang. Though not as fit as Mei, she displayed all the qualities of a Chinese of Hakka descent. Not only did she give all the guys some heart-stopping moments and made them turn pale by the way she tackled some of the gnarliest rain-washed gully-filled descents that you can find in this part of the world, she climbed all the long hills too even if it meant having to make regular stops just to puke. 

Still holding it in...

   As if that wasn’t enough, she had to give the guys a double dose by bringing along another lady on her maiden ride, who mountain-biked in the very same fashion as SK did! And that was her first time ever on a mountain bike! Now this lady goes by the name of Yen Ching which I have no doubt is preceded by another Hakka surname. After all both are friends of or belong to the infamous Hakka Gang from which Mei originated. And if she’s not a Hakka, then she’d better be one. All the qualities are there. Thung is Hakka, right?

After puke smile...

   Oh, the ride. Yes, great loop of 17km which felt like 27km which was the original distance planned, which we canned because by the time we got back to the shooting club after a round of what seemed like endless climbs and some of the most rutted descents you can find, it was already way past noon. 

   Tilapia fish was already beckoning. Anyway, Jason was also getting sleepy. Much to the disappointment of Fong, our pathfinder who had wanted to continue on to the Bitch Hill…. We were all wondering what he had for dinner the night before. Or what he had been smoking.

   By the way guys, is Annie Chee Hakka too?

Ride Report courtesy of Yellow Manta.

Ride Report 15th March Team B / KDCF Trail:-

Eleven riders came at the break of dawn,

One rider couldn't help but moan and moan,

In the end, only ten went riding,

The odd one left went grocery shopping.

Into the trail we went,

Huff and puff, crank and crank,

Perfect trail, cool and breezy,

Poor Krankster, all sweaty and wheezy.

"Power up!.. Power up!" shouted Krankster,

 Is that the dog whisperer?,

Oh, no...It's not.

"Crank up the climb you lazy snot!!"

From Harmony to Unity,

There goes my sanity,

Down to Sahabat, Up to Scouts,

"Power up!.. Power Up!.. "

A mutiny at the community shed,

"Stop!...What drugs did you guys take?!"

Don't you clowns need a break?

At this rate, i am gonna be dead...

So we are left with seven at the shed,

Three decided it was make or break,

Off they went to save their skin,

That the last of them to be seen,

Seven for the final bit,

Up towards Sahabat, what a treat...

"Power up!.. Power up!..."

The Krankster barks...

The end is near...

A glimmer of hope beyond Harmony,

Anymore and i WILL go crazy...

Seven returns safely.

Bliss.....

Post KDCF Ride

15th March 2015 Ride Selection

Ride Choice 15th MARCH 2015:
   This weekend would also be a first for the club. You get 2 different trails to choose. 2 riding options. Choose your team wisely. You are either Team A or Team B. Both are equally aggresive and jurassic.

Team A:
Ride Details:
Meeting Point: Cheras 1st toll plaza.
Time: 0730 hours.
Distance: 27 km.
Ride Description: Parking at TTDI Kajang Perdana. The trail  distance is about 27 km into mainly exposed open trail especially the Twin Palm and Bitch Hill. Do prepare yourself some singletrack part need to do some clearing. please bring parang also. Trails are mostly rideable. Please bring enough water at least 3 liters. Essential tools. Mini pump. Spare tube and not forget snacks or fruit for apple break.
Contact Person: Tailook 012 2132188

Team B:
Ride Detail:
Meeting Point: KDCF Section 9 parking.
Time: 0800 hours.
Distance: 13 kms
Ride Description: " Always a ride near if the official deems far. Your extraordinary weekend. You only need minimum of 5 riders to complete the corum "
Contact Person : KDCF Penghulu

PCC Gentleman's Club Progression dated 8th March 2015

Spot the cat 

Changes are coming...
   It has been an odd week. The Ride Director ( RD ) decided to steer the club towards a different path. Seeing that this is 2015 and wanting changes in the club. The RD decided time was ripe to have a wee bit of change in the weekend schedule. Instead of doing rides. Last week, a hike in Kuala Kubu Baru was proposed. Up Sungai Chilling for a waterfall picnic instead of frolicking in the mud as usual.
   We somehow agreed to the change willingly. RD was able to round up almost 40 odd character for the hour hike up to the waterfall. Total weight fell in at almost 1600kgs. Combined age was easily 1980 years in total. I counted 20 Nasi Lemak. A bag of raw mutton. One Lady with bandages on her face. 6 cans of Japanese beer. 18 packets of peanuts. One can of Macadamia nuts. ( Slightly salted of course. ) 6 loaves of bread. 10 muffins. 3 Maggi Mee. 5 eggs and one apple. 7 kids. And 5 walking sticks.
   Hikers were promised a spectacular view of the waterfall and cool breeze.
   Like obedient lemmings we all are, into the trail we went. No questions asked. It was exciting being promised the view of a waterfall with water pouring down and the thoughts of seeing nature in its raw form was very enticing indeed. I was sleepless the day before the hike. Bags were checked twice. Food was prepared. Drinks packed. Shoes checked and cleaned. All laid out and ready to go.
   When they say a picture tells a thousand words. They are not lying.

   This is what we ended up doing on a Sunday.

   While the other wiser half of PCC decided to stick to their principle and stood firm. They went for the usual Kiara trail. Seems they did most of Kiara this time around. Office, Magic Carpet, Magic Circle, 2K, Apollo, Upper Short, Snakes and Ladders, Twin Peaks... Heck, they even shot a slow mo video of Choi! bending over. Heard this bunch had lotsa fun riding over roots and rocks, No one spilled blood though this time around.

   Almost a week since the hike. I kept asking myself. "Which would i choose if the same situation arises again?"  
   Between watching shapely young girls pretending to be mermaids on a rock beside a waterfall or panting up Kiara behind a bunch of smelly old men?

   Mermaids fascinates me. They are exotic pretty beings.
   And they smell nice.

Unbelievable'