There are several American names for this battle. The first was the description given to the way the Allied front-line bulged inward on wartime news maps, which was reported in the contemporary press as the Battle of the Bulge. The battle was militarily defined as the Ardennes Counteroffensive, which included the German drive and the American effort to contain and later defeat it. Following the war, the U.S. Army issued a campaign citation for its units fighting in northwest Europe at the time. This was called the Ardennes-Alsace campaign and included the Ardennes sector (of the Ardennes Counteroffensive fighting) and units further south in the Alsace sector. The latter units were not involved except for elements sent northward as reinforcements. While Ardennes Counteroffensive is correct military parlance because the official Ardennes-Alsace campaign covers much more than the Ardennes battle region, the most popular description remains simply the Battle of the Bulge.
But alas, it was not as dramatic as we expected. Though much similarities did occur during last Sunday's ride. It was however not similar in the military sense. With 20 riders present totalling about 900 odd years collectively, it turned out to be a battle of a different sorts. PCC being a cycling club, you would expect the battle to be about distances, gradients, river crossing and hills to be the main concern. How wrong you are...
Only 10 minutes into the ride, we already have riders asking where the pit stop would be. For breakfast. Yep, you read correctly. 10 minutes and this question was flung out. A few wanted to stop after Kampung Kapal to get some chow. With Bulldozer leading, its either you tag along or you get abandoned. No mercy. So, off we went into Stage 2 of Prez Ride. Climb climb climb. The newbies started huffing. Grumpy Bernard was his usual self, Grumpy. Princess Lena started having trouble down south. More questions being raised about what to eat post ride. Mind you, this was 45 minutes into the ride. Off we went towards the cattle farm junction. Newbies and Princess Lena gave up below the hill going into the wild boar trail. It was Princess taking a short cut at this junction or we have to watch her leak. Not nice. The main pack went off to the wild boar trail with the promise to meet up again at the cattle farm. Dot wanted to know which is a better dish to order post ride. Claypot Tofu or Steamed Tilapia. No one could come up with any sort of agreement at the Serai Farm. Arguement carried itself all the way back to Cattle Farm junction.
Princess Lena still holding on. No leaks so far. Well done! The 2 newbies looked refreshed. Guinness looked bored out of his mind. Like his usual self. Pit stop finally executed at this juncture. Much relief to all present. Dot was extra chatty this Sunday. "Choose between Guiness and Kilkenny.Which is tastier?" she said. No one could come up with any convincing answer again.
Now comes the fun part. Tarmac climb up to the palm oil estate. The newbies looked like they will leak down south for sure this time. I made a mental note. Stay in front of Princess Lena and the newbies. The pack took a break at the palm estate. Now Dot wanted to get an answer to which restaurant we will go post ride. The Bittergourd Hokkien Mee restaurant or the Karaoke singing restaurant. Hearing this, Danny looked like he wanted to leak also. Extremely chatty this one. Hmmm..kind of reminded us of the Hobbit once. That one was slightly different, that one never stops chatting. Anyhoo, off we went again, the newbies looked relieved. No one dared say a word about the upcoming climb. Ride leaders took off for the climb. Bulldozer stayed behind to accompany Yellow Manta. Please note, Bulldozer insisted that he was fine and dandy. He couldn't bear the thought of Yellow Manta marching up the hill alone. Therefore he chose to sacrifice his Sunday climb for the sake of friendship. Good man this one. If you choose to believe him that is.
Man...that is one long climb. And i meant real long. The hill just kept coming. Victor was even spotted walking at parts of it. Thats how long the climb is. Strange thing is. With Victor marching up the bloody hill on his foot. We were still unable to catch up with him. Its no wonder they managed to conquer Malacca. This dude can march i tell you.
Finally reached the peak. Group sat down for a break.Yellow Manta performs his Tai Chi moves again. Pay attention please. Spread your leg. Take a deep breath. Focus. Shut out all surrounding noise. Take another deep breath. Spread both your palm open wide. With your palms facing you. Chop your nuts repeatedly. This is where the real Battle of the Bulge actually took place. It was between Yellow Manta, Guinness, Bulldozer and Dot the Starving Poodle. She won. Everyone agrees Dot won it hands down. She had the biggest beer belly for that Sunday. We have documented proof. Danny even poked it with a stick to make sure its all organic. No cheating there. It is pure unadulterated lard.
That my friend, is how the events unfolded on Sunday. Lotsa hair pulling on what to eat and who has the most lard. |
| Winner...!! |
Of course they went for post ride lunch. Dont be silly. The group would not miss if for the world. Why else would we all show up on Sunday?
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