Kiara Ride Number #395 and counting.

Kiara Ride and Drink 29th Sept 2019.

   So we went back to Kiara again this Sunday. The Hash guys organised a night run on Saturday. A few went, most stayed home. Borky came back drenched like a SPCA puppy that was accidentally  left out when they shut the gate. We heard they went swimming in Sungai Long. Then got drunk on 30 liters of bedroom brewed craft beer courtesy of Benji. The rest refused to say what actually happened. We were to scared to probe further.
   So Kiara it was.
   Woke up to a lovely wet cool Sunday. This will either be a blast or someone is gonna get stuck on a tree or end up in the ravine somewhere. Let's go i say... On on.

   Rode up to bike wash. Waited. The herd trickled in slowly. The usual suspect. Counted about 20ish fellas that was still yawning and scratching away while waiting for ride to commence. Old Manta came by grinning. Today was a free for all ride. We have no leader. We have no sweeper. We have no plans. We have no ride details. We ride till 11ish. That's as close to Brew House opening their door for business. We will use that as a benchmark. Can someone keep track of the time so we do not end up being too thirsty? Please cooperate and set Brew House location as the designated wayward point.
   So for the last time. The bail out point would be Brew House right across KSH. If anyone loses their way, please make your way to Brew House. Let's be clear on this so we do not end up going around in circles searching for lost souls. Everyone nodded obediently. VC sent a thumbs up icon in Whatsapp group.
   Ok. We are good to go.
 
   As usual, walk up towards Office. Then Coronary out to tarmac. Regrouped the herd at the entrance of Magic Carpet. Did the usual pretending to chit chat while ogling at the lycra clad ladies strolling up and about. Winked at a few. Stared mostly... After awhile, the group picked itself up and rode off quietly. Into Magic Carpet heading towards Circle.
   Queued and a few decided to wing it. Since it was already announced earlier that we had no designated ride route today. The gullible few decided to take a short cut and a leap of faith. Thanks to words of encouragement from Old Manta of course. These fellas rode down the enduro cut. All made it down in one piece. Ming did not curse today. He only mumbled something in Singlish which we could not intrepret. Rode on towards Circle.
   Waited at the top of Circle. I waited and waited.... I got bored of waiting. Left and joined the rest of the FRB at the tarmac. Turns out Old Manta was having a gala time taking videos of gullible Aunties attempting to ride downhill. One bounced down elegantly. Another rode halfway, changed her mind and decided to run instead. CH did what all good mountain biker would do in the event of a bail out. He ran forward and caught the bike. Bike was unscathed. Good fella that one. We were all grateful the bike was unblemished and scratched. We wouldn't know how to react had CH not grab the bike before it landed on the muddy roots. CH was under tremendous pressure to not fail his responsibility as a right and proper mountain biker.

   Another round of chit chat at the tarmac. Then it was into 2K before the herd emerged at the Cross Road to do the usual posing and bike ogling. Waved to a few fellas. Complimented each other on how good looking we all look today. The usual pleasantries. Molested a few 30k bikes unashamedly. Complimented the bike of course. No idea who the owners were but hey... The bikes were the right shade of turquoise and yellow.

   Then it was up towards Tokong.
   It was a slow and sticky climb up.
   Arrived at Tokong to catch the Rastaman trying to catch air for his dreadlocks. Wet dreads are pretty slimy i guessed. The dude was trying hard to dry his dreads. Hard work this is.. Took some videos. Nobody obliged to crash. No Youtube upload this time.
   Away we went. Pure Quill and Sidewinder next. Tried my best to ride it through. Only hit the left side of the nuts as i dropped into the rocky section. Right side was ok. CH complimented me on not hitting both nuts. That would be shameful. Old Manta patted me on the shoulders, it's ok. As long as nothing fell out you are ok. And make sure you go check in to the hospital later if you start feeling feverish. The last fella that did that had to eat Javanese rice for a week.
   All managed to wing it cleanly. No casualties except for me left nut. Into Wasteland we went. Regrouped at the tarmac. Apple break.... I walked off to check the right nut. All is good. No fever just yet.
   Then it was decided that the main herd would go scout and survey Playmates and Plan C while a few will stay at the tarmac and make sure nobody crosses over to Brew House too early.
   It was a cool chatty 20 minutes wait. While waiting for the herd, Aunty 13 ate everything in sight. She had 2 buns. Nuts. Nangka. Buah Kana. Coke. Fried Potato Fritters. And she said she was still hungry. We had to stop her when she started walking towards the resident chimp. The chimp was chewing on something. We weren't sure who would win in the event of a hair pulling contest. Aunty 13 is only slightly taller than the chimp. But the chimp has home ground advantage... Against our better judgement i offered her Oily's scrawny fingers to chew on. Aunty 13 took a look and said she will wait till she got to Brew House. The chicken there not so salty and skinny wor.... Aunty 13 is a not a fan of free range chicken.
   The herd returned. Back towards the Wall and regrouping at the pondok to do a time check. We didn't want to appear too desperate and be caught standing in front of Brew House before they actually open for business. What would the pretty Pinoy waitress think of us? It would be shameful. And desperate looking. Must maintain some form of dignity. Even if the beer is RM 8 a mug. Me? I just wanted to polish up on my Tagalog.

   Pondok time check.
   We have another 30 minutes to spare. It was decided we will head into 2K and do a reverse Magic Carpet run towards Brew House. If Old Manta's calculation was correct, we should be right on the dot. So off we went. Into 2K.
   Caught the entire herd at the tarmac. Straight into Magic Circle we went. Down and across the wooden bridge. Short spurt up towards the fence. Rode down into the dry river bed and came upon CT going into artificial labour. CT wanted to experience child birth in nature. CT decided to lie down. CT spreaded his legs and started screaming. And pushing. I helped push his legs. Edward helped to record the entire episode of natural child birth. Lina came by, took a look. Made a snorting sound and left us. It was disappointing. Nothing came out after minutes of pushing and recording. We wasted time and data.

   The herd arrived at Brew House right on the dot.
   The Pinoy waitress just finished tying her hair.
   VC arrived at 3:00.
   Ming started grabbing his own hair at 3:45.
   The herd left Brew House at 5:00.
   Riding Kiara is thirsty hard work.

   Un'beliveable
 

Broga Ride 8th SEPT 2019.

Broga Malacca Fellowship Ride.

   Have not had such a mind boggling ride for a long long time. Malacca Goat KC requested for a muckaround ride in his favourite trail, Broga. Bribe offered to both current president and ex-president. One 600ml bottle of Taiwanese Alisan Highland Tea Wine offered as tribute for convincing the rest of the herd to come ride Broga. It was a hard and difficult decision. Both president discussed it thoroughly over Whatsapp, as all responsible mature adults should. Factoring in all the variables.

   " Pete. KC says we ride Broga this Sunday. He is bringing a bottle of Taiwanese Alisan Highland Tea Wine for after ride lunch. How ah...?"
   " You sure he said Taiwanese?"
   " Yes he specifically said that."
   " One liter or 750 ml?"
   " He said Highland Tea Wine only comes in 600 ml bottles. How ah...?"
   " Ok. We ride Broga."

 Well, any sort of alcohol offered is too much to resist. What more alcohol from some farm in Northern Taiwan. It's a travesty to decline alcohol. Especially when you are retired and bored.
   So Broga it is.

   0800 hours. Dato Sak Temple Broga. Meeting point set. Trail set for 30km of hill climbing before we adjourn for wine tasting.

   Arrived at the meet point. Saw almost 40 bikes being prepped for ride. Wow... the tea wine must be very good I'm guessing. This i got to find out for myself. The usual hellos and hand shaking. Goat KC went around complimenting everyone on how good looking they are. Of course everyone returned the compliment out of politeness.
   Tycoon almost fainted from getting a warm bear hug from KC. These 2 fellows rode 600 km together once, for those who doesn't know. Their affection for each other transcends regular borders. KC found Tycoon irresistibly good looking in his cycling outfit and generously complimented him. Tycoon never experienced such brotherly affection before as he stood there in his bib smiling back at KC. Watching a man hugging a fellow man in bib is a view that will forever be etched in my memory for a long long time. I slept very badly that night. I woke up waving my arms for unexplained reasons several times during the night.

   Then came Billie the other goat. Billie is a girl goat. Billie gets very loud and vocal when she meets a person from Malacca. Billie gets very excited when she discovers another person from Malacca. Well, the typical goat thing. They jump around excitedly a lot. And make a lot of bleating sound. Billie found out that morning, that Borky is a fellow Malaccan. Billie was under the impression that Borky was from New Zealand / Hobbit land. Did i mention that Billie is from Malacca? Specifically Bukit Baru Malacca. Therefore, Billie goes totally bonkers when she meets anyone from Malacca. Apparently, it's a Malacca thing. Fellow Malaccans love each other to death. Regardless of skin color or height.

Billie the goat.

   Billie started going around asking everyone in sight if they are from Malacca. Billie ran into Goat KC. Two planets collided at that very moment. You could feel the butterfly effect take place. I had nowhere to run.
   Both started complimenting each other on how good looking Malaccan's are. Of course they started asking each other which school they were from. And why their cousin's did not invite them for Hari Raya and Deepavali get together.

Pre-ride chit chat.

   It took awhile before the effect died down.
   Finally.
   We managed to get the group together for the ride briefing. Billie was super stoked that morning. To be surrounded by fellow kindred spirits. You would have thought she was getting married for the second time that morning.
   The herd took off after hearing Aunty13 mumble something in Cantonese about the ride plan and condition that day.
   It was a nice breezy ride into the trails. Much chatter about Malacca having the best chicken rice and mango. We were the host. We smiled and nodded a lot. We even smiled when Goat KC accused Bicycleman of going off track. Even Bicycleman smiled and said thank you when told him he was fat. Can't accuse us of not being polite.
 
   First casualty.
   Choo was very keen to participate in the Malacca conversation. Choo wanted to refresh his Malacca history. He shifted hard on a climb. Crunched the final gear and managed to wedge his chain between the cassette and spokes. I came along and caught Choo talking to his bike. KY and Alex came by as well. 3 of us stood by watching Choo do his magic. Magic didn't work.
   Took us 15 minutes of tugging and cursing to get the chain out. We worked as a team. KY held the chain. I held the rear wheel. Choo held on to his bike with dear life. Alex counted 1,2,3 slowly. I was surprised the bike did not get ripped apart from all 3 of us tugging three ways. Chain came off on the fourth pull. Discovered a bent chain. Bent RD cage and 3 wonky fingers.
   That day, i discovered how man manages to evolve and improvise during times of desperation. Chain was bent back in place with pure brute force. RD cage needed a hammer. Alex made a suggestion. Upon hearing his suggestion, we laughed. Even Alex laughed at his own suggestion.
   Then we stopped and realized, it was either that or Choo gets to walk back to the car alone. We hammered the RD cage back into shape using a seatpost and my foot as a table. I held the seatpost, Choo held his bike with dear life, KY used his fist to punch the saddle. Alex did the counting part again. In all honesty, it was a bit of a caveman engineering if you ask me. But hey, we managed to somehow pound it back in shape. Choo rode the rest of the day with one speed.
 

Cycling helps you to lose weight. Look at me...

   Took us a bit of huffing and puffing to catch up with the main group.
   Came upon the group and saw VC talking to his bike. Hmmm... What's going on ? Why is everyone talking to their bikes today?
   The group surrounded VC. Everyone helped by giving advice on how best to repair his broken off chain. Billie was overwhelmed to discover VC was ALSO from Malacca!!
   It was a quick fix to get VC back up on his bike. CT helped by promising VC cold beer at the end of the ride. Billie couldn't believe her luck today. She almost fainted from joy upon hearing VC is ALSO from Bukit Baru.

CT helping to repair bike.

 
   It was to be another 10 clicks of bushwhacking before we arrive at the apple break point. From there on, it was climbs upon climbs through canopied single tracks.
   The group mostly rode in silence. Enjoying the view and single tracks. Walked a couple hills filled with over grown tracks. Pushed through and finally arrived at the quaint orang asli settlement.
   The group decided to rest a bit and have the obligatory apple break and photo taking session while waiting for the back markers to catch up.
   Everyone found their shaded spot. Goat KC was mighty pleased. He found his squatting spot over looking the village. Yuen Li and Borky decided to gate crash the orang asli's home for a bit of chit chat about tapir and puppies. We ate our share of apples, oranges, nangka, Kit Kat and buns.

Malacca Riders. Groomed and pretty.

PCC Riders. "Happy Face on a Sunday"

   We waited and we waited.
   It was an hour of waiting before someone asked who we were waiting for. Did the head count and discovered Aunty13, CT , Billie and Alex missing. Made the usual speculations and gossipping. Still couldn't figure out why these 4 were taking so long to come. Billie came alongside. Sweaty and smilling.

   According to Billie, Aunty13 had to lie down for awhile at the top of the hill. Aunty13 had trouble getting her legs to listen to her. Aunty13 wanted to walk. Legs decided otherwise. Aunty13 asked CT to speak to her legs on behalf. Legs remains steadfast. Alex suggested using his seatpost, Aunty13 closed her eyes and nodded. Alex was unsure if that was a yes or a no. Alex sent Billie to come ask us for permission to use the seatpost on Aunty13. Billie discovered Lina was ALSO from Bukit Baru. Billie has never been happier in her life. Billie went off to join her fellow villagers. Billie switched to Malacca mode.

   We continued waiting.

Billie asking to inherit the bag.

   Aunty13 came by a bit later. Grinning.
   After checking that both her legs were working again, the group took off. This will be an easy 10 clicks run back towards our car for the promised rice wine.
 
   Everything went downhill from there on.

   The group managed to drag themselves back to their respective cars. We only lost 10 riders along the way. Moon decided to find a Halal route back. Yuen Li and Lina wanted to clock in more mileage. The Chan family quietly left for lunch at 10:23am. VC and Jesse went off for beer at 11:00am. KC Loh completed 90 minutes in his static pool. He was there with us in spirit of course. Hanz could only hold onto his phone and pretend he was cycling while drinking tea in Guangzhou.

   Changed. Packed. Bikes loaded. Lunch and wine tasting location decided. Off we went while CT and Aunty13 stayed back to fumigate their car. Both came back to discover a colony of ants making their car a temporary home.

   Lunch was a riot.
   The Highland Tea wine survived for 12 minutes. 600 ml shared among 20 alcoholics is a joke. KC's friends were wide eyed throughout the 12 minutes. They could not believe how many alcoholics were present. On a Sunday morning lagi. They avoided eye contact most of the time. We parked Billie at their table. We could hear Billie very clearly. Billie was ecstatic. Almost like homecoming. Almost like having lunch in Portuguese Settlement. Well... Billie was a happy goat that day. She only stopped talking when she went to the toilet.
   We had Fried Kayu Manis because Hanz said that was the best dish. We also had Fried Paku because Hanz couldn't join us. We spoke a lot about Hanz during lunch. Then came the Ginger Fish. Which we ate while talking about how much Hanz would enjoy the spicy old ginger if he was here with us. Then came the serving of Vinegar pork knuckles to replenish the knee and hopefully get Aunty13's leg to be more obedient in the future.
   We also ate Curry Wild Boar. Which also reminded us of Hanz a lot. After that, Hokkien Mee fried with Bitter Gourd. Which we were sure Hanz would have enjoyed if he was here instead of having Dim Sum alone in Guangzhou.
   Final dish served. Free Range Steamed Yellow Chicken. We had to wait a tad longer for this dish. According to Bicycleman, the chicken takes 30 minutes to cook because Free Range Chicken needs time to tenderise the meat before it gets drenched in rice wine and ginger. The chicken then gets a shower of spring onions before serving.
   I thought the chicken looked scrawny and depressed.
   I looked at Oily sitting across.
   Deja vu.
  Hmmm...
  With Alex's seatpost and some ginger. I am pretty sure the chef could also whip up the same dish on a slightly bigger scale. We just needed to convince someone to use the seatpost to knock her unconscious first. Or we could just let her drink a bit more highland tea wine and patiently wait for her to pass out. I could prepare the spring onions while we wait... Lotsa of it.
   It would look equally yellow, scrawny and depressed.

   I did say earlier it was a mind boggling Sunday.

   Un'beliveable.

 
 



 

Bromo Day 3 Ride.

Mendek / Tutur Welang Trail.

   Woke up to a splitting headache. Learnt something new today. Cheese does not go well with whisky and Cantonese break up songs.
   Final day of ride today. The group will be splitting up today. 7 first timers will be headed off to visit the volcano before doing a 35km downhill loop, then meet us up at Tutur Welang bike park for a round of white knuckled downhill run. The rest of us will be taken for a gnarly technical downhill drop in Mendek before proceeding to Tutur Welang. Apparently this technical bit helps with indigestion.
   Team Bromo left at the break of dawn. The rest of us had a lazy breakfast before heading out at 0830 hours towards Mendek.

   Seeing that today will be a last run. Most of the guys decided to take an easy pace. Antony was told to keep the pace at a retiree pace. Off we went towards Mendek. A lazy 35 minutes drive to the trail head. This was to be a new trail that Antony found only weeks before. Even our guide Bayu and Indra has never ridden it.
   Trail description. Easy ride through a village. Enter farm land. Start of gnarly descent. 200 meters of tight criss crossing switchbacks. Regroup at bamboo forest. 100 meters of sheer drop into razor sharp rocks. 75 degrees at most. Then fast high speed single track before the village. From there on, it was a leisurely ride through sugar cane plantations. Ending up at the school field with cold beer in the van.
   The ride was pretty uneventful. The few suicidal riders rode down the technical bit. Then it was an easy chatty pace through the villages. The pace was so leisurely that Grouchy felt guilty for going so slow. He felt obliged to go take a dump at one of the villagers home. At his age, taking a dump in the open was a wee bit breezy for the old nuts to bear with.
   Between Indra and Bayu, Indra drew the short straw. Indra had no choice but to accompany him. Grouchy doesn't speak Javanese. Grouchy wasn't convinced we would not leave him for good in the middle of East Java. Antony did not give Grouchy a track log. Taking a dump alone is boring.
   We waited an hour.
   Indra came back looking like he attended a dear friend's funeral.

   Arrived at the van and away we packed up towards Tutur Welang. An hour of weaving country roads.
   Arrived at Tutur Welang. Found the rest of the 7 riders waiting for us. They had a gala time visiting the volcano. Aldrich did not get mistaken for a lamb and gotten himself thrown into the volcano. Tycoon smiled when we complimented him on his Italian Job last night. Ivan just smiled to everyone he saw. Ivan was simply glad he did not get left behind at the crater.

Tycoon's was told cycling would help him lose weight.

   As usual, we broke into the two designated groups. By now, most already knew where their pecking order position was. This was to be a 15 km of pure bomb down through the forest. We will be riding between trees. We will be churning through plantations. We will be in between dry river beds. Expect some jumps and bumps beneath the dry leaves. And loose rocks the size of your fist.
   And bomb through we did. Tailook was the first casualty. He decided to have a better look at the loose rocks on the ground , while travelling at breakneck speed. Tailook stopped very quickly using his right calf and thigh. We congratulated Tailook on him managing to sweep through the trails without scratching his bike. Then Jowei decided to give one of the trees a hug using his left shoulders. Part of his jersey remains on the tree. Bike got off scratch free. These are a bunch skillful riders. No matter what happens, the bikes are always looked after. To say that the guides were impressed would be an understatement.

   Ended the ride at the river. All arrived with a frozen grin on the face. Jowei looked slightly whiter than his usual self. Slapped each other on the back and headed towards the lorry. Gave the bikes to our guides and prepared to get onto the lorry for another round round of descending. Spotted Indra whispering something in Javanese on the phone.
   Indra received a distressing call from Antony. Team A had a casualty. Seems someone took a tumble and needed medical attention. Group decided there and then that we will wait and do an assessment when the injured party arrives.
   It was an hour of waiting. Desmond took a tumble and hurt his stomach. Group decided that we will not continue anymore. Ride ends. Desmond gave us the thumbs up and we packed up for the 2 hour journey towards Halogen Hotel. Our final stay before flying off back home tomorrow.

   Arrived at Halogen. Checked Desmond in for a rest and hope he would feel better after a clean shower. The herd prepared for dinner. Dinner was to be in Layar Seafood Restaurant.
 
   Layar Seafood Restaurant was 17km away. Took us 55 minutes to travel the 17km. A few fellow riders had to be resuscitated upon arrival. It was a long long drive... We drove past 3 McDonald's and 1 Starbucks. We could only stare and wave in hunger. VC looked like he just had his heart broken for the first time.

Entrance to Layar.

   For the unenlightened few. Layar happens to be THE seafood restaurant in Surabaya. Jaws dropped when the van came to a stop at the entrance. Being such a high end establishment. The concierge did what any proper concierge would do upon seeing 3 white dusty vans pull up at their door step. The concierge went for a smoke.
   To put the experience in context.
   Imagine being in love. You are 21 again. Young. Wide eyed. Innocent. Clueless. Hopelessly romantic. The other half whisks you away for dinner in Layar. Promises you a time of your life. You arrive in Layar. The crab and prawns are getting a manicure. The fishes are having their scales arranged. Lobster getting a wax and polish so they look their best. Everyone in the restaurant dressed to the nines. And i am referring to the waiters, not the guest. You get chaperoned to your seat. You get the best selection of fresh seafood. Your partner is charming to a fault. A bottle of wine notwithstanding. Your emotions gets drowned in overwhelming affection for all things sweet and fluffy. Only thing missing would be the single knee and ring shimmering, blinding you... Then your partner tells you he wants to break up with you.
   This was how it felt in Layar.
   Layar is where you take people to, when you plan to terminate your relationship with them. It's the same as getting your last meal before they hang you. You get to eat the best meal of your life before they exterminate you.
   It was forgettable.
   The fish served on the table looked like an Ethiopian. Vegetables was as limp as Oily's hair. We could count our fried petai. Our prawn looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger's cousin. The lobster at the next table looked like it just got a fresh coat of car lacquer. And a wax.
   We could only stare in shock. Krankster smiled for the longest time. For the first time, his nuts was the tastiest thing on the table. VC looked like he had his heart broken for the second time on the same night.
   Our bill came up to almost 7 million rupiah for a party of 20.
   A few needed resuscitation before we could make our way out from the restaurant.
   We found Ben and Antony waiting for us at the van. I have never seen a smile so big on anyone's face before. Ben and Antony had the best fried rice in Surabaya at the warung outside. Something caught me in the eye. Had to shed a tear. Ben smiled and patted me on the back. I wanted to chew his nose off...

   The drive back to Halogen was as silent as a winter's night.
 
   Un'beliveable.

 

Bromo Day 2 Ride.

Day 2 Mount Kemiri / Tea Plantation Ride.

Towards Mount Kemiri.

   It's gonna be messy today.
   We will be visiting Mount Kemiri first for the proper group photo. Or getting documented correctly for the Home Minister, depending who you speak to. Plan was to run Mount Kemiri, then do another run in Wonosari Tea Plantation in Mount Arjuna. We are hoping to complete the ride without any of the drunkards falling off into a ravine or ending up in the middle of some tea plantation thinking they are behind Unker's house.
   As usual, herd gathered at the lobby. Into the vans and away we went, transported towards the trail head. This time passing by lotsa quaint Javanese villages along the way. Watched plenty of kids and mummy fussing around as we drove past like a bunch of tourist pretending to be Pro Riders from somewhere. At least that's what Manta told the check in lady pre-flight. The lady was shocked to see so many old people lugging in boxes and boxes of oversized luggage. Manta somewhat managed to convince the lady that we were representing Malaysia at the annual Bromo Bike Fest, in the "Retiree" Category. For that, all of us got 3 free "Fragile" stickers on our bike box. Badge of honour pre-flight. I felt like Contador.
   Arrived at the trail head. This time around, we are starting off midway up a hill with a 2 km climb before descending into their version of Mini Kiara. Then past 2 villages before going into the high speed descent. When Antony said high speed, what he meant was our brakes made redundant. It was to be white knuckled high speed single tracks all the way towards the clearing for our group photo. Having ridden this 2 years ago, i knew what to expect. I was only hoping there would not be any chickens crossing the trail midway today. It would be ugly having to swallow live chicken feathers midway.
   So, off we went.
   White knuckle it was. Even Captain America screamed. And scream he did. Our Guide, Bayu stopped and asked me what happened back there. I had to calm Bayu down. Bayu thought one of our girls flew off the cliff. He heard a scream akin to a woman being kicked in the groin. In trying to keep up with Bayu, I took a corner too fast at a rocky outcrop. Planted the front wheel on a rock the size of a coconut. Rock decided to jump ship. Rock took my front wheel along. The rest of the bike decided to tag along. Bike fell off the ridge. Ridge was a 20 foot drop to the right side of the ledge. A little tree stepped in to help stop the runaway bike. Captain America behind me screamed for the love of the bike. He was really worried. He really didn't want to see the bike get scratched. We both somehow managed to retrieve the bike. Thanked the little tree and caught up with Bayu. Smiling as we arrive of course. Captain America was drenched in sweat and wet at the pants.
   The entire herd trooped in to the clearing where we will be taking our group photo. We needed photographic proof of us actually riding. Krankster Yong decided to walk instead of cycle. Krankster also decided to cycle single leg for the rest of the day.

Obedient sheeps.

   22 camera phones came out snapping.
   We spent an hour taking photos of the scenery. The grass. The goats. Each other. Then the scenery again because the lighting was better now. Then the bikes. Exchanged phones and took photos of each other using someone else's phone. It was an hour well spent.
   Antony and Gery tried to figure out how Krankster managed to break his crank AND shifter. They gave up after an hour. Krankster decided to go Lefty for the rest of the day.

Krankster #1

Krankster #2

   It was confusing times. We somehow managed to limp Krankster out towards the lorry. It was 30 minutes of going downhill. Arrived at the lorry and Frank generously decided to give up his bike to Krankster in exchange for 3 cans of beer back at the hotel. We gave Frank 5 cans instead. Both went off patting each other on the back for a compromise done.

Indra the Guide.

   Onto the lorry we hopped.
   Wonosari Tea Plantation next.
   Another 25 minutes of squatting in the lorry before we arrived at the tea plantation.Then another 30 minutes of driving around the tea plantation before we finally managed to locate the rest of the herd. Claimed our bikes. Obediently split into the designated group and off we went. Letting Team A lead the way. Team A took off.
   Team A stopped after 30 meters. Their leader was so fast he kicked the pedal right off his crank. The leader was unhappy Krankster had all the attention earlier. Leader wanted his share of the attention. Leader somehow managed to break the bearings on his Egggbeater pedal. Leader got his share of attention. Team B overtook Team A. We smiled as we rode past Leader. Somebody politely farted as we rode past.

Pee Plantation Visit.

   Tea Plantation was almost like being back home in Rimbayu. Pleasant and cool.
   It was 20 minutes of single tracks and shaded dusty trails before we emerged at another local village. Lorry was parked at the community field. Frank had his share of beer.
   Had our beer. Took more photos. Back towards the hotel within minutes. VC and Captain America had a beer schedule to keep up with. It was to be another 2 hour break before dinner. We are going Italian tonight... Don't ask me why we fly to Indonesia for pasta and cheese. I did say these were confusing times.

Never soak your bun in water overnight. This is the end result.

  Dinner was at Signora Pasta. It was a joke. We did not get anything to eat again for an hour and a half. Typical of all Italian restaurant, the chef / owner decided that singing was more fun than cooking. Owner also prefers to chit chat to the diners while the diners waits and goes hypoglycemic. We waited. And we waited. Food came at a snail's pace. Pasta came before coffee. Hainanese Chicken Chop got served. Nobody order Chicken Chop, whatmore Hainanese Chicken Chop. Chef decided to leave the kitchen midway to sing another English song in Italian. All in, most of us managed to get something to eat. Regardless what you actually order. You just eat whatever is served. This is an Italian restaurant after all. It's the ambiance that matters. Food is secondary.

   After eating 3 slices of pizza, Tycoon thumped his chest and announced that he has consumed enough cheese to speak passable Italian. Tycoon decided to go chat with the owner in the kitchen. Tycoon stormed into the kitchen and said something to the owner. With lotsa hand and finger movements of course. Italian is best spoken with your hands. Owner smiled, nodded and gave Tycoon assurance that Tycoon will get his "special pizza" with "special cheese" tonight. And the "special pizza" will be complimentary....

   I'll be completely honest.
   I don't know nuts about Italians or Italian chefs.
   Where i come from. When you walk into the kitchen to tell the Chef how to do his job. And the chef smiles at you. Then offers you his signature "special dish". That usually means someone is gonna be spitting in your "special dish". Or you are getting your chicken dipped in the toilet bowl before it gets fried to crispy perfection.
   Unker Danny was a wise man that night. Despite all of Tycoon's coaxing, Unker stood firm. He refuses to eat his share of the "special pizza". Tycoon and Captain America thought the pizza had just the right amount of saltiness to it. "Perfecto" if you speak Italian. The Chef was smiling and waved us good bye. Oh how polite this Italian is...One thing i learn, alway be wary of small short friendly polite smiling chefs. Regardless if they are Italians or Hokkiens.

   Drinking helps numbs your senses.
   Thank god we had Single Malt and beer back at the hotel....
   It helped to ease the pain of knowing the real truth.

   Un'beliveable.

Bromo Day 1 Ride.

Day 1 Ride:- Mount Mujur.

Mount Mujur Groupie

   Ride proper begins today.
   The herd assembled at the lobby and off we went. Today's ride will be at Mount Mujur. Plan was, do a double loop around Mount Mujur. Then return back to Harris Hotel for more beer drinking before heading out for dinner.
   Breakfast at the local stall by the roadside before heading up into Mount Mujur. As usual, Antony pretended to listen to all the food request and what who prefers and don't prefer. Everyone ended up with Nasi Soto Ayam. Dotty ate someone else's of course. Then she proceeded to eat her own portion.

Nasi Soto Ayam

   Before anyone realized anything, Antony chased and whipped the herd into their respective lorry for the ride up to Mount Mujur Trailhead. We checked the toilet to make sure Fong was not lost inside the toilet. Lorry took a breezy 30 minutes to go up the mountain. Krankster hopped off looking a wee bit woozy. He was smiling more than his usual self.

   " Is it me or anyone else feels woozy and happy?"

   CT and VC stared at Krankster in wide eyed disbelief. This fella must have been drinking the beer behind our back. How come he is woozy and happy at this hour? What time did Krankster wake up today? We need to be more vigilant. Something does not add up. Didn't we agree to go sleep and stop drinking at sunrise? Eh.....

   Bikes checked. Water bladder filled. Biological bladder cleared. Antony said something about the trail going up and down somewhere. Everyone pretended to listen and said hooray. Some clapping for godknowswhat. And on saddle we went. Up this pebble strewn trail that gradually leans upwards. Annie decided to take a break after 6 meters. Started flipping and speaking to her bike in Hakka. Ivan pretended to show some concern for the RM40 lucky draw bike. We all stopped to stare as usual. Gery the guide poked the bike in the ass a few times. Voila... Problem solved. Nothing a simple Javanese magic and chant can't resolve.
   Team A. The so called fast team went off first. Like lightning they disappeared. "Shazam!" someone said. Team A left us in a cloud of dust.
   Team B cursed in Hakka. Hokkien. Hainanese and Javanese.
   We were in Team B.
   Waited for the dust to settle before proceeding.
   Team B took off at a leisurely pace. Team B stopped after 15 minutes to speak to Annie's bike again and take photos. Team B remembered that they were on a holiday. Team B smiled for photos. Annie smiled as well. Ivan's smile was stuck on his face ever since he left Bukit Jalil.
   Team B was busy taking blurfie with Manta's camera when Krankster started pointing towards the sky. Short of shouting " Ze plane ze plane like that Hobbit in Fantasy Island". We thought Krankster was a wee bit too happy this morning.
   Turns out, Team B accidentally stopped and took a wefie while Mount Semeru erupted.
   Team B morphed into Team Japanese tourist. I counted 7 camera phones within moments.
   Click click click....

Mount Semeru showing off in the distance.

   We only took 3 videos and probably 49 photos of the volcano erupting in front of our eyes. Team B got tired of watching the smoke plumes floating into the stratosphere after 10 minutes. Team B decided to continue cycling. Team B finally caught up with Team A at the wooden shack. Team B congratulated Team A for being Shazam like.
   Fast. Race pace. Efficient. Elbows tucked in. Heads down. Aero position engaged. Butt high and tight for maximum power delivery. Dotty was beaming with pride. Hanz and Aldrich strutted around like Alpha Peacocks with tail wing widely spread out for all to see and admire. Swenson and Desmond were on the verge of thumping their chest like proud silver back gorillas. Team B told Team A about the volcano eruption they just witnessed..

   Team A stopped talking to Team B for the rest of the day.

   After our usual obligatory apple break. It was the start of our first downhill run.
   Seeing that both teams were no longer on talking terms for the day. Team A took off.
   "Shazam...!"

   Downhill run was typical of all trails in Bromo. First sector was through canopied bamboo forest. Then comes the single tracks. And the rock strewn single tracks. Along comes the dusty bits. Each time i come to visit Bromo, i rediscover my faith in God and prayers. All i could do was squint and hope for the best. A Chinaman squinting is taking things to the extreme. I couldn't see anything for 15 minutes. All i heard was rocks flying against the bikes and a lot of old men screaming like little girls. And Hainanese swear words. Trail finished at the local village. We spotted Team A refilling water and beer as we arrived. The usual compliments for Team A of course. I took a photo with a goat.


   A brief stop and we packed up for the second run at Mount Mujur. Another 30 minutes of chatter before we arrived back at the same trailhead. Lube the chain. Re-adjusted the squinty eyes. Off we went again. Shazam..! Of course. Team A disappeared. A few decided to jump ship from Team A. Nope. Mount Semeru did not want to fart this time around. No erupting volcano this round. More la la chatter before we caught at the same hut. Now it was to be another downhill run off Mount Mujur using a different route.
   Took off.
   We lost half of Team A after 3 turns.
   It was another 25 minutes before Indra and Bayu managed to locate the 6 lost riders. Post mortem on the trail. It was Dotty's fault apparently. Tycoon said he missed the left turn because he couldn't see past Dotty's butt. Dotty said she was not at fault. Dotty blamed mass added with momentum. Dotty claimed she was only to be blamed for the mass bit. Momentum compounded with mass is no fault of hers. Velocity is Einstein's doing, not hers. Those 6 flew past the turn and ended up at another peak. Tailook said he was obediently following Dotty and Tycoon. Jowei said he wanted to see the volcano. We don't know who the other 2 were. No one owned up to it. Despite us asking. Everyone stared at the ground. Ivan was of course smiling. VC said we shouldn't be wasting time arguing when we could be back in the hotel drinking beer. I took a pee at the bush.
   Antony's jaw dropped open for a few moment. He was either impressed with the groups vast knowledge in physics or he now realises how screwed he really is for the next 3 days.

   Team A took off.

Team B Gopro view.

   Team B strolled along. The usual single tracks and dusty trails. Almost entirely downhill for the next 20 minutes. Tycoon tried to catch Antony. He wanted to personally have a word with Antony. Tycoon did not understand why Antony did not switch off the magnets he laid down in the single tracks. Doesn't Antony realize we are riding mountain bikes not KTM trains? How are we to ride if the magnets continously pull our bikes into the middle of the single track all the time? Eh....

   Upon hearing this, Aunty13 decided to lie down.

Aunty13 looking for rainbows.

   After 15 minutes of prayers and Javanese magic, Aunty13's legs decided to listen to her. Finally made it out to the trail after passing by a few quaint villages. Saw more goats. Stopped to take photos with a flock of ducks swimming in the paddy field. Waved and high five'd a couple of school kids. Winked at a few Javanese girls in their sarong. Pretty much a ride through the local farm and kitchen.

Team B GoPro view.

Ducks watching Team B ride past.

   Team A saw a lot rocks.

Team A view for day 1. 

   CT and VC were both over the moon when Antony announced the ride for Day 1 was over. Back to Harris Hotel we headed. It was another 3 hours before dinner. Plenty time to catch up on loss beer drinking time.
   Dinner was a riot.
   Everybody didn't get anything to eat for 90 minutes. VC was in agony. Poor man had no beer the entire time. CT did his best to console him. Antony's smile was frozen for the longest time. Krankster ate a few packets of peanuts. Aunty13 continued talking to her frozen legs. Aldrich continued smiling to no one in particular. Fong wandered off somewhere, came back and still had nothing to eat.

   Dinner served.
   Dinner done within minutes.
   Harris Hotel.... Tonight is officially Single Malt night. Karaoke in full session. Captain America managed to pull out a mini karaoke set from his luggage. Team B sang Chinese songs. Team B sang old people songs. Unker sang a Hindi song about an elephant. Aunty13 sang her wedding song. Aunty13 sang her high school graduation song. Desmond wanted to sing some girly Bon Jovi song. Fong went exploring. Manta requested an Indonesian song in memory of his maid. Aunty13 sang her 18th birthday song. VC nodded to all the songs. Oily wanted to mop the staircase. Krankster did a Swiss rain dance.

   I was surprised the police did not knock on our door.
   We only lost Tycoon and Aldrich that night. Those 2 fella decided to move one street away to preserve their mental health and sanity. And they didn't want to spend the night in an Indonesian jail for unruly behaviour.
   We finished singing when the third bottle of Single Malt ran out.
   It was to be a horrid second day.
   We only have 2 bottles of Single Malts left.

   Un'beliveable

BROMO Revisit 2019

Second Time Coming. Bromo 2019.

   This will end up being a super long winded Blog about 24 clowns contributing to the economy of Malang. I will try my best to break it up into sections and days so you fellas can scroll back to re-read any bits you missed during your morning toilet visit. I have been told numerous times, this Blog is best read when you are attempting to clear your bowels in the morning. And i honestly believe i should be paid for helping you pass motion with a smile on your face. Here we go.

   This plan to visit Bromo again was made at the beginning of the year. We visited Bromo 2 years ago. It was so much fun eating volcanic dust and spicy sambal. And not having to be home 5 days in a row to wash the toilet made this trip impossible to miss. Proposal thrown out to the group. 24 immediately signed up for the trip. Madam President was given the task of handling the accommodations and ride plans with Antony. Ex-President Manta was given the task of making sure we had enough beer and the correct type of Single Malts for the 5 days. Long story short. Flight booked. Hotel booked. Beer pre-ordered. And away we go.

Day 0. / Thursday.
   A few decided to come one day early to spend the night at the airport, seeing that the flight was at 0700 hours. Somehow, it made sense to these few jokers that arriving earlier to drink beer was an obligation they could not ignore. Turns out these few jokers were not the actual early birds. 2 even more extreme kiasu cuckoo birds were actually earlier arrivals. These 2 cuckoo bird were somehow unconvinced the group will actually show up in Surabaya. So, this pair decided to fly in to Surabaya a day earlier. Just to be sure the ride was proceeding as planned. Until today, we remain unsure if they held hands when they flew in.

   By 0400 hours, the herd started trickling in. Managed to get all the clowns checked in at the counter without much drama this time around. Gerard did his usual, he brought enough to go for a war tour in Syria. And have enough left to visit neighbouring Turkey if the war ended early. You can never be too sure or under prepared for any eventualities.
   Up and away.

Day 1. / Surabaya.
   Landed without any hiccups. Checked out and found Antony grinning at us. Indra came along smiling. Iqbal the ever so friendly driver stood alongside. Familiar faces all over. Even the airport cleaner looked familiar. Hello said. Hands shook. Bikes counted. Bags loaded. The usual nonsense. Phone card bought. Phone checked. Correct data and password given and shared. Password repeated out again. Most Facebook pages uploaded. Whatsapp checked. WeChat checked. Recheck allocated data for the entire 5 days. Password rechecked again.
   Into the van we obediently rolled in.
   Lunch.
   First lunch in Surabaya was in this non descript shop located at the side of the main road. The herd walked in. Lady owner almost ran out. All other guest could only stare. Aaahhh... this is how it feels like being a Chinese tourist from the village. Noisy. Uncouth. Phone camera snapping at everything that moves or hangs. Touching everything within reach. Made a fuss about the heat and the toilet without aircon.

Sambal and Basil.

   Antony almost had a heart seizure pretending to listen to 22 chimps begging to be fed. Finally it was decided. Antony will do the food selections. We wait like obedient primates. Of course, all this happened after Antony took out the chilled Bintang Beer. Beer works like magic on VC and CT. In any event or crisis, give these 2 beer and all is pretty again. You could safely serve them fried crickets, they will slap you on the back affectionately and  compliment you on the wise selection.
   Lunch done.
   Towards Halogen Hotel to unpack the bikes.


   Arrived Halogen and all hell broke loose.
   Antony and crew must have had so much fun watching the circus come to town. Watching 22 chimps pretending to assemble their expensive bikes. Knowing none of them knows what they were doing. A few tried looking like they knew what was happening. Dotty stood there blinking at her bike. She was hoping the blinking would somehow magically convince her bike to assemble itself. Oily and Aunty13 decided to join the blinking party. Jowei took his bike out and started scratching his hair that he doesn't have. CT and VC popped their 4th can of beer and started congratulating each other on the job well done. Their bikes remained in the box. That can wait. Chill beer getting warm is improper. Sacrilege if you ask them. Heavens no..... We are civilized people. Please.
    Fong decided to go for a walk. Tailook tried to ask the driver for help in Cantonese. Manta was getting very windy. Aldrich continued smiling at himself. Tycoon and Desmond decided to stop whatever they were doing and come out from their shared room to come help by watching. It was utter chaos for an hour or so.
   Bikes done and loaded. Now it time to head towards Malang. A 2 hour drive to our designated hotel.

Watch the finger.

   Arrived at Harris Hotel.
   Our accommodation / drinking hole for the next 3 days.  We somehow managed to sort out who sleeps with who for the next 3 days. Towards our rooms. Time to finally start drinking all the beer we pre-ordered. CT and VC started to work out a proper and systematic plan on how much time they have left to drink.

" We have 3 hours before dinner. If we stop talking and just focus on drinking. I think we can catch up on the the 2 hours we had to stop drinking because MAS says we can't drink on the plane. Let's go bro.... Come."

   The troop met up for dinner.
   Dinner was in Araya. Some posh restaurant located 40 minutes away. The ambiance and setting was perfect. We can't help but gawked. It felt like we were transported to the set of  " A Chinese Ghost Story ". I was waiting for Leslie Cheung to fly past.

   Honestly.
   I thought i was attending a Tycoon's wake.
   Dinner took about 2 hours. As usual, someone did not get his food. Someone needed to go poo halfway through dinner. Fong wandered off and got left behind. Dotty eating someone else's share. Aunty13 posing with every other table and chair she finds. Manta flew all the way to Surabaya, and opted to eat Chicken Chop. Tycoon couldn't figure out why the Bebek was the size of his apple. Tailook wanted Cantonese Fried Noodles. Aldrich stopped smiling at the red lantern.
   The bill came up to 3 million Rupiah.
   Thank god we have beer to calm our nerves....

   Back to the hotel.
   I don't remember what time we finished drinking.
   Day 1 ends in a blur of shouting and someone getting left behind.

  Un'believable.