Putrajaya Ride 27th May 2018

Short Putrajaya Muck Around Ride:-

Candy Crush impersonator

   Desmond initiated this Sunday's ride. I thought it was either this, or drive 85km to Genting for a swim with the rest of the old goats. Common sense prevailed. I decided to wake up at 6am for PCP instead of waiting for a 8:30am swim queue in Genting. It's too cold and muddy to go swimming.

   Woke up and did the usual talking to meself in the toilet while waiting for the sun to rise. Coffee and bun done. And off i went towards PCP to meet the few non swimmers. Pretty much uneventful driving there. Arrived right on the dot and before long, Desmond came along in his white van. Right behind came another black van. Looks like all the pros have arrived. How i wished i had a driver on a Sunday morning. Would be nice to just laze around in a huge sofa whilst being driven to the trail head like Cedric Garcia. Only thing missing was the Red Bull banner fluttering in the winds.
   The usual hellos and hi...

   Bike setup all done and waited a wee bit for Ricky and KC the greenhorn to show up. They came along not too long after being summoned by Vince on the mobile. Two more hellos and away we went. Into the the trail head.
   First drop into the trail and we heard the heart wrenching scream. Candy Crush wanted to warm up her lungs. Well, that's what she said. It was not fear, it was some phlegm clogging her lungs it seems. All the other riders seemed to believe her. They merely shrugged it off and continued on nonchalantly. I stood in silence for a bit.  Hmmm... Suspicious. Anyways, the ride must go on and away we continued. Small switchback climb and we rode for a bit before arriving at the first regrouping point.
   All arrived and into the second drop in we went. I went off, tagging along the rear of Swen and Desmond. First switch done, second switch done and i was stopped in my tracks just as i was turning into the third and final switch. The screams came again ....

   I stopped and looked up. Candy Crush was practising her scream. She was screaming even before she got on her bike. That must be a huge nasty and stubborn phlegm. Poor thing i thought...
   This i have to see for myself. Decided to abandon my bike and walked up the trail. Candy Crush had a huge green grin on her face. Vince was saying something to her in Cantonese. Desmond came back up as well mumbling something in between his breath. Oily held the longest grin on her face watching us. I was simply lost and confused. After some discussion and lotsa assurance that her bike will be cared for, Candy Crush decided to dive into the switchback. And down she went, like a young reckless mountain goat. It was so smooth she decided to get Vince to push her bike back up and let her do it all over again.
   Of course done accompanied by the same heart wrenching screams. Desmond mumbled something again before walking away shaking his head. Swen got bored of waiting and decided to walk up. Hey, who would pass up on a circus act? Swen had a good time. It was worth the walk up.
   We finally got past the switchbacks and continued on. Did the first climb up towards the hut for a second regrouping. KY came up wheezing and panting. This greenhorn was really turning green and on the verge of throwing up. He was trying to say something about getting a new set of lungs. These old ones are not working very well it seems. Gave the poor fella a few minutes to get his sanity back.

Wefie 1#

   Rested and did some chit chat.
   Into the next bit of the trail. This was more laid back. Some flats and a bit of climbs before we arrived at the next regrouping hut. The group decided to have a wee bit longer break and chat about their incoming trip to Bromo. 8 of them will be visiting Anthony next month. Another group to visit the infamous volcano and 5cm trail. They will have plenty of fun there. Bromo is a really beautiful place to visit.
   Chat done. Stolen toilet breaks done. KY still unconvinced about his old uncooperative lungs. Into the trail we went.
   This would be another set of downhill switchback heading into the palm oil plantation. Short but nice twisty trail. Desmond and Swen took the lead. I decided to sweep and enjoy the trail.
   Heard the screaming all the way down....

Wefie 2#

     Came out at the clearing. Took the obligatory group wefie thingy.Not one person mentioned anything about hearing screams. Sat down and tried to get the screaming out of my head. Did not work. Took a deep breath and decided to saddle up instead, hoping the next climb under the hot sun would help dissipate some of the echo still humming at the back of my head. We climbed and climbed, all the way to the peak of the downhill hut. Echo remained for a couple more minutes...

   Took a short break to take more photos.

Wefie3 #

   Now the downhill run begins. I looked at Candy Crush. She was grinning like a starving hyena. I turned to Desmond, he shook his head and walked off mumbling something again. Everyone else took off before i could ask for ear plugs. I decided against using mints as ear plugs.
   The screaming could be heard all the way to the Ministry of Finance. It's no wonder why our Prime Minister decided to cancel the train project. Poor old fella must have been traumatised hearing the scream. I am never more glad our Prime Minister has a strong heart. My dead grandfather would coming running with a huge knife if he hears a scream like that.
    By the time we arrived at the bottom of the downhill run, no one was saying anything anymore. Even Desmond stopped mumbling. I suspected loss of hearing was to be blamed. The group rode back to the car in silence.

   In all, we rode 6.5km. Took 3 hours to complete it. Spent 2 hours of the 3 to take photos and chit chat. I felt like i just left a Metallica concert. James Hetfield has nothing if Candy Crush decides to challenge him to a screaming contest. Like a pussy cat he would scamper.
   I am still trying to adjust the volume knob on my car stereo... Can barely hear anything coming out of it. Pardon me. What was it you said again?....

Un'believable.
   

Bukit Beruntung Swimming Party 20th May 2018

Mozzie Swim Fest Bukit Beruntung 20th May 2018:-

Start point.

   What a scam of a Sunday.
   After 9th May, you would have thought all things within the country would be rosy and pretty. Every other donkey i know have been on cloud 9 ever since the new government came into power. Seeing all these positive energy aplenty, i took up the Manta's invitation to ride Bukit Beruntung. I should have voted to sleep in and do gardening instead. If i knew then....
   Woke up at the crack of dawn. Took the usual dump. Spoke a bit my myself. Left home at 0615 hours. It will be a 75km drive to the meet point. May as well be early. Took a leisurely drive towards Rawang. Passed by Damansara and the tummy replied. Looks like i gotta do a toilet stop at Sungai Buloh.
   Came upon the rest area in Sungai Buloh and parked. Headed to the toilet to sing another song. Came out smilling and lightened. Walked towards the car and saw a little hobbit grinning at me. The Mighty Borky was parked right next to me. Decided to make the hobbit sit down for coffee and listen to some of my wise words. Hobbit said yes of course. Quick coffee and off we went towards Rawang.
   Collected the Manta along the way. Manta blinked, i highlighted him from the rear. Blinded the old Manta a wee bit. He decided to stop at the tol gate to get retrieve his vision back. KY stopped to accompany him. Away we went.
   Arrived the meet point. Saw a few cars already parked. Even the Painmaster decided to show up. All huge and hefty. And hairy. This is a very prosperous caveman. All 90kgs of it. Decided to be polite and shook his hands.
   Plenty chatter about where and how long the ride would be today.
   Manta decided to group up the old sheeps and gave some speech about the new hope, and Prime Minister being an old friend of his back in the days. Somebody yawned and waved him off. So away we went to wards the trail head which was right across the road. It looked more like a pile of overgrown bush to me. But hey, who am i to question this new hope everyone is harping on? So towards the bush we went.
   We dove into the bushes for 30 meters and the Manta decided to turn back.

   " Sorry guys. Wrong bush. This bush doesn't feel right. The correct bush would have more thorns.. Let's turn around. "

   Up another 5 meters and into a different set of bush we dove in. And he was right. It was more thorny. It was also covered in 3 inches of mud. And had some brown residual running water right alongside. I was in shock. It felt like we were trying to sneak into Burma. Not one person dare say anything. Manta was adamant this was the correct bush. CH could only whimper. Old Dino was his usual self. Lost and deaf. We plodded on in silence.

   Bush bashing took us a good 20 minutes. Since the start of the ride. I sat on my bike for 23 seconds. The rest of the time, we spent it on walking the bike through thorny bushes. Borky was trying hard to keep his head above the bush, lest we lose sight of him. Poor fella. Not entirely his fault really. Most of the bushes were easily 5 footers.
   We came out from the bushes and finally spotted some clearing to catch our breath. Manta was still sure we were still in Malaysia. The rest of the group came along and Manta pointed us downhill towards the little stream.
   I wanted to slap the Manta.

According to Manta, this is Mountain Biking.

   He took us swimming on a cold Sunday morning.
   And it was no regular swimming. We were expected to swim like Navy SEALs. Silent and stealthy. No name calling or loud voices. Borky got an evil stare for raising his hand to ask a question. I chose to go pee first. I pee when i get nervous. Looking at the swift flowing river and realizing how tall Borky is made me nervous.

Borky at 8:20am

   I have never ever attempted to swim along a murky river with my bag and bike strapped on the shoulders. Borky wanted to turn back. Someone offered to toss him across. Poor fella was hesitant for quite a long time. Gerard was convinced he is 2 inches taller than Borky. He was sure he would make it across with his nose above water. The rest were undecided if we should drown the Manta now and get this over with quickly. I decided to keep quiet. Better to be a silent witness than the one holding the smoking gun.
   It was a 25 minutes swim. Like obedient lemmings we waded across.
   Somehow, we all made it across. There were no attempts to flee or swim away. Neither were there any floataway bikes. Borky held on to Chee Hong. Chee Hong felt like Rambo saving the poor Vietnamese villagers. Gerard managed to keep his breaststroke at a calm steady pace. Unker had a dry camera to take photos. Just in case we are needed for the court to testify.
   Regroup. Head counted and away into the next bush we headed. We started to walk our bikes in silence. It was another muddy and muggy walk. Did i mention we were walking? Yep. What was supposed to be a biking Sunday became a walkathon to Burma. We walked in silence for a good half hour and suddenly Aric spoke up. Turns out he made a mistake when he was crossing the river. He had to get it off his chest.

" You can't swim...?"

   He mistakenly threw The Old Dino's GPS into the river while crossing it. Aric said the GPS was weighing him down. It was either saving the RM20k bike or sacrificing the GPS. Jason was unable to hear clearly what Aric said. Choi! pointed Jason to his GPS holder. Jason decided to switch on his hearing aid. Aric have already disappeared into the bush.
   We waited another 20 minutes. Aric came back empty handed. Manta decide the best solution was to plod on and hope the mosquito farm would help ease the pain.
   Up the slope we walked and into the wet muggy desert field we plodded on.
   Total silence.


   And so for once the Manta was spot on. The mosquito was a huge distraction. Nobody spoke about the missing GPS. CT decided to slap someone because he claims to see some mosquito flying up and about. We were all slapping each other. Then somebody decided to make a run for it. The group was off faster than ever. Came out at the tarmac and was greeted by a villager sitting on his motorbike smoking a cigarette.

   " Had fun with the mosquito??"

   I did not know if i wanted to laugh or take a dump.

Misleading scenic photo.

   With our tails between our legs we quietly rode away. Arrived at the official bus stop where we usually have our break. Took a long apple break. Everyone ate something. CH decided to play with a leech. Painmaster took a shower. CT offered to slap KY. Aric stood far away from Jason. Borky was grumbling something. I dont speak hobbit. I think we rode for 25 minutes in total and walked more likely an hour or so. I hope the Manta has good life preserving skills.

   After like an hour of carbo loading from all the walking we did. Manta decided we will now start the ride proper. So off we went into the palm oil plantation. Pretty much uneventful riding along quaint village roads and into palm oil trails. Wet , sandy and muddy . Saw a few stray dogs along the way. Birds singing. Things were getting a bit boring. The Manta decided to take us on the scenic route.

   We rode through a cow farm.
   We rode through a trail covered with cow dung.
   We rode through a pile of cow dung 4 inches deep.
   The cows stared at us in disbelief.
   We rode through a wet trail covered with running cow pee.
   We rode through a pile of cow dungs that had diarrhoea.
   I stared at Unker in disbelief.
  We rode right across the cow's communal toilet.

   I am not one to be lost for words. I was dizzy throughout.... I can still smell the cow right now. I will most likely be vegetarian for the next few days.

   In utter silence we rode on. Borky made the same vow for the third time.

   "I am not coming back to this trail anymore. Why la ? Why did i wake up this morning?..."

Border of Burma.

   Into the palm oil plantation we rode. Manta was far ahead. Nowhere to be seen. CT decide to inject some fun into the ride. It is getting really boring he thought.

   " Stop. Look at my RM40k bike. I just kicked the crank right off. The crank is stuck to my foot now. Look... How ah? Now what do we do??"

   Oh boy......
   It was another 20 minutes of swearing and cursing in Cantonese before we managed to put the bike back in one piece. Saddle on and we rode ahead. Trying to catch up with the front runners. Caught up with the Manta and the front boys after a good run. Shared the story about the broken down Ferrari. Almost everyone laughed.  More cursing and hellos in Cantonese. Took a short break and the group decided it was probably best to move along.

   The rest of the ride was pretty much uneventful. No more broken bikes. No more cow farms. It was 10 clicks of riding through wet muddy mosquito farm. I have never seen so much mosquito in my life. The rider in front of me had a bunch of mosquitoes drafting behind his butt. Looked around and every other riders has a peloton of mosquitoes drafting behind them. I was scratching like a chimp. My arms looked like a jagung drenched in shiny wet butter. Suddenly the cow farm felt more pleasing to ride through.
   Half an hour of utter misery. Poor Borky was on the verge of tears. If not for the love he has for his bike, he would have abandoned us all and gone back to Hobbit kampung. Borky did not smile for the rest of the day.
   Finally, we arrived at the look out point right across the car park. Relief is such sweet sensation.
   We rode back to the car in silence.

Look out point.

   Lunch was a riot. Beer was cold. Manta survived, he did not get lynched. Bork swore he will never ever return to this trail. Jason tried to recruit fellow riders to go search for his GPS. Aric swore the GPS is not in his pocket. CT could not belief his broken crank cost RM2k. He swore something in Teochew.

   Me?
   I hate swimming on a Sunday morning, any morning in fact...

'Unbelievable.